Race/Ethnicity Questions 281-290

THE QUESTION:
R290: What is the intent and meaning when an African American calls a woman “little momma”?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Paul S., 69, white <tropiccov@att.net>, Ocala, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R289: Why do many white people seem to have an unlimited realm of understanding when someone white does something criminal, but at the sight of a black person’s face at doing the very same thing, an outright panic seems to occur? For example, two white men here in Tallahassee recently were discussing teens and crime. They spoke of the new “super-predator, but then referred to all the white boys who had taken people out with machine guns at schools across the country this year as a “tragedy, a sign that there is severe miscommunication in our society.” Do whites only recognize humanity when it is one of them acting human?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Mulani R., <mulani@rocketmail.com>, Tallahassee, FL

ANSWER 1:
There is no excuse for anyone committing crimes like the ones you mentioned. Different people try to make different excuses for abhorrent behavior like this. Guns are not to blame, society is not to blame, etc. The bottom line is that there are bad kids of all races. I do not have any compassion for a hoodlum who kills anybody. If you stop watching the people on the evening news, and ask some other white people, I suspect you will get a similar answer.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Mark B., 33, white male, upppbeat@aol.com, San Clemente, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I am white and agree with the questioner. I think there are too many people “babying” criminals. I think the problem with this society is the lack of God and lack of the “rod.” Everybody wants to feel good and feel sorry, and that gives bad people the “right” to do as they please. It doesn’t matter what color they are, wrong is wrong and bad is bad. But just as I am irritated at the assumption that “a black man did it,” I am also angry with black people who use their race as a crutch. There is still discrimination in this country, but reverse discrimination is sneaking up now. There is a happy medium, and we all have to be willing to look for it.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Fireteamld, Fireteamld@aol.com, San Clemente, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
We are not all the same. Please don’t judge us all by a few. I know exactly what you mean. I have a habit of pointing out things like this to white people when I hear it, and they think I am a liberal nut. I believe we should stop speaking in terms of color and teach our children to do the same. We should be saying things like, “…the man in the red shirt” instead of “…the black man in the red shirt.” If we try to do this, the world will heal much faster.
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
Tammy, 39, white female, Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Your question has a great deal of validity. Unfortunately, we have “evolved” into a “feel-good” society in which many people don’t want to face some of the brutal realities of the behavior in both children and adults. A perfect example of where this has led us is the recent horrible dragging-death incident in Texas. I am a white man and would have no problem seeing those guys get executed in the most horrible and painful way possible, preferably by the same means in which they committed the murder. Racism has no place in my world or country. The only important colors are those on the flag.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Tim T., 29, white <t2drj@earthlink.net>, Corona, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R288: Why is it considered “divisive” when Americans who are Asian, black or Hispanic refer to themselves as ____-American, while whites who do the same – i.e. Irish-American, Polish-American, Italian-American, Arab-American, etc. – are rarely questioned?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Jay B., black male <jayboyd@ameritech.net>, Detroit, MI

