Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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- I have suffered from clinical depression since I was a child. For many years, I never knew there was something wrong with me. I just assumed that was the way I was. It wasn't until high school that I realized there was something wrong with me that could be fixed. I began counseling and medication. Ultimately, I decided to stop both, because I found that neither really helped me. I eventually came to a place where I decided that I was going to be in control of how I felt, not the doctors, not the drugs and not the people around me who I had previously been convinced were 'out to get me.' For a while, I was fine. Then I entered into a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, and that sent me right back to the bottom. One of his opinions on mental illness (and on psychology and Western medicine in general) was that 'mental illness is just something that white people made up to make excuses for their bad behavior.' While I agree there have been bad people who've used psychology to excuse unacceptable behaviors and actions, through my relationship with that person I have become more determined to stand up for people with mental illnesses. For people who've never experienced what it's like to be depressed, it's incredibly difficult to understand where the depressed person is coming from, and how he or she perceives reality. I believe it is a stigma in our culture. We associate mental illness with institutions, straight-jackets, shock therapy and frightening behavior.When I was in high school, I didn't care who knew I was ill. Now I'm extremely cautious about who I tell because I don't want to be stigmatized. I don't want to be the 'mental case' in people's eyes. I don't want to be someone who requires special consideration or treatment because something's unbalanced in my head. I don't want to be discriminated against. I am afraid to come out because mental illness is regarded just as that: an illness. Physical illness is regarded as an invader destroying the body, and one who is ill is given sympathy and encouraged to keep fighting the infection. Mental illness is seen as a reflection of the mind. One who is mentally ill is avoided, because it is their mind that is affected.
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Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,If I don't wash my hair every day, it's just gross. I've never heard of this notion that white people produce more oil on their scalps than black people. Fascinating. I could certainly attest to it. My body does this exceptionally odd thing of kicking the oil glands into overdrive whenever I hit the pillow. It doesn't matter if I just showered before heading to bed, I always wake with a head like Crisco. Eight hours under a comforter I could understand; but 2-3 hours just napping on the couch?I'm inclined to agree with the post addressing perms and relaxers, and the natural state of black hair. As for undercurrents of people in this thread thinking that they were 'superior' to others because they had long hair or had to wash their hair more often than others, don't you think you're being just a bit sensitive, and in response, a bit cutting? I don't think anyone here suggested that long hair was better, or that washing more or less often was a source of pride or shame. Personally, when I have long hair, trying to care for it drives me bananas. Then I cut it really short, and find that the shape of my face just isn't flattered by short hair. (I guess I could blame my parents for that, if it was really important.) So I grow it out long again, and get irritated with it, then cut it, then miss it again, then grow it out. It's a vicious cycle.
Seriously, though, we must each be comfortable and satisfied with our own bodies and self-images; and I think it's important that we learn what the natural state of our hair is, regardless of race. (My mother, of Greek and Arab descent, used to spend hours as a teen trying to lighten her naturally very dark hair. I find her hair in its natural state to be beautiful.) One of the coolest things I saw was when my speech professor demonstrated the natural African 'Fro. Typically, she would keep her hair combed and down; but for one of her demonstrations, she poofed it up into a 'Fro and explained to us why African hair does what it does, and why African Americans try so hard to defy that natural behavior. It was a great lesson. And her hair looked really cool.
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Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,For me, personality is 90 percent of what attracts me to a guy. The other 10 percent is looks. (All right, maybe it's more like 75/25, but you get the point.) I've known some men (and boys, when I was younger) who were absolute 'studs' but had the personality of a nest of angry hornets; once you got to know them, their physical beauty disappeared. I was, of course, physically attracted to all five of the men in my life with whom I had significant romantic relationships, but it was their personalities that ultimately made me want to be with them. Each, ironically, never really considered themselves attractive. Some were more or less fit and healthy, and some didn't take very good care of their bodies. I've never really been attracted to larger men (and by 'larger' I don't mean 'fat'; traditionally, I've been attracted to guys who, in retrospect, I would even consider to be unhealthily thin); but the last guy I dated was larger than the others. He wasn't fat, although by his account he was 40 pounds heavier than he'd been previously, and he whined now and then about being overweight. I didn't see this at all, even when we were together intimately. I simply saw the man. I fell in love with him, but let me clarify, I fell in love with HIM, not his body. Meaning that, while I was, of course, attracted to him physically, it was his personality that won me over. And I firmly believe I am not in the minority in feeling this way. There are a good number of women who value personality over looks. Yes, physical appearance is important, but only to a point. I'd rather be with a man who was alright-looking but took incredible care of me than with a man who worried more about his appearance than about my well-being. My last boyfriend treated me like gold. I guess it just happened to be my luck he was also really cute.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a white American, let me tell you my general responses when I see African art in someone's place of dwelling, be it home or office. My first response is, 'Wow, that's beautiful.' My second is, 'Oh, God, here we go, affirming African identity as a means to cast off the oppressive and hateful dominant white culture.' My third reaction is, 'You're (talking to myself) a f***ing racist, you know that?' My fourth reaction is, 'God, I'm a horrible person for having these thoughts and feelings.' My fifth reaction is, 'Well, what should I expect? I'm white. I'm supposed to be like this, right? That's what everyone's been telling me from the time I was nine.' My sixth reaction is, 'Well, it IS beautiful art. And it IS perfectly fine that a person would want to display it to assert his or her identity. And I AM just being a sensitive ninny by assuming that the display of the artwork is really the person trying to say, 'F*** you, you white b****.'The bottom line is that white people in general are threatened by it - and the kicker is that most of us don't even realize it. For those of us who want to consider ourselves tolerant and open to people of all backgrounds, the very suggestion that you ('you' being the generalized) would want to stand up and say, 'Look, I am not like you. I have my own heritage that is different from yours,' especially from the African-American perspective, is like saying, 'We've struggled for equality, now we want disassociation.' (Which, by the way, is perfectly normal, reasonable and justifiable.) I suppose this is a direct reflection of the unconscious mentality that black people are just white people with darker skin. I suppose that's how I've always viewed black people. It may not be right (well, OK, it ISN'T right), but I believe this is the explanation for your friends' behavior. They are probably seeing your artwork and finding themselves stuck on how they should respond to it. More often than not I find myself tripping over myself, trying to decide what is the appropriate response and what will get me lambasted for either being patronizing or racist, when I really should just be myself.
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Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I worked briefly with a man who had what seemed to me more of a nervous affliction than a stuttering problem - whenever he'd try to speak, it'd come out stuttered, but his whole face would freeze and he'd blink and purse his lips as he tried to formulate sentences. At first, I had to bit my lip to keep from laughing. That was my first, instinctual reaction. Then I mentally kicked myself in the behind for it. After a while, I got use to it and eventually didn't even see it at all. Instead, I just saw the man for who he was: an exceptionally smart engineer, and a really nice and fun guy.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I've done it a number of times as a kid and see people my own age do it now. I see people of all ethnicities do it. I've stopped doing it for two reasons: it's not particularly safe, and being that I'm 'all grown up' now, it's no longer comfortable for me. I'm flexible, but I'm no contortionist. Likewise, I think you'll find people of all backgrounds sticking their arms (and sometimes legs) out of car windows while the vehicle is in motion. I still do this because I love the feel of the wind on my hand and arm, and because I love playing with the aerodynamics of my hand (uplift, downlift, uplift, downlift, uplift, downlift ... I'm like a kid, I know). I don't do it nearly as often now because after taking a few emergency response classes and seeing what happens to people in car accidents, I'd rather not take the risk of having my arm clipped off in a broadside.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,It's McDonald's fault - or at least we can say it is and then sue for billions of dollars and get lots of money to buy burgers from Burger King. I recently heard of a man in New York suing the top three fast-food chains for causing his obesity. The suit was ultimately thrown out of court. I also read that the parents of several obese New York kids are suing McDonald's for causing their children to be fat, because these children ate burgers 5 out of 7 days a week for three years. If you ask me, that's not McDonald's fault. Everyone knows that burgers, fries and a soft drink are bad for you. The parents of these children should be ashamed of themselves for allowing their children to be as gluttonous as they've been, for reinforcing in their children's minds the idea that it's not their fault, and for wanting to sue the large corporate conglomorate. We all know the only reason they're doing so is because they want money.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I can tell you that the word 'nigger' derived from the word 'Negro', referring to a person from the region or nation called Nigeria, along the Western coast of Africa. (During the slave trade, the West coast of Africa was the region most Africans were taken from, because it was much more accessible than the interior of the continent.) If you look up the root of the word 'negro', you'll find that it comes from Latin, and means 'dark' or 'black'. If you speak any of the Romantic languages (French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese), you'll notice that their words for 'black' or 'dark' are similar to 'negro'. It would seem to me that the name given to the region (which later became a nation, if I'm not mistaken) was in reflection of the color of the people who lived there. Now take the word Negro and smear it over with a heavy Southern accent. I imagine that it was just easier to say 'nigger' than to have to trip over the movement of the tongue from the 'g' sound to the 'r' sound. And since the slaveholders and whites in general held such low regard for the Africans as it was, 'nigger' became the derrogatory word we know of today. 'Nigger' has historically been used as a derrogatory term. Although I cannot speak from personal experience (I'd probably be decked if I ever used the word), it has been my observation that people who use the word today in a non-derrogatory context use it as they use the term 'homeboy'. I find it to be the equivalent of walking on eggshells. You have to be careful who you say it to or around. Not everyone will appreciate it.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a white woman, I suppose I could say that I'm offended by that statement, because it could come off as merely saying, 'White women are infectious and smell.' But in all honesty, even though yeast infections aren't really something to joke about (I've never had one, but I understand they not pleasant in the least), that's really just damn funny. :) Seriously. BUT, you were looking for a serious answer to your question. I don't know anything about yeast infections, but I suggest that you may be on to something by suggesting that white women may be more prone to them. Could be a pH imbalance. Or maybe it's diet, or sexual habit?User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,M'sieur, as an American, I am personally sick to death of the whole issue of race. 'You did this to me because I'm (this color).' 'We've been oppressed because we're (this color).' 'You're an evil person because you're (this color).' Black v. White, Yellow v. White, Red v. White, White v. People of Color, All the Other People of Color v. Black. 'I didn't get hired because I'm (this color).' 'You don't like me because I'm (this color).' While it's a very real and present situation in our nation, and cannot be simply swept under the rug and ignored, I find myself positively sick to the stomach at times when it comes to race issues. I can't stand it. I long for a day when the people of this nation will not give a flying rat's behind about who did what to whom because of whose race or color or background or whatever. I long for a day when we won't see the African American or the Asian American or the Euro American or the Native American or the Latino American, but only the American. A good number of my friends from Canada have expressed to me their shock at how ardently hung up we as Americans are on race. This is one reason why I have decided to finish my education in Canada (I hope to transfer to McGill, in Montreal, next fall), in the attempt to escape the racism in America and get a breath of fresh air. (I spent 5 days in Montreal just this past October, and it was absolutely wonderful.) But I have this nagging in the back of my mind, that the grass is always greener on the other side. 5 days in Montreal can't possibly give me a sense of the Canadian experience. And so I would like to ask you, what is your assessment of and experience with race and racial issues in Canada? I know virtually nothing about Canadian history (something I intend to correct when I get there); has there ever been slavery in Canada? I know a little of the quarrels between the Francophones and Anglophones, but other than this, I've never heard of racism in Canada. Please, enlighten me on this issue, if you can. Any information would be greatly appreciated.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I consider myself to be a vegetarian. I originally 'converted', if you will, for a number of reasons, among them included the fact that I learned of the horrid, horrid manners in which animals were kept and then killed to supply us with meat foods, only to have most of their bodily products discarded because they were deemed unfit for human consumption (either by health codes or by cultural practices - generally in the West we don't eat chicken's feet or pigs brains or the like). I won't describe here some of the things I've heard, as I think it would seriously disturb some of the readers. But the accounts I've heard have brought me to tears. It is my understanding that the taxonomy of selective dieting goes something to this effect (and I know I'm leaving some categories out): vegetarians are those who eat anything but meat (that means cow, pig, chicken, fish, and any other animal), but will eat eggs and dairy products; lacto-vegetarians are those who, in addition to meat, exclude dairy products (cheese, milk, butter, yogurt, etc.) from their diets; ovovegetarians are those who exclude meat and eggs; lacto-ovovegetarians