Race/Ethnicity Questions 321-330

THE QUESTION:
R330: Is it true that when fighting, Asian and Mexican gangs more often get “everyone” to jump someone, instead of doing it one-on-one? If so, why is this?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
White male, 14, Garden Grove , CA

ANSWER 1:
I think it depends on the courage of the person more than their ethnicity. I have often seen Mexican gang members fight and win when outnumbered. I have seen groups of eight to 10 white fraternity members run from only one or two people. The most cowardly people I have seen are white racist skinheads who fight only when there are at least 10 of them to one of you. Sometimes people join gangs out of fear because they really can’t fight that well themselves. But some gang members are the scariest and most dangerous people you hope you never have to fight. This is true regardless of their color.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
A.C.C., 32, Mexican, former gang member, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R329: It’s my feeling that Argentineans are arrogant, on a cultural and personal level. Is this unique to that country, or is it a choice in behavior and thought of other Latin American people?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
ProteusJG, ProteusJG@aol.com, San Francisco, CA

ANSWER 1:
I am not Argentinian but have friends from South America. Remember Argentina’s culture: Mostly European background (of Caucasian persuasion), many of whom immigrated there in the early part of the century. This little item is what attracted the Nazis to Argentina. The continental neighbors of Argentina are either of Indian or African descent (Brazil). I don’t have to tell you that the American majority does not have a monopoly on racism. The “R” word is everywhere, even in tango-loving Argentina. Those folks think of themselves more as European and have a lesser connection to their geographical roots. Are they snooty? In my opinion, yes.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Black chick with an opinion, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
The arrogance you’ve experienced probably doesn’t have to to do with the person being from Argentina but from the social class the individual is from. In Latin America, the gap between the wealthy and middle class is very large. The wealthy are used to having extreme privilege, never having to wait in a line, good education (education isn’t free in most Latin American countries), lots of servants, the ability to “buy” politicians, lots of personal power, etc. Arrogance is part of the package. Also, bloodlines are very important to Hispanics – the more European blood, the more “superior” you are judged to be. This is a result of Spanish colonial , where “mestizos” (mixed race) had fewer legal rights than Europeans. More than 80 percent of Argentinians have European ancestry. The average Argentinian can’t afford to come to the United States, so if you meet one, he/she must come from a wealthy family.
POSTED JUNE 30, 1998
Magali, 40, Hispanic American <magalil@aol.com>, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I’m from a region in Brazil that receives many Argentine tourists in summers, many who are wealthy. Many are arrogant, treat us and the country as exotic and primitive, and treat us blacks as though we were animals in a zoo or safari. They have a tendency to think, as a popular Argentine saying goes, that they’re “Europeans born in South America by God’s mistake.” However, white, middle-class Brazilian immigrants in the United States have the same attitude. They, as well as the Argentines I described above, are not representative of Brazilian or Argentine cultures; they are people who could afford $1,500 tickets to come to this country. What they represent, most likely, is the racist, conservative elite we have in Latin America. Please give a second try and you’ll most likely find pleasant, well-mannered Argentines in no time. By the way, tango, Argentina’s most treasured export, has African origins.
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
Daniel B., 21, black Brazilian <masylia@slip.net>, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have known some Argentinians and never thought they were arrogant. Outspoken in their beliefs maybe, but that is not a bad thing. One of the sweetest co-workers I ever worked with was Argentinian, and she was a very caring person who would give up her lunch to someone hungry on the streets because she cared. She was quite rooted in her Latin background as well. I think you will find, like anywhere else, some are and some are not. Maybe it is an individual thing rather than a cultural thing.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Cindy <Cindy@mail.voyager.com>, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R328: I work in retail. I’m curious to know why many Iranian customers seem comfortable buying clothing and jewelry, wearing it and then returning it.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Shawn H., 30, white female, Los Angeles
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THE QUESTION:
R327: What is the proper term for a white person in America who was born in Africa? Should that person be called an African American?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
S. Bryant, 2eagles@widomaker.com, Virginia Beach, VA

ANSWER 1:
The term “African American” is about ethnicity, not mere geography. So unless the person in question was for some reason unaware of what specific nation or ethnic group they were from, regardless if the person were black or white, I would refer to their specific nationality or ethnicity.

