Mature 41-50

THE QUESTION:
SE50: I would like to know if it is normal, or common, for females to have a bad odor from their genital area. If so, is this a problem of bad hygiene?
POSTED NOV. 17, 1998
Darrin O., male, Detroit, MI

ANSWER 1:
I have rarely encountered a woman with a “bad” genital odor. In cases where I have, it was usually because she had a yeast infection. Not to say this is true in your situation, but it is one possibility.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Lazarus, 45, white male <lazarus99@usa.net>, Atlanta, GA
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE49: As a gay white male in a relationship with a black male, I am really curious to ask this but am somewhat afraid to: Do black men in relationships with white men or women ever feel they are being sexually stereotyped as aggressive/dominant or “tops”? It seems to me that in North American culture, black men carry around a lot of sexual baggage about being sexually aggressive. It must be really frustrating for black men who are more inclined toward passivity (particularly for gay black men). Is this so?
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
D.K., 30, white gay male <dkerr@uwgt.org>, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE48: What is an orgasm, and how do you know if you’ve had one already?
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Kavita, Indian <snowyt@hotmail.com>, Delhi, India

ANSWER 1:
If you haven’t had one, you should try masturbation. Touch where it feels good, keep touching and you’ll begin to feel like you’re going to explode. When you feel a wave of ecstacy wash over your body and you feel so good that you can’t touch yourself any longer, you’ve had an orgasm. They’re much better if you fantasize also. You should look into some books regarding female sexuality, which will provide a more in-depth explanation about orgasms.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
Jodi, 28, female
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE47: I would have to say that a lot of black women are sexy. But why do they claim to be the “freaks” in bed? Personally, I think it’s all talk.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
A. <Didjarama@aol.com>, Washington, NY

ANSWER 1:
I think you are confusing image with reality. The perception that black women are somehow more uninhibited than other women, specifically white women, has been around since slavery. White women were put on a pedestal, not to be touched, while white men took care of their business out in the slave quarters. You know the story. The image continues to persist. To answer your question, we as a group do not consider ourselves freaks; individuals might.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
R.G., black female, 26, Richmond, VA
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE46: Why do many heterosexual men enjoy watching two women perform a pornographic lesbian act together? Is it an issue of voyeurism, or is it the eroticism of seeing two women who will do anything to satisfy their strong sexual desires, or is IT something else?
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
S. Foster, 30, gay, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

ANSWER 1:
I believe monogamy in men is grounded more in culture than anything else. Our biological instinct is to mate with as many women as possible, but generally we have to settle down with one. The idea that a woman would be willing to have sex with other women as well as men implies that if they were with that woman it would be OK to have sex with other women as well. You will notice that the women performing these acts are still stereotypical heterosexual women (too much make-up, long-styled hair and nails, etc.) not the dyke image. If the performers looked more “dykish” (short hair, no make-up, hairy pits) then men would likely feel threatened instead of turned on, even though the acts were the same.
POSTED SEPT. 30, 1998
Ian, heterosexual male, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
One point to bear in mind is that the “lesbian acts” you are talking about are taking place in “heterosexual porn.” The “lesbian” scene in your average porno movie is never complete until the man comes on, so I think it’s a conquest fantasy that is a turn-on more than anything. By the way, Ian, I guess I am about to get thrown out of the “dyke” club. I’m sitting here reading this with my shaved legs (and “pits”!), mascara and long hair…
POSTED OCT. 8, 1998
Iteki, 22, female, Irish, lesbian <iteki@chickmail.com>, Stockholm, Sweden

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The reason I enjoy lesbian scenes in erotic movies (I don’t watch porn movies, there’s a difference), is two-fold: 1) I am seeing attractive female bodies naked, and consensual sexual events are occurring, and 2) seeing a woman enjoying herself is a big turn-on for me (which I suppose is why female masturbation scenes are also enjoyable), and there’s something warm and pleasant about two women pleasuring each other. I guess it’s partly rooted in the idea of “who knows what a woman wants more than another woman?”
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
Kevin C., 25, male <dashit@pei.sympatico.ca>, Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE45: I have always wondered: Would a woman really enjoy having two men at the same time?
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
J.H. <jhall92@juno.com>, Taylor, MI

ANSWER 1:
I have, though I have only had the privilege on a few occasions. Of course, it depends on the men, my mood and what exactly we’re all doing.
POSTED SEPT. 9, 1998
Catherine, Woodinville, WA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I couldn’t answer this question until this weekend. I am a bisexual male and have a boyfriend who, due to career reasons, was geographically separated from me for a few years. In that time he gained a girlfriend. I finally met her when they visited me this weekend, and we hit it right off and had some incredible sex, which we discussed and talked about later, sharing our feelings, and she (the girlfriend) was very happy things worked out for all of us and said she really enjoyed the sex and having two guys pleasuring her.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
D. Meerkat, 26, bisexual male <lnx@netcom.com>, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think more women would be into being with multiple men if men didn’t have this annoying attitude toward sex that they are “putting something over on women” or “getting away with” something. Honestly, I think I would have to kill the men in question afterward if I ever were to get involved in such a situation, or else they would have to be two very rare males indeed. I have no idea where men get this stupid idea that women don’t have sex for the sake of sex, or that we necessarily have to want something else for which we are trading sex, but this attitude is the worst possible turn-off ever.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Andreina, female, 31 <andreinaa@usa.net>, Toronto, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Yes! I have had the experience with two lovers whom I know well and trust, and enjoyed it immensely. I look forward to trying it again some time.
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
KD, IL
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE44: My wife and I engage in anal intercourse, and I’m curious about how common this is for married couples.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Jay M., 38 <maniswj@nu.com>, Jewett City, CT

ANSWER 1:
I do not know how common this practice is among married couples. But, I can say that my ex-husband and I engaged in this activity occasionally. He was more apprehensive than I was. He feared he’d hurt me. I had another long-term partner who enjoyed this kind of sex, and again he always worried that he might hurt me. With both partners, we always took our time. In other words, I definitely had to be in the mood to ensure I could relax and, secondly, my partner was always attentive, taking time to adequately get me aroused and using a lubricant. There is a different sensual experience with this form of sex. Never was I made to feel demeaned or harmed by my partners, which is what I suspect causes either partner to have apprehension about engaging in anal sex. And yes, I do know of other married couples who enjoy it.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Black female, 33, Detroit, MI
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE43: I’ve always been curious about how sex feels to a blind or deaf person. Are there any different issues they face?
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
T. Sullivan, St. John’s, Canada

ANSWER 1:
Being deaf myself and married for 30 years to a hearing person, I need only signal my partner with a touch and guide him to what I desire to have done. The same thing goes for him. If you are really in touch with your lover (hearing, deaf or blind), I think this is the same for all who are in touch with the one they love. And yes, sometimes the person doing most of the “action” may have to look up and see or recognize what it is their partner needs. Don’t we all? At least I think so.

When we are fortunate enough to have an understanding person in our lives who will take the time to give us the ultimate pleasure, and we them, it doesn’t matter what, if any, disabilities we have. This happens when you take the time to “know” the one you love, not only by body language, but by speech or simply touch.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Lindsay, female, deaf, San Antonio, TX
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE42: From the time a male commences intercourse with a woman, what is the average amount of time for the man to achieve orgasm? The woman? I know technique, excitement levels, etc., make this question challenging, but I’d like to hear answers.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Bruce G. <spicybyte@aol.com>, North Hills, CA

ANSWER 1:
You’re right; there are so many factors that determine it, but I’m in a five-year relationship with a “man’s man” who rarely shows affection by hugging, kissing, etc. But, I know that the bedroom is the only place I can draw that out of him. So I’m turned on by the challenge and knowing I’m about to get the touching and physicality some couples have grown “immune” to. So it only takes me a few minutes of his hands on me before I’m ready to climax.
POSTED AUG. 17, 1998
S.G., female, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
It took me many girl-to-girl talks before I realized all my lovemaking partners had been two-minute wonders. I’ve been blessed with men since who have had double-digit endurance, some even into the hours, and all that I found to be troubling occasionally was a lack of lubrication. Easily remedied. In all other respects, I find that intercourse is more satisfying when longer rather than shorter.
POSTED FEB. 12, 1999
Aris A., 21, white/Hispanic female <Arissssss@aol.com>, Alameda, Bay Area, CA
To respond
BACK TO TOP

THE QUESTION:
SE41: Why do many men wish to ejaculate in a woman’s mouth? What is the turn-on?
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Sarah, Flint, MI

ANSWER 1:
I often ponder what is the most base instinct involved with certain, common sexual practices. The one I’ve come up with for this act is that the man sees the need for approval from the woman. What better way for her to say, “I accept you,” than for her to swallow a fluid that came directly from his body and obviously can symbolize so many other things of the greatest importance. To accentuate that point, I know of a great many men, myself included, who get turned off, and even offended, when he is spit out.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Jeff, 30, male, NY, NY

