Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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Most women, of course, are attracted to good men, just like most men are attracted to good women. Heck, most people would rather spend time with someone who is kind and thoughtful than someone who is selfish and nasty. But there are exceptions, and I can understand how they would stand out. The women I know who are attracted to the “bad boys” go that direction for several different reasons. Some find them “exciting.” They like living on the edge, and this certainly qualifies. Some think they can “save” the poor, misunderstood fellow. They believe that they’re not really all that bad underneath, and they (the woman) will be the one who can uncover the good that’s really in them. The majority, though, are simply attracted to the men who are what they are used to; and, sadly, they are used to abuse. I was once in that category. (No more, not for many years thankfully.) People who give you the same signals you’re familiar with are more predictable, and easier to deal with, than people who don’t. If you’re used to being abused, you know the signals to look out for; the “danger signs” that show you need to placate or avoid the abuser. Since, if you’ve been raised with abuse, you can’t really grasp the fact that it’s not part of every human relationship, people who aren’t at all abusive are somewhat scary. It seems like a paradox, but it’s because you think that you can’t see the danger signals, so how will you know what to do to be safe? I was nearly 30 before I’d seen enough non-abusive relationships to realize that it wasn’t people giving signals I couldn’t read; it was people who weren’t ever going to commence with the beatings. (Although, in my case, there was lots more non-physical abuse than physical. I wasn’t beaten up more than once or twice a week. The mental/emotional abuse was constant.) Happily, most women (like most men) outgrow all of these reasons, and start to look for people they can actually live with.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,There are four components to gender; 1. Anatomy, which includes X or Y genes and primary and secondary sexual characteristics. 2. Identification, which is the gender we “know” we are, inside. 3. Orientation, which is who we find ourselves attracted to. 4. Presentation, which is the way we feel most comfortable dressing and acting. For the majority of us, all of them line up to provide what society thinks of as “male” or “female.” But for a sizable minority of us, they don’t come in the “matching set,” in one or more areas. People who were assigned to one gender at birth, but who identify as the opposite, are called “Transgendered.” This has nothing at all to do with orientation. So, a transgendered person might be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between. That is, they might have been assigned to the male gender at birth, know inside that they are female, and be attracted primarily to other females. In such a case, they are both transgender and lesbian. Or, they might have been assigned to the male gender, identify as female, and be attracted primarily to men, in which case they are straight. Personally, I think that we’d be happier if we didn’t stick labels on people, because none of this is a simple binary “male or female” thing. All four facets contain a range between male and female, with plenty of individuals who are in the middle somewhere. Even in anatomy, which most people think of as the most obvious and easy, about one person in 200 is somewhere in the middle. There are lots and lots of people who aren’t either XX or XY. They might be XXY or XYY, or something else, or both at once! There are people who have some XX genes, and some XY genes (mosaicism.) And there are loads of people who have genitals that aren’t clearly male or female, or who are obviously female, but have XY genes and androgyne insensitivity, or any one of dozens and dozens of other combinations that have been recognized and named. And that’s not counting the ones that haven’t been named yet! There’s even one case in the medical records of a woman who had the 46,XY karyotype who seemed to be a perfectly normal woman, and gave birth in the normal fashion to a daughter who also had the 46,XY karyotype. It’s not the simple thing that most people think it is; and the sooner we all realize this, the less ostracism there’ll be for those of us who aren’t exactly what others think we should be.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,According to a friend of mine who owns a barbershop, a family came in to get their toddler daughter’s hair cut completely off, and told him it was because her hair would grow in thicker and stronger if this was done. He replied that it would, yes, but it was because she would be older, not because her head had been shaved. Her parents discussed it with each other, but decided to go with what their families had always believed, not what this stranger said. So, although he told me it broke his heart to shave the head of this very pretty little girl, the hair came off.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Old people, like young people, middle aged people, and all the people in between, like to talk about the things they, personally, find interesting. I know lots of old people – my grandkids think I *am* an old person – and none of us golf, so none of us ever discuss it. It seems to me that you happen to know a lot of old people who are avid golfers; that’s all.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Lots of people don’t have enough money to buy food, shelter, medicine, and pay the utility and other bills. When that’s you, something has to give, and food is usually the “something” with wiggle room. I’ve been in the position where I had to choose between buying groceries or paying rent. I paid the rent, and went without food. This can happen for all kinds of reasons. In my case, I was hit with unexpected car repair bills a number of months in a row. Since I was working as an itinerant teacher at the time, I didn’t have a choice about fixing the car. However, I could go without buying any food, and did for a number of weeks. Many have to make that choice for much longer periods of time. Some are too proud to ask for help, and some, like me, don’t qualify but still don’t have the wherewithal to buy food. Going hungry has serious long term health repercussions; so, if you have the resources, it’s really appreciated if you help those who don’t. I’m happy for you, that you can’t imagine being that poor; but don’t assume that thousands of people in this country aren’t. They are.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I discovered the ‘stream of water in the bathtub’ method myself, when I was going through puberty and was trying desperately to clean up what I saw as a terrible bloody mess. At the same time, I found out that orgasms relieved my menstrual cramps. (Of course, at the time, I didn’t know what to call what was happening to me, but I knew that I liked it.) I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of women had made the same discovery. Or both of the same discoveries. Now, of course, I’m old enough that scrambling under the faucet is no longer an option. That’s what the shower massage is for.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I used to teach visually challenged kids many years ago. They longed to be able to do the things they read about but never had the chance to try, such as jumping off a diving board. It’s the kind of stuff you can’t really understand until you experience it. So yes, the person involved feels that they are missing something, and wants to try it. No one is making them; they want to. And as long as basic safety issues have been addressed, why shouldn’t they? I don’t see this kind of thing as inappropriate. Performing surgery, now that would be inappropriate. But not taking part in sports. (And you can’t ‘get over’ something like being blind by jumping off a diving board; if you could, there would be LONG lines.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,They were actually the first hamburger chain around, opening in 1921. Back then, they were known for their cleanliness, if you can believe it! My mother, who is 78, says that when she was small they used to clean the whole building, inside and out, every single day. They really are addictive. Addicts will go to great lengths to get a bagful, even if they are among the people who are made deathly ill by the things. I don’t know why, since I’m not addicted myself. But I’ve seen it. If you want to know more about them, they have a website at http://www.whitecastle.com. And if you want to try the White Castle Experience and don’t live near one, you might be able to find them frozen at your grocery store.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I apologize. You are right; I didn’t mean to imply that *all* Christians are trying to force everyone to follow their morality. I should have specifically addressed my question to those Christians who are lobbying to have their views of right and wrong written into law, or who support such action. I frankly don’t understand it. (And not only because it often makes life difficult for me and my family. For instance, because many Christians believe that their God forbids ‘males to lie with males’ homosexuals are only completely protected from discrimination in 6 states. Why? I’d like to understand the reasoning behind it for a book I’m writing.) And, Adriana, our Constitution was specifically written to ‘Protect the Minority from the Tyranny of the Majority.’ So the simple fact that Christians outnumber all other religions in this country (if it’s even true) shouldn’t make any difference to the law.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,For me, skin color is not an issue. In fact, when I moved to the Detroit area 10 years ago and found that for many of my black friends it is, it really puzzled me. (Especially because there can be such a wide variation of skin tone within a family.) The black people I know care more about skin color than the white people I know, most of whom don’t care at all. I’m comfortable among people who are friendly and willing to talk with me, and uncomfortable among people who regard me with hostility. I think that’s true for most people. In my experience, if you want people to be relaxed around you, you should make an effort to be relaxed. (Relaxed, not rude.) Really listen to what they are saying. Pay attention to non-verbal cues regarding boundaries and comfort level. Treat them as equals. And have fun.