Mature 11-20

THE QUESTION:
SE20: My girlfriend(s) have experienced what may be referred to as “flooding” orgasms; they seemed to have discharged in excess of a cup of fluid. It didn’t seem to be urine (no odor). Could someone please tell me what the discharge is and its cause, and is it common?
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
J. H., 31, male, Starkville, MS
(Similar question posted July 16, 1998, by D. Turner, male, <Kquinn@tassie.net.au>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia)

ANSWER 1:
It is completely normal. I have heard it referred to in magazines as “female ejaculation.” I don’t know how common it is, but it happens to me, and close friends have said it happens to them, too.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Jan, Louisville, KY

FURTHER NOTICE:
This is most commonly caused by the G-spot being more aroused than just the clitoris. I have never experienced this, but I read about it in The Joys of Lesbian Sex.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Marci, 20, Wichita, KS

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I have experienced this, it has been caused exclusively by clitoral stimulation and is not associated with orgasm. It does not happen often, and when I feel it coming on, I can prevent it if I concentrate and remove the stimulation for a moment. The fluid seems to be escaping through the urethra, not the vagina, but is musk-odored, not urine-odored. This can happen even after I have urinated, so I have always wondered where exactly it comes from or is stored.

I’ve always been a bit embarrassed about it, especially because I’ve read male “sexperts” claim female ejaculation is a myth. A couple of times it has happened dramatically with partners; one partner was delighted, the other was disgusted because he thought I had just urinated on the bed. I too am very curious just how common this is in the population at large.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Ptolomaea Z., Sunnyvale, CA
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THE QUESTION:
SE19: Why is it that I can bring a black woman to orgasm quicker and more frequently than a white woman?
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Wc2, Terre Haute, IN

ANSWER 1:
Your problem is not that black women reach orgasm quicker than white women, it is that you are putting more effort into the black women. You know the expression “once you’ve had black, you can never go back”? That would certainly seem to pertain in this case. Maybe you should concentrate on the more ethnic women and move away from their Caucasian sisters.
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
E.M.W. <joaeva>, Albuquerque, NM

FURTHER NOTICE:
I’m a white woman in her 30s who would like to comment on my observation of black women: They seem to be much more in touch with their sexuality and know what they want out of a sexual relationship. I admire this. White women I know have more difficulty expressing themselves sexually. This may be why the white women you get involved with seem less responsive than most of the black women you have had sexual encounters with. (Also, if you are white male, it may be that the exotic nature of your encounters with black women is what stimulates them more.)
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
Ashley, white female, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To E.M.W.: Black women may initially be more in touch with natural female sexuality (as a result of cultural tradition rather than ethnicity); however, once a white female is comfortable with her partner, I believe she’s every bit as responsive. Our fires may take a bit longer to light, but once lit, they burn every bit as brightly.
Cynthia H., white, 38, Irvine, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think black women are initially more in touch with their sexuality and are able to let go and relax more, whereas white women have traditionally been raised to be more uncomfortable with their bodies, especially during sex. White women have been taught sex is “dirty” or “evil,” and they have a hard time letting go of those associations and being comfortable with their orgasms.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Tara, white female <TaraSlo@aol.com>, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
As a black woman I find these answers interesting indeed. They have a lot more to do with perceptions on the part of white males and females that we are “hot” than any reality I am aware of. And I’d say I’m certainly in a more knowledgeable position than the previous answerers.
POSTED JAN. 12, 1999
T.A, black female, Raleigh, NC
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THE QUESTION:
SE18: In male gay relationships, is one partner always the receiver in anal intercourse encounters, or do they take turns?
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
Tina P. <t150@lambton.on.ca>
Sarnia, Ontario, Canada

ANSWER 1:
There are some gay men who are receivers only, some who give only, and then there are some who both give and take. Take any combination and you have the potential for a relationship and any number of challenges to overcome.
POSTED MAY 6, 1998
Steve N., gay male <blaster7@hotmail.com>, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE:
Everything Steve N. said is right, but there are also gay men who do not engage in anal sex. Some of this is surely from fear of HIV, but I know several gay men who, even before HIV was known to be a concern, did not practice anal sex.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
Brian V., 25, queer male, Vancouver, BC, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SE17: Why do most men fantasize about having a threesome with two other women, yet this does not seem to be a big thrill for women?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
James Z., 26, Ann Arbor, MI

ANSWER 1:
I asked a male friend this question once and he told me a few things: 1) Men like to fantasize about women together because then they don’t have to envision looking at a naked guy – it spoils the picture. 2) Men are visually stimulated. 3) Any guy who says he isn’t turned on by two women together is lying.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Evin B., white female <evinb@hotmail.com>
Austin, TX

FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not claim to be an expert on the psyche or sexual tendencies, but I have a pretty good guess. The difference may be in the way men and women feel about monogamy. I have heard that women seem to be more monogamous than men because of mating instincts. Women require one man to become pregnant and then gestate for 40 weeks, which allows for emotional attachment to the child and the person with whom the child was created. Men are not limited in their procreation. Once they mate, they do not require nine months before they can do it again. Some experts believe these differences in mating abilities drive the sexual appetite. Thus, women are more monogamous than men. A woman’s desire for monogamy may rule out a threesome even if her partner would like one. A man, on the other hand, may see it as an easier method than traveling somewhere else to get his next conquest. On a personal note: Although I don’t care what people do in the privacy of their own home, the idea of being with another woman or seeing two men together disgusts me. I understand some people like it, but it is not for me.
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
M.B., 24, female, Warren, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To M.B.: It is true that in many animals, a male’s function is purely to fertilize eggs. It is also true that a male is capable under perfect conditions of being the father of many more children than a female is. However, there are several points to make about humans as animals. Testes size (relative to body weight) increases in relation to the number of matings or offspring in mammals. Human males have small testes in comparison to polygamous mammals. A second point is that human children require a lot of prenatal care and would at one time have needed at least two caregivers. Many birds in the same situation are monogamous. However, many birds that appear to be monogamous manage to get extra matings. The chicks are still raised by two parents, but not necessarily their own father. I think here lies the answer to the behavior of many humans. Many people in relationships “cheat” on their partners, and many men raise children who are not really their own. Humans, like birds, will often have sex outside their pairing if they think they can get away with it. We have humans who choose to live monogamously, polyandrously, polygymously and celibately. I think women and men both fantasize about sex with more than one person and that these fantasies relate to our modern environment and personal influences during our impressionable years – not to genetic influences.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Beth, monogamous, Edinburgh, UK

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My thoughts on why most women are less interested in threesomes have more to do with the way many men seem able to separate sexuality from love and emotional bonding, while many women combine them, wanting to make love because they are either feeling love for their sexual partner and/or are wanting to feel loved.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
DykeOnByke, monogamous lesbian <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think DykeonByke has hit the nail on the head. I will add that it’s important to remember that the idea of a threesome (in any combination of genders) among most men is just a fantasy, and if confronted with an actual multi-partner scenario, many would not be as aroused as they imagine.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Darley, male, 34, Ann Arbor MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I am female and have been involved in a threesome and in one “partner swapping.” The threesome was a sort of “accident.” We were all there and it happened. I didn’t think it was really enjoyable. For a threesome to really work well, the women have to be comfortable with touching, etc., from another woman, even if the touching is only by accident. This may be why more women do not fantasize about them; also, the thought of a threesome with two men makes me sick. The “partner swapping” was exciting, and it was interesting to watch the other couple at the same time anticipating trying it with their current partner. (By the way, always have safe sex, especially in these situations.)
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Jessi, 23, white, Columbus, OH
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THE QUESTION:
SE16: How do transvestites who are not going through the process of a sex change operation get their chest to look so real? I look at RuPaul, and the breasts look quite real.
POSTED APRIL 20, 1998
Apryl P. black <apryl@mail-me.com>
Oak Park, MI

ANSWER 1:
Two ways: Males who are transsexual usually take estrogen as carefully prescribed and monitored by an endocrinologist. Among other things, this changes skin texture, shifts the position in which the body carrys fat and grows breast tisue. In young men, this can result in breasts about the size of their sister’s. In older men, the growth happens but is not as pronounced. So the second thing is to have breast implants, so that the estrogen-enhanced breast can be increased to look proportional to the rest of the body. This is often done by males-in-transition to female to help them avoid attention from looking flat-chested.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Allison M. <good1@halcyon.com>, Seattle, WA

FURTHER NOTICE:
RuPaul has perfect breasts because RuPaul is a transvestite – a man who dresses up as a woman. A transvestite is not going through a sex change but is just playing around, and remains a man. A transsexual (described in the previous post) is changing the whole enchilada. Administered estrogen stimulates breast development, using the same genes any other woman uses to grow breasts.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Jessica <jessicalh@hotmail.com>, Seattle, WA
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THE QUESTION:
SE15: Are men grossed out at the idea of having sex with a woman while she is having her period? In my experience, some guys care and others don’t, so I would like to get a general response.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
A.S., 22, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

ANSWER 1:
Definitely not. While some insecure men may not be able to handle the idea of it, most enjoy the experience. Personally, I have noticed that once girls get past the initial embarrassment and awkwardness, they tend to get more into the sexual experience than under normal situations. Menstruating females tend to get more aroused, and in my experience, are more likely to climax in such situations.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
B., 21, straight male, Troy, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
To B.: This is not an insecurity problem, and I’m really not sure what a person who doesn’t like to have sex during a woman’s period has to do with someone’s security. I’m married, and when my wife is on her period, I’m not “grossed out,” but I don’t prefer having to clean up blood after having sex.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Rob, 27 <Innvertigo@aol.com>, Southfield, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I’m a bit torn by this one. My wife and I have sex while she is menstruating in several different ways. Often it is in the shower, where cleanup is easy, but just as often we have a towel beneath us. Her texture feels somewhat “rougher” to me, a pleasurable sensation. She says it feels wonderful for her at this time, too. And I can report that, in our case, she gets excited much more frequently this time of the month than others. As good as it feels for both of us, however, afterwards is a bit of a concern. I do not like the sight of blood on my penis, and I quickly “turn off” afterwards, rather than enjoying our more usual post-encounter cuddling. And she is very apologetic if there is a “mess.” In the shower, again, this is not a concern. But shower-sex in our house is usually hurried. (The hot water tank is too small, dammit.) All in all, given the choice, I’d rather wait until after her period was over, but there are times when neither of us can wait.
POSTED MAY 4, 1998
Sean, 30, married, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SE14: Director’s Paraphrase: Jon, 28, of Walled Lake, MI, would like to know whether hermaphrodites (people with both male and female sex organs) feel the same sensation as a woman when they are having sex with a man. He would also like to know if a hermaphrodite ejaculates through the penis.

ANSWER 1:
I don’t think anybody knows that one, dude.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Zeppelin Rules!, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
I am no expert on the subject, but I took a psychology course in college and we talked for a few minutes about hermaphrodites. It is an incredibly rare occurrance in humans, and, for the most part, there is almost always a dominant organ. The other is usually removed soon after birth. If the hermaphrodites did live for a while with the two organs, I wouldn’t know the outcome. But, for all intents and purposes, it will never happen. The only hermaphrodites that stay heramaphrodites are lesser animals – worms, for example, and in that case both organs work and the two fertilize each other.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Anonymous, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
This was also talked about in my psychology course. I was told that there is a dominant organ (as stated above) and the other genitalia doesn’t function. My instructor knew a hermaphroditic female who had never had an operation to remove the penis and testicles that were of no use to her. He stated that although she was insecure about her male organs, there was no doubt she was female in mind or sexuality. She performed just as any female would, and no more.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
K.R, female, 18
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THE QUESTION:
SE13: Director’s Paraphrase: Pat of Detroit, Mich., has asked a question slightly different from SE4, which was related to whether black males liked to perform oral sex on their female partners. Specifically, he would like to know whether there is any truth to the notion that “African-American males do not like to perform oral sex onAfrican-American females, but have no problem with the same act on Caucasian females.”
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998

ANSWER 1:
I am a white female and have been with (though not necessarily slept with) a few black men. The majority of their friends say they don’t like to do this just because that is what people think – but that in reality they do like to do it. The ones I was with surely didn’t mind and didn’t expect anything back.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
M.B. white female, 23, Macomb, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
The first time I was with a black man was also the first time I experienced oral sex. I was actually persuaded by him to engage in it. He has commented that it is “fun” for him and he likes it. However, I can’t say much about whether black men like to do this to black women.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
L.M., white female, Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As an African-American male, I have never had of any prejudice against having oral sex with African-American women, any more than kissing or other forms of sex. Some women are better kissers, and some may enjoy oral sex more then others, and therefore be more fun to pleasure in that way. I find the only difference in the experience to be personal, not racial.
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
S.G., African-American male, Studio City, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a black woman , I never in all my sexual history knew black men who did not prefer oral sex. All my past lovers, with the exception of one, has performed oral sex, and not one of them has ever asked me to reciprocate, though I don’t mind giving back.
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
S.H, straight black female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
This has nothing to do with color. It is preference on the man and woman’s part. I have been with black and white men, and never once was the color of their skin the reason for having or not having oral sex. We are all the same, just different in culture; our skin color does not make us any different from the other.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
T.L., 39, white, <tlong11@aol.com>, Jacksonville, FL
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THE QUESTION:
SE12: I’m well aware that when a man masturbates, he’s probably got a magazine in front of him or a movie in the VCR. What do women do or think about when they masturbate?
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
S.H., 23 <lesterpitt@hotmail.com>
Windsor, Ont., Canada

ANSWER 1:
I generally watch a porn video and imagine I am with a person I “have the hots for” or that I am in love with. I also can masturbate while listening to a sexy song.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
M.B., 23, white female, Macomb, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I usually just think about my husband, and how good sex with him feels.
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
E.P., 25, Washington, D.C.

