Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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Some gay men identify with a sexual persona that is always a top or bottom. This is common in subcultures like leather or S&M, but is now less common among gay men generally. With most of gay men I know, it just depends what we feel like doing. Even if a guy acts in ways that might convince you he’s a top or bottom, you shouldn’t be surprised if that turns out not to be accurate. After all, if you’ve got a ticket to the fun park, why limit yourself to just one type of ride ?
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I’m from Australia and currently living in Britain. From the Australian perspective we tend to see you as somewhat loud, enthusiastic, but also a bit superficial and tending to lack a sense of irony and self-deprecation – this is the thing I notice the most and it often means you don’t share our sense of humour and so aren’t as close to us as we are say, to the British. These are generalisations – I know many Americans who aren’t like this – but they’ve also been confirmed many times when I’ve meet Americans. I am not sure why you would expect us to envy you, but it may indicate something about your views of other peoples of the world that you might care to think about. The issue of hate is different. Obviously, recent tragic events show that many hate America. To that end, your country has got to think about the way it acts in the Middle East and elsewhere. Supporting repressive regimes such as Shah Rezah Pahlavi in Iran and the Royal House of Saud – on the basis that you need their oil or in support of other US commercial interests – isn’t going to be an option any more. Assisting Israel to ride roughshod over the rights of Palestinians is just storing up trouble too. I read a recent essay at a US site, ‘The Salon’ which looked at how the study of geography in US schools has declined in recent years. The world is complex and maybe America’s going to have to start to appreciate that complexity again. Like it or not, you are a big, highly visible country and when your government does particular things some people are going to see you as responsible.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I notice it, and tend to have some stock-standard replies handy, as the questions or comments are often similar. I’ve always to some extent been a bit of an outcast anyway, so I tend to feel stronger when this happens and definitely get bold enough to engage in these discussions if they are going on around me. And if you do, you often learn interesting perspectives and find out things that you might not have noticed as a member of a minority. It’s a two-way street.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,You’ve sort of indicated one answer to the problem- that would be working on your friend’s comfort with his own homosexuality. I often do feel sorry for guys who come out later- it’s harder, particularly as the commercial gay bar and club often do not offer a lot for those over 35. Larger cities do have resources for men who classify themselves as ‘mature’. Mind you, we are assuming here that your friend does stay with his boyfriend because he’s too scared to go elsewhere. There may be other reasons- there’s nowt so queer as folks ! One ‘counselling technique’ I often use is to throw the impetus back on the person complaining, indicating that it is up to them to make a decision. Sometimes, even if you reel off all their most-used refrains, the complainer can realise how he’s coming across and get the gentle hint that he ought to do something.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I’ve not been asked whether I’m gay when entering London clubs though it’s often assumed I’m straight- even when I actually worked as a manager of a gay club ! I guess it is the club’s way of ensuring the atmosphere of the club remains gay. If every guy and girl holding hands were let in, then what you had wouldn’t be a gay club anymore, and you’d probably shrug your shoulders and go elsewhere as it had ‘gone straight’. When you’re a gay nightclub manager, this is a fine line. Yes it is discrimination, and in a perfect world it would be wrong, but last time I checked, straight environments were not exactly that enamoured of gay couples holding hands, so . . .
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I guess if your wife is persistent and that makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s a problem. But I’d suggest trying it out, at least once. It’s a matter of being relaxed, making sure your arse is clean, using lubricant, stimulating with fingers first and then building up to penetration. The old stigma is that it will make you gay. I doubt that; after all, we are sexually attracted to the whole person, not just to what their genitals can do for us.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Craig, I wonder if the incident even happened, or whether the whole thing is some sort of stunt to promote the site. The two fit together so neatly one has to wonder. Personally, I think gay pride is a dud concept. Gay people should be proud of rights won and other achievements. But being gay ? Many gay people are fond of pointing out that sexual preference is not a choice, that it is naturally determined. So given one has no say in it, why be proud ? In my case it is not as if I actually did something to become gay. I’m content to be gay, but pride implies it took an effort on my part. The shallowness of the ‘pride’ agenda can be seen in my home country, Australia, where gay [and gay leather!] pride organisations lacked focus, had no serious aims and were often mismanaged, in two cases fraudulently. So ‘straight pride’ seems to me to be a fairly silly response to an idea that wasn’t worth that much anyway. Think of it. Pride in ‘being straight’ is about as sensible as calling a worldwide holiday to celebrate the fact that we walk upright. It’s so ubiquitous as to be meaningless.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,No. On average, I would say Asian men are a little smaller than white guys, who are in turn on average smaller than black guys. But penis size is such a random thing I regard such averages as meaningless. There appears to be no correlation between penis size and one’s ability as a lover, however, at least in my humble experience. If given funding, I will happily continue my research. Contributions, anyone?
