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Sexual Orientation Questions 111-120

THE QUESTION:
SO120: I really enjoy being with other women, but I find that this behavior is sometimes unacceptable to others. To people who are offended by this: What is it, specifically, that offends you about a woman loving another woman, or makes you feel uncomfortable?
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Female, 24 <aogden@hotmail.com>, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
SO119: Is there any way to make up for having taken part in gay bashing many years ago, short of turning myself in?
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Anonymous

ANSWER 1:
Many people gay-bash out of fear, lack of understanding and often to cover their deep-seated fears that they too have these leanings (the desire to be with the same sex.) Often those with the most desire to gay-bash are latent homosexuals in denial of their own desires, sexually. They bash as if to say, “I am different and I don’t like you.” But it’s usually out of fear of their own sexuality that they don’t want to face. Therefore, homosexuals are really bashing their own. It’s time to either face and look at your own sexual desires and deal with this question, or vow no longer to hurt others, by words or physical actions. If you feel that you are not hiding from looking at your own homosexual tendencies, then you can do something else to handle the problem of past gay-bashing: Work to end the oppression. Join an organization that works toward ending the oppression of the gay/lesbian person, and be a “Straight but not narrow” person who helps end oppression. And certainly don’t engage in further gay-bashing, and stay away from those who do. Changing you is changing society and being a positive person. Even asking the question shows you care about how you act toward others and want to change the behavior. Good for you.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Diane P., female, Northern California

FURTHER NOTICE:
If you know who the person was, or if the crime was reported to the police, you might first try making direct reparations to your victim for their financial losses (medical bills, lost work, counseling, etc.) This could be done anonymously with a letter asking their forgiveness, and could go a long way to helping your victim in their own recovery. The financial hardship to you will be nothing compared to the physical, emotional and financial pain your victim went through.

Besides donating time and money to numerous worthy gay and lesbian causes that I’m sure many others will mention, you might try the following: A) Volunteer to work with a Victims’ Reparation program, particularly in regard to gay-bashing incidents or other hate crimes. This will give you a much stronger appreciation for what your victim went through. B) Lobby for inclusion of “sexual orientation” in hate crime bills and civil rights protections in your state, town, company, etc. Write your state senator and representative. Testify before the legislature. Write an editorial for your local newspapers, both mainstream and gay. Let your voice be heard. Become an active ally. C) If this was a group attack, contact those who participated with you and let them know your change of heart. Ask if they would be willing to help in your recovery process or begin one of their own by making voluntary reprarations for past crimes.

While nothing will completely mend shattered lives, I commend your efforts to try to rectify past wrongs.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
DykeOnByke, 48, lesbian <DykeOnByke@aol.com>, Southfield , MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I suppose it depends on whether you know who you bashed – you could make amends to them personally . If you don’t, you might consider helping out if you see a gay person being harassed. These are both more positive responses than turning yourself in, which probably won’t help anyone – obviously you are suffering for your wrongdoing already.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Ben S., queer Caucasian male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Volunteer in one of the neighborhood watch groups that exist in most cities that patrol gay neighborhoods to prevent bashings. If none exist, volunteer for community service in one of the gay/lesbian organizations in your area. Above all, challenge others around you to stop if you see them slipping toward hate – in word or deed.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Michael, 37, gay white male <txmichael@worldnet.att.net>, Houston , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Check your local phone business directory for the local chapter of Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Call them and tell them you would like to make a donation. If you want to do more, you could offer to attend a meeting and tell about your experience and why you now feel it was wrong. You don’t need to give any incriminating details. PFLAG people are among the most loving and friendly on the planet. You need fear no harm. Good luck and God bless you for your change of heart (perhaps she already has!)
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Lewis T., 52 <lthom3@aol.com>, Grosse Pointe, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
No. I suggest you take personal responsibility for your actions. You cannot assuage your guilt by making a monetary donation to a cause. Face up to what you did, apologize sincerely and accept the consequences of your actions.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Dan H., 35 <dnh6n@virginia.edu>, Charlottesville, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The primary point is that you recognize what you did wrong. As to any action you take now, that’s something neither I nor anyone else can truly answer for you. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I’d think about what I would say to my child if they came to me with this question. It depends on the severity of the action. Is it something you can remedy today with action? Or would the action just bring up old wounds and not bring closure to you or the other person? I have a friend who volunteers weekly with an AIDS support group. During a lunch discussion, she shared with me her reason for doing the work. She kept her sister’s best friend from getting a job he wanted because he was gay. She felt he had no business working with kids. In later years, she discovered how irrational her actions were. But he had moved, had a good job and she hadn’t spoken to him in years. This is her way of acquiring the closure she needs for her actions. It’s really up to you. But, I think you’v matured by just asking this question.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Alma,white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Be an activist. Support your local community center. Speak out against homophobia and heterosexism. Offer to speak to young gay groups, etc. And stop beating yourself up. It is quite typical, although wrong, to gay-bash to protect yourself from society’s hatred of gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer people. Please, get into therapy, with a reputable therapist, so you can go on. It’s OK.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Sheila, 49, lesbian, g/l/b/t/q youth director <Hopeteens@aol.com>, W. Palm Beach , FL

