Disability/Challenges-related Questions1-10

THE QUESTION:
D10: What is the appropriate word to use for small people; i.e. those who in the past were referred to as midgets or dwarfs?
POSTED MAY 12, 1998
Jackie J. <cjeanp1@ix.netcom.com>, Houston, TX

ANSWER 1:
The preferred term is Little Person if a term is required.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Kimberley B. <kim@cripworld.com>, Whitefish, MT
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THE QUESTION:
D9: My mother is para/quadriplegic, and recently we have been trying to plan a trip to New York. Isn’t it discrimination that it will cost her more to take a tour than someone who can walk?
POSTED MAY 11, 1998
Kara, Japan

ANSWER 1:
Is it discrimination that my wheelchair cost nearly 100 times what someone’s shoes might cost? You have to understand that the other tour-takers would have to make up the difference for bus lifts or special assistance for the occasional disabled user. Is that fair? The Americans With Disabilities Act speaks of modification “within reason,” and the best way to lose a right is to assume right over reason.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
JerryEl <jerry@lords.com>, Chipley, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
As a disability rights advocate, I would suggest questioning the tour company to determine exactly why your mother’s tour would cost more. While their reason may be legitimate, there may, indeed, be reason to suspect discrimination. If she is being charged a small amount more, I would wonder what difference that amount would make. If she is being charged appreciably more, is she being expected to cover the full charge for some equipment or service that, under terms of the “reasonable accommodation” clause of the Americans With Disabilities Act, should be provided by the tour company? Either of these situations might be termed discriminatory. Often, there are legitimate extra expenses associated with having a disability, and I always advise people to research their concerns and use common sense in dealing with disability rights issues. Check the Internet for tour companies in the United States that cater specifically to people with disabilities.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
J. Friedman, 49, jwfriedman@aol.com, Charleston, SC

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
If you don’t like that the travel agency is not charging the same for both people, search until you find one that does. That is what free enterprise is all about. If they wanted to charge me $50,000 to go because I have brown hair, and charge my friend $1,000 because he has black hair, I would simply look around until I found one that I wanted to do business with.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Mike H., mhannigan@earthlink.net, Virginia Beach, VA
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THE QUESTION:
D8: When I worked in a small building with a limited number of restrooms, there was a debate about normally abled persons using the stalls that could accommodate wheelchairs. Some of us would use that stall if the others were full; some would wait until a regular stall was open, just in case someone in a wheelchair came in. How do wheelchair-bound individuals feel about this?
POSTED APRIL 24, 1998
A. Morgan, Houston

ANSWER 1:
I used to be wheelchair-bound, but I think it is important to mention that not all disabled people who need a disabled toilet are in a wheelchair. I have never minded other people using disabled toilets, but then my bladder has always been fully controllable. However, a lot of disabled people don’t have such good control. My mother has multiple sclerosis, and if she needs a toilet, she has to get there quickly! So I guess from that point of view it’s good for there to be a toilet reserved. Toilets are something we can all be desperate for though, so it’s not quite as bad as an able-bodied person taking a disabled parking space – that really makes me mad!
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
Beth, Edinburgh, UK

FURTHER NOTICE:
When buildings are designed, the architect determines the total number a toilets required to handle the number of people in the building. Then, one toilet in each restroom is set up for handicap use. Therefore, it is OK to use the handicap stall if it is the only one available. In many small buildings, the restroom will have only one stall per restroom, therefore every stall is handicapped-accessable. In this instance, you have no choice but to use a handicap stall. Also, note that you do not have to have a physical handicap to need to use a toilet now.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Dave, Anchorage, AK

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe the intent of a handicapped stall is to extend accessibility, not impose exclusivity. In other words, first-come, first-served. If all regular stalls are full, I see no reason why one shouldn’t use a handicapped stall. Someone in a wheelchair may have to wait a few minutes, but they’d have to wait if it were occupied by another wheelchair-user. Beth in Edinburgh has every right to be mad about able-bodied people using handicapped parking spaces. I believe those who do should be thrashed to the point that they really do have need of that parking space.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
Mary, NC
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THE QUESTION:
D7: I would like to know if women are afraid to go out with men who are confined to wheelchairs and can do some things physically but not others.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Reaper, Warren, MI

ANSWER 1:
I am not afraid to go out with men in wheelchairs, but I have lots of exposure to people with a variety of disabling conditions because I work in the rehabilitation field. I think that some women may, in fact, be afraid. I think that fear stems from their unfamiliarity with people with disabilities. It is a common human trait to be afraid of the unknown, and if you have never really known someone who uses a wheelchair, you have no idea what to expect. That can be scary.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Marsha Z. <mzalik@telusplanet.net>
Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
I agree completely with the answer above. Just a week ago I met a man at a local bar who was in a wheelchair and have not been so turned on in a long time. I think it is a woman’s insecurities with herself that stop her from dating those with disabilities.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Stephanie P. <stephiep@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think “afraid” might be the wrong term, and perhaps “uneasy” would be better. I don’t mean to quibble, I just mean that being with people who are “different” can make some people uneasy. There are always the questions – will doing such and such make this other person uncomfortable? What if I say the wrong thing? Will they need help I will not be able to give? I work in a business with a fair number of folks in wheelchairs. Some I would date, others allow their wheelchairs to define their lives and personalities. I think dating is most easily accomplished after a bit of friendship.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Amy C., 45 <aamylf@aol.com>, Sarasota, FL
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THE QUESTION:
D6: I am curious about what people who have been blind from birth “see” in their dreams. Could a respondent with a blind family member or friend ask them about this for me? Thanks.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
David L., 13, Portland, OR

ANSWER 1:
I found the answer to this question when I taught at a state school for the blind. People who have never had sight dream in the context of the senses they do have. They remember, think about and dream based on sound, feel, smell and taste. Their perception of their experiences is non-visual, so their thoughts and dreams are also non-visual.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Lisa S., schmitz@prismnet.com, Austin, TX

FURTHER NOTICE:
I have not been totally blind since birth. I lost my eyesight when I was six months old, but for the most part, I don’t remember it. Blind people see things in their mind just as anyone else does. It may not look the same as what “seeing people” see, but I still see it -a tree, a car or myself. And when I dream, that is no exception. So the color red to you may be different than my color red, but it’s red to me.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Jordan, 19 <cordellj@hotmail.com>, Springfield, MO

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
A stroke many years ago left me unable to “record” visual images (I cannot remember what anything looks like once I close my eyes). My dreams gradually lost imagery, too – so I know what’s going on, just as any dreamer often “knows” things (e.g. it was Aunt Mary’s car). It doesn’t seem dark, just normal, somehow. And often, maybe because I’m such a voracious reader, I have “text-based” dreams, as though I am writing a short story, usually full of puns and word-play. As vision lost utility in my waking life (not recognizing people and places is not handy), it disappeared from dream life.
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
K.K., 42 <alphacole@mailexcite.com>, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I can relate to you a personal experience with a non-sighted friend of mine. We were in New York City in 1977 with a group for a convention and wanted to see Star Wars at the Loew’s Astor Plaza on Times Square, which is a spectacular theater. My blind friend and her wonderful guide-dog came along and had a great time. She was easily able to follow everything that went on, and the superb sound system with the changing speakers and special sound effects were enjoyed by everyone. She later told me that “seeing Star Wars was one of the best parts of the New York trip!”
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Weezie, Environmentalist/Animal Rights activist, 48, computer professional <LTWeezie@aol.com>,Germantown , OH
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THE QUESTION:
D5: Why do adults often label HIV-positive children and teenagers drug users, crack babies or whores? As a teen with AIDS, I’d really like to know.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Aliston L., 15 <alisunshine@hotmail.com>
Brisbane, Queensland, Australia

ANSWER 1:
Ignorance. And a psychological mindset that insists that bad things must happen only to bad people – which, if you think about it, is an understandable, if hurtful, mindset, because the alternative, that such things can happen toanyone (good as well as bad) is simply too unbearable for most people to think about. All the same, I wince at such characterizations. I’ll never forget my mother, saying of Ryan White, “He didn’t get AIDS from reading his Bible!”; I was appalled. She regretted her statement afterwards, but there it was. On behalf of us all, I wish to apologize for our being still so stereotypical and for not understanding. And I hope and pray that God blesses you and your family, and gives you strength to endure your condition. As hard as it may be to believe sometimes, there are people who really care.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Glenn P., 39, <C128User@GTI.Net>
Washington, NJ

FURTHER NOTICE:
I believe adults label HIV-positive children and teenagers because they think the mother (parent) was a drug user, crack cocaine addict or whore. That is because a person can contract AIDS through sharing the same needles and through sexual intercourse. Therefore, the assumption is that the child contracted AIDS in the mother’s womb.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
L.S., 50, white female, Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don’t believe children/teenagers with HIV are subjected to disparaging remarks any more or less than adults with HIV, with this exception: Because HIV is transmitted through such specific modes (sex, drug use, the womb, etc.) older people may not tend to relate contraction of the disease in a younger person to modes other than drug use, the womb, etc. Example: Someone who is, say 50, may not consider that a nine-year-old with HIV got it from anywhere other than their mother. Things like the hemophilia drugs that weren’t purified weren’t and aren’t really talked about often enough in the media, but mothers using crack and having babies with HIV is very prominent in the media.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
S.C., Cordova, TN

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Many bad things happen randomly, but AIDS is directly and irrevocably tied to behavior. There are only two explanations for why someone, even a teenager, has AIDS: First, they played the game and lost. Or second, someone else played the game, lost and went on to endanger someone else. Either way, pretending this stuff just jumps out of the carpet at will doesn’t solve anything. If the teenager got it from playing the game, then call it what you will (whore, loose, exploring your sexuality, claiming your birthright, having some fun, etc.), but it should be a lesson in proper behavior. And if they got it the second way, it should be a lesson in how irresponsibility impacts others. I don’t think that to say this means I have an unwarranted prejudicial attitude based on ignorance. Either way, I feel for people in these situations. It’s a tragic waste of life, and it must be horrifying. It’s even worse that it’s so unnecessary.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Peter P., Roman Catholic, Redford, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Peter P.: There are more than two ways to get AIDS. Blood transfusions are one way. Also, you can get it through open wounds. This is not very likely, but it can happen. People who work in the medical field are at a very big risk. Accidental needle sticks happen more often than most realize. Surgeons are at a great risk if they get cut while doing surgery. Don’t judge until you know all the facts. It is ignorance of the facts that causes so much prejudice in the world.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Tracy M., 30, white female, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To Peter: You are correct – AIDS is linked to behavior. The question is, is it more directly tied to behavior than, say, eating is to heart disease? Or smoking to cancer? When it comes to disease risk, all “irresponsible” human behavior is not equally condemned. For instance, even given the recent upsurge in anti-smoking attitudes, I haven’t heard of people with lung cancer, emphysema or any smoking-related disease being treated with the same degree of derision shown people with AIDS/HIV. The prejudicial treatment experienced by the HIV-infected has more to do with society’s discomfort with sexual pleasure in particular than it does with its discomfort with irresponsible behavior per se.
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
A. Taylor, Newark, NJ
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THE QUESTION:
D4: I work in a small shop. We have an occasional customer who is profoundly deaf. His speech is very difficult to understand, so we usually communicate with notes. He can lip-read pretty well. Is it impolite to augment my responses with sign language (which I know very little)? His written language skills are almost as cryptic as his speech. Am I being impolite to “dumb-down” my written responses?
POSTED MARCH 29, 1998
M. Peacock, 32 <Arulian@hotmail.com>
Sonora , CA

ANSWER 1:
Your sincere desire to communicate is the most important thing. Deaf people have a lot of experience trying various methods to get a message across – let yourself go with the goal of mutual understanding, and you will succeed. The best measure is to ask questions that can’t be answered with “yes” or “no.” Some deaf people do not know English very well, so that’s why their writing can be hard to understand. (Until very recently, deaf kids had to learn English solely through speech reading. More fortunate deaf kids learned a visual language like American Sign Language first, so they could have a strong language base from which to learn English.) If you know some sign language, try signing the words on the note – it may make more sense. Some deaf people do not know sign language, so if you do sign, a good beginning would be “KNOW SIGN LITTLE-BIT ME. OK-[eye gaze]YOU?” (Translation, “I know a little sign language, would you be amenable to using it?”) Whether it’s notes or signing, be sure to use whatever visual cues you may have available. If the customer is looking for something, ask them to draw a picture. Offer to follow them to a place in the store if that’s what they are asking about. Mime. Charades. Best of luck! (Studied American Sign Language for eight years, freelance interpreter for four years.)
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Jesse K., 43, white female, <jesse_the_k@hotmail.com>
Madison, WI

FURTHER NOTICE:
As the brother of a profoundly deaf man, I would have to say that it depends on the individual, although frequently the deaf can comprehend written language better than they can write. This has to do with the fact that profound deafness often affects one’s socialization and learning skills. Above all, remember: Although a deaf person may not be able to communicate well in spoken and written word, in all likelihood the person you ae communicating with is as intelligent as you are.
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Tom G., <tgoode@interhop.net>
Toronto, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have a hard-of-hearing child and deaf friends, as well as a few deaf clients at work. From my experience, many deaf people appreciate anyone who attempts to communicate with them in their language. I would also encourage you (and anyone else who reads this) to get some more schooling in American Sign Language. Most deaf people I know like going into a store where there are employees who sign. It is just like using any other language. It also opens up avenues of communication with one of the most interesting cultures in America.
POSTED JUNE 19, 1998
Tim T., 29 <t2drj@earthlink.net>, Corona, CA
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THE QUESTION:
D3: As a recovering alcoholic, I would like to know if society in general still views alcoholics as a “plague,” or are people beginning to acknowledge alcoholism as a disease?
POSTED MARCH 29, 1998
Eve Norton <enorton@roadrunner.com>
Santa Fe, NM

ANSWER 1:
I speak only as the spouse of an alcoholic (now deceased). The disease model is a two-edged sword: On the one hand, it lessens the stigmatization of substance abuse as a sign of moral inferiority, especially as the underlying genetics of susceptibility are discovered; on the other hand, if overemphasized, it can portray the abuser as a helpless victim, and that in turn can create a negative (if different) image. It’s hard to keep to the middle ground, especially if victimhood is rewarded in some way.
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Jerry S., 49 <jerryschwartz@comfortable.com>
New Britain, CT

FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a grown daughter of an alcoholic. I view alcoholism as a drug addiction; it may be due to a genetic factor or some other physical means, but a person chooses to pick up the bottle in the first place, as a heroine addict chooses to pick up the syringe. Alcohol is a drug, and we need to educate people as such.
POSTED APRIL 1, 1998
S. Addington <saddingt@umich.edu>
Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I took my first drink of alcohol, I was 10, and I believe my motivation was curiosity. The next 15 years, it was my choice to drink. Sometime after that I lost the ability to choose, and I believe that is the onset of a physical and mental addiction to the drug, alcohol. Ultimately, it was my choice to seek help rather than die from the disease, and I have been drug- and alcohol-free for seven years.
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Eve N., 38, Santa Fe, NM

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a psychotherapist I think about the theory a lot. But as a human, I find the experiences more compelling, and I’ve experienced an interesting change. Fifteen or 20 years ago, I essentially believed that if a person were an alcoholic – active or recovering – s/he was bound to be pretty messed up, maybe superficially charming, but in general a pain to be around. After I’d gotten to know several people in recovery, I was in a group of about 20 people who were beginning a two-year training. Five or six participants identified themselves as being in recovery. Before I had a chance to consciously evaluate that information, I found myself thinking: “Great! This group has some folks who have slogged through hell, made some profound decisions in life and have had deeply transformative experiences. I’ll be able to learn a lot here.” I suddenly realized my attitude had undergone a sea-change.
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
Will H., 48, white, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
With regard to choice, this is more complicated than it seems. The social acceptability of alcohol means there are fewer (or no) barriers to making that choice than there are for illegal drugs. Compounding that is the fact that most people, having decided to try alcohol, do not become addicted to it. The average person, being offered the choice to try alcohol or not, has no particular reason to suspect it is an important or irreversible choice. This is much less true of heroin or crack, for example (although reportedly some people do not become physically addicted). Marijuana seems to be more like alcohol in that regard.
POSTED APRIL 9, 1998
Jerry S., 49 <jerryschwartz@comfortable.com>
New Britain, CT

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I feel being an alcoholic (I was for some time) is more like an addiction rather than a disease. I feel people use the word “disease” as an easy way out of admitting they have a problem with something.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Doug, 27 <Dewfreak@lycosmail.com>, Mt.Clemens, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
While alcoholism may be genetic, people still choose to take a drink. When an alcoholic is sober, why wouldn’t he/she try to make a change at that time – enroll in a program? If alcoholism is truly a “disease,” it would seem logical that a victim would seek treatment. Taking a drink of alcohol is a conscious choice.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Charlynn <ecoborn@jps.net>, Middletown, CA
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THE QUESTION:
D2: I would like some feedback on how people perceive teenagers and young adults born with Down Syndrome. I am the mother of a teen with Down Syndrome and would really like some guidance on public perception.
POSTED MARCH 15, 1998
M. Savage, 46, Kansas City, MO

ANSWER 1:
I am generally uncomfortable around people with this or any disability. I am always afraid I will do/say something that might offend someone. For instance, if I were to say to someone who suffers from Down Syndrome, “Hey, what’s wrong with you?” I would feel rude. While, at the same time, if I were to ignore the person or their disability, I would also feel rude. I guess I just try not to call attention to a person’s disability so as not embarrass them.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Brian B., Detroit , MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I used to work with developmentally disabled persons, as an aide and teacher. From my experience with Down Syndrome, I only see good things. Downs seems to affect the person having it in such a positive way… they only see good around them. At times, I certainly wish I had that kind of perspective. I don’t know how anyone looking at someone with Down’s could feel negatively impacted. The person with DS is, more often than not, smiling.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Liz Bedker, 35, white <cen05913@centuryinter.net>
Croswell, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I work at CCAR Services, an organization that trains and employs people with disabilities, many of whom have Down Syndrome. To know them is to love them. It’s almost as if there has been compensation. They are sweet and loving, a joy to be with.

The public perception ranges from ignorance to indifference. Invariably, once the barriers have been broken down, people enjoy contact with those having Down syndrome. An interesting project is in place at Bannerman High School in Green Cove Springs, Fla. The school decided to include some form of community service in the curriculum. The kids were “problem” students. They were assigned to work with our eight adults at our tree farm. A remarkable synergy has developed.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Lou H., 59, Green Cove Springs, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I went to a highs chool where a “Community Living” program was placed into the school system. The group of about 25 Down’s students were treated as equals by the staff. They had their own classes but roamed the halls and ate in the cafeteria with us. The reaction of any freshman student was always immature at first. Myself included, comments were irresistible. However, it was only a matter of weeks before we all realized it was more satisfying to communicate with them politely. They were a lot of fun and left a lasting impression on me. They always knew how to have fun, and brought the school students together because of it.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Scott H., 23 <bnaut@MNSi.net>
Windsor , On

