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Sexual Orientation Questions 81-90

THE QUESTION:
SO90: A young man I recently met told me that most gay men were at one point in their lives heterosexual. Is this a realistic point of view, or are most gay men born gay and just spend a portion of their lives not realizing it because of cultural stigma?
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Lisa S., 26, Hispanic, San Diego, CA

ANSWER 1:
It probably is correct ro say that most gay men at some point in their live tried to be heterosexual, forced to do so by the social pressure to flirt and date women, or by a feeling of inadequacy because of their being gay. Often this heterosexual phase corresponds to an attempt to cure yourself from your true feelings. There are very few who lived most of their lives being “straight” and suddenly realized that the male physique and personality was something they were more comfortable with and found more fascinating. The distinct majority of gays (and lesbians for that matter) have felt attracted to the same sex for all their lives and just masked it or tried to expunge it from time to time to comply with external pressure.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
Rob, 28, German, gay <rob_ma@hotmail.com>, Austin, TX
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THE QUESTION:
SO89: I am a 23-year-old college student who is about to move into my first house. My roommates are female and are a lesbian couple. I am straight and would just like to know what things I can say or shouldn’t say when we live together. We have all hung out together, and they are the nicest people. I haven’t even told my parents about them yet because I really don’t think it’s any of their business, and I’m not sure if I should. I think I have a pretty open mind, but I just don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Tia, 23, straight female <tia.larue@mailcity.com>, Raleigh, NC

ANSWER 1:
What exactly are you worried about? Are you afraid you might say the wrong thing? Are you afraid they may try to come onto you? That you may catch them makin’ out? Just because they are gay does not mean you should treat them any differently than any other couple you could have moved in with. There is, however, one important consideration you should keep in mind: That being your dates. You will find there may be two or three kinds of men: 1) Those who are not bothered and couldn’t care less about the sexual nature of your roommates, 2) Those who will be very homophobic to the point where they could pose a problem for you or your roomies, and 3) Those obsessed with getting one or both of your roomies in bed because they think that we (lesbians) are a turn-on for straight guys. My sister is very clear to all the guys who show an interest in her that she has a gay sister and that if they have a problem with it, they can get lost. Some have walked, but they were not worth her time, anyway. Also, keep in mind that if your boyfriend does become obsessed with the sexual nature of your roomies, it is not your roomies fault. I’m not saying you would, but some girls feel it is the fault of the gay person rather than the stright dude who is obsessed. If a problem should arise, just deal with it as you would with any other coupled roomies. And you are right in not telling your parents. It is none of their business, and it is not your place to out your roommates to them. Good luck and relax. Just have fun, study hard … and get good grades!
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Garet, 27, gay woman, St.Petersburg, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
This is a desision you will have to make, however I would like to disagree with the woman from St. Petersburg. I do not believe there is such a thing as a homopobe. Some of us do not believe this is a natural way of life, and neither do we fall for the lies of the liberal scientists. We must make judgment calls on everyone we hang around with. If we hang with thieves, we have a tendency to care a little less for the property of others; if we hang around druggies, we have a tendency to care a little less about the effects of dope. People who say, “I have an open mind” typically just want to be liked by others. I like myself very much, but I can’t condone the acts of homosexuals, abortionists, wife beaters, or druggies. We have to dig inside of ourselves and not worry so much about stepping on someone’s toes. By no means do I condone being mean, but we do not have to tolerate this type of behavior. To me, tolerance is acceptance, and acceptence is condoning.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
G.R.G., 33, male, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I disagree with both responses. Regardless of their sexuality, I question whether it’s in your best interest to move in with a couple unless you’re clearly renting from them. The most important point concerns issues in their relationship affecting the entire household. In addition, each person theoretically has an equal say in all house matters. Do you think this situation would promote that? I don’t, but then I also don’t know you or your potential roommates. However, I think it’s something to take into consideration.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
D. Nichols, gay male, 34, Seattle, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To G.R.G: If there is no such thing as a homophobe, then who is it that beats and kills gay people? I don’t think it’s people who merely don’t condone homosexuality. I find your post, with its condemnation of tolerance, very frightening and anti-Christian, yet most people who think that way try to justify their thinking as somehow mandated by Christianity. The Jesus Iknow from the Bible hung around with thieves and prostitutes, and made a point of extending his love toward those who society deemed unworthy. To me, tolerance does not imply condoning something; it means a “Live and let live” attitude. Do you see how someone could be frightened by your remarks, and be left wondering what exactly you would feel it necessary to do to demonstrate your non-acceptance of homosexuality?
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
S.W., CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Tia, I commend you for wanting to be sensitive. I would advise you to relax and take situations as they come. I always appreciate when my friends are honest with me, saying that they are feeling awkward about a situation and are not sure how to handle it. Then we can talk about it and go from there. I think the same thing would work for you. The mere fact that you are comfortable enough to move in the same house with them indicates you should do OK. Just keep those lines of communication open. And my opinion is that under no circumstances should you out them to anyone (your parents, houseguests, anyone). I know you didn’t ask this as part of your question, but I feel strongly about it so I thought I would throw it in.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Annie, 28, lesbian, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To G.R.G.: It’s a good thing Jesus didn’t share your views on tolerance and acceptance. He’d never have made any headway with Mary Magdalene and all those other so-called “sinners” he tolerated and accepted.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Andrew, 34, straight <ziptron@xoommail.com>, Huntington, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I am a lesbian and have been involved with my partner for four years. While in college, we lived together with a good friend who happened to be straight. The arrangement worked out very well, but I believe it to be more a result of all three of us respecting each other than anything else. You asked what, if anything, you may want to avoid saying or doing that they may find offensive. Other than the obvious (homophobic accusations), my suggestion to you would be to just ask. I have been asked this same question by my family when I first came out to them. I was impressed with their consideration and sensitivity that they would even inquire. I would guess your roommates would be as well.
POSTED DEC. 11, 1998
M.G., 24, lesbian, OR

