[Allison]

To gay people: How do you deal with people saying things to you about your sexual preference? Does it bother you?

User Detail :  

Name : Allison, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 15, City : Central square, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, 

[A.N.]

It used to really hurt me and make me angry to hear others' feeling about my being gay. However, I soon got over my 'angry stage'. You just have to realize that it all stems from hatred and ignorance. When confronted with anti-gay rhetoric, I always ask myself if saying or doing something will benefit the situation. I, also, have to think about potential violence. All I can do is to live my life truthfully. Trying to enlighten EVERYONE on homosexuality is impossible and doing so would cause absolute misery. I feel lucky to have enlightened the many people I have...mostly friends and family.

User Detail :  

Name : A.N., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 23, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[TA]

Depends on what is said and the intent of the person speaking. I have a very different reaction to someone yelling 'Dyke' from a car and someone suggesting I bring my partner (their term, not mine) and our children to the company picnic. I am very open to discussing my lifestyle with anyone who honestly wants to understand me and know me. They usually find that I'm not much different from them.

User Detail :  

Name : TA, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : American Indian, Age : 40, City : Birmingham, State : AL Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Ben S.]

Depends what they say, Allison. I don't mind curiosity, and if asked a blunt question I will give a blunt answer. If the question is hostile, I might address it - often this can be done by throwing the question back onto the questioner. Other times the question indicates an IQ below room temperature, so I ignore it or use humour to defuse or end the topic. I do not mind honest questions, but as I am a free individual, I don't feel that I have to justify my existence either, especially if a person is seeking a confrontation.

User Detail :  

Name : Ben S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 31, City : sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Occupation : Public servant, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Douglas25674]

These days I rarely hear anything negative directed at me about my sexual orientation. But as to how to deal with it, you just learn. Much as a black kid has to deal with hearing negative things about his race, gay people hear negative stuff about their orientation. Sometimes you answer back defiantly, other times you do your best to educate. I think the best response is to continue living your life as you see fit and not let any negative statements get you down.

User Detail :  

Name : Douglas25674, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 38, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[David]

I assume you mean insults. Tough one - because really it depends on who says it, the manner in which it is said, where it's said ... everything. Some people will deal with it better than others. Certainly as a youngster who suffered homophobic bullying at school, yes, it was extremely hurtful. I probably cried myself to sleep more often than not. Research has shown that more than half of young lesbians and gay men who are bullied at school contemplate suicide or self-harm at least once. Almost a third commit self-harm more than once. Remember too, that most young gay people go through this difficult time completely alone. Children bullied for reasons of race or color will have support from their natural family, but for a young gay person who is not out to family, friends or peers, it can be a distressingly lonely time.

As an adult, I'm outraged at the ignorance and insensitivity, but not at a personal level. Hey, if people are socially ignorant, then it reflects on them, not on me, and, unless there is a real threat to my personal safety, I will always challenge homophobia. However, some adults are not so confident. Often years of continual harrassment and name-calling leads to internalized homophobia, where the victim believes it is his or her own fault, that they deserve it, bring it on themselves, etc.

Comments made in front of other people: family, colleagues or, in a social situation where the gay person may not be 'out,' can have a huge impact if the victim is not confident of his or her sexuality. At the end of the day, yes, it bothers me that it still goes on, that people are harrassed and verbally abused on a daily basis. Rates of suicide, self-harm and mental health problems are much higher for young gay people than with their straight peers. I'm lucky; I'm 41 and have experience on my side. People around me know I'm gay and that I don't see it as a weakness in myself, but my concern is for others more vulnerable than I who are less able to cope. What is needed is for more straight people, especially the young, to challenge homophobia when they hear it - in the same way that I, as a white man, will always challenge racist remarks.

User Detail :  

Name : David, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 41, City : Lancashire, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : community worker, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[hey!]

i havent completely 'come out' and i am bisexual so i am in a strange zone when gay people make fun of straight i feel hurt and when straight people make fun of gays it hurts. I had to deal with it.

User Detail :  

Name : hey!, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 16, City : hollywood, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 

[Author]

Posts