Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences
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Speaking as someone who has been in the situation I will tell you do not tell. Wait until you are comfortable and happy in your relationship. Speaking from experience even if you are a great person it will give the person a bad picture of you and truthfully if he is still forming an opinion of you then he will consider you a ‘Hoe’. Do not lie if he asks but until you are sure this is someone that you want a long-term relationship from, there is no point telling. As long as you don’t have any STDs.
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Name : Damian, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Rastafari, Age : 26, City : Miami, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Computers, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Hi Laura, I echo Katherine’s comments and commend her for making them. In any collective of people, norms and values dictate what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and are often in conflict with individual interpretations of how a life should be lived. I personally live an alternative lifestyle, being bisexual. You can imagine the sort of reaction I’d get if I went around telling everyone here in the midwest about it. Likewise, there is a considerable number of people in the population who have done an even more considerable number of ‘bad’ things. They don’t go around publicising their ‘transgressions’ (e.g. infidelity to a marital partner). All you have to do is look beyond the group norms you find your life encased in to find examples of alternative ways to live. You might be surprised that there is someone out there looking for someone just like you, because they have some alternative (e.g. not mainstream) take on life. This doesn’t mean that you should tell all to all though. I ended up finding a partner of the opposite gender who happens to be bi as well. Imagine what a pity it would be if we both kept that a secret from each other all our lives – the angst and the secrecy and the lost intimacy that would result. Instead we can celebrate in it, and even at times enjoy some of the crazy memories we created before we got together. The world is what you make of it. Don’t feel guilty, life’s too short. This likely stands in stark contrast to the opinions of many, but it really shouldn’t matter when it comes to your personal life. To me your question is less about kiss and not tell, and more about being confident and at peace with yourself. Respect others in their person and beliefs, be moderate when required, maintain an honest work ethic, and have fun in life – these should be amended to the 10 commandments in my opinion. Best, GSK
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Name : GSK, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : East Lansing, State : MI, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Do not give a bunch of details. That was the past and you are moving on. Regardless of how you feel about your sexual activities, it will not help to divulge too much info. I have been there. Even if your mate thinks he is understanding and open-minded, it will come back to bite you later. Humans have the tendency to be insecure and when any fidelity concerns arise in my relationship of 16 years, my husband brings up my past excessive promiscuity as a reason for not trusting me. Just be who you are today and don’t borrow trouble from your past.
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Name : