[Jennifer-M]

Why do most guys discriminate against gay guys but not lesbians?

User Detail :  

Name : Jennifer-M, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 15, City : Central Square, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[A.N.]

Generally, straight men, for some reason, feel the need to continually prove their masculinity and manlihood to other males. It's like they live their entire life trying to justify their heterosexuality. Call a straight man gay and just watch the reaction. On the other hand, most straight guys get off on even the idea of lesbians; this, in no way, questions their masculinity. They think it strengthens it. It's not fair, but it's the way it is.

User Detail :  

Name : A.N., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : 4 Years of College, 

[Ben S.]

At its most basic, this question is resolved biologically, and I hope I'm not offending anyone. We live in a patriachal society. However, straight men have anuses. The anus is an erogenous zone, regardless of sexual orientation. Gay men have penises. There is always the implied threat of vulnerability. Another implied threat is the fear of some straight men that they may potentially be gay, whereas, they cannot, obviously, be lesbian.

User Detail :  

Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Sarah28131]

Gay men are seen as a sexual threat, no matter how subconscious that thought may be. Lesbians, however, are 'safe.'

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Name : Sarah28131, Gender : F, Race : Asian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 23, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Randall F.]

I don't hate gays, but the best thing I can come up with is that if you are straight and love women, wouldn't it be cool to have two women? Also, the man does not feel threatened. And third, it's just a man thing, you know, like drinkin' beer, watchin' sports, etc. Gay men are just a threat to straight men altogether, because women can relate to gay men more then straight men can - that's why they hate gay men.

User Detail :  

Name : Randall F., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 26, City : SHENYANG, State : NA Country : China, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Carolyn32366]

Many guys also discriminate against lesbians. For example, here in Sydney a few years ago, a straight man tried to go to a lesbian nightclub - the only one in Sydney open on Saturday night at that time, as far as I know. Straight men were not allowed to go there, on the basis that it was the only place where lesbians were in the majority. There are straight nightclubs everywhere. That man said he was being 'discriminated' against, but, in reality, he was denying lesbians the right to their own space. The club went out of business shortly after, partly due to the legal bills brought on by the court case involving this man. There was no lesbian nightclub in Sydney for three or four years after that, only other nightclubs that had lesbian nights, on, say, Fridays or Sundays. Some straight men think lesbianism is a kind of sex they'd like to watch, but lesbianism, by its nature, is for women, not men.

User Detail :  

Name : Carolyn32366, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, 

[Theo24739]

I'm surprised no lesbians have responded yet to this one. Yes, it seems obvious that straight men are hostile to gay men, at least partially because they are afraid that they may, in fact, be gay, and therefore they have to go out of their way to prove to themselves and others that they're not. But Randall's response naively illustrates why straight men are not hostile to lesbians: it's because they are under the impression that they can still 'have' a lesbian if they want one. (Oh, and if the lesbians are already together, then how convenient! The man can 'have' two lesbians instead of one!) They don't believe that there are really beautiful women out there who only like to have sex with other women! I know many men who have learned the hard way that women loving women is a real thing when their supposedly bisexual (or supposedly straight) girlfriend permanently left them for a woman. Most of these men (including my boyfriend) will now say a respectful 'no thank you' to a bisexual woman if they're looking for a real relationship. They're not going to get burned twice in the same way.

User Detail :  

Name : Theo24739, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 31, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, 

[ChrisD]

Another discussion point that no one has seemed to address is the societal 'seat of beauty,' which in the United States currently still resides in women. It is seen as understandable why any person would be attracted to a woman, because they are perceived to be where beauty lies. On the flip side, men are perceived as the seat of power. This is why many find it completely acceptable for women to dress like men. This is seen as an attempt to gain more power. Men who dress like women are often perceived as lowering themselves. For background reading about this, I recommend Androgyny: The Opposites Within by June Singer.

User Detail :  

Name : ChrisD, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Atheist, City : Austin, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Production Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Iteki]

I've got to think that's a bit of a naive question. Ask it to the women who have been raped by straight men to 'show them what they are missing,' ask the women who have been denied custody of their children by their ex-husbands, ask the women whose fathers and brothers can't talk to them after they come out because for them 'lesbian' is something from a porno movie. I hear at least as many crude jokes and belittling comments made about lesbians as gay men, and I know an equal amount of each who have been turned down jobs, or verbally or physically assaulted because they fall in love with people of the same sex.

I agree, however, with the generalization that for straight guys, lesbians are 'safe' and gay guys are 'dangerous.' I think the comment 'they fear they could be gay but know they can't be lesbians' was wonderful - I am still giggling. Also, 95 percent (a random figure) of the time, the only image or connections your average straight guy has to the word 'lesbian' is what he has seen in, hmmm, shall we say 'erotic entertainment'? And we all know how representative of reality that is. Similarly the only image they have of gay men is either sitcoms, or horror stories told in the locker room. And we know how accurate they are, too.

User Detail :  

Name : Iteki, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Recovering Catholic, Age : 25, City : Stockholm (Via Dublin), State : NA Country : Sweden, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Steve27642]

To Lisa: the female ego isn't exactly a picnic to deal with, either.

User Detail :  

Name : Steve27642, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 44, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Corporate Cubicle Kind of Guy, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Berit]

I agree with most of your points about why straight men are into the idea of lesbians, but I have to object to your assertion that any straight man who gets involved with a bisexual woman should expect to be cheated on or abandoned for another woman. There is a common stereotype that bisexuals are innately promiscuous and incapable of being in a monogamous relationship. This is simply not true. In my experience, there are two kinds of bisexuals: some are attracted to men and women in different ways, and may indeed feel the need for more variety than one person can provide (although this doesn't mean they necessarily act on it), but I, and most of the bisexuals I know, are simply attracted to people, and see gender as an extraneous consideration.

User Detail :  

Name : Berit, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Religion : Atheist, Age : 25, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, 

[Mark]

Speaking as a male, I would have to say that in a sense, men don't feel threatened by two women pleasuring each other or forming a relationship. There is no perceived threat of potential 'violation' from them. Other than homophobic males, or some of our less-enlightened brethren, I cannot fathom feeling threatened enough to want to discriminate against a gay male. Perhaps expressions of affection between women, either straight or gay, is something that we are conditioned to seeing publicly. Not so for men. A lot of repression there. Societal and religious. More's the pity. This is perhaps why it is women more than men who hold the fabric of society together.

User Detail :  

Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 42, City : Rockville, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Mark]

From an evolutionary stand point, men need to prove thier manliness just like peacocks need to show off thier colorful feathers. Males think that the more manly they are, it will attract more and better females.

User Detail :  

Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : Mt Clemens, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Paramedic, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 

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