ANSWER 1:
Two-part answer: 1) Tradition – when most new immigrants were Euros, they used the national division to differentiate among themselves and lay claim to certain privilege or national tradition. That’s why you don’t get people saying “European-Americans.” 2) Psychological need for pigeon-holing: Minorities have been sufficiently pigeon-holed with “xxx-American,” but Euros as the majority need to be subdivided. It is the mind’s need to categorize.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
thsmith, 28, Euro, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
The terms “African-American” or “Hispanic-American” are usually applied by the mass media (print and video) to label participants in political events. I’ve never heard of an Italian-, Irish-, Polish-, etc. American group trying to accomplish anything other than a bar-b-que, dance or car wash. They are not groups intended to accomplish political change, so they generate no resentment from other groups..
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
James F., 31 <fairfiej@mail.ci.tlh.fl.us>, Tallahassee, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
First, it’s divisive because groups such as Hispanics and Africans tend to use it to set themselves apart, emphasizing the hyphen and not the American. Second, Arab-Americans I know not only do not consider themselves white, they often make bigoted statements about white and black Americans (blacks especially seem to be getting the worst of all worlds; in my experience, immigrants hate blacks more than native-born European Americans). I hope this somewhat answers your question.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
M.D., Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I haven’t encountered too many of these people that you (original questioner) reference. Furthermore, I can’t recall the last time I read a news article that referred to someone as Irish-, Polish- or Italian-American. I have read many articles, though, that use African-American. I would guess some of these people who have been referenced as African-American were possibly of Jamaican descent. Also, what if we began referring to whites as Anglo-Americans? Would this be acceptable?
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jim J., 32, Atlanta, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Because many white Americans are a mixture of many backgrounds, I feel they simply consider themselves “white” and “American.” For example I am Irish, German, French and Dutch. I don’t necessarily identify myself as an Irish-American, because I’m a mixture. Therefore, I don’t feel I can claim to be anything but an American. I think some white-Americans feel people claiming to be anything other than plain “American” are segregationists trying to separate themselves from “white” America.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
A.V. Aguilar, Sballwench@aol.com, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As a white female, I have never heard of anyone of Irish, German or Polish background using that term before “American.” If they did, I would wonder why, and think, who cares? What kind of a point are they trying to make? Do they think they are special because they are Irish or German? Why not just say American?
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
J. Gomez, Riverside, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The same tradition that applies to European Americans seems to apply to Asian Americans. Few Japanese I know of, including my wife, refer to themselves as Asian American, rather Japanese American. The same is true of Chinese Americans, though some distinguish further by referring to themselves as American Born Chinese. (American Born Japanese refer to themselves by the Japanese words: Nisei (second generation), sansei (third), etc. As for our other fellow Americans, African and Hispanic, given the historical circumstances, it’s a bit more difficult for them to be specific. I suppose that’s why Alex Haley’s Roots was so popular. Hmmm … since the original message of this thread was about the possible divisiveness of hyphenated names, I wonder if I were to refer to myself as Iroquois American, would that be divisive?
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Ron G., 59, goze@webgalaxy.com, Encinitas, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Whites may not identify themselves as xxx-American, but at least here in the Northeast we often specify our ethnicity. However, we don’t use the “American” part of the term. We refer to ourselves (and are referred to) as “Irish,” “Yankee” (= descendant of 17th-century English settlers), Italian, Lebanese, etc. This is true even if our families have been here for many generations. Recently there has been some confusion here in Boston about how to distinguish between the long-established “Irish” and newly arrived Irish immigrants – the former tend to consider themselves the “real” Irish, and the immigrants the “foreign” Irish! I was amazed when living in California to find that many white people didn’t even know their ethnicity, though I could often identify it myself by their last names or looks (involuntarily; it’s a habit). The only force working against ethnic identification here is intermarriage – some people are by now so mixed as to find listing their ethnic groups a burden, though it is common to have someone state, for example, that he is 3/4 Irish and 1/4 Italian, especially if he has an Italian surname and doesn’t look Italian.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Karen C., 58, 3/4 WASP, 1/4 Irish, Boston, MA
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THE QUESTION:
R287: Back in the early to mid-’60s, when I was an undergrad in college, I had many black friends, and they often used the term “splib” as a reference to other blacks. I remembered that term a while ago and now wonder about it. Is it still in use? If so, is its use determined by the generation of the user? How did the term come to be used?
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
PRow <prnole@aol.com>, Tallahassee, FL

ANSWER 1:
I’m black and in my mid-forties. I’ve never heard the term. It’s definitely not in use today as far as I know. I suspect it was used regionally, much like blacks in Boston during the late ’60s and early ’70s used to affectionately refer to each other as “homes,” as in “What’s up homes.” “Homes,” by the way, was short for “home brew” or “home slice.” The current, widely used version of this vernacular is “homie,” as in “He’s my homie,” i.e. friend.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Elliott, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R286: Two questions: 1) In what ways are people who are not descendants of slave-owners benefiting from slavery? 2) If the results of slavery have benefited society in general, rather than only the descendants of slave owners, why aren’t all Americans equally “guilty by association,” regardless of race or color?
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
C., Wisconsin

ANSWER 1:
No one except slave owners benefited from slaves, and no one who might have somehow benefited from having a former ancestor who owned slaves is guilty. They did not make the choice, and I’m sure if they have benefited, they don’t know how they have.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., 15, white male, lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT

FURTHER NOTICE:
Even though slavery ended 133 years ago, there were many who benefited from it directly and more indirectly today, even though their ancestors did not own slaves or directly participate in the slave trade. Crops like tobacco, cotton, rice and sugar were grown on Southern plantations. However, those goods were processed mainly in plants in the North. At that time, many immigrants from western Europe, as well as American-born whites, worked in those factories. The sugar, cloth and tobacco products were sold to European nations. It was a total economic system that was in large part based on the exploitation of blacks. To answer the second question, this system benefited the white community by and large. After slavery, blacks were kept out of the system by law and/or practice. The same can be said for Native Americans, Latinosand Asian Americans. The laws did not change until the 1960s.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Kyron W., 28, black, kwilliam@cennas.nhmfl.gov, Tallahassee, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R285: I am a 29-year-old single black father. Why do many people display surprise or admiration at my relationship with my daughter? Is is that they may think black men don�t want or need a relationship with their children?
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
Joseph T., 29, black male <Nile0099@aol.com>, Seattle, Wash.

ANSWER 1:
I am black and 26 and have a 10-month-old son. The only thing I can say is that the love between you and your child is the most important thing in the world – it doesn`t matter what people say or think.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Iirozh, 26, black <firozh@wxs.nl>, The Netherlands

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think many people are misled by the media. I wrote a paper in college on the number of black men who are the primary caretakers of their children. The numbers would surprise many. I am the mother of two biracial children. Although I am divorced from their farther, he pays child support above the state guidelines and sends them an allowance and gifts. He is a generous, caring father. My ex-husband would take our children in a minute. I have met many black male single parents; they care passionately about the welfare of their children and frequently put aside their own dreams to further the goals of their children. The media likes to focus on the negative.
POSTED MAY 26, 1998
Lorraine. B, 41, white female <BRITTinFL@aol.com>, Panama City, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a married white woman (33) who works full-time while my husband (34) stays home with our two children (five-year-old boy and three-year-old girl). He is also the target of open displays of surprise and admiration. He is usually the only father at play group, at the co-op preschool, at the park, etc. Unfortunately, our society and culture have yet to accept seeing the primary caregiver role move away from the mother. Day care providers, grandparents, foster parents, etc., also received the type of sentiment you are feeling. I teach parenting groups on weekends that are open to all caregivers, and very few fathers attend. Be proud you are part of helping our society see that children should be cared for by whomever can love and support them, regardless of that relationship.
POSTED JUNE 2, 1998
S. Norris, sfnorris@msn.com, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
People are surprised about your status as an involved father because it’s so unusual. Depending on where you get your statistics, as many as 75 percent of black children have no father in the home. Welfare has replaced the father in far too many homes. I admire you for what you are doing. In my business, I have hired about 60 black females who had at least one child, and only one has ever been married.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Rick, 45, male, adoptive parent, bmt_man@hotmail.com, Perry, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don’t think it has anything to do with you being black or white. It’s just very rare to see a father who lovingly, completely supports their child alone. It’s very admirable.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Kristy, 25, Grapape@webtv.net, Sun City, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
No one can deny that a disproportionate number of black men abandon their families compared to other racial groups. It’s not fair for white people to act surprised that you’re taking care of your daughter, but I think you should be more upset with the legions of your brothers who are neglecting their responsibilities. Iirozh (above) is right: It doesn’t matter what people say or think, what matters is doing the right thing by your daughter.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Greg, white, grp@asu.edu, Phoenix, AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I’ve worked a number of years in a primarily black neighborhood and have noticed the lack of adult men in the family structure. Some of those I worked with who were not married admitted to having children by different women. I generally blame the lack of married black men on welfare payments being available only to women who do not have working spouses. Seeing a responsible black father seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
John A., 51, white, Anaheim, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Some people get envious of what they can’t have with their own children. Hang in there, the relationship you invest in today will pay greatly down the road.
JUNE 4, 1998
Blake, 34, white male, child of single parent, San Diego County, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I too am a single father with two children. The difference is that I am perceived as white, so I don’t think ethnicity is an issue. I do perceive media hype as part of the issue. Too often, men are portrayed as “deadbeat, child-support dodging, sex-driven pigs.” Granted, there are males who fit this description, but is that really the norm? I love my children and had full custody until they were old enough to clean up after themselves, at which time their mother came back, fought for custody and won (she was their biological mother). So what was I? Also, while I had custody, she never paid her child support, missed visitation and was abusive when she did visit. Anyway, continue to love your children and give them all the attention they need, regardless of the reactions you receive.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Steve N., 40, blaster7@hotmail.com, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
I am black, 54 and the father of two boys. A typical black home is not seen with a participating father figure. We see and hear more about black homes with absent father figures than represents the truth. In my opinion, black men care about their children, as you do for your daughter. But your relationship does not fit the stereotype of black fathers. Outside the black arena, our homes are seen as having women as heads of the household. Welfare, economics in the black community (few jobs for black males) and other circumstances contribute to this distortion of male family participation. Then you show up, and you are outside the paradigm. People don’t like or understand things outside of their boxes. You are now “different” from the rest, when in fact you are more like the rest. They just never heard of the rest of us who are like you. Just keep doing your job of shocking reality into the stereotype.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
W.J., 53, black male, father of two, Edmond, OK