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I feel it very forward-thinking of you to be concerned about how others feel. If there is any advice I can offer, as a 36-year-old lesbian, it is to respect their privacy concerning their relationship. I wouldn’t consider telling your parents, without consulting the couple on how they feel. It has been my experience that some people look at having gay folk in their lives as a novelty, or trendy. Be wary of these people, as they can make your life and that of the couple you’ll be living with awkward. Keep the doors of communication open between yourselves, and I think you’ll be fine.
POSTED FEB. 16, 1999
Ghaedeigh M., 36, lesbian, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SO88: Does the gay/lesbian community think that Anne Heche is really a homosexual? Because I think Ellen is a great person and I think Heche is using her, or she’s up to no good. Please both heterosexuals and homosexuals respond.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
J. Bennett, 21, straight, Jacksonville, FL

ANSWER 1:
Since the following all happened within a month: 1) Ellen and Anne’s relationship started, 2) Their relationship went public, 3) Ellen’s widely anticipated Coming Out show aired, and 4) Anne’s first big movie Volcano opened, I too was initially very suspicious of Anne’s motivations. I first started to reevaluate when E&A actually made fun of this suspicion. Then I learned that Anne’s father, closeted, died of AIDS and Anne was quoted as saying “Denying your sexuality can kill you.” They’ve now been together for almost two years. I think Anne (and her relationship with Ellen) is for real.
POSTED OCT. 26, 1998
Judy F., 36, bisexual <alexant@juniata.edu>, Huntingdon, PA
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THE QUESTION:
SO87: I am a white, gay, professional 35-year-old male currently living in Philadelphia (Center City). My partner (a physician) and I wish to move to a modestly affluent suburb. I am feeling very vulnerable about leaving the city. How do “straight” people feel when they realize their new neighbors are gay? Do people really care that much? It would help to know.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Joe D., 35, gay male, Philadelphia, PA

ANSWER 1:
Some will hate you with a passion that defies comprehension, some will consider your orientation irrelevant, some will not know what to think. My gay acquaintances tell me that there are well-established networks in the gay/lesbian communities. Check out your neighborhoods before you make a down payment.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Al,straight, 59 <alarose@ncwc.edu>, Rocky Mount, NC

FURTHER NOTICE:
Your neighbors will probably gossip about you initially, but they probably won’t try to run you out of the neighborhood.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Straight white female, 31, Panama City, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I could care less if my neighbors are gay or straight. It would be naive, however, to expect everyone to think that way. One way to get a good read on things is to go house-hunting as a couple. See how the real estate agent, home sellers, etc., react. For what it’s worth, although it’s true suburbs tend to be more conservative than cities, most suburbs are more sophisticated and tolerant than one suspects – particularly in a suburb of a larger city. My own suburb, for example, has an annual gay pride parade.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Andrew, 34, straight suburb dweller <ziptron@xoommail.com>, Huntington, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
We live in a somewhat “redneck” suburb south of Indianapolis, Ind. (Dan Quayle’s home state), are very “out” and have had very few problems in our 13 years here. We’ve made a point to be polite and friendly to all our neighbors, nodding or waving when we see one another taking out trash or whatever. When we see someone doing yard work we offer to lend a tool that might help them, and when we’ve gotten kid books at a book conference we offer them to the parents of the neighbor kids (not to the kids themselves – call it paranoia if you like). When the kids become teenagers and are standing around in groups, we make a point to make eye contact with the ones we know and nod politely. We hug and kiss goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening, hold hands on our neighborhood walks,and don’t hesitate to show we love each other, and have never even been called ugly names. It’s all in behaving as though you have a right to live on the planet, no more or less than your neighbors, we think.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Becky, 55 <bthacker@iupui.edu>, Indianapolis, IN

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
It’s all going to depend on your neighbors. Not all straights are the same, just like not all homosexuals talk with a lisp or vote Democrat. I am a straight, very conservative white male, but some of my best friends are gay, black and/or liberal. The biggest thing your neighbors will care about is how your moving into town will effect their property values. If they think having gay neighbors will lower their values, they’ll treat you the same way they treat other minorities in the same situation. The majority of them will probably realize your sexuality will have no effect on them, and they’ll be cool. Unfortunately, they will probably be wary of letting their children play near your home. The stereotype of the homosexual pedophile is disgustingly prevalent in suburban America. But I’m sure you’ve had to deal with worse. Good luck.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
B., 23, straight white male, Kokomo, IN

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I live in a rural town in Connecticut that has a few established homosexual households. These people are surprisingly well-accepted. I have even heard old-timers say things like “He is as queer as a three-dollar bill, but he pays on time, so I’ll keep working for him.” Moral of the story: You may be grist for the rumor mill, especially at first, but living in Pennsylvania or New England, I think you’ll still be OK leaving the city. Just beware of pockets of religious fanaticism.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Lynda, 28, straight female, CT

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Joe, Since you and your partner are moving to an “affluent” neighborhood, you shouldn’t encounter too many woes. Being that your new neighbors would be mostly successful and medium-well educated (which usually falls in line with being more open-minded), you guys will probably be accepted very well. My partner and I were the first gay couple on our block in a middle-class neighborhood in Houston, where we have been for six years. All of our neighbors absolutely love us, and each of them have told us this personally (in so many words.) There was a period when we were thinking of moving, and some of our neighbors practically begged us not to go. This is probably because they see we are not a “threat” to them, their children or their way of life. As long as you don’t walk down the street with a lisp, I bet everything will be fine. Good Luck!
OCT. 22, 1998
Aaron D., gay male, Houston, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I’m a 25-year-old Japanese woman. I would be very interested if my new neighbor were gay. I would think that I’d love to be their friend, and my life would be more interesting. There is no negative feeling about having a gay neighbor.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
Kanako, Tokyo, Japan

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
Feeling the squeeze of growth in our old neighborhood – made up predominantly of white, Catholic, youthful and highly fertile couples and their families with modest incomes – my partner and I put our suburban house up for sale. When our next-door neighbor pressed us for details about the new homeowners, we informed her they were a black couple. With a look of anxious surprise, she responded: “Ah! More controversial neighbors!” While we were quite friendly with our immediate neighbors (and largely ignored by the rest), this was the first that we had heard that we were controversial.

