Mature 21-30

THE QUESTION:
SE30: I had a girlfriend one time in the shower take my hand and place it on her crotch. She then urinated on my hand, and asked me to play with her at that time. Why would anyone do this? And do some women find this exciting? This ended our two-year relationship because I was not understanding. This question has been hounding me for years, and I have never had the guts to ask another woman.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Nick, early 30s, white male, Glendale, CA

ANSWER 1:
I have heard this before, and my temptation is to say that any woman who is into this is seriously disturbed. However, that is probably just my own uptightness. I would imagine it is a fetish, with no more logic or appeal to an outsider than any other fetish. For example, if you’re a guy who’s turned on by women’s feet, but your partner doesn’t get much out of having her toes sucked, she can either indulge you or decide she’s disgusted or bored with your toe-sucking.
POSTED JULY 24, 1998
D.M.M., female, white, Charleston , SC

FURTHER NOTICE:
As a female, I have never heard of peeing on each other for excitement. You don’t need that girl. I think that the girl was crazy for thinking you would like that. It was not your fault. I would never pee on you or anyone else!
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
jlgm56 <jlgm56@aol.com>, Gilbert, AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don’t have personal experience in this area, but it’s my understanding that some people find sexual experiences involving urination very exciting. This doesn’t make them sick, it’s just a matter of different tastes. I think your girlfriend should have discussed the idea with you before trying it out –unfair surprise. If it wasn’t your personal taste, she would have to live without that particular sexual practice, or find a different partner.
POSTED SEPT. 30, 1998
J., white female, 26, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I can’t believe I read this question. Hello Nick. This is Dana (a joke name between Nick and I). I heard about this web site on the John and Ken show on KFI in Los Angeles. I have been probing this site for some time now. I fell over in my chair when I read your question. I hope you are the Nick I dated for two years in Glendale! I knew this bugged you after I did what I did. But to me, I really do enjoy it. It is a rush. The areas around the female urethra are very close to the clitoris on some women. To have a urine stream stopped by someone else or by yourself is very much of a turn-on. It even tickles. It may not do the same to males, but I know it is a turn-on to many women. I had to research this just to ensure I was not a pervert, and I did find out many people do practice this type of sexual foreplay. To me, it is foreplay for better sex afterward. It just feels great. What else can I say? I still work at the same place if you want to stop by. I would like to say I am sorry.
POSTED OCT. 6, 1998
Nope, Sunland, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I have never had this experience, but as a very sexually active woman, I see no way that being played with while peeing would bring any pleasure.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Nikki, Oak Ridge, TN

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As a female in my late 30s I do enjoy this type of sexual practice. All I can say is that it is fun and it turns my husband on. We have been married for over 20 years and have been active sexually almost every day of our married lives. This is not something I tell all my friends about. It is between him and I. It is less messy than having sex during your period. I know more women do that than they are willing to admit. We discovered this practice by accident when I wet him during sex. It has been a part of our sex as much as possible since. We just like it. That does not make us evil, bad people or sick. As the girl above replied, it does tickle. It is just another feeling for us to enjoy. Now my husband does not enjoy urinating during sexual play, but he does not mind of I do. Well I do, because it feels good! I have a better orgasm when I do. Don’t knock it till you tried it.
POSTED NOV. 6, 1998
Gail, female, Seattle, Wa
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THE QUESTION:
SE29: Do heterosexual women feel they achieve better orgasms with men who have penises more than six inches long?
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Black Latino Male <Balomia@aol.com>, New York, NY

ANSWER 1:
I prefer a man with five to six inches; anything more than that is usually painful.
POSTED JULY 24, 1998
A. McGee, 34, Forestville, MD

FURTHER NOTICE:
No.
POSTED JULY 24, 1998
D.M.M., female, Charleston, SC

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don’t think so. A penis much longer than that can hurt. The pleasure for a woman comes from the stimulation of the clitoris, which is above the opening of the vagina. So, actually a long penis can be a hindrance because a simple in/out of the penis may not be sufficient to stimulate the clitoris, whereas, if you can get your hips moving together, that pretty much takes care of a host of size/length problems.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
White, 42, female, many sexual partners <maf4m@hobbes.itc.virginia.edu>, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I’ve only been with one man whose penis was consistently over six inches long, and I sometimes didn’t have an orgasm with intercourse because I got sore too quickly.
POSTED SEPT. 3, 1998
Paula H., Memphis, TN