FURTHER NOTICE 10:
Most of the black men I come in contact with are at work, and they seem to brag about their sexual appetite without the thought of the creation of a child. The data show that black males don’t, in general, support so-called family traditions. The females tend to be the nurturers, and there are no black males around to help support the family financially.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Whiteman, Windyknights@prodigy.com, Riverside, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 11:
I am a white male, and I also might respond with surprise at your relationship with your daughter. This is because statistically, in the United States, there are a large number of black men who don’t stay around after the baby is born.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
W. Moeur, 41, white, San Jose, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 12:
To Joseph T.: Unfortunately, you are experiencing the results of years of what people have seen on the news, in movies and on TV and other media, of black males running away from responsibility. Therefore, when people see you as a loving parent, you become an anomaly to them. But with more positive images in the media today, someday you will be seen as being just like everyone else: As a great parent or a neglectful one.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
E. Mallett, 46, black, Fullerton, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 13:
To Joseph T.: You’re right. I work in the media, and my field does consciously and subconsciously focus on the negative. It is ridiculous to think black men usually abandon their children. Some do and some don’t. I’m a Latino male, and if you look into various ethnicities, you will see that the topic of deadbeat dads is an age-old problem that crosses many color lines. The media just seems to think the topic of black deadbeat dads, in general, has more mass appeal in discussions.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Ed P., 23, Latino, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 14:
As a woman who raised a child to adulthood by myself, I have had a long time to observe the way people react. I think most people are surprised that any man, white, black or any other race, has a close relationship with their child when they do not live in the same household. I don’t know whether that is because the distance makes it hard to maintain the relationship, or that many men were raised in such a way they have a hard time expressing feelings and making the effort to maintain the contact. Raising a child is very hard work and requires a lot of investment – money, time and effort – effort most of all. I read a sentiment one time about the parent/child relationship that sums it up for me: A child is a piece of your heart walking around outside of you.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
White female, 46, gvppd@micro.com, Kansas City, MO

FURTHER NOTICE 15:
You probably receive the response you do for two reasons: First, the conventional wisdom in our society is that men are incapable of caring for children (look at how male characters have been traditionally portrayed on prime time television comedies, i.e. Tim Allen, as incompetent). Second, it also perceived (and it may be true) that it is more common in America for a black father to be absent while their child is maturing than fathers of other races. Regardless of the reason, I agree with Answer 1: Your children are what is important.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Dave F., anon162@hotmail.com,Wichita, KS

FURTHER NOTICE 16:
I can offer this theory as to why people are surprised at seeing a black man with/raising his child/children: The media (TV, magazines, news, etc). People have been conditioned to believe that not many, if any at all, black men are there for their children. You always hear about black single mothers and absentee fathers. There are men of all races who probably do not spend time with, support or help raise their children, but we are force-fed to believe it is only black men who are not there for their families. It’s everywhere, for those who do not believe this. So when people see you, they think it is unusual. However, it is not. You are a parent who is showing love to your child, and just happen to be black and a man.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
TSpen, 26, African-American, female, auset2be@aol.com, Largo, MD