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I’m a psychotherapist with a master’s degree, 48 years old. Though I know the response is disgraceful, I continue to be uncomfortable around people with Down Syndrome, as well as other forms of developmental disability, etc. In relating to people, I rely much too much on my intellectual/verbal ability, and when I encounter someone impaired in those functions, I’m unnerved, awkward and frankly, scared. I don’t know how to act, what to say, how to genuinely encounter that person. Interestingly, I have a similar emotional response to people with amputations, though through working with them, I’ve calmed down about it somewhat. It’s a lack of 1) experience, 2) flexibility, and 3) courage.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Will H., Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I teach in a college program training people to provide community support to individuals with developmental disabilities. It is my experience that people who have had little contact with people who have Down Syndrome (or any other identifiable disability) base their reactions and feelings on stereotypes. Unfortunately, this is always a disservice to the person being stereotyped. People with Down Syndrome are often perceived as innocent, eternal children, as “always happy,” overly friendly and shallow. In fact, people with Down Syndrome are as varied and complex as the rest of the human race.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Marsha Z. <mzalik@telusplanet.net>
Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I think people do have discomfort around people with developmental disabilities because we are so often shielded from each other. We have curiosities about differences and are afraid to ask. I also have a child with a disability – a syndrome few have ever heard of – and even though he is only three, we have encountered the stares and whispering. I try to remember that it is just because people are nervous. I wish people would feel free to ask questions. I’d rather answer questions than have my child stared at, plus it gives me a chance to explain that, after all, he is more like you than not like you. I think this is true for all disabilities. My kid is fun and delightful to know, and once you meet him his differences seem to disappear. You realize he is a real person, just like everyone else.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
25-year-old white woman

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
My 13-year-old son is developmentally disabled, is unusual looking and has virtually no functional speech, making conversation nearly impossible. When most people who don’t know him don’t get the expected social response, they grow flustered and find ways to disengage. When he was very young, we moved to a small community, and I feared he would have a lifetime of stares and whisperings even within his own community, so I worked to have him fully included since kindergarten in a regular classroom with his nondisabled peers at his neighborhood school. He has just finished the sixth grade, and the stares have long since been replaced with “Hi’s” and handshakes from people who have known him for seven years. In my experience, it is a rare and cherished person who can relate easily to a mentally retarded individual they don’t know well. Better to have him out there and have people get used to him than to wait for those rare few to happen along.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Ruth P., 49 <rbpalmer@ix.netcom.com>, Half Moon Bay, CA
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THE QUESTION:
D1: I am interested in how the average person views people who stutter. Do they perceive the handicap as mental, physical or whatever? I am 55 and a former severe stutterer till I was 22. I also have an adult son who still stutters.
POSTED MARCH 11, 1998
Jim Y., Walled Lake, MI

ANSWER 1:
I would have to say I view stuttering as a physical condition. I have however, seen a stuttering friend treated as though he were mentally disabled. People become impatient waiting for him to finish a word or sentence and attempt to finish it for him or excuse themselves while he is in mid-sentence to speak to someone else. They will often try to speak slowly to him and loudly as though he were deaf. This is very frustrating to him and devalues the intelligence he possesses.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Lori C., 33, Bellevue, NE