As you are probably aware, the ancestors of American blacks captured and brought to the Americas were from differing West African regions and ethnic groups. Once in America, part of the conditioning process for African slaves was to forbid them, as much as possible, from practicing their native cultures and customs. The result has been that American blacks don’t know which specific African ethnic group they descended from. This is why many blacks, when referring to their ethnicity, call themselves African American.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Jay B., black male <jayboyd@ameritech.net>, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
Perhaps I’m oversimplifying, but my guess would be that: 1) If the person is a citizen of Africa, they would be considered African. 2) If the person is a citizen of America, they would be considered American. 3) If the person held dual citizenship, they could be called African American or American African.
POSTED JUNE 28., 1998
John H., 25, white male, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think you’ll find that people born in Africa will identify themselves a lot more with the country they are from than the continent. Thus, they could be either Egyptian, Egyptian American, Rwandan, Rwandan American, etc. African American is seen (by people outside of America at least) to refer to black Americans of African extraction who, as Jay B. has said, do not know the nature of the tribe or country from which their ancestors originally came.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Agrivaine <agrivaine@yahoo.com>, Dublin, Ireland
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THE QUESTION:
R326: Living in Los Angeles, I’ve noticed many white/Asian couples. Why does it seem that white men usually seem to be with unattractive Asian women? Is it just the exotic factor that they’re after?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Twentysomething, San Gabriel, CA

ANSWER 1:
I think you may just be picking out certain couples. Here in Hawaii, we have many racially mixed couples, and there are just as many “attractive” couples as there are “unattractive.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. These people may have something really special between them, and it is not for us to judge.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Valerie, 30, white, Honolulu , HI

FURTHER NOTICE:
Interestingly enough, I’ve always felt it was attractive Asian women with unattractive white men. Regardless, I think there’s a dual effect going on. First, many of these white men have apparently bought into American society’s treatment of Asian women as exotic, submissive, obedient creatures, an image cultivated by the mass media (like everything else). Movies that deal with the Vietnam or Korean wars come to mind, where saucy “oriental” hookers wear skimpy outfits and try to get business from American GIs.

The second effect is simply that of Asian women buying into American society itself, in which the dominant race (white) is the de facto standard by which other races are judged. In this racial paradigm, the attractiveness of other races is measured by how “white” they look. (If in doubt, think of most non-white models – do they tend to exhibit facial characteristics that lean closer to white, or to their own racial group? In other words, will a model with extremely thick lips, a flat nose and nappy hair ever become a smash hit in America?) I’m not placing a value judgment on this situation, I’m only making an observation. Anyway, to conclude this second effect, many Asian women are attracted to white men because the latter are the pinnacle of attainment in this society. Black men are considered “taboo,” while Asian men are asexual computer geeks or martial arts experts (think Mr. Miyagi from theKarate Kid or that Indian guy from the movie Short Circuit).
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Ray, 24, Asian <yangban@erols.com>, Washington, DC

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a European engaged to an Asian American, I find most attraction is based on personality. While I find my fiancee physically attractive, I fell in love with her honesty, outward shyness and faithfulness. Many European females seem to “look down” on guys these days, something I have never encountered with Asian females.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
T. Rameth, 22 <rameth@hotmail.com>, San Leandro, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a white man and in many people’s opinion not unattractive. I date an Asian woman and don’t feel there is any other reason that I date her than that she is a good person. I have dated many other women ranging in ethnic background from Hispanic to African American to white, and race had nothing to do with anything. The one quality they all had is that they treated me with respect, and I treated them with the same.
P.C., 28, male <PJCPAC@MSN.com>, Honolulu, HI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I’m a white female in a long-term relationship with a half-white, half-Asian man (his biological father is Hawaiian and his mother was German). His ethnicity appeals to me, but that is not why I love him. He is the sweetest guy I have ever met. I think there is always an attraction to dating those not of your race, but the color of the person shouldn’t be the only thing you like about them.
POSTED AUG. 10, 1998
Beth S., 18,white <Bebs17@aol.com>, Bernville, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I grew up in Northern California and lived in Hawaii about a year. If one is to consider how many people identify themselves as mixed race, one will find that Hawaii is one of the few places in the United States where people are unafraid to identify themselves as mixed race. The funny thing is the term “race” itself. The American Anthropological Association acknowledges that the concept of race itself is dubious and not based in science (see their web page). It is therefore a matter of ethnicity. And people throughout history have defied what their society has set up as taboo by crossing ethnic lines for love, friendship, business, cooperation or whatever. Perhaps the questioner should ask herself, “Is it possible that these people I see as ‘interracial couples’ have actually realized a certain ‘colorblindness’ or at least abandoned the idea of conformity to ethnic purity standards?”
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Rex D. <misterdillon@yahoo.com>, San Jose, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Since befriending and marrying an Asian woman whom I met in Hawaii 10 years ago, it has become keenly aware to me how ignorant Americans and Canadians are regarding Asia in general. The stereotypes cited here are typical and quite boring, but not at all surprising to us. I grew up in San Francisco and had friends from nearly every ethnic group. My family ensured that I adopt their “color blind” philosophy and to discard the stereotypes that many hold so tightly that it distorts their perception and hampers their happiness and success in life. I have been living in Japan now for almost five years and seen some intriguing, and often not so flattering, stereotypes about Americans.