FURTHER NOTICE:
I love doing this, and my wife seems to like giving me this pleasure. The physical sensation is quite different from being in her vagina, and that is part of the pleasure. But, yes, it’s also a psychological turn-on. Part of it is watching her in this act, seeing the pleasure on her face and seeing the control she has over my orgasm.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Male <sfb98@yahoo.com>, Clearwater, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think it’s an ego thing. I’ve asked male friends the same question, and a lot of them say it is not so much a turn-on as a feeling that the woman is accepting her partner “wholly” and “completely.”
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.C.V., 18 <carricos@usa.net>

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don’t think it’s so much where the ejaculation occurs. It’s more that the ejaculation is allowed to progress to its conclusion without interruption.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Jim, 39 <RDK1999@aol.com>, Tallahassee, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Because it feels good. There’s a feeling of intimacy, much like an orgasm during intercourse, that doesn’t exist just ejaculating onto something else.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
Straight guy, Long Island, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
It’s nothing more than a huge turn-on. To watch, feel and hear my woman swallow my ejaculation is highly erotic. It is as simple as that. I don’t think she enjoys the stuff too much, but she takes it anyway. That makes it that much more exciting.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Jim, 34, white, Ark.

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Once in a while, I allow my husband to ejaculate into my mouth. He tells me it makes him feel powerful … and loved. He says my submission to him is a real turn-on. And that me swallowing his semen is the ultimate submission. I can’t argue. It is not the most dignified of acts, and the taste is downright repulsive. But I do find some enjoyment in it – the “puppy dog”-like satisfaction of my husband for one! So I do it. He adorses it, and I’m learning to enjoy it some myself.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Penny, 30, white, Columbus, OH

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
It appears in the responses so far that there is an underlying sentiment of the man being “powerful” and “accepted” and the woman being “submissive” in digesting this bodily fluid. Isn’t it proof enough for a man that the woman he loves accepts him by performing this act, not to mention the countless other nonsexual acts she performs? How is it loving on a man’s part to subject your partner to this as part of the lovemaking act if she really isn’t comfortable with it?
POSTED AUG. 25, 1998
Daquiri, female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
To Daquiri: If the woman is uncomfortable with it or doesn’t want to do it, then it’s not loving at all. But the original question here didn’t include that caveat.
POSTED AUG. 27, 1998
Straight guy, Long Island, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I think it is an ego thing for a man to ejaculate into a woman’s mouth ,and they love to watch the act itself. I enjoy the power I have by letting them do it in my mouth. it gives me the control to let them or not. If I can make him feel good, why not? Basically it’s called returning the favor. I also get off by watching him while I am doing the act. I have control and he is getting pleasure. It is all about if you enjoy pleasing your man. I recommend all women try it at least once. The taste is horrible but the outcome is great. Watch how he responds to you afterward, like a grateful baby after getting breastfed.
POSTED SEPT. 19, 1998
Dorothy, 26, black female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
To Daquiri: I see your meaning, but I have to disagree in part. You see, sometimes my man does things for me sexually that I’m sure don’t rate high on his list of favorites. But he obliges anyway. So when I give him “felatio to completion,” I see it as sort of a reciprocation. Submission can be kind of a thrill if you let it be and if it’s with a man who gives back and respects you. So when both parties are submitting at times to the other’s desires, the sexual relationship benefits. So it’s OK with me!
POSTED SEPT. 19, 1998
Tish, 34, white, Denver, CO

FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I think it is all about the man’s ego – they want to have power over the woman. They know that is not something we would like, even if we are engaging in the act itself. They know we don’t want them to ejaculate in our mouth, and I think they do it to have power. Especially the ones who ejaculate in your mouth without warning you. They do that on purpose, so to me that would tell you they don’t really care about you – they only care about”getting off.”
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Black female, 27, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 12:
While the “ego” and “power” theories may be true in some cases, it never was for me. The first time a woman ever performed oral sex on me, it was a spontaneous, off-the-cuff occurence, and it was, at that point, the most incredible orgasm I ever had in my life. For me, it has nothing to do with the fact that my semen is going in her mouth, or the fact that she’s going to swallow it. In fact, I would not want a woman to perform oral sex on me if I didn’t implicitly trust her, because I would feel the opposite of power, since my penis is millimeters away from her teeth. The physical sensations of tongue, saliva and suction combine to make the most physically pleasing (to me) sex act of them all. I am no longer with that woman, and the woman I am with now decided she doesn’t want to engage in oral sex after trying it once. It’s a disappointment, because I enjoy it, but if she doesn’t, I’ll live with it.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
Kevin C., 25, male <dashit@pei.sympatico.ca>, Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 13:
I just wanted to respond to the black female from Detroit who thinks it’s a power thing to have the person you’re with swallow. How would she feel if her lover kept turning his head and spitting while he was satisfying her? That would be kind of a turn-off, don’t you think? It’s more about acceptance than power, I think.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Paul, Livonia, MI