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I would say that depends on the woman. For myself, a large penis makes certain sexual positions uncomfortable or even painful (especially doggy-style, because the penis hits my cervix). This discomfort is usually not so bad if I am highly aroused (more natural lubrication). I think that women with larger vaginas probably enjoy the larger penises more than I do. I have had four sexual partners with penis sizes ranging from small to slightly above average in size. I was sexually satisfied in different ways by three of them.
POSTED NOV. 30, 1998
D.C.W., 21 <s0meone@juno.com>, Tempe, AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Size should not matter if the two take the time to discuss and explore one another’s “hot spots.” Exchange of information is the key. If a woman tells you it takes a certain size to satisfy her, she isn’t that informed about her sexuality, or she just doesn’t know how to make love. As they say, “It’s not the size of the ship that floats the boat but the motion in the ocean.”
POSTED FEB. 23, 1999
Rudnay <DALIAN@PRODIGY.NET>, South Bend, IN
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THE QUESTION:
SE28: I am a straight woman who sometimes fantasizes about other women. Do other women have this fantasy?
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
O.S., Arleta, CA

ANSWER 1:
Although I don’t fantasize about other women, I often find myself looking at other women’s bodies, specifically their behinds. I don’t know if it is something unconscious I have been ignoring, or what. Maybe I am just admiring their figures because I am trying to lose weight. I don’t know if there is anything wrong with this or not. You’re not alone.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
T.S., 26, female, Largo, MD

FURTHER NOTICE:
Who you fantasize about doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your sexual orientation. I know some gay women who get very turned on thinking about two men having sex or watching gay male porno, but don’t get stimulated by lesbian fantasies. As a gay woman, I’ve had many straight women “confess” to me that they sometimes fantasize about having sex with another woman. Mostly, they wanted to know if it meant they were lesbians (they weren’t). I think a lot of straight women probably have these fantasies. Just because it’s sexy to see something or to think about something, it doesn’t mean you’d actually want to do it. How many women have fantasies about orgies or about being watched by strangers, but would never actually consider having sex with (or in the presence of) anyone but her husband or boyfriend?
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Allison, 34, Costa Mesa, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a married woman and sometimes fantasize about women. I love my husband and he turns me on, but I don’t know what this feeling is. I know I am not a lesbian because I don’t want to touch a woman. In my head, I sometimes visualize a woman touching me. I think a woman would know what feels good, though. Maybe that’s why I think about it.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
M., 28, female MI

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a straight female, I was disturbed the first time I experienced sexual feelings about another woman. However, I believe now that much of it has to do with our culture. Women are eroticized, much more than men, and just because we are women does not mean we are immune to this barrage of sexual imagery and deliberate sexual provocation. There is also the sense of taboo (remember finding “girly” magazines as a child/teen and feeling titillated but not knowing why?) to which many folks are attracted. Again, this ties into the cultural eroticism of women’s bodies. If you are certain of your sexual orientation, I don’t believe you should feel concerned you’ve experienced sexual fantasies about other women.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
C.E., 32, Knoxville, TN

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
This happens to me mostly when I am lonely and without my boyfriend. I switch my thoughts from what a guy does for me to what I do for him and get to thinking about how that would feel – to touch on another woman the areas of my body that turn him on. I wonder how it must feel to be a guy … and so the fantasy goes.
Sherri C. 24, white female <squeak@connected.bc.ca>, Quadra Island, British Columbia, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I am a straight female and must admit seeing pictures of two women performing oral sex turns me on. I’m not ashamed or scared of it. It’s more of a fantasy fetish, but the mere thought is enticing enough. And in regard to two women making love, I’ve fantasized about that. Probably because I can relate to both of them, the giver and the receiver. And we all know how tender women can be, and sometimes we need to fantasize about that “mothering” aspect. So, to ease your curiosity, there’s nothing wrong with it.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Ravynne, 28, straight white female <ravynnes@aol.com>, Portland, OR
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THE QUESTION:
SE27: Do women actually like performing oral sex on men, or do they just do it to please them?
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Jeff, 30, Carson, CA