As to Asian/Japanese women being subservient, Japanese women often hold the purse strings, make many of the major decisions in the household and dole out much of the discipline in the home. In public they may seem to speak less “freely,” but in actuality many are trying to make their husbands look good. People often ask me, “So, what do you think of Japanese people?” to which I respond that in my experience people are people, only our cultures are different. By the way, I fall into the “ugly white guy” with the “beautiful Asian gal” category.
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Rob N., white male <robn@usa.net>, Sagamihara/San Francisco

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I’d say American males, white or black, lean toward Asian females because Women’s Liberation hasn’t hit Asian society to the full extent it has in the United States. They are submissive and do things for males that American women wouldn’t necessarily tolerate or do in this day and age. However, I will say that once Asian women who come to the United States get Americanized, often their submissiveness goes away.
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
White, Oxnard, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
As a stereotypical White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, I am inexorably drawn to different races (especially Asian and Hispanic), and my white friends constantly question my tastes and have made the same comment that I could “do much better.” But I reason that most women from other cultures have even more things to offer in a relationship. I have less chance of getting bored when I am learning not just about her as a person, but also an entire culture. Each culture in my opinion has several nuggets of enlightenment and common sense that have been passed on. It constantly blows my mind when I learn about them!
POSTED SEPT. 22, 1998
Icarus, 26, white American <Icarus@gate.net>, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I don’t think it’s because they find the women exotic, and I’m pretty sure that it’s not because they are Asian, either. You seem to have love and lust mixed up. Lust is physical attraction, but love goes way beyond that. Perhaps the couple are together because they genuinely love each other and not because of the color of their skin. This does tend to happen. As to mass media categorizing Asian women as submissive and such, where’d that come from? In Vietnam movies the portraying of Asian women as hookers wearing skimpy clothing to attract GIs is not something the mass media made up. This stuff actually happened, and again it’s not because they’re Asian, but simply because it was profitable or was a way out of Vietnam. I have plenty of female Asian friends, and never once have I even thought of any of them being submissive. It seems to me that everyone sort of over-analyzes everything. Not everything is based on the color of one’s skin. There are values the individual has that are unique to them, not just their race.
POSTED OCT. 23, 1998
Nick <kotula@hotmail.com>, Newport News, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Some people, regardless of race, grew up in environments where the ethnic breakdown predetermined what their proclivities/attractions were. Some Asians grew up as the only Asian for miles, others grew up in big cities filled with immigrants. Some are fourth-generation American, some aren’t.This could be one explanation for the phenomena you’ve encountered. But there are other, more disturbing issues. To be frank, some people simply don’t feel attractive enough to find someone from their own camp, so to speak. For instance, a friend of mine will not date an Asian or fellow Korean (this is her ethnicity, as it is mine) man, and in fact will go out of her way to date any white male, regardless of what he looks like or how he treats her. Also, a good close male (white, Jewish) friend who dates exclusively Asian females recently admitted to a mutual Asian male friend, in a very heated discussion, that he felt he was “better than the best Asian.” This does not bode well in terms of the self-esteem department for Asians. My question is, if an asian female believes she will look better because she is with a white male, and is essentially trying to ignore her own background, is that what she would want her children and her children’s children to do to her over tim – to essentially deny her existence at their convenience? Will that be the lesson she will pass on to her children – the lesson of denial?
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Asian female <aigoyah@aol.com>, New York, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I know with my friends and I, if we notice an Asian woman across the room, it’s because she’s beautiful. It would be exactly the same as a white woman, Latina woman or African-American woman. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t think it has anything to do with one culture’s women being more exotic than another’s.
POSTED NOV. 21, 1998
David T., 25, male <dtjw@ix.netcom.com>, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 12:
I have always found Asian womenmuch more approachable than women of other races. As a shy, geeky sort of guy, I never had much success in relationships with white women and found that they seemed to be very picky about who they wanted to date and are not reluctant to turn you down immediately, even without knowing what you are all about. Most of the Asian women I have met have been much friendlier and more willing to get to know you. They also seem to value you for good qualities you have and not for what you own or what you look like. They seem naturally more friendly, more open. I also find Asian women more physically appealing than women of any other race. I am not sure why that is, since I am not Asian.
POSTED FEB. 1, 1999
David, 50, Caucasian male <exoticspices@juno.com>, Phoenix, AZ
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THE QUESTION:
R325: I am from Hong Kong and am curious about the pronunciation of the word “ask” by some American blacks. My experience is that a lot of black people pronounce the word as “axe.” I have also heard a couple of Latino friends say “axe.” Why is this?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
L. Cristobal, casuy@prodigy.net, Antioch, CA

ANSWER 1:
In my opinion, the flaws of “ethnic” pronunciation are solely attributed to what I refer to as pronunciation laziness. Period.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Mark M., 35, black <drillistr@cchono.com>, Honolulu, HI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it’s just the way some of us talk. I live in the South, and most Southerners talk in a Southern drawl, which someone from another part of the country may not understand.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
S.G.M., 26, African American <smickles@hotmail.com>, Birmingham, AL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I do not believe it is out of laziness. I think it depends on what you heard when growing up. Last quarter I had an African-American girl in class who had tried her best to say “ask” correctly. Finally, after help from our professor, she was able to pronounce it right. She said it correctly when giving the oral exam, but after a while she went back to pronouncing it “axe” – only because she had said it that way since she was young.
POSTED JULY 17, 1998
Genevieve V., 20, Mexican, Troy, AL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I vote for laziness. Genevieve contradicts herself in her example of the girl who learned to pronounce the word correctly, then lapsed back into “axe.” That’s laziness. Come to North Carolina if you want to hear some real interesting language. Many whites say “ast” as in “Let me ast you a question.” Desk is pronounced “dest,” and chimney is “chimbley.”
POSTED JULY 26, 1998
Marie, 35, white female, 35, Winston-Salem, NC

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don’t believe this speech pattern is uniquely African American. Take note of how Americans of all races say the word “asterisk” or “et cetera.” The inversion of the k and s sounds is the result of a “lazy tongue” that requires constant training and reminding to cure.
POSTED NOV. 19, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R324: Is it true that most serial killers and child molesters are white, and if so, why?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Rico P., 36, Latino, Mexican, Pittsburg, CA

ANSWER 1:
The United States is about 80 percent white; therefore, it stands to reason that most members of subgroups (serial killers) would also be white, unless there is some factor causing other races to be more frequent.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Tom H., <thodges@softhome.net>, Portland, OR

FURTHER NOTICE:
Most people in this country are white. Therefore, most crime would likely be committed by whites. Also, I believe cops usually nab murderers of color before they can kill again, because Latinos and blacks are disproportionately poor, and that is where police tend to concentrate their efforts – not on white, middle-class suburbs.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
M.D., Detroit , MI
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THE QUESTION:
R323: I’m a 29-year-old high school teacher in a minority area. My question: I observe many students of different ethnicities (white, black, Asian, Hispanic, etc.), and the one characteristic that puzzles me is black students’ propensity for loudness. Many enter the classrooms screaming. Their conversations and comments are very loud, to the point where the noise is piercing. Why is this?
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
Nathan, 29, Coombsn@gte.net, Pomona, CA

ANSWER 1:
I come from a very loud family. We had to speak over conversations to be heard. My husband constantly says we should just shout out the window instead of calling each other on the phone. As a result of my own loudness, my youngest daughter is also loud. We have never had any problems with it in school. I’m sure she’s probably loud in the hallways, but she realizes once she enters a classroom, she’d better put on her “inside” voice.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
C. Belt <beltfam@erols.com>, Stafford, VA

FURTHER NOTICE:
It is possible that the black kids in your class were reared in a noisy environment or feel they must talk loud to be heard. Also, it is possible that you are perceiving that they are talking loud. It is natural to focus almost exclusively on the conversations of those who have a different dialect than the one we are accustomed to hearing. Do they speak “ebonics?” To determine whether the black kids talk too loud, conduct this experiment: Record (without the kids’ knowledge) one minute of classroom conversation when all students are present (and settled down). Play the recording, and ask the kids to write down what they heard and by whom. If the majority heard the black kids only, then the black kids are talking too loud. If not, then you may want to ask yourself why you are focusing so much attention on the black kids.
POSTED JULY 2, 1998
Stephanie T., black, Tempe, AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I also have noticed this problem with volume control among many black kids. 1) Perhaps the kids feel intimidated and “hide” behind this tidal wave of sound? 2) Perhaps they are going deaf because of all this “cool” music? I could barely stand having my (white) kids home due to the shouting always going on. Turns out both their father and I have a congenital disorder – slowly rendering the bunch of us stone deaf. Some faster than others.
POSTED JULY 16, 1998
M. Young, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R322: I am an avid golfer and would like to know if someone could explain why, as a whole, Asians play at a very slow pace.
Craig B., sbumgarner@gowebway.com, Montclair, CA

ANSWER 1:
I am an avid Asian golfer who has played on teams with mixed races. I, and fellow Asian golfers I have played with, are not slower or faster than our non-Asian counterparts.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
L. Cristobal, 42, Asian <casuy@prodigy.net>, Antioch, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R321: Why is it that some white people feel it necessary to tell black people from time to time that they have a black friend?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
M. Grant, 25, black, Charleston, S.C.

ANSWER 1:
If they didn’t say they had a black friend, they would be saying “You are my first black friend.” I think it’s a way to let you know they have befriended a black person before. Not all white people have had a black friend. I don’t think it is such a big deal. In fact, I’ve heard it so much that it doesn’t bother me at all.
POSTED JUNE 23, 1998
Jas, black <themoas@aol.com>, Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I’m glad you asked that question. I have often wanted to explain that “noticing” a person’s race or ethnic background is no different for me than noticing they have red hair, freckles or any other difference from myself. If you had the opportunity to sit around and chat with “white” people, you would note that we often mention our ethnicity, be it Irish, Italian or Jewish. This is not meant to be a notice of racial difference as much as cultural differences that frequently affect how we see things or how we feel. Therefore, it isn’t unusual for me to mention I am part Irish and part Indian in explaining that I have a tendency to have a quick temper. We cannot choose our family heritage, but we can choose what kind of person we become and how we treat others. I don’t consider myself prejudiced – however, I’m fascinated by the cultural differences others have been raised in, as well as my own cultural background. Therefore, out of that interest, I will frequently mention that a friend of mine is Irish, Indian, Italian, Jewish, black, etc. It means I’m interested in not only you as an individual, but your background and all that entails. I have had several black friends. I find that frequently their struggles are similar to those of others and my own – they just don’t know it.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
J. Daniel <JLSSR@Juno.com>, Fort Myers, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Some white people falsely feel people of other ethnicities think that white people are racist just because they are white. So, they try to express the fact that they are not racist by telling people of other ethnicities that they have a friend of their race.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
R.K., 21, white female, Houston, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
It seems that whenever I listen to minorities on television or in the media, they consistently complain that whites do not understand their needs or feelings. Having minority friends is often used as a reference, like a source. People who speak of Germany may say “I’ve been to Germany” or “my mother grew up in Germany.” The same is true when discussing political issues related to minorities. As a white male, I do not feel many minorities take my opinions seriously unless I preface my relationship to their situation. This tends to be different if I’m talking to one of my “black friends.” We have a friendship based on more than our skin color and can discuss things intelligently. This isn’t the case when you’re talking to strangers, though. Minorities who don’t know me may think I grew up in “white-bread suburbia.” In fact, I grew up as poor, if not poorer, than the average minority.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
B.M.B., white, Miami County, IN

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Usually, when white people say they have a black friend, they say it at a time when they have made a comment that could be taken wrong. I think race relations between black and white people are strained, in part, because so many of both races are trying not to offend people of the other, and in the process we are stumbling across prejudices with which we were raised, but which we never recognized until that particular moment. Then we try to mitigate those effects by saying, “but many of my friends are black,” as if that somehow countermands the effects of the prejudice.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
D. Stewart, Fredericksburg, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Many white people are uncomfortable with their feelings about the cross-cultural relationships they have. Perhaps they are ashamed or feel guilty about having negative preconceptions about people of color. I believe these people are covering up the feelings of shame they feel. They have a sense their inappropriate feelings can be seen in the world, and they are trying to cover for them.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Brian, 44, white, Salem, OR

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I would guess they are trying to subtly say they are not racist, and that they understand where you, as a black person, might be coming from – to establish a human connection. It’s also something many whites might be proud of. Though as a high school and college student I established honest, no holds-barred relationships and learned a lot from them, as an adult I have found it more difficult to break down social barriers and have real friendships (as opposed to superficial acquaintances) with black people.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Kathleen, 32, white <katfly@aol.com>, Raleigh, NC

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I am Jewish and have often encountered the same situation. I believe no offense is meant, but that these people are seeking some sort of common ground. Also, I think the well-intentioned are trying to indicate (albeit in a very clumsy way) that they recognize the inequalities of the past. These people are the ones I generally take under my wing, so to speak, and help recognize that calling attention to the fact they have Jewish or black or whatever friends may be perceived as offensive to some. Most respond quite well to the gentle correction.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Stacey, 38, female <MISTMI1@aol.com>, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
As a 25-year-old white male living in a culturally diverse area, I can give one reason: Guilt. White males are constantly told by the media that we are the cause of all problems concerning black/white relations. Though I never owned a slave, I am still to blame. As I walk around town, I feel I have a sign around my neck that says “White, Male and Racist.” I feel the need to tell every black person I see, “No, really. I’m not racist. I have black friends. I’m a nice guy.” I also do this with Asians: “My wife is Oriental; I’m not going to discriminate against you.” We are forced to feel bad for the sins of our ancestors, and so want everyone to know that not all white males are members of the KKK.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
W. Schaeffer, white <netizencain@hotmail.com>, Oakland, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
The reason for this is that white people always feel we have to show we aren’t prejudiced. Just as blacks feel they are always looked on with suspicion by whites, whites feel they are always looked upon as bigots by blacks. Stereotyping goes both ways.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Tim <Grunt167@hotmail.com>, Omaha, NE

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
They are trying to make themselves more comfortable by trying to make you comfortable with them. It may sound corny, but they are trying to sell themselves to you. They are trying to present themselves as culturally open and accepting. It is no great feat to have multicultural acquaintances, but one still feels the need to let you know they can do it, too. It all comes back to comfort levels and how they are attained.
POSTED JUNE 30, 1998
Biojay, white, 26 <biojay@hotmail.com>, Seattle, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I have noticed this too, being someone who works in a racially balanced work place. We have heard this so often that when new co-workers come to work at our office,we tease them about it. We think white people who are not racist feel compelled to let you know they do not hate black people. How do you prove to someone that you do not hate black people? By saying “my black friend so-and-so…”
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
Tisha, 21, African American, OH

FURTHER NOTICE 12:
It’s guilt. They’re aware of their own racist attitude and are afraid you’ll pick up on it. So they try to usurp it by telling you they have a black friend; in other words: “I’m cool. I like black people.” It allows them to think they’re not racist.
POSTED JULY 27, 1998
D.M.M., white female <donikam@hotmail.com>, Charleston, SC

FURTHER NOTICE 13:
I don’t think the race or religion of my friends is anyone’s business. My only friend’s race that I can recall having mentioned in a discussion with others is that of an Asian woman. And that was to help explain the origin of the unusual foods she brought by my house for me to try. (I’m proud to say I even tasted the chicken feet). I have a related question that is almost the opposite of yours: Why do whites avoid a person’s race when describing them to someone else? I’ve actually seen situations where someone would describe the only black person (in a group of whites) as “6 feet tall, bald and middle-aged” without mentioning that he is the only black person there. My opinion is that both of these situations reflect the white person’s inability to deal with the prejudices which they are trying to overcome. In your example, they are trying to demonstrate that they do not share the bigotry of others. In my example, they are trying to hide the bigotry that they feel will be perceived.
POSTED NOV. 5, 1998
A.M., white male, mid-thirties <andymena@ao.net>, Orlando, FL
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