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
The most productive act of contrition would be to make your change of heart work for a better environment for all of us, free from hate of any kind. Specifically, be supportive of gays’ and lesbians’ right to live free of hate and prejudice. Join a local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). But most importantly, take every opportunity to share your change of heart. A lot of people need to hear a voice of reason that begins with “I used to feel that way, but then….” Hate and prejudice are born of fear and survive only in ignorance.
POSTED JAN. 21, 1999
Harry <Ustreet@aol.com>, Washington , DC

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Instead of joining pro-homosexual groups, you could join groups that help gays and lesbians realize the error of their ways. In lashing out at gays by “gay-bashing,” you used violence, which was obviously not appropriate. There are groups that help homosexuals change their lifestyle and move away from their unnatural and sinful ways in a non-violent and peaceful way. This may be an option, too. You do not have to accept another person’s lifestyle, no matter what our secular and hedonistic society would like you to believe. But because you do not accept someone’s lifestyle does not mean you can use violence to attack it. Try a more peaceful means.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
Pete, male, Toledo, OH

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
I agree with Further Notice 5. I applaud you in your efforts to do something, but this is not about alleviating your guilt. It’s about the victim. How did this experience affect their life? Take responsibility for what happened by returning and confessing to the victim and/or local authorities. Remember, you’ve gone on with your life, but you don’t know what this has done to the victim. You have to face the consequences. Bashing is a violent and abusive crime (like rape) that cannot be repaired through volunteering and donations.
POSTED JAN. 27, 1999
D.N., Seattle, WA
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THE QUESTION:
SO118: I have always wondered why straight men sometimes seem to stare at my chest (I’m in good shape), in the same manner they might check out a woman’s breasts. I am not bothered by it but am curious.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Rod O., 35, gay male, Atlanta, GA
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THE QUESTION:

SO117: In giving a speech at school about tolerance of gay and lesbian people, I mentioned that the importance of bringing an end to homophobia was equal to the importance of bringing an end to racism. Afterward an African-American Catholic girl approached me and said she did ot like being compared to gay people, because “you can choose, and we cannot.” I tried to explain to her about how we can’t choose, and how tolerance was still equally important, but I did not want to bash her religion. What should I do in such an instance?
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Emily, 14, lesbian <fauxscully@aol.com>, New Haven, CT

ANSWER 1:
I woulld explain that the vast majority of people do not choose their sexual orientation. Heterosexuals who believe gay people choose their sexuality don’t know what they’re talking about. Not being gay, how could they? You might ask such people if they can remember when they “chose” to be straight. Also, it’s incredibly insulting for some straights to insist that homosexuality is a choice when most gay people tell them it isn’t. By not taking our word about what we feel, they basically brand us liars. Interesting that your questioner was Catholic. You might have told her that although Catholic doctrine insists that same-sex acts are sinful, it also clearly recognizes that homosexual orientation is not chosen (see the American bishops letter of last year on this subject).