We have since moved to a more rural setting, expecting more privacy but getting actually far less. It’s regrettable that we’ve experienced more vandalism at the hands of strangers, but where we expected to find bigotry in the folks who live nearby we have found acceptance instead. We have shown ourselves to be good neighbors who work hard to improve the property, and this, we are told, is appreciated by all.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Rex T. 35, “Bachelor Farmer” <rex_tremende@hotmail.com>, Somewhere near Cincinnati , OH
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THE QUESTION:
SO86: I have heard a large number of gay men make disparaging remarks about women’s bodies and genitalia. Is this attitude typical of gay men? Why do gay men who make such comments not think it will offend/hurt women who hear them?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Judy F., 36, bisexual female <alexant@juniata.edu>, Huntingdon, PA

ANSWER 1:
I have many gay male friends and have never heard them make negative comments about women’s bodies. The only comments I have heard are occasional compliments.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Iteki, Irish lesbian 22 <iteki@chickmail.com>, Stockholm, Sweden

FURTHER NOTICE:
I have heard a few gay men make disparaging remarks about women, particularly condescending or dismissive remarks. Most gay men seem much more figure, hair and clothes conscious than most lesbians are. I have heard a few closeted gay men (and women) on occasion voice disapproval of an overtly butch woman’s appearance, which I chalked up to their own desire to conform with straight norms as much as possible to minimize the potential of being outed. The only time I recollect ever hearing a gay man mention women’s genitals was an older gay man referring to some lesbians as “c–ts.” I found this incredibly offensive, although he seemed totally oblivious that he had said anything offensive. At the time it made me wonder whether he was making an effort to somehow be hip when speaking to me, since I was the only lesbian at his party (of gay men and straight men and women). However, he also referred to many of his friends at the party as fags, so in his view it might have been a camp thing. Just the same, I was ticked. But most of the gay men I know either give compliments or say nothing about a woman’s appearance.
POSTED OCT. 22, 1998
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian feminist <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have heard many gay acquaintances make disparaging remarks about women. This is a learned behavior, a type of camp humor with a misogynist edge, which has its origins in the time when “pansies” – male prostitutes – felt themselves to be in competition with women for “real” men, like sailors. The comments are pretty vulgar; I find them a real turn-off. In my experience, gay men who speak in this way are usually rather insecure about their own identity and wouldn’t have the first idea about women, anyway.
POSTED OCT. 27, 1998
Ben S., 30, queer Caucasian male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
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THE QUESTION:
SO85: When is “bi” the right term? How could one tell a military man who proudly calls himself 100 percent straight that his having regular (weekly), frequent (dozens of times) and satisfying (achieving orgasm) sex with a certain gay male friend means he is not straight?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
J.

ANSWER 1:
Within the gay community there are many smaller “groups.” One of these is called “men who have sex with men.” This is basically what it sounds like. Men who identify as heterosexual but who enjoy sex with men. The term is mainly used when defining safer-sex target groups. It has been found that “men who have sex with men” will not take information for gay men or become involved in projects to inform gay men about the necessity of safer sex. The reluctance to identify with gay/bi men may be internalized homophobia, or it may be that they just like sex with men but do not feel any emotional attachment.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Iteki, Irish lesbian, 22 <iteki@chickmail.com>, Stockholm, Sweden