ANSWER 1:
As embarrassed as I am about answering this, I will because I have done this and do enjoy it. I am fascinated by the penis, and enjoy performing oral sex on my partner, although it has only been on my significant other, not just some guy I may be dating or involved with. You have to be careful.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
T.S., 26, female, MD

FURTHER NOTICE:
Mixed feelings. I get a huge turn-on from performing oral sex on my partner; however, I find it hard to accommodate his penis in my mouth sometimes, and I do hit that gag reflex problem. Also, I often find myself wondering about my technique, which I never do at other times during lovemaking. In the main, I enjoy this with my partner when I feel he is enjoying it.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
D., 32, straight monogamous woman, Toronto, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Both. I like doing it and pleasing the man I’m with.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Amy, Olympia, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have always enjoyed it. Oral sex gives me a sense of power because I have control over the pleasure I’m giving. It’s quite a high, actually.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Nancy H. <Hahnel@wrightwood.net>, Inland Empire, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I hate doing it, more so after once I actually did gag and throw up. And swallowing is disgusting. Yet I do it, to please my boyfriend – which then pleases me, I guess.
POSTED JULY 20, 1998
Rose, Tel Aviv, Israel

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I love to perform oral sex on my husband. It makes me feel good knowing I am pleasing him. We enjoy the pleasures of oral sex, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I would only do that with my husband, however.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
P.G., GA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I enjoy the act because I feel as if I am in control. I control whether he will reach his orgasm or not. I enjoy the powerful feeling of knowing you are making your mate feel good. I get pleasure out of that. It turns me on. I don’t like to swallow but if it pleases him, I am game for that, too. It is not that it feels good to us; it is the fact that you are giving your mate pleasure. I get turned on watching and hearing his reactions to what I am doing. It is a powerful feeling, sort of how I feel when I am on top.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Black, 27, female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Sorry. I hate it, and I don’t think I have a hang-up or anything. I do know, however, that I do have a very sensitive gag reflex, and that can be off-putting for the gentleman, to say the least. I have thought through this, though, and have kind of decided that I like sex best when it is a constant give-and-take. Oral sex sort of excludes that factor, except for the obvious 69, which I have never gotten to (gag reflex, remember.) Maybe I need guidance. Oh well – in the meantime, I am more than happy to follow other paths.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
A.S., 25, straight female, Chicago, IL

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I enjoy performing oral sex; however, I don’t like to have to “swallow.” I do it anyway, as it seems to hurt the guy’s feelings if I don’t, but it’s hard to control the “gag” reflex. To me, it is very similar to mucus – not a palatable thing to swallow.
POSTED OCT. 5, 1998
Melanie, 25, married bisexual female, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
To Melanie: I can’t speak for all men, but if I were involved in a relationship with you, and it reached the level of trust where we would engage in oral sex, it would not “hurt my feelings” if you spit my semen out instead of swallowing it. The act and the orgasm are where the pleasure come from, and if you don’t want that stuff in your stomach, I’m perfectly comfortable with that. I don’t see the logic in a man objecting to a woman not wanting to swallow.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
Kevin C., 25, male <dashit@pei.sympatico.ca>, Summerside, Prince Edward Island, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
When I perform oral sex on my lover, I get the exact kind of enjoyment as I do when (for example) I am giving him a luxurious back massage. Even though he is not directly stimulating me, I am aroused by the intimacy and by the pleasure I can see I am giving him.
POSTED DEC. 21, 1998
M.M.M., single white female, Springfield, MO
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THE QUESTION:
SE26: Does anyone know of any studies or surveys that have been done to determine how many women have actually had an orgasm and know it while having sexual intercourse? Men know from the onset of their first “wet dream” what an orgasm feels like, while many women suffer probably for a lifetime in some sad instances without ever having had an orgasm. I didn’t know or realize I wasn’t actually climaxing until I was 22 (relatively young, luckily for me). Sure, I was well aware of how it felt to climax during masturbation and oral sex, but how many women, like me, moaned and groaned along with their partner never knowing they were really faking it?
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Deborah A., 31, FL

ANSWER 1:
I can have an orgasm during sex, but sometimes it’s just too much work and I’d rather just enjoy myself and not worry about it. But most men whom I’ve been with have been insistent upon “ladies first,” and this gets tedious after a while. So, I have been known to bluff occasionally just so I can relax without stressing him out.
POSTED OCT. 5, 1998
Melanie, 25, bisexual female, VA
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THE QUESTION:
SE25: I don’t know about women in other countries, but I would be willing to bet that many American women have never seen an uncircumcised man naked. I did an informal poll among a few friends, and frankly, none of us are very clear on what the difference is.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, Houston, TX

ANSWER 1:
I work at a photo lab, so I see very interesting things. The uncircumcised penis simply has skin around and over the head. When erect, the skin is pulled down and the head is exposed. I have never had sex with an uncircumcised man, but I have been told you can’t tell the difference.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Female, Panama City, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I’ve seen both and have been married to an uncircumcised man. Visualize an upside-down jeweler’s pouch – the kind with a drawstring – pulled closed and with a roll of nickels or quarters inside. Now cut off (ouch!) the extra length of drawstring, and you pretty much have it. The “pouch” is normal and flesh-colored, and the puckered, closed end covers the head. When erect, the “pouch” simply draws back, adding a bit more “fleshiness” to the shaft – like ever-so-slightly baggy nylons!
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Cindy M., 47, white, islnd2sm@jps.net, Lake Forest, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I can answer your question because I was not cut then, nor am I cut now. It is just skin that covers the head of the penis, and I am glad my parents didn’t have me cut. If you need to see one that has not been cut, you might buy a copy of Playgirl .The extra skin is pulled back to reveal the head when erect.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Rico P., Pittsburg, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Have you ever noticed the slight coloration change on circumcised penises – about an inch below the head? This is where the foreskin was attached to the shaft before being removed. It is similar to the “hood” that covers our clitorises. It is a protective membrane. When the penis is not erect, it effectively covers the head and, when erect, it begins to contract in relation. It becomes a soft ridge of tissue around the shaft under the head when the penis is fully erect. To give you a visual – imagine pulling a turtleneck over your head. In fact, that is a slang term for an uncircumcised member. I find the natural look even more beautiful than the more modern “crew.” Hope that sheds some light on your query.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
Clancey, thirty-something female, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
An uncircumcised penis is really not all that uncommon. The United States is really the only culture that practices circumcision regularly. The only difference is that there is skin around the head of the penis that folds down when erect and it then looks like a circumcised penis. I looks like a penis in a sleeping bag, to be honest. I have had sex with both types of men, and I have not felt any difference while having intercourse, though I prefer the uncut version. Not only is it more natural, but I think the man experiences more sensitivity in the head of the penis because it is not constantly exposed to the elements. It is the variety that makes to world go round.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Female, 21, Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
In this part of the world, and in my experience, there is about a 50\50 mix of circumcised and uncircumcised. I think one of the main differences is that uncircumcised men have to be more careful about cleaning because of all the creases and folds they have, but other than that the differences are negligible. Nothing that you’d notice, other than in oral sex.
POSTED JULY 26, 1998
Tess, Wellington, New Zealand

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I would recommend looking in a history book that shows pictures of Greek sculptures. I know it might be stretching things a bit, but at least you could get a pretty decent visual. I am an American physician, and I know I never would have known what an uncircumcised penis looked like if I hadn’t looked at, oh, a gazillion by now! I also checked three of my atlases of human anatomy from medical school, and to my surprise, they all show the penis uncircumcised – even in cross-section if you want to see where the skin attaches. A medical library would be your best bet for that.
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
28, female, Nashville, TN
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THE QUESTION:
SE24: What, exactly, is an “average” size penis?
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
S. Taylor, female, N.Y., N.Y.