Ultimately, “choice” is not the main issue. You could have also reminded her that although she didn’t choose her race, her religious beliefs clearly are a choice. Remind her that Catholics have often been persecuted in this country, and that there are laws to protect people from being discriminated against because of their faith. As a gay man and an agnostic, I don’t care much for traditional religion, but I support these laws. I think it’s wrong to fire, evict or beat somebody up because of their religion, even if that religion includes beliefs about homosexuality that I find profoundly offensive and degrading. By the same token, you don’t have to be gay and can even believe homosexuality is a sin and still believe gay people should be accorded the same rights and dignity as everyone else. Tolerance is not about the obliteration of differences. It’s about learing to live with them.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Robert L., 31, gay male, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think you did the right thing. All you can do is explain the facts of sexual orientation. Her religion is irrelevant to that. If she listens, good for her. If she won’t, you’ve done what you can.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Andrew, 35, straight <ziptron@start.com.au>, Huntington, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Homophobia, anti-Semitism and anti-black/Native American/female (or male)/elderly/Hispanic behavior is based on one factor: Something that makes a person “different.” The reason some black Americans don’t like being “compared” to gays is, from my experience, based on lack of education. Many blacks are raised in a strong fundamentalist Christian enviroment, where homosexuals are defined as perverts. I find this amazing, since I researched state and federal child protection data and found that more than 90 percent of child abuse cases are by male heterosexuals who are family members. The young lady you spoke to also had misinformation in another area. I cannot “choose” my sexual orientation. Do you think I would choose a “lifestyle” that would get me physically assaulted, denied a job, spit at and labled a criminal? The black Americans I have come to regard as friends have had to know me for a while before they figured out that their prior ideas were not correct. What you do need to understand is that for many black Americans, religion has been their only source of support. It certainly has not been the U.S. government. But some of those religious beliefs foster, instead of prevent, discrimination, and that is something that will take time to correct. What you are witnessing is evolution in progress. I think the NAACP, LULAC and the American gay community need to get together and form a National Minority Coalition.
POSTED JAN. 19, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I actually agree with the little girl, but not for the same reason (regarding choice). Race, in most cases, can be determined by looking at someone. Their sexuality cannot. As a black gay male, I’ve found myself looking at the similarities and differences between racism and homophobia. The one fundamental difference is that you can hide your sexuality, but you can’t hide your race. This was brought to life some years ago when a manager told me in casual conversation that he’d never hire anyone who was gay. So I asked him how he’d know if someone was gay. Of course, he had no credible answer. Had he used the word “black” instead of “gay,” I would not be relating this experience.
POSTED JAN. 29, 1999
D.N., 35, black gay male, Seattle , WA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Alma: How dare you (as a Caucasian) even begin to speak for “black Americans” about their values, beliefs and education (or lack thereof).

First of all, I am a black gay male and (more than likely) associate with more straight black people than you have ever seen in your life. I could hold in the palm of my hand the number of “fundamentalist Christian” black people I know, and furthermore, most of them don’t care who is gay or straight (as long as they are good people) and don’t generally view gay people as “perverts.” The real problem is that black people have a serious history issue in this country and don’t feel thatanyone can know the pain and suffering that was forced upon us. The fact that this issue is belittled by comments like “get over it, I didn’t do that to you” makes it that much more enraging (this is not to say you made those comments). The “gay people’s fight” is felt to be different from the fight black people are in, as gay people weren’t fighting for black rights “back in the day.” Even though some think it is the same fight for equality, it isn’t.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1999
Kyle, 30, gay black male <kyllr2v231@aol.com>, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To Kyle: I “dare” and will continue to “dare” for the same reason you do: My rights under the Constitution to free speech. And neither you nor anyone else, gay or straight, black or white, will ever take that away from me. Every minority in this nation has a common factor: We have been treated badly because of something that makes us different. It is for that reason that we need to band together as a minority coalition to establish national hate crimes legislation to combat discrimination. No one minority has priority “victim” status in this country. This “I’m the most oppressed” attitude is preventing blacks, gays, Jews, Hispanics, etc. from combining our efforts to work for equality for all.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner, TX
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THE QUESTION:
SO116: Do gay men really perceive themselves as being either “bottoms” or “tops”? If so, what’s the criteria?
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
Cliff R., 33, straight male, Tallahassee, FL