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the important part here is that you mentioned he was military. Under current policies, homosexual activities are proscribed. This would include saying “I am gay.” By stating that he is straight, it protects him from a potential discharge from the military to a limited extent.
POSTED OCT. 29, 1998
Frank, 30, Hispanic <gonzalez1@hauns.com>, Alamogordo, NM
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THE QUESTION:
SO84: To transgendered people: How and when did you first realize you were transgender?
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Lisa <brerio@hotmail.com>, Joliet, IL
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THE QUESTION:
SO83: Why do gay men find mustaches so attractive? Not those little pencil ones, but big handlebar ones. Are they considered more masculine?
POSTED OCT. 17, 1998
Willie P. <WillP@hotmail.com>, Compton, CA
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THE QUESTION:
SO82: I was watching the news today about the young gay man who was murdered in Wyoming. At his funeral a group of anti-gay Christians were gathered holding signs and such in protest of homosexuality. I was raised Christian and for 17 years have had all the morals and beliefs of these God-loving people surround me. But why do Christians sometimes feel as though they have the right to go back on all the values and teachings of their faith (i.e. judge not)? For example, they hate gays because they think being gay is anti-God, but hate itself is anti-God.
POSTED OCT. 17, 1998
Wondering why <ds799@webtv.net>, Jacksonville, FL

ANSWER 1:
I too was very upset by the brutal killing in this case. I am a Christian and have been for several years. I do not like homosexuality nor do I see it as a valid lifestyle. This point is both a personal feeling and a spiritual one. However, my belief does not make me want to kill someone. The Holy Word does not teach hate; it teaches love. I have always felt that the homosexual was looking for something that they could not find. In this case, the taking of a human life was the worst thing that could have happened. People in America, both Christians and non-Christians, had better take a good look at this case and make a choice. The lack of respect for human life is widespread and seems to be getting worse.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Stacey M., 28, white male <sfmmac@juno.com>, Booneville, AR

FURTHER NOTICE:
The people picketing the funeral were from the Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, Kansas. They have a very offensive website that might be worth a visit if you’re curious about seeing how low people can get: http://www.godhatesfags.com. My hunch is that these people probably hate just about everyone who doesn’t think exactly like they do. I’d like to know how they feel about blacks, Hispanics, Jewish people, Asians, Catholics, Mormons, etc. I’d be willing to bet that they would say that all of these people are going to burn in hell also. Sometimes the most vocal anti-homosexual people are people who are trying to deny their own attractions to people of the same sex.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Jim L., atheist, 36, Phoenix , AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a lesbian, I can affirm that some of our staunchest foes are pseudo-Christian. I was born Catholic and don’t remember ever reading that Jesus said, “Love your neighbors, unless they are gay.” My belief is that intolerance stems from ignorance, and a lot of ignorance is the result of lack of exposure to diversity. In other words, if you only hang with people like yourself, you don’t learn as much as someone who experiences other cultures and ways of life. Plus, your clique grows to think it’s the best and only way to be.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Ranebow <ranebow@iname.com>, Butler, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
You are looking for a rational explanation for irrational behavior. Religious fanatics exist in all religions, not just Christianity. Just because someone calls themselves Christian does not mean they live their lives according to Jesus’ example as recorded in the Bible. The Biblical Christ refused to condemn a woman for adultery, even though considering it a sin. He devoted his life to praising God, teaching and helping others. Those arrogant enough to judge and condemn another’s transgressions were told to remove the log in their own eye before trying to remove the splinter in their neighbor’s eye.

Irrational behavior can be caused by physical/chemical causes or by irrational fears and beliefs. The latter are often instilled by childhood events, sometimes not even consciously remembered. While a person’s religious beliefs may include believing that homosexual behavior is a sin, to dedicate your life and that of your adult family to proactively protesting the lives of gay people and their families in the most obnoxious, intrusive ways possible is obsessive/compulsive, homophobic behavior. Such people may also be addicted to the notoriety of media attention that their actions generate.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
DykeOnByke, spiritual non-Christian lesbian <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Great point. If they were protesting anything, it should of been that he was killed for no reason. Remember “Thou shalt not kill”? I never heard anything saying “Thou shalt not be who you are.”
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Chris, 23, Bartlesville, OK

