I myself have found out the hard way that hiding your past from a loved one is just as hurtful as lying. That's not to say that you should tell all on the first date. Start with small amounts, and get your partner to do the same. If you are both honest with each other in equal degrees (and remember that most men sleep around a lot more than women!) then he will appreciate your honesty if he's a good man, or if he doesn't, then you will find out that you have a dud!
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Name : Michael20652, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Charlotte, State : NC Country : United States, Occupation : Data analyst, Education level : 4 Years of College, If you tell a man your past, they will do one of two things. They will either accept it as your past, or not be able to reconcile it within themselves, and if they dont break up with you at first, you will fight constantly and probably end up breaking up eventually. While this second possibility may scare you off from telling any men, you have to ask yourself the question, is this the type of person you want to be with? Chances are that if they cannot accept this type of information, they will have other problems with them as well, and you are better off finding a man who can accept it. So I would say tell them, and be ready for negative responses, and just keep looking until you find a positive response.
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Name : Jay31319, City : Tokyo, State : NA Country : Japan, I read how Paul, the apostle in the scriptures didn't make a mountain out of a mole hill. But, he did say that he was 'CHIEF AMONG SINNERS'. This is good news for most of us who are just as human (myself included). We know from the historic writings found in Acts that he even participated in the killing of Stephen (martardom). So, are we any worse? NO. I say that it is important to settle our past with God, then admit that we were wrong and simply tell others: 'I am a 'sinner' but am saved by the 'Grace of God.'
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Name : Michael-White29561, Age : 55, City : Bedford, State : TX Country : United States, It's great to hear you've seen how that lifestyle was taking you nowhere fast. It's funny how this 'world' we live in always promotes putting ourselves and our pleasures first and foremost but negates to remind us of the consequences that follow. Obviously you won't be sharing your life's story with just anyone. You will be looking for that special person that you care for in totality and who you believe would reciprocate the feelings. With that said, you must be prepared for even 'special' people to turn and walk away from the relationship once they hear about your past. We live in a time where sexually transmitted diseases are a VERY serious concern. Not just HIV or A.I.D.S but all the 'lesser' ones as well. A lot of guys may not wish to place themselves in a relationship of that nature. More important than that, I am concerned that you have had a REAL time of emotional healing before going out and looking for Mr. Right. You say you've had 2 abortions and 20 partners. These are not things that you can fold away neatly in your 'past'. These monsters will be back to constantly remind you or where you were. What's important is that you can learn to seek forgiveness from God and then forgive yourself. Your past won't disappear but it WILL be easier to live with. If you do end up finding that special someone and they stick around after hearing about your past and then they tell you about their past and you feel like sticking around, I think that would be a pretty good bet that you guys might have something worth working for in your futures. Good luck!
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Name : Sam-R21444, City : Wesley Chapel, State : FL Country : United States, There is nothing to worry about. Shoot it at him when you feel the time is right. but be honest and contended and tell him with complete faith. If you believe in God then bring him into picture and explain. it works.. Try it.. later
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Name : Atif, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. Everyone goes through a discovery period about themselves. Some people explore as if they were Columbus, others stay close to home. You just went further than you were prepared to go. Now things are balancing out. No one deserves your personal information just because they are dating you. We all have things in our past. If these things cause you pain or embarrassment, you're most likely never to repeat them. It just wasn't you. Save this information for someone who is really worthy of it. If they are truly worthy, it won't matter.
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Name : Kevin P., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 35, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Railroad employee, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, I think that you don't have to tell them unless they ask. If you want to be honest with them, then you should sit down and talk to them about the situation.
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Name : Devetrice19466, City : Beulah, State : MS Country : United States, I disagree with Kristina and you should feel guilty for doing what you did. I think most men would agree with me, therefore you should never utter a word of it untill three years of marriage when he's trapped already, if you don't want to lose him. If you're looking for a serious relationship, telling that person who you don't take relationships seriously will get you nowhere. Everyone accepts it's hard to be faithful to one person, but no one accepts their partner to have no self-control in the matter and to be completely unable to think further than her own selfish sexual desires and immediate wants, regardless of sexual diseases or unwanted pregnancies.