ANSWER 1:
“Top” and “bottom” – the latter being the receptive role in sex – are also occasionally referred to as “Greek active” and “Greek passive,” respectively. Similar delineations apply to oral sex: If a man identifies himself as “French active,” it means he enjoys performing oral sex, whereas a man who enjoys receiving oral sex would be called “French passive.” If a man identifies himself as being “versatile,” it means he enjoys any or all of these various roles. Exactly what causes men, or for that matter women, to enjoy any one sexual position or role over another is anyone’s guess. I doubt if it has anything to do with masculinity or one’s desire to dominate another person. It’s probably as complicated as one’s own aesthetic sense. It is part of what makes all of us uniquely human. As for myself, I would say simply that I enjoy pleasuring and being pleasured, and I think there is something joyful and powerful about good old-fashioned mansex.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Chuck A., male <PolishBear@aol.com>, Spring Hill, WV

FURTHER NOTICE:
Some gay men do perceive themselves as being a total “top” or “bottom.” Most don’t, in my experience. Some who do will quickly change that view after experience with a more “versatile” partner. It is also interesting that many of us like to commodify themselves by so describing ourselves.
POSTED JAN. 20, 1999
Ben S., gay male <bscaro@hotmail.com>, Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
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THE QUESTION:
SO115: Is it possible for animals such as dogs, lions, horses, etc. to be homosexual and avoid their natural instincts to procreate in the wild?
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Stuart <damn_strait@hotmail.com>, Australia

ANSWER 1:
I think there hasn’t been a whole lot of research in this area, but I am aware that at least some animals have sex simply for the sake of pleasure, specifically bonobos (a type of ape). Bonobos masturbate and are essentially bisexual, using sexual activities to smooth out the tensions in the troop. The cool part is that it discounts the “logic” that bisexuality isn’t real and that sex for pleasure isn’t natural. I say “ha”!
POSTED FEB. 5, 1999
Jezebel R., 31, bisexual <jezebelring@hotmail.com>, Duluth, MN

FURTHER NOTICE:
Actually, homosexuality exists in every species of animal. It is also important to realize that animals do not make the connection between having heterosexual intercourse and giving birth. Indeed, humans have only recently figured this out, and some cultures haven’t known it for very long. For instance, the Apostle Paul lived in a society that thought sexual reproduction was achieved by a man “planting” his seed in a woman, and that she was just the vessel for his progeny.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jim <Jimdcs@aol.com>, Rochester , NY
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THE QUESTION:
SO114: What do you think is the origin of homosexuality?
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Yael B. 14, (heterosexual) <xyz_il@yahoo.com>, Beer-Seva, Israel

ANSWER 1:
It all comes down to how you view homosexuality. I consider one’s sexual orientation genetically based. That being said, I do not think we can say how that genetic trait became part of the human genetic code, just as we cannot say how the gene for red hair or left-handedness came into the mix.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford , NJ

FURTHER NOTICE:
I feel strongly that humans have brought only destruction to our planet, and that nature (or God, or whomever) has begun to make more people homosexual to try to introduce a slow end to reproduction, thus bringing extinction. I am fully aware that homosexuals have existed since before Christ. I can counter that only by saying that 3,000 years is not a very long time for a species to exist (I believe history can only travel that far and still find homosexuals). Over time, according to my theory, more people will find themselves gay. Whether we will continue to reproduce beyond that I can’t decide.
POSTED JAN. 18, 1999
Emily, 13, lesbian female <fauxscully@aol.com>, New Haven, CT

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Given that homosexuality is practiced by many, if not most mammals, it fits into that category of normal behavior. Not necessarily normal for the majority but rather normal for the a minority of members of a species. What underlies this behavior is most likely genetics and/or placental hormone levels, but that is to be determined. Meanwhile, those who cloak themselves in religion as a cover for their insecurities and their bigoted prejudices will continue to be abusive to those who are different from themselves.
POSTED JAN. 28, 1999
Daniel M., white heterosexual male <dmorgan@exesolutions.com>, Mercer Island, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I can’t comment on nature or God introducing a slow end to reproduction, but as a gay man who often questions his existence, I can offer some other hypotheses.

It seems as though the main argument relating to homosexuality is “You are born with it” vs. “it is a choice.” Anyone with any sense knows that no one would choose to be gay. I don’t understand how one could be “born gay,” but I cannot say it is not possible. I don’t understand gay people who say “I knew I was different when I was five.” No one knows anything when they are five, especially regarding their sexuality. I am a firm believer in the power of psychological conditioning, and I believe most gay people are so because of the environment they grew up in. I believe I am gay because my mother was the figure I was closest to and most dependent on as I was growing up. My father is a wonderful man, but I didn’t connect with him in the typical masculine father/son way, and because of that, he has always been sort of distant. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to me that I am gay.

My first memory of noticing men is when I was in the sixth grade. I have, however, become interested in a new theory that homosexuality is related to the amount of testosterone in the mother’s system while the fetus is developing. I believe it is possible that this chemical difference can determine one’s sexuality. But I pretty much believe that everyone is born bisexual, and that environmental and upbringing factors determine which way one will lean. The most important point I can make, though, is not to dwell on what made you this way. When I was coming out to myself, I eventually realized it would not help me to try and figure out what made me gay, but that I should accept that I am this way and that it is part of who I am. It has made all the difference, and I am perfectly content with who I am as a person.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
F. Mann , gay male, <Dr_aftershave@hotmail.com>, Raleigh , NC

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Predominantly, I believe it’s genetic. Twins studies have shown genetics play a part in everything from color preference to political leanings. (I can’t buy the “distant father/strong mother” theory because that wasn’t the case in my family.) Sexuality is something innate in all advanced life on this planet, so if you believe in a Creator, then I guess you’d have to conclude God is the originator of homosexuality – which doesn’t invalidate the scientific view in the least.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Michael, 37, gay white male, relaxed Methodist <txmichael@worldnet.att.net>,Houston , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I disagree with people who say that because they identify with their mother, that they are gay. When I was growing up, I did not want to become like my father. I identified with mother. That has molded my character to be more emotional and caring, but not to make me homosexual. I find women easier to talk to, and enjoy their company more.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Ronald V., 46, male, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
SO113: Why does it seem that so many gay males are involved in theater, dance or the arts? When younger, I always believed this was a horrible stereotype, which I still essentially believe. But I have always been into theater and dance, and since I was 13, I have known I was gay. Are homosexuals attracted to this field, or does this field attract homosexuals? I know the majority of homosexuals work in other fields; I am just wondering why so many are into “the arts.”
POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
Broadway Bound (I need to use a nickname because I am not out to anyone), 15, gay, MI

ANSWER 1:
I believe gays are attracted to the arts, and so, the arts attract gays. For a year and a half, I worked in the corporate field. People were homophobic and would call each other homos or homo-ners in that punch-in-the-arm-ya-big-lug kind of way. They would say, “My last boss was gay, and he didn’t even try to hide it!” They all lived in the suburbs, and had cookie-cutter lives. I was an art major and went to work for an art museum and a theater. Their staff was about a quarter gay, and those who were gay were open, and those who weren’t were accepting. You will find this in almost all arts organizations, so I think the gay-friendly atmosphere encourages gays with artistic talent to pursue it. Perhaps because gays are not afraid to do things that “real men” would consider effeminate, you have a high number of gay men who can dance, sing, act and draw. Although it does make me cringe when I hear the stereotype, the last time I was in a gay bar, it was karoake night, and instead of painfully bad singers, it was like watching people audition for Rent. It was truly amazing. So, a word of warning: You’re going to have a lot of competition. Break a leg.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Craig, 35, gay, <cmorris@loft.org>, Minneapolis, MN