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I like to look at magazines as well, with men and women in them.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Angela, Washington, D.C.

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
When I masturbate, I don’t need much else but my imagination. Watching sexually explicit or “R”-rated movies can help get me in the mood, but by and large, I need only imagine I’m with someone who loves me and wants to pleasure me.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Tracey M., 31, white female, Columbus, OH

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I may read sexually explicit material, watch myself in a mirror, watch an X-rated movie or just plain old fantasize.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Amy, Olympia, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
If I’m currently attracted to someone (whether a relationship is involved or not), I may fantasize about being with them. Otherwise, I usually fantasize about situations which I would never actually participate in (fantasy allows total control, reality rarely does). These fantasies may involve another woman or bondage and other things. Sometimes a video (porn or soft-porn a la HBO late-night shows) will provide fantasy material. I’ve never found looking at magazines to be a turn-on.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
C.A., 42, Portland, OR

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I started off by reading men’s sexual fantasies in a book by Nancy Friday, but pretty soon I didn’t need the book anymore and just imagined the scenarios. I don’t think I ever think about the person I’m with or attracted to; it’s usually some nameless female. I have watched porno movies and soft-porn on HBO, too, but usually that’s not available with roommates around.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Tara, 20 <TaraSLO@aol.com>, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I don’t think about anything except about how good it feels.
POSTED NOV. 13, 1998
Rose, 29, female, Tel Aviv, Israel
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THE QUESTION:
SE11: I’ve read that women don’t often receive their first orgasms at a young age because the young boys they are with are more wrapped up into pleasing themselves. Is it possible for a young girl to reach orgasm if the boy tries to please her, or is her body not ready for those intense feelings?
POSTED APRIL 1, 1998
M. Wong, 18, female, Doraville, GA

ANSWER 1:
Many young women can reach orgasms at a very early age. Most of the problem is knowing how to do it. Once that is established, then it is easier to reach it with a partner. Most experiences with an orgasm are from masturbation. Once you teach yourself, the rest is easier. As far as young boys are concerned, they also just do not know how. Teaching is the best method. Not only would you be doing yourself a favor, but also any future women in his life
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Dawn E. <DEdwa10532@AOL.com>
Shelby Twp , MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
Yes, it is possible for young girls to reach orgasm. In most cases, lack of experience is the factor. It is not as easy for a woman to have an orgasm as it is for a man. It will take time, patience and a little exploration.
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
B. Lee, 26, female, Warren, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Yes, it is possible for young girls to reach orgasm, but it’s usually through masturbation. It takes a lot longer to reach orgasm with a partner. I had my first orgasm through masturbation when I was 12. I was 19 before a man made me climax.
POSTED APRIL 26, 1998
M.J., 22, female, Toronto, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
When having an orgasm, women may not be in control of their muscles and their bodies. The muscles tense and the body stiffens. This experience can be intimidating to young women. I did not have an orgasm until I found a man with whom I felt completely comfortable. It may also be that a young girl does not know how to achieve orgasm because it sometimes requires work. Once a woman has one, she may learn what creates the needed sensations. This may come with experience. Also, a youthful partner without control of his sexual organs may also play a part. It may take time to achieve orgasm, and some young men may lack the control to suppress their own orgasm long enough for the girl to accomplish the task. These factors may be an indication that perhaps the young persons may not be ready for sexual experiences. It could also mean that the sexual relations are not with the suitable person or that they haven’t got the hang of it.
POSTED MAY 7, 1998
M.B., 24, female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I had my first orgasm at 14 during a “heavy makeout session” with my 16-year-old boyfriend. He touched my clitoris with his hand. I didn’t know what was happening to my body and was embarrassed lest he notice the rhythmic contractions. Later that evening, I masturbated to re-experience the sensations. It wasn’t until some time later that I discovered this was an orgasm. So yes, young boys can please young girls in this way.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Kathy H., 45, white, MD

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I had my first orgasm when I was 10 and fooling around in the shower; I just didn’t know what it was called. I did, however, know that I liked it. It wasn’t until years after I became sexually active that a man made me climax, and it was only because he was very attentive and tuned into my needs. So, I think whether or not a young girl climaxes depends on 1) herself and her ability to please herself and 2) her partner’s ability to tune into her needs.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
J.W., 33, white female <jonahthewhale@hotmail.com>, Honolulu, HI