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,I think it has more to do with what is expected of us, and how quickly things can be done. I’m an illustrator. When I first started to work in this field in 1983 there were days of breathing time built in as sketches and things were mailed back and forth. Then came overnight mail, and there was less time. Then faxes, and there was even less. Then working on the computer, and there was even less! People expect their machines to work quickly, and I’ve noticed that they expect the people to work just as fast. Everything is speeding up. And, since the things we are doing are far more complex than what the computers are doing (they are just manipulating lots of ones and zeros; we are actually correlating ideas, images, and other intangible things) and we are organic and need things like food and sleep, it’s just not working. The key, I think, is to remember that we are not machines. And the best part of that is that we have free will, and can say ‘no.’ A small word, but a handy one. I learned to use it whenever an editor would ask me if I could do a painting in two days. I learned to use it whenever my sons would ask me if I could sew them a costume by tomorrow morning for a school play. I learned to use it whenever it was necessary. It took some time, but I did learn! And suddenly, I had breathing room again.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,We are exactly like you, but older. Just like you, we are sometimes confused, or want two different things at once. We want you to grow up to be the best people you can possibly be. We also want to keep you completely safe. The trouble is, we can’t have it both ways. In order to be independent, you have to take risks. But if you take risks, you might get hurt. That’s why we send you mixed messages. It’s hard for both kids and parents; especially parents who remember being kids. Some things hurt us a lot when we were kids, some things we are afraid of, and some things we know can ruin your life; we’ve seen it happen to our friends. Talk with your parents; I’ll bet that most of the restrictive rules come from one of those three things. Talking can help all of you understand each other.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,In my experience, making rules that seem ridiculous or senseless to teenagers causes them to decide you are arbitrary. She doesn’t have enough life experience to fully realize that you, her parents, are just two people; exactly like her, but older. Instead, she sees you as a totally different species. And if what you say makes no sense to her, instead of being able to figure out that you have ‘buttons’ about certain issues, she will probably think that a.) you have no idea what you are talking about, or b.) you are trying to make her miserable on purpose. Add to that the implication that she cannot be trusted, and you are asking for trouble. And it really is unreasonable to expect her to have no association with boys. She is with them all day in school, after all! What you may want to do is tell her that she cannot date until she is a certain age (say 16). That leaves her free to make friendships, but lets her know there are limits.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Like all Wiccans, I speak only for myself, and my tradition; we don’t have a single authority or dogma. Our ceremonies are called ‘circles.’ We don’t have sermons, where Priests address passive congregations. Every initiate is a Priest or Priestess; we all participate. We have no choir, no offering, no unison readings or printed confessions. Our celebrations are full of laughter; we are seldom solemn. We don’t have communion. We have ‘Cakes and Wine,’ celebrating the bounty of Mother Earth. We meet eight times a year for major celebrations, and sometimes when the moon is full, not every Sunday. We don’t worship the same God you seem to. (Saying ‘God’ implies you mean Jehovah.) We worship many Gods and Goddesses, like most world religions. Primarily we worship The Lord and The Lady. They are Creators, as are we. I created this letter, you created yours. It’s something we all do. ***I would like to include information detailing just what we do, but it exceeds the limit. Please let me know at robin@robinwood.com if you want it.*****
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Pay attention to your emotions and the reactions of your body. Are you equally attracted to men? Or are you attracted more to men? Or not at all to men? Human sexuality is a continuum, like a rheostat, not a simple off/on switch. I consider myself a lesbian, because I am primarily attracted to women. I’ve really only been attracted to one man in my life. (And I married him, because it was unthinkable that I might be anything but straight, in spite of all the evidence. We are still together, by the way. My lesbian life-partner lives with us, and the three of us are very happy, thank you.) I was in my forties before I was able to admit, even to myself, that women cause physical and emotional responses in me that men simply do not. So give yourself all the time you need. It is not necessary to label yourself. If you want to identify with a group, that’s one thing. But when that time comes, it will be something that you want to do.
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Name : RobinW, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 46, City : Detroit, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,