FURTHER NOTICE 17:
As a 50-year-old white mother, I go all gooey at the sight of any parent and child who seem to have a good relationship, and given the opportunity, I try to compliment the parent. I think parents who are doing things right deserve encouragement.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
C.G., 50, white, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 18:
I don’t have any experience as a father, but I know racism and it sucks. I believe it is because America is still racist. I really don’t mean to sound rude, but I think black men are always thought of as people who should be in gangs or out mugging somebody. Racism is a big issue, and unfortunately I believe it will always be a big issue. Sorry, but I’d rather not leave the city I live in.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
L.C., 15, white male, lord_chaos_1@hotmail.com, VT

FURTHER NOTICE 19:
I am a working mother of two with a husband who isn’t often around. I am a teacher in the public schools. The school I work at is 44 percent black, 40 percent Hispanic,12 percent Asian, three percent white and one percent “other.” I’ve been here eight years. The school is in a predominantly low-income area.

At our school, it is unusual to find fathers very involved with their children, regardless of race. But it is noticeable that fathers of black children are involved even less, and mostly nonexistent. Our Asian parents, by far, seem the most involved, but they are a small percentage of our population. Actually, with almost every family, it’s the moms who seem to be the ones involved most with the children. But many of our kids are being raised by grandparents. Only on rare occasions will we be in contact with a dad or both parents when calling home or having conferences, open houses, etc. When we do get a dad, it sometimes surprises me, but always warms my heart in a special way to see daddy involved with the kids.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
M. Jackson, Long Beach, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 20:
I think some young black men are more concerned with the idea of having sex than with the responsibilities that go along with it. People look at you because it’s not very often that you see a black man taking on his responsibilities and being a father.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Marie, black female, Savannah, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 21:
The majority of the time the child-rearing “duties” fall on the mother. Rarely do fathers have sole custody of their children. For a black man to have sole custody or to have a close relationship with his children is foreign to most people. Sadly, there is a large portion of young black children being raised solely by their mothers. You will continue to get comments of surprise from people. I just want you to know the best sound in the world to hear is when your daughter tells someone, “He’s my dad.” Not all kids can say that! A note to S. Norris: I know it’s hard for your husband to “reverse” roles in today’s society, where men are judged by what jobs they hold, but I wanted to point out that I have found many fathers don’t participate in their children’s activities. In after-school sports, I find that mothers are the main parent bringing their kids to basketball, football, soccer and baseball games. At weekend “kiddie” parties, I find mostly mothers bring their children. Many times I am the only father at some of my kids’ functions.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Jas, black <themoas@aol.com>, Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 22:
I think it may be a surprise to most people that a man (regardless of race) is the primary (or only) caregiver to a child. Knowing many women who have never had a relationship with their fathers, and being such a woman myself, of course I find it surprising – it is completely foreign to me. Also, our society is geared to think of a woman as the sole or primary caregiver of children. On the issue of race, we hear time and time again in the media (from white and black sources) of many black children growing up without a relationship with their father, or without any positive father-figure in their lives. Whether this is more true for blacks than whites I don’t know – but it is implied by the media. Perhaps it’s more admiration than surprise you are hearing from people (and this being a society so bereft of people to admire, that may manifest itself as surprise).
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Amber, 26, white, Las Vegas, NV
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THE QUESTION:
R284: Why do people in Spain consider killing a bull exciting and enjoyable?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
Lisa D. <lisamcc19@worldnet.att.net>, Oakland, CA