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Hi B.N. Australian cartoonist Paul Hartigan did a little series on the life of a gay man who goes through life, dies and asks God ‘Why did you make me gay ?’ God shrugs and says ‘Why not ?’. In short, no-one knows. Maybe it is necessary for some people to work on the things in society that take time, and so they need freedom from the possible constraints of raising children. But there are plenty of gay people who want to have and do have children, so who knows ? Another theory is that it is just Mother Nature holding a card up her sleeve. Nature apparently prefers diversity, in case one option doesn’t work. I’m not a geneticist but that is one possibility I guess.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Depends what they say, Allison. I don’t mind curiosity, and if asked a blunt question I will give a blunt answer. If the question is hostile, I might address it – often this can be done by throwing the question back onto the questioner. Other times the question indicates an IQ below room temperature, so I ignore it or use humour to defuse or end the topic. I do not mind honest questions, but as I am a free individual, I don’t feel that I have to justify my existence either, especially if a person is seeking a confrontation.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,At its most basic, this question is resolved biologically, and I hope I’m not offending anyone. We live in a patriachal society. However, straight men have anuses. The anus is an erogenous zone, regardless of sexual orientation. Gay men have penises. There is always the implied threat of vulnerability. Another implied threat is the fear of some straight men that they may potentially be gay, whereas, they cannot, obviously, be lesbian.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,The comment was once made that the world contains more evidence of being the creation of a committee of dimwitted gods rather than that of an omnipotent being. One answer given here, that God is somehow responsible for all of the good, and none of the bad, smacks of having your cake and eating it too. The Gnostic view was that the word was created and ruled by a ‘demi-urge’, an evil or capricious spirit or spirits, and through gnosis humans can see their way through the fog of misunderstanding towards a state of complete consciousness that we call God. To me, that seems more likely.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I’ll give you the benefit of my experience, coming from a background of having been a censor of Internet pornography. Homosexuality, bestiality and pedophilia are sexual orientations. S&M is usually considered to be more of a sexual practice or fetish – the attraction here is toward the enacting of particular scenarios, roles and the use of various pieces of equipment, whips, etc. The gender of the partner may or may not be an issue, though it usually is. The human being is such a diverse animal that the word ‘natural’ doesn’t seem appropriate – any or all of these orientations/practices could be ‘natural.’ There is one fairly clear distinction, though: Homosexuality and S&M may arouse some feelings of disgust in some people, but these are orientations where the sexual activity involves partners who consent freely, and are not normally harmful. Therefore, these orientations are afforded some degree of protection. In the case of bestiality, apart from the revulsion many people feel, the reasoning is that the animal cannot freely consent to the activity. Similarly with pedophilia, the child cannot consent freely. It’s a question of power relations and knowledge. It’s assumed that the child, when involved with a more powerful and intelligent adult, is at much greater risk of having his or her wishes overruled, and of not understanding the full ramifications of his or her decision.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,A good answer to this might be to observe the ways members of other religions also fail to follow their doctrine. Or even the way some agnostics keenly consult the stars or tarot cards. My point is that humans of whatever flavor are not the most consistent of creatures. I’m a lapsed Catholic and have felt quite comfortable associating with priests and other Catholics in gay Catholic groups. Catholic means ‘universal,’ and of all the Christian religions, I’ve noticed that Catholicism seems to make room (officially sanctioned or otherwise) for a great variety of people. Historically, the Church has had a number of changes in doctrine. Gay Catholics understand this history, and many opt to stay and push for change within the Church. Another perspective is that once born a Catholic, changing religion is not as easy as choosing one fast food restaurant over another. Many people are quite happy to remain in the Catholic ‘lifestyle’ in which they grew up, while being quite dismissive of some of the Pope’s teachings. Most Catholics are quite accepting of this duality; it’s probably one of the Church’s better features.
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Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,It depends how the beliefs are ‘professed’. If I don’t know you, and you come up to me on the street to tell me about your religion, then that is imposing your views on me. That’s also the case if you did it at work, or in a social context. Unfortunately, there are not a lot of places where it’s appropriate to profess one’s religious views, perhaps because in the West, we have a pretty bad overall historical experience with people trying to force their religious views on others. Also, many religious people who do profess their views are not prepared to engage in rational discussion about their religion and prepare to learn by the process of debate. My opinion is that you should save your views for church, where those who are interested in your faith will turn up. Often, I find that I get asked about my religious views, but that’s because I subscribe to a pretty esoteric philosophy which has unjustified but sinister associations in the minds of some people. I don’t tend to profess my views as I feel that anyone who is sincerely interested will seek out the organisations that promote my philosophy.
User Detail :
Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA, Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,
