Race/Ethnicity Questions 311-320

THE QUESTION:
R320: I am white and live in a black neighborhood. Often, blacks walk down the middle of the street and/or double park to talk to their friends, but then look at me as though I shouldn’t have to make them move when I drive up. Why is this?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Doug S., Hampton, VA

ANSWER 1:
I really don’t know why that happens to you, but I do not think it has anything to do with your race. How do you react to them? Have you ever done anything to provoke them, directly or indirectly? I think people of all colors do that to people when they are double-parked, talking or walking in the middle of the street. Especially young people. I have found that if I sit and wait a few seconds, most people will move over and let me pass. But if I start blowing my horn or anything of that nature, I will get a negative reaction from them, no matter what their race. Living in a neighborhood that is predominantly not your race can be a wonderful experience, if you allow it to be. It all depends on how you approach the situation.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Cheryl, black female <blackcherrie@yahoo.com>, Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think it is because they are rude. I am black and live in a black neighborhood. The stop-in-the-street-and-hold-up-traffic stuff happens in my neighborhood, too. I hate it. I don’t think they are singling you out because you are white. Rude people expect everyone to bow down to their agenda, regardless of their race. My guess is they have little or no home training or respect for others. I don’t believe their behavior stems from being African American, just being poorly raised by their families.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Carmela, 29, black <pecola@hotmail.com>, Atlanta, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I feel this is rudeness, and that it is another major problem in the black community that cannot be pointed out without being pilloried as a racist.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
Andy, 31, white, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
This happens to me, too, and I’m a black woman living in a black neighborhood, so it’s not because you’re white. This behavior is a manifestation of powerlessness. I didn’t invent this term. Bob Law, host of a radio talk show, did, but I think it explains this and other behaviors, like walking really slowly across the street, as if daring a motorist to hit them, or jumping in front of someone else in line at McDonald’s. These folks are people who, for one reason or another, do not have self-respect, and the only way they can feel like somebody is to make someone else wait for them. (They sure would accuse you of “disrespecting'” them if you asked them to move, though.) They can’t make anything else positive happen in their lives, but at least for a few moments, they have control over that street.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
E. Daniel, black female, 42, Kansas City, MO
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THE QUESTION:
R319: It seems to me that the majority of white people in North America are overly stuffy and stiff. Why can’t they seem to relax, both in physical posture as well as in their speech, ideals, etc.?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Gordon D., Vancouver, BC, Canada

ANSWER 1:
“Stuffiness” is a great social defense. It saves me trouble. When I hear something outrageous, I can respond with my stuffy, polite expression and a nod of my head, and avoid all the tension, friction and confrontation that would ensue if I relaxed and said what I really thought. Like the time the stranger on the bus was whining to me about how unfair his prison sentence was (“Serves you right, ya thug!”). Or the lady who constantly griped to me about how her sons were always in trouble with the police (“I can see that their real trouble is their mother!”). Or the new co-worker who told me in detail about how she married a high school kid 10 years younger than she was, who now wanted a divorce, but she would never let him get away because he was so sexy. (“Lady, you are a total nut case!”). Millions of other times stuffiness has preserved my peace and serenity, too. I’ll stay stuffy in public – and relax at home, laughing at everybody!
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Colette, white <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think most whites are raised with attention to certain mannerisms and speech. I, for one, would catch hell from my parents if I ate with my mouth open, spoke with food in my mouth, slouched at the table, dragged my feet when walking, used improper grammar when speaking, etc. I believe my parents had my best interests at heart because they gave me the specific social skills, appearance and language strictures that allow me to interact comfortably with those who can help me move up in the world. Do I look uncomfortable, “stiff or stuffy” when I interact with those people? I guess I do to someone who is not brought up the way I was. But I certainly don’t feel uncomfortable, stiff or stuffy.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R318: Why do some African Americans name their children such hard-to-pronounce and spell names? It seems to me that some of these would be a drawback later in life, when one enters the real world.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Curious, Apalachicola, FL

ANSWER 1:
These names may be hard for you to pronounce, but for the children and their parents, they are not. It’s a different culture with a different standard, and they will name their children names you probably never heard of.
POSTED JUNE 22, 1998
Katherine, Richmond, IN