ANSWER 1:
The average length when erect is six inches, and about 90 percent of men fall in the 5-7 inch range. The circumference when erect is about five inches (about 1.6 inches in diameter). A relaxed penis can vary in size considerably, depending on temperature, mood, humidity, day of the week, etc. Penis size issues are discussed in detail at the urban legends archive at http://www.urbanlegends.com/sex/penis_length.html.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Tom, 21, Houghton, MI
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THE QUESTION:
SE23: Is it possible for a transsexual to achieve orgasm with a medically constructed vagina?
POSTED MAY 15, 1998
Steve W., 48 <etiennesan@hotmail.com>, San Diego, CA

ANSWER 1:
Yes, but it depends on the surgical technique used, how surgery turns out, how attentive her lover is and how much time she has had to get used to her new configuration. I think most transsexual women enter into surgery knowing they may or may not be orgasmic post-op; that is very much part of the choice to have surgery.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Jessica <jessicalh@hotmail.com>, Seattle, WA
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THE QUESTION:
SE22: Does a man with small hands, feet, nose, ears, etc. usually have a smaller-than-average penis?
POSTED MAY 12, 1998
Larry K., 55, white <warnerz@aol.com>, Myrtle Beach, S.C.

ANSWER 1:
Penis size is not reflective of the size of other body parts. It is a mix of the mother’s and father’s genetic makeup that determines the length.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Mike H., 42, doctor <God15@hotmail.com>, Beaverdam, VA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I don’t believe this to be true. I’m 6 foot 1, with size 12 feet and big hands and my dad’s big ears, but my penis is only roughly four and a half inches. I don’t know if this goes the other way or not, but that’s the way it goes for me.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Joey Z., 22, Vancouver, BC

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don’t think there is any correlation. At least, there isn’t in my case. I’m 6’0″ with size 8 1/2 (very small by today’s standards) feet and a 7-inch member.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
T.P., Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have encountered just the opposite. One man I’ve been with is 5’10” with large hands and feet, and overall he’s a big guy. His penis was approximately three inches long and probably one inch wide fully erect (talk about a waste of time). On the other hand, one man I’ve been with is relatively small, but his penis was at least 9 inches long and three inches wide. I’ve also been with another small man with a large penis. So from now on, I only date men 5′ 5″!
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
T.R.A., black, Hampton, VA
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THE QUESTION:
SE21: What would be the reason that anal sex is painful for some women but feels great to others?
POSTED MAY 12, 1998
Matt, Roseville, MI

ANSWER 1:
None of my friends who like this now found it enjoyable the first few times. They tell me it was painful in the beginning. I can’t seem to get past that, but I think it has much to do with muscle relaxation.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Jan, Louisville, Kentucky

FURTHER NOTICE:
Several possibilities apply to men and women equally: 1) Fear, expectation of pain, etc., can lead to holding the anal sphincter tight. (It’s a conscious or unconscious attempt to protect.) Then, when the penis is inserted, there’s pain. Relaxation is the key to comfortable entry. If someone tends to be tense, some playful, gentle, massaging attention to the anus – plus the insertion of a finger or two – well before entry is attempted can pay big dividends. 2) If she’s doing it only to please you, rather than because she wants to, nothing will work right. 3) I suspect some people have short rectums. The rectum goes straight up a few inches, then there is a sharp bend (the sigmoid). If the penis hits that bend and stretches the tissue, there is a sudden, sharp pain, especially on deep thrusts – not a pleasant surprise. Changing the angle of penetration can sometimes help.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Will H., Euro-American, 48, gay, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have found anal sex to be extremely pleasurable at times, and very painful at others. The trick for me is that my husband starts by using one finger with lots of lubricant to open me up gently, then two fingers, then inserting the penis slowly. The slow start makes the difference. Pain is caused by rushing and by medical conditions such as hemorrhoids or anal fissures.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Susan D., 37, Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My opinion is that the people it hurts just aren’t doing it right. In order for a woman to feel any pleasure during anal sex, she must make sure she is not tense and is fully relaxed. A lot of lubrication is needed. And she must make sure she is completely comfortable with her partner, and that he takes it slowly and very gently.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Nikki, Oak Ridge, TN