FURTHER NOTICE:
I can’t answer this as an “average” person, because I am a person who stutters. Personally, I believe the cause of stuttering can be either physical or psychological, or both. My stutter, for example, completely disappears when I am alone, or when I speak to my dogs. I stutter worse when I am under stress (like when I have to verbally defend myself). These characteristics seem to me to be psychological in nature. I participated in group speech therapy while I was in high school and came in contact with very severe stutterers, some of whom couldn’t utter a sound without stuttering, regardless of the situation. These people, I’m convinced, had a physiological defect that caused them to stutter.
POSTED MARCH 25, 1998
John H., 27, white male <jhopkins@osscorp.com>
Farmington Hills, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a speech-language pathologist, and people do tend to be impatient with people who stutter (disfluencies). I think a good starting point is for the person who stutters to let his communication partners know he/she stutters. This takes pressure off the person who stutters (“the big secret is out”) and it also lets the other person know the situation and hopefully be less critical. If needed after the initial explanation, the person who stutters can let the listener know he understands everything, hears well but has some difficulties getting some words out. It is also important for the person who stutters (and the rest of us) to realize that nobody has completely fluent speech – not actors, newscasters – nobody.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
L.K., San Diego , CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am 21 and have been stuttering ever since I can remember. I was raised in Africa, where stuttering is ridiculed, and because of that I became very conscious of my speech defect. I have managed to control my stuttering over the years, but I notice I stutter more when I am participating in group discussions (when all eyes are on me) or when I am really nervous or angry. People are very impatient with those who stutter; the only advice I can give is to find a unique quality and flaunt it. That will make an individual feel good.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Ifeyinwa <ifebigh77@hotmail.com>, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I am not an expert on the subject of stuttering, but I did work for a non-profit organization here in Canada that provided financial support for stutterers in Canada to attend a program in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, called the Institute for Stuttering Treatment and Research. Dr. Einer Boberg was the founder of this Institute. Sadly, Dr. Boberg is no longer with us, but I know his work continues. And I have seen before-and-after video tapes of individuals who stutter (or I should say “used to stutter”). It is amazing. I don’t know if there is a program similar to this in the United States, and if I’m not mistaken, the techniques and practices utilized by this Institute are internationally known. Don’t know if this answers your question or is of any use to you. I just felt I should pass along the fact that there is help for stutterers to overcome their problem.
POSTED JUNE 30, 1998
Marie B.<bradnmarie@dlcwest.com>, Regina, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I am an 18-year-old stutterer, and I think people who think stuttering is a disability do not know what it’s like. I lead a very normal and active life, and my speech does not affect me, although I have had my share of people patronizing me. Stuttering is not a disability or physical condition – it adds to a person’s character.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Ryan D., 18, white male <jroosa@hotmail.com>, Rayne, La

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I’ve stuttered all my life, and the fact that I am an Asian immigrant has made it much more difficult. when I was still in chool I could not speak or read in front of any one. I was able to negotiate through a very successful technical management career, during which I spent the first six years as an individual contributor, and the latter five years as a manager. I was at least more effective than my fluent, domestically born peers, with up to nearly 30 degreed technical staff under my responsibility. I created my own company 10 years ago after I was convinced there was nothing more I could do by continuing my corporate career, and I have had no problem running and growing the business. I’m in my early forties, and I still stutter terribly even talking to my three children. It is obvious that I’d feel much better without stuttering – I may even do better without stuttering, and I do wonder often, “What if I never stuttered?” I never looked for a psychologist, I never spent time finding a cure. But I did try harder, and I did find ways to get the job done.
POSTED JULY 2, 1998
Isaac, 43, Asian Male <isaac@iccas.com>, Newbury Park, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
My brother stuttered. I view it as a physical condition that be can be cured. I watched my little brother begin to tell many stories and eventually give up with tears in his eyes. I always try to be patient when speaking with someone who stutters.
POSTED JULY 15, 1998
M.J., 21, mixed <mpiper@famu.edu>, Tallahassee, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I have to admit I once viewed stuttering as a mental or intellectual handicap. I had an experience with a guy I was initially interested in dating after meeting him briefly and exchanging telephone numbers. I found out he stuttered during our first telephone conversation. At that time, I was very uncomfortable with 1) asking him about it (the stuttering) and 2) listening to him talk. I constantly found myself wanting to finish his sentences before he did. We did go on to date very briefly, as I thought I could just put it aside, but unfortunately, it did not work – not just because of the stuttering. My experience with him led me to believe that people who stutter may also be limited intellectually. However, this was dispelled by a coworker who is an attorney and stutters. I have been around him and found that stuttering generally is not an intellect problem.
POSTED JULY 17, 1998
Niquee D., Shreveport, LA

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I had a friend who stuttered terriby. He decided, as a very young man, not to allow it to get in his way, and he didn’t. He is an extremely successful (and wealthy) businessman whose personality is absolutely delightful, and he’s a joy to be with. His stuttering became an asset when he accepted it and allowed it to enhance his uniqueness.
POSTED AUG. 10, 1998
S. Thomas, 63 <sgt@usa.net>, Santa Monica, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I don’t see stuttering as physical or mental but more emotional. Mel Tillis is a famous stutterer, and I find it interesting that he stutters only when he speaks and not when he sings. Perhaps because he feels more in control when he sings. It is something he does well and feels comfortable doing. I know stutterers are not mentally slower – there have been some very brilliant people who stuttered. That is why I think it is more emotional or nerves-related. A coping mechanism if you will. When I encounter someone who stutters, I try to be patient and listen as I would to anyone else. Hopefully in time they will be comfortable enough to either smooth out their speech or not stutter at all. And I will be happy for them because anything that draws attention to ourselves in that way can be heartbreaking, but only because others are sometimes ignorant enough to use it as something to downgrade us about.
POSTED AUG. 11, 1998
Gigi, 44 <bill@qtm.net>, St. Joseph, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I am 56 with two sons who stutter. I still stutter, but not as bad as when I was younger. I believe our stuttering has to do in part with heredity and intelligence. I have a master’s degree in electrical engineering, my oldest son (31, who probably stutters the most) also has a master’s in EE and is academically the smartest. My younger son (24) is more suited towards vocational work. He rarely stutters any more. My experience, professional and personal, is that if it exists, it is worse among the more intelligent. Being an electrical engineer, I have a theory that it has to do with synchronization of the speech with the brain. I would appreciate any feedback.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Larry P. <palmtree@iadfw.net>, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 12:
I stutter when talking with friends and in front of an audience. Yet I can talk to my family with no problems. Therefore, I believe stuttering is mostly physiological. Due to the fact I am an immigrant, I try very hard to sound “American,” but because I pay so much attention to my speech I often stutter on a word or two. When my English was not as good, kids at school used to tease me about my poor English, and I think that may have traumatized me in one way or another. I do not consider myself mentally or socially handicapped because I do very well in school and have no problem making friends. I cannot really offer an explanation as to why I stutter, but I can only believe it�s physiological, either fear of speaking in public or mockery from fellow students.
POSTED AUG. 28, 1998
Asian male, 17

FURTHER NOTICE 13:
The National Stuttering Project, the largest self-help organization for people who stutter, publishes a “notes to listeners” leaflet. The NSP has local support groups in 60 cities, a monthly newsletter and lots of information about stuttering. Their toll-free number is 800-364-1677, and their home page ishttp://members.aol.com/nsphome/index.html. There’s also an online “library” about stuttering athttp://www.mankato.msus.edu/dept/comdis/kuster/ stutter.html.
POSTED SEPT. 5, 1998
Jim M. <jamcclure@aol.com>, LaGrange, IL

FURTHER NOTICE 14:
I’ve met someone who stutters. Despite what has just been said, it can be very annoying and painstaking for the listener. I understand completely that everything else works fine for the person, but to have to sit there and listen to someone trying to say a simple sentance for five minutes is just torture. It seems to me that it could be either physical or mental, but either way it is a problem. It doesn’t “add character” – character isn’t something that comes from a disability such as that, character is a trait in a person. Despite everything, stuttering is a disability, depending on how bad the stutter is. Some people can get along fine with it, but it can get annoying for the listener.
POSTED SEPT. 5, 1998
Nick <kotula@hotmail.com>, Newport News, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 15:
I am what you might call a regular person. The way I see a person who stutters is as normal as any other (I see stuttering as a mental block that people have when they are nervous). I must admit that when I am not aware that the person has that problem, I feel very bad and uncomfortable because I think I might have made the person feel bad. I think if the person would let me know from the beginning I would be ready and therefore me, and the person would feel more comfortable. I think everyone stutters to some point; it just depends on how you deal with it. I don’t think people who stutter are less intelligent or less capable of sustaining great conversation. It is from my experience that once they feel comfortable, they stutter less.
POSTED SEPT. 29, 1998
Monica <nikafox@yahoo.com>, S. Hackensack, NJ
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