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Name : Tom24091, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Arbor, State : NA Country : Sweden, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, There's no doubt you need to tell all if you are getting into a serious reputation. If he found out later, that would be a huge problem. While I don't disagree that you should get checked for HIV, I assume you realize the odds are very slim that you have it. I am surprised that people here think it is so common.
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Name : Dave25975, Gender : M, City : Toledo, State : OH Country : United States, Social class : Upper middle class, To not tell would show a lack of faith between you and your partner. Why would you want to stay with someone you do not trust? Your past is who you are. You would not be where you are without it. I would suggest letting the person you become involved with know. Would you like to be involved with someone, love them and then find out through another source they have done things you do not approve of? Besides, you see it on TV every day. Inform others of your sexual history. Not to control, but in protecting your life.
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Name : Alex29029, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, I recommend you never disclose the past you have put behind you, but rather focus on the present and future. You appear to have your life under control, and there is no reason to loosen that control.
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Name : D. Hopper, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Methodist, Age : 64, City : Springfield, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Investigator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, If he cannot take the truth, he is not worth it. My current girlfriend, whom I love very much, has had about four times the partners I have. I don't care. After all, why should she be ashamed? If she was a guy she would be a stud. The truth is that most males cannot take the truth - they look at it as a blow to their overly sensitive small, penis-driven egos. Now for the flipside: in today's world of STDs there is reason for concern. If you are clear and free of STDs, let the truth set you free and learn from your past. One more thought: you can't start a relationship on a lie. Who knows? All your crazy stories could turn your future mate on, like my girlfriend's do to me.
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Name : Chad Y., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Lutheran, Age : 31, City : Medford, State : OR Country : United States, Occupation : Graphic Designer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Two years ago I would have wholeheartedly said yes. Unfortunately, believing that has probably ruined my marriage. Similar to you, I went through a wild period seven years ago when I became single again following my divorce from my first wife. This was completely out of character for me and I carried on for about two years until I got over my anger and broken heart. I grew to realize that I never wanted that type of empty lifestyle again. I healed myself and again wanted a real monogamous relationship based on love, trust and understanding. I started dating again and then three years ago I miraculously met the absolute love of my life and she absolutely believed I was the love of her life. We completely clicked in every way. We got engaged within three months and married after six. Shortly after our wedding, she asked me for details about that period in my life. Thinking I had nothing to hide and wanting complete honesty in our relationship, I told her everything. Unfortunately, she had not yet told me everything, specifically that she was a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and her father was a womanizer. She was absolutely floored by my revelation and has never recovered. Because of her childhood experiences she has a very difficult time trusting (through no fault of her own). Unfortunately my revelation shattered the trust she had about who I was. Her inability to trust me has completely upset our relationship. We have been in counseling for the last year, but it has been hell for both of us. Ironically, I have always been a completely faithful, honest person, but I will never again mention this period of my life to anyone. If you decide to tell someone, make sure you know them very well and make sure you prepare them ahead of time that the information you have to share might be painful. I've learned this the hard way.
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Name : Jeff31158, Gender : M, Age : 34, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, If you are truly a changed person, and you are happy with the way you are today, then leave the past in the past. Everyone has done things he or she is not proud of. Most of the time those experiences help one become a better person. If the subject is broached, this is what you can tell your current beau. If he's understanding, he'll realize he's got himself a mature woman who has learned from her mistakes.
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Name : Ayanna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : Implementation Support Specialist, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, There is no need to give a person your entire life story the moment you meet them. All relationships come in phases. The moment you meet you need not explain your entire family tree, you hopes for the future , all your past sex partners, etc. As your relationships blossoms into something more concrete, then you can start to reveal some of the things from your past that you may or may not be particularly be pleased with . We all have ' skeletons' , so don't show your cemetery on the first date , because trust me your companion probably will not be inviting you over to show you all of his or her tombstones either.
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Name : Kimberly-P, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 28, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Team Lead, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
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