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
God and religion are creations of man. When man created God and religion, they were created to accomplish something for society. Rules and guidelines were established to govern conduct. Rules were made up to suit those who controlled the game. All was written in the Bible, Koran, etc. subject to everyone’s interpretation. Today it is the same way. Each group makes up its own rules. “God” save the Constitution, the Courts and the Police. At least these rules are changed by majority vote. Most hate groups hide behind some religious shield. No real God would accept this behavior.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Les H. <lphfla@aol.com>, Plantation, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I think some Christians hate gay people because they are taught to from the very beginning. Growing up in a Christian home, I experienced that teaching personally. I think it also has to do with fear – i.e. “They don’t do things the way we do, so they must be sinners and we should hate them.” Yeah right. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Matthew 7:1.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
Tiffany <celticcutie@hotmail.com>, Asheville, NC

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I applaud your question. I am a Church of Christ-raised, God-fearing Christian, and I think I can give you an accurate answer: Groups like that are self-righteous hypocrites. Those people believe their hate is justified. They are the plague of Christianity led by a minister of hatred. I do not condone homosexuality. It is a sin. But I certainly do not hate gay people, nor do I look down on them, judge their souls, etc. Those people who protested at that kid’s funeral were clearly doing the devil’s work with Bibles in their hands.
POSTED OCT. 19, 1998
R.B., <romieb@datachan.com>, Amarillo, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I have firsthand knowledge of the Topeka, Kansas, minister who has made a career of gay-bashing. I’m a lifelong Kansan, and my lover of 14 years went to high school with this minister’s kids and even dated his daughter for a while. The stories about life in this minister’s house are shocking. A few years back every major church in Topeka held a public denunciation of this man that was carried on local television. He is a sick individual seeking to build a political career out of selling hatred. He’s been around for years, out waving signs in traffic, and has followers who like to beat people up.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
Daniel J., Topeka, KS

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
It’s always been my belief that, while God may supposedly condemn certain lifestyles or behaviors, it is God and only God who judges people. My thinking is that as long as what someone else is doing does not affect me, I have no reason or right to persecute them.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Dan, 20, male, La Salle, IL
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THE QUESTION:
SO81: To gay men: Do you believe gay men have more sex partners than straight men? If so, is it because gay men have a natural tendency toward multiple partners, or do you believe that heterosexual men would choose as many partners if women gave them the opportunity?
POSTED OCT. 13, 1998
Jary E., <jwearl@cris.com>, Santa Fe, NM

ANSWER 1:
I have thought about this a lot in trying to understand my own promiscuous phases. I’ve observed a greater degree of promiscuity among gay than straight men. Four reasons: 1) As children don’t physically result, there is no need for the relationship to endure and turn into a stable child-rearing environment. 2) Men seem to have a higher libido than women, so left to themselves, they may have created a sexual culture that creates opportunities for sexual contact with more partners. 3) Traditionally, homosexual liaisons were conducted fleetingly and furtively, as straight society would have condemned visible, lasting relationships. 4) Ostracism from the dominant straight society seems to have created low self-esteem in some gay men, which may result in promiscuity. Many gay men just don’t expect their relationships to last. Thankfully, it seems more gay men see other choices, and the stereotype may be in decline.
POSTED OCT. 14, 1998
Ben S., 30, queer Caucasian male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia

FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not think gay men have more sex partners than straight men. In general I think straight men start having sex earlier than gay men because of the whole issue of coming out (it’s socially accepted for young teenage boys to “explore” their sexuality … as long as they’re straight). Perhaps when gay men finally come out and move away from home, they, like their straight counterparts, may revel in their sexual freedom. As with straight men, this phase soon passes and other things become more important, like a significant other, friends, family, career, whatever.
POSTED NOV. 3, 1998
Tony W., 36, gay black male <tonyway@yahoo.com>, San Francisco, CA

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