are those who exclude meat, eggs, and dairy products; fruitarians are those who will eat only fruit, and/or will eat plant products if and only if the whole of the plant is not killed (i.e. strawberries are ok, because the strawberry plant continues to live and produce more strawberries, but carrots are forbidden because the whole carrot plant dies when the carrot is pulled from the ground and eaten). And finally, vegans are those who exclude from their diets anything that came from an animal - meat, eggs, dairy, animal fats, etc. I tried going vegan once, and found that I was literally starving myself, because so much of the food we eat in our society contains animal products that we simply are not aware of. (Perhaps I am simply too lazy to make sure that my diet consists of only truly vegan foods.) After a month, I went back to consuming eggs and dairy. I still consider myself a vegetarian, and I make the distinction between vegetarian and vegan. If we are to argue semantics, then alright, you may say that I'm not a true vegetarian. The arguement is, really, only over the label. Whatever one wishes to call me, I am still 'one who eats no meat, but doesn't mind eggs and milk.'User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,The problem that I have found with this argument is that quite often people with the purest of intentions find that it is simply part of their inborn nature to be a particular way. Obviously, from the argument that we are all sinners separated from God, to be sinful is part of our nature. But I have read of truly faithful Christians who have lived their lives in self-loathing, self-hatred, and states of utter misery and decay because they could not escape their feelings of attraction - and by attraction let us not limit the definition to simply and solely physical, sexual attraction - to members of their same sex. I have read of devoted Christians who have committed suicide because they simply could not reconcile themselves with the idea that God would consign them to Hell because of the nature of their hearts. Let us not trivialize this by saying, 'Well, if they were homosexuals, then they must not have been true Christians in the first place, otherwise they would've stopped being homosexuals,' or saying, 'If they were true Christians, they would not have committed suicide, for God says not to do this.' Ultimately, none of us can tell who is a 'true' Christian and who is not, for only God can see what is really in our hearts. But the thing that many Christians tend to miss (and I'm a Christian, too) is that it's not quite so black and white as we'd like to make it out to be. It is one thing to stand back and cast epitaphs upon those whose experiences we know nothing of; it is another entirely when we go through those experiences, and then consider the perpective we'd like to take. Once upon a time it was considered a sin for women to wear pants, to work, to even look men in the eyes. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake because the men of her time felt threatened by her, and so accused her of devilry. When she refused to capitulate to their domination, they killed her most horrificly. Today, a woman wearing pants doesn't faze anyone. Yet Jean d'Arc was deemed to be headed straight for Hell because men of the cloth interpreted their religion in such and such a way.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,In our society, we are taught (by mass media socialization/indoctrination) that the standards of beauty are Western European - fair skin, blond hair, blue eyes. Part of this is because the dominant culture in our society has historically been (and continues to be) Western European (or, in the vernacular, 'white'). (The sociological effects of this 'whitewashing', as it has been called, have been documented.) We are told that whiter is better; and so many darker people will try to make themselves lighter in the belief that they are making themselves more beautiful. This is one reason why black men tend to be attracted to white (or at least lighter-skinned) women, because they grew up with the notion that the lighter the woman, the more beautiful she must be. On the reverse side, white women may be attracted to black men because 1) it is 'new' and 'exotic', however odd or even inappropriate the description may be, and/or 2) out of racial self-loathing. I know that I myself have experienced a good number of years of self-loathing because I am (as I have come to feel about myself) an 'evil' white person, the progenitor of all things hateful and ugly in America. Whether these sentiments are rational or not (I believe now that they are not, and I am trying to overcome them), I have found myself desperately searching for a heritage to cling to as a means of separating myself from the stigma of being white (meaning that I should be perceived as being the reason that bad stuff happens to people who are not white); one such way in which I've done this is by discounting white men as possible dating partners. I think it is possible that some white women may date black men as a political statement, in the attempt to say, 'Look, I'm not racist, I'm dating a black man.' These are two theories. A third (and more likely) is that some white women have merely found the black men they've dated to be attractive individuals, for their personalities as well as their physical beauty. Of the 5 meaningful relationships I've had in my life, one was Italian, one was Scandinavian, two were Chinese, and one was Gujarati (a race of Indian). All five were attractive to me physically, of course, but ultimately it was their personalities that drew me into desiring relationships with them. The last one, the Indian, I actually fell in love with. Alas, it didn't work out, for reasons unrelated to race. Never once, though, did I consider that I loved him because he wasn't white.User Detail :
Name : Jessica, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White and Arab, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, lifeguard, swim instructor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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