FURTHER NOTICE:
Some black people want to make their children’s names as unique as possible. In this respect, blacks aren’t alone; other ethnic groups do this, too. Keep in mind that just because you have a hard time with someone’s name doesn’t mean it has less value. There are hundreds of different languages spoken today; would you judge someone with a Finnish or Japanese or Nigerian name differently? When I was born, my name, while still uncommon, was much less common than it is today. However, aside from the typical mispronunciations and misspellings, it hasn’t hindered me in the slightest. I happen to prefer “traditional” names for my children, but that doesn’t mean someone else has to follow my preferences.
POSTED JUNE 25, 1998
Kecia L., 33, black female, Chicago, IL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
“A good name is better than silver and gold.” This adage has a deep meaning. A name can never be a setback unless some people out there want to make life miserable for others. My name is Ifeyinwa, and all the people I have meet in this country find it difficult pronouncing it, but I love my name and the meaning. I do not believe it has been or is a setback for me. As a matter of fact, I love meeting people with strange names and I am sure most people out there feel the same way.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Ifeyinwa <ifebigh77@hotmail.com>, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I feel it is the choice of the parent to choose the name of their child. My mother decided to name my siblings and I “standard” names instead of original or unique ones. My name is E’dwina, normally spelled Edwina. My brother’s name is Jonathan Charles, and my sister Amber. My mother decided to name her children with common names because the world is using names as identifiers as far as jobs and schools are concerned. Even though th application may not ask for your race, in many cases it can be supplied by your name. For example, when you hear the name Becky, you think “white,” and when you here the name Dewayne, you think “black.”
POSTED SEPT. 23, 1998
E’dwina, 19, African American, Houston, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R317: I had many opportunities to interact with and observe black men my age when I was in the Army. The question that still bugs me from those days: If two black guys were arguing, they could insult and threaten each other for hours without anybody getting too excited. But if one of them ever uttered “f— you,” everyone observing the altercation would suddenly become agitated and uncomfortable, and fisticuffs would soon follow. Why was that particular insult the trigger for violence?
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
Brian J., white male, Atlanta, GA
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THE QUESTION:
R316: Why do black people include a picture in an obituary, and white people don’t, as a rule?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Lou C., Columbus, OH

ANSWER 1:
I think it’s a regional thing. In our community, the pictures of people of all races are included in their obituaries.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Neil D., 55, white <deupreen@inwave.com>, Janesville, WI

FURTHER NOTICE:
Where I live, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a black person’s picture in the obituaries, even though I don’t read the obituaries very often. Whenever I do look, it’s always old white people.
POSTED MARCH 10, 1999
Ariel, 16, Armenian female <Pink_Indian@hotmail.com>, Fresno , CA
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THE QUESTION:
R315: How do black people feel when they see rap singers express anger, hatred and violence in their lyrics and expressions, as well as in their posture, i.e. grabbing their crotch or pointing in disgust?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Charlie P., charliep@versoft.com, Tallahassee, FL

ANSWER 1:
I can only speak for myself and the people I socialize with. While, in some cases, I am amused and sometimes entertained by some rap artists and their antics, I am turned off by the more extreme rap artists who have no message to communicate beyond their sexual conquests or dreams. I am disturbed when some people view these artists as representative of all black people and also am disturbed these artists are sometimes looked up to by young people because of their celebrity status and success. That is probably more important – how these artists are viewed by young people – then how I feel personally.
POSTED JUNE 22, 1998
K.C., 34, African American, NJ

FURTHER NOTICE:
Just as you have said, when rappers make such gestures and sing such lyrics, it is disgusting. I feel these people do not respect themselves or anyone else when they do such things.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
M.B., 17, black, Kansas City, MO
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THE QUESTION:
R314: If I want to be successful in business, I must wear suits, speak clearly, communicate well with upper management – basically, I have to fit in. Why is it that when a black person does this, he or she is often considered to have “sold out”?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
S.G., white male, 32, Los Angeles, CA

ANSWER 1:
I believe it is because in this society, so few African Americans have been permitted a chance to advance to the “professional” level (either due to poor educational opportunities or biased job opportunities). Because of that, whites who live, work and succeed in the suit-and-tie world are easily spotted as the “oppressor.” Now get an African American in that position and to some less-successful African-Americans (perhaps bitter about perceived and real career setbacks), he or she becomes one of “them,” the very people who are holding them back. Hence, the African American who succeeds has gone to the other side, or “sold out.” It is, of course, not true, but is still a prevalent belief.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
K. Green, 30, African American <KennyG9@yahoo.com>, Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
R313: Last week in the mail I received a South Asian-only phone book. Also, some of our street signs here have been changed to Punjabi. Shouldn’t this be considered racism?
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
Lainie B., 19, white female, lainie@ultranet.com, Surrey, BC

ANSWER 1:
Racism means that you feel your race is superior to another. Making a phone book that caters to a select group of people is not racist, just as receiving a book in braille is not discriminatory against you. As far as the street signs: Many streets in my area are in other languages or include a translation into another language. I am not being personally attacked on an ethnic level. It’s just a street sign. Go to New Orleans. Half the streets are in French. Is that racism?
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
W. Schaeffer, white <netizencain@hotmail.com>, Oakland, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
Nationality- or racially-based business directories are a means of encouraging people to economically support their own by shopping at stores owned by, or engage the services offered by, people of their own race or nationality. They also make it easier to find stores that offer ethnic items not readily available in white-owned stores. Phone books lend cohesion to a community, despite geographical location.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
Mary, Winston-Salem, NC
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THE QUESTION:
R312: What is the difference between Latino and Hispanic? If there are other words to denote Spanish-speaking peoples of the Americas, please include what you know of that as well.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
thsmith, white, 28, Los Angeles, CA

ANSWER 1:
It’s like asking what’s the difference between white and Caucasian. Hispanic is the “politically correct” way to describe someone from some kind of Latino backround, and Latino is used to describe people from Latin America. I prefer being called what I am – Mexican. A lot of people who are Mexican American prefer to be called Chicanos, and so on.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Aztlan, 21, mexican female <aestra@chmc.org>, Bothell, WA

FURTHER NOTICE:
Most Latinos I know don’t like using Hispanic as a label because it emphasizes the Spanish origin when many of us are all or mostly Indian or African in origin. Hispanic implies we all came from Spain as just more immigrants. In fact, many of us have always been here as Indians, and some of us were brought as slaves. Latino is OK because it gives a good cultural label. But most of us prefer the label of a specific country – Mexican or Cuban, etc. It’s no different than an Italian-American preferring that label to “Euro-American.” Chicano is mostly used by baby-boomer Mexicans. The word used to be a racist insult by Anglos equal to the “n-word” used against blacks. Activists in the ’60s tried to take the sting out of it by using it themselves, in the same way “black” used to be an insult and was turned into a positive word.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
A.C.C., 32, Mexican or Latino, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R311: Why do more Asians seem to eat with their mouths open than any other group? I have lived and worked in several Asian countries, and most of my friends in America are Asian, so I have a representative sample from which to draw the above conclusion, but I haven’t learned of a reason for this.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
thsmith, 28, white, Los Angeles, CA

ANSWER 1:
I am a Chinese male, 32, and I do not eat with my mouth open. It was taught to me constantly, by my parents and grandparents, during meals to keep my lips closed when I chewed. It is also considered extremely impolite and disrespectful to talk while having food in your mouth. Maybe my family is an exception, but I have never seen any of my friends do what you asked about without someone showing disgust.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Joe C., 32, Chinese, Fremont, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I can’t speak for all Asians, but I know that my mom lectured me about it when I did it as a kid, and it turned out that in my case, it was allergies. I couldn’t breathe through my nose during certain seasons (summer’s pollen, winter’s indoor dust) and would chew with my mouth open in order to breathe as well. It’s possible that that has to do with having evolved in a different climate, that ragweed or stuffy, sealed indoor environments wouldn’t have been a problem for me were I living where my parents were born, in the Philippines. If there are cultural answers to this question, I am not aware of them.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
David, 35, Asian American <HoopNation@aol.com>, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think I can guess why so many Asians eat with their mouths open or at least talk with their mouths full. I’ve lived in different parts of Asia for the last nine years, and now I’m living in Japan with my husband. I’ve discovered that you can speak Japanese, and probably quite a few other Asian languages, without spitting food all over the place. Most Asian languages don’t seem to have the same amount of aspirated letters as in English (or any at all). English is full of “p’s” and “t’s” that involve a little expulsion of air (and food, if there’s any in your mouth at the time). So, while our mothers always taught us that it was rude and disgusting to speak with your mouth full (which, if you speak English, is), Asian mothers were busy teaching their kids that it’s rude to blow your nose and other such things.
POSTED JULY 18, 1998
G. Onosaka <gillonosaka@hotmail.com>, Japan

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think it is a cultural thing. I am Chinese living in the Philippines. Because this country was colonized by the Spaniards and the Americans, there are a lot of Western influences imbedded in our culture. I lived in Taiwan for a year and have been to Hong Kong and China. In these countries, I have witnessed so many habits and customs that, as seen through my Westernized point of view, are utterly disgusting. And one of them is eating and talking while their mouths are full. But for the Chinese living in these countries, this practice is as common and as unconscious behavior as covering your mouth when you cough. If ever they do it, I am sure they do not to irritate or insult anyone. They don’t even know some may find it offensive.
POSTED JULY 29, 1998
I.C., 32, Manila, The Philippines
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