ANSWER 1:
We just returned from living in Spain for two years, and during that time refused to attend a bull fight. I heard all the tributes and accolades as to the great respect and admiration for the bull, etc., but I still feel it is a cruel form of entertainment. Yet Americans enjoy watching two men beat each other’s brains out in a ring and call it a great sport. I don’t see a difference between the two – other than one always ends in a quick death, the other much more slowly.
POSTED JUNE 9, 1998
LLC, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
If you really want an in-depth look at the cultural mystique of Spanish bullfighting, I suggest a book, I’ll Dress You in Mourning, which is a biography of one of Spain’s great fighters, El Cordobes. It provided me with a better understanding. You may find it hard to locate. I read it in the early ’70s.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Linda B., white, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Not all Spanish people feel bullfighting is exciting or enjoyable, and there are those actively against it, but for those, myself included, who view it as enjoyable – we view it as an art and not as a sport. In fact, some Spanish people find American football violent. It all depends on the culture by which you were raised.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.C.V. <carricos@usa.net>, Valencia, Spain
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THE QUESTION:
R283: With few opportunities over the years to experiment, I often wonder: Do black people who have thick lips kiss better, or more enjoyably, than people with thin lips? In other words, is it more fun to have more lip?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
H.B.G., 55, white male <hbgrant@netins.net>, Ames, IA

ANSWER 1:
No, more lip is not more fun than less lip. I have kissed men with thick lips and thin lips. The chemistry between the people involved determines how enjoyable a kiss is, not the size of the lips.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Sunshine, black female, Alexis5692@aol.com, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
As a matter of fact, it is. I have fairly narrow lips for a black person, but I’ve kissed my share of large-lipped women. I don’t think I ever consciously thought about lip size. However, there is more movement and manipulation with women whose lips are larger. A lot of fun.
POSTED JUNE 4, 1998
Elliott, black, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a 35-year-old black man with nice, full lips. I have always been told I was a great kisser, by both black and white women. Most told me it was because my lips were so full.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Paul, black male, pb63@bellsouth.net, Memphis, TN

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Many people, regardless of race, have thick lips. The question of whether thick lips are more enjoyable is more of a personal preference. I am attracted to thick lips, no matter what the person’s ethnic/racial mix, and tend to enjoy them more when kissing. It seems to be a greater sensation, probably because there’s more surface area. But being a good kisser doesn’t require having thick lips.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Rob, 33, gay white male, Miami, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R282: Why do white people spend so much money trying to get their skin to look like black people’s, even though they don’t want the problems we have to deal with on a daily basis?
POSTED MAY 23, 1998
D. Green, black, Des Moines, IA

ANSWER 1:
If I remember correctly, the issue of Caucasians and tanning originated in the 1920s, with tanning becoming known as a sign of affluence and wealth. Before that it was just the opposite: The only folks with sunburned skinned had to work a farm and those with leisure and affluence were normally pale. In the 1920s people with leisure time (wealth and prosperity) started in with leisure outdoor activities, and thus the tan was known as a sign of wealth.
POSTED MAY 27, 1998
Joe B., 34, white <joegen@cris.com>, Tallahassee, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
To Joe: That was in the ’20s, as you say. Are you saying that that is still the reason some whites put so much emphasis on getting a tan today?
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Lorick, blackcherrie@yahoo.com, Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Living in Florida, I work on my “Minnesota” tan: Skin cancer is a real threat in my family, and I have not been into tanning since I was a teen. Even then, it was something that happened because we went to the beach during the summer to escape the New York heat. Not too many people I know are into getting a tan; maybe it’s just a Florida thing.
POSTED SEPT. 7, 1998
Jackie, 46, white <hockeyrat@hotmail.com>, West Palm Beach, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R281: I work at a magazine. If I have a photograph in front of me of someone I don’t know and am on the phone with that person, is it OK, in verifying the identity of that person, to ask if he/she is white, black or Asian (just as I might ask if their hair color is black, red or blonde to make sure I am speaking to the person at whose photo I am looking)? Or, do people feel most people might be uncomfortable with that kind of descriptive information?
POSTED MAY 21, 1998
R.W., New York, NY

ANSWER 1:
I’d feel uncomfortable if you asked me to identify my race, unless you had a specific reason for doing so. Say, for example, you were casting a black character for a movie, and I didn’t sound typically “black” over the phone. To do otherwise without explanation might indicate the possibility for discriminatory behavior to someone who’s been victimized by it in the past.
POSTED JUNE 5, 1998
Elliott, 44, black male, franrod@wavenet.com, Los Angeles, CA
To respond
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