FURTHER NOTICE:
A horrible stereotype to realize that homosexuality and artstic gifts are linked? I wouldn’t call it that at all. I would say that you are simply noticing reality. More than 90 percent of church organists are gay. It’s not a stereotype, it’s just that these things are linked. Straight men are out there building it, and we are out there designing and decorating it! It’s balance, and we need each other. We are all just different parts of one body, so if the head despises the feet, it will be suprised to see how far it can travel without them. It is also true that although 10 percent of the population is left handed, left handedness is far more common in gay men. I wish I had the reference but I’ve lost the copy I had. I’m not offended to learn that I’m sensitive, artistic, musical, spiritual and homosexual. I’m proud of it.
POSTED FEB. 10, 1999
Jim, gay male <Jimdcs@aol.com>, Rochester, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jim, that’s a crock. I am out there building the churches also, and so are a lot of my gay friends, and we love it. I am not a decorator, dancer or designer. Not all, or even most, gay men are “artistic.” I hate those stereotypes.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1999
Kyle, 30, gay black male <kyllr2v231@aol.com>, Snan Francisco, CA
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THE QUESTION:
SO112: This is specifically for people who oppose homosexuality: Why do you place so much weight on the subject of homosexuality as being sinful, even though chapters in Leviticus in the Bible say that shaving hair on the side of your face is wrong, planting two different kinds of seed in the same field is wrong and wearing cloth made of two different kinds of materials is equally wrong? Also, it seems to me that adultery is quite a high moral wrong, since it is mentioned in one of the ten commandments, but adulterers attend church and get divorced and remarried even within the most accusatory groups, and no one seems to dwell on that fact.

POSTED DEC. 28, 1998
C.R., IA

ANSWER 1:
Adultery is morally wrong and deserves just as much criticism as homosexuality. Homosexuality may get more attention than these other wrongs because it disgusts people more in a moral and physical sense and not just a moral sense. The physical makeup of humans is not conducive to physical same-sex relationships. This is obvious. You can say it’s not all about sex, but that is what everyone thinks about and gets disgusted by. I suggest in the future that you try not to find validation in the Bible for a homosexual lifestyle. Anyone can take a few lines out of context from the Bible and make them sound favorable to their cause, as you have shown. I think you know deep down, as well as many others, that the Bible does not endorse such a lifestyle. If you need validation for this lifestyle, you will have to look elsewhere. The Bible also does not endorse or validate adultery. Both of these sins should be treated with the same disdain. Whether you like it or not, homosexuality will remain a huge target for criticism. I feel the disgust, disease and unnatural physical acts that surround homosexuality will cause people to speak out and fight this sin with more vigor.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
B.G., Cincinnati, OH

FURTHER NOTICE:
To C.R.: Good point. Peter Gomes is pastor to Harvard University and has an excellent discussion about the Bible and homosexuality in his book The Good Book. He also discusses how the Bible has been similarly used to justify slavery and oppression of women. His consistent point is that you should focus on the broader themes in the Bible (love your neighbor, etc.) and not get hung up on the details (don’t eat anything from a pig, etc.). Often the details are misunderstood as well – some verses commonly taken to condemn gays in general are actually referring to gay prostitutes. Gomes has a new book out now, an anthology of his sermons, and has been on the talk show circuit.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
B. Hale, straight <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford CT

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Do you also happen to notice how these same individuals will protest a film or television program for treating homosexuality in a realistic way, but they ignore all of the films with endless killing and other such violence, despite the fact that “Thou shalt not kill” is one of the more obvious commandments? The answer is, these people are hypocrites. Most of these fundamentalist types are spurred on by church leaders who have more political agendas than spiritual ones. I have also noticed that Christianity, in general, works better when “under siege.” So what do these types do? They pick a few groups that can be easily targeted as sinners and act as though the Christian way of life is being threatened by those same “sinners.”
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Please don’t tell me the religious aspect is the basis for this argument. First, not everyone who attends church is a good person. Second, and what really bothers me about this question, is the fact that everything you stated in your question has no context. You can put those statements anywhere and they don’t mean anything without something before and after. I can not quote the Bible to you by book, chapter and verse. I do not go to church every Sunday. The important thing is that I am a good person. I do not steal, kill, commit adultery or pass judgment. I choose how to lead my life, just as you choose to lead your life. My lifestyle is not one of a homosexual nature, and I do not believe that it gives me the right to judge how anyone else leads theirs. That includes homosexual, straight, Catholic, rich, poor, etc.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Kristinna, female, 29 <Babs127@aol.com>, Buffalo , NY

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
The Old Testament has a number of directives more commonly known as the Mosaic Laws. Scholars debate their application on a daily basis. However, a common mistake I find that homosexuals make is that they tend to point to other “sins” as if that somehow negates their own. Your question mentions “adulterers.” If a man murders but does not steal, he has nonetheless killed and therefore sinned. He has but committed a different sin. While he is not a thief, he is a murderer. Homosexuals should not point to other sins as vindication. God is very clear on the issue of homosexuality:; please see Lev 18:22, I Kings 14:24, Lev 20:13, Romans 1:24,26,27, Gen 13-19.
POSTED DEC. 30, 1998
Pastor M.B., 30, Clearwater , FL

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Using the Bible to justify homophobia follows the same pattern as using it to justify slavery. I agree, homosexuals need not point to other “sins” for comparison – because homosexuality is not a sin. How do I know? Every reference to the “sin” of homosexuality in the Bible is made by a human being, not Jesus (who said nothing about homosexuals) and not God. Oh, and one other little tiny shred of proof.: Not one of the Ten Commandants has “unless you’re gay” attached to them. The reason gay issues are getting more attention now is that gays are no longer tolerating the bigotry directed against them. The other point is many Americans are discovering that using the Bible as justifcation for action or inaction against another American is not going to cut it anymore. Quoting anti-gay, female, black scripture (all of which resides in the Bible) is wrong, period. It can be quoted, justified, discussed and argued all day long. The bottom line is fair-minded Americans (who are the majority) know that equality means all Americans.
POSTED JAN. 5, 1999
Alma, methodist, Gay American <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner, TX
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THE QUESTION:
SO111: Why do gay men in the United States or United Kingdom look as if they are straight? I mean, in the Philippines we have drag queens everywhere…
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Vic, 19, Asian male, Puerto Princes, Palawan, The Philippines

ANSWER 1:
Men’s desire for sex with other men shows up in every culture, but how that is expressed seems to be influenced strongly by culture. Nearly everywhere, gay men have at least some association with feminine characteristics (we’ve got drag queens, too). But some cultures seem to imagine that the two are actually the same; that is, if you’re gay, then you automatically look/act/feel like a woman. Two things happen in those cultures: 1) Gay men learn to fit the stereotype. They learn to act – and often to think of themselves – like women. 2) Straight people – and some gays – never notice the gays who don’t fit the stereotype. I don’t know, since I’ve never been there, but maybe there are straight-acting gay men in the Phillipines, but they blend in and don’t draw attention to themselves. In the United States, the less-flamboyant gays are making a lot of noise and being very visible. As gays become more self-defining, and as women push for closer examination of sex roles, cultures get more sophisticated about the difference between sexual orientation and sex-role stereotype.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Will H., gay male, 48 <tccwill@flash.net>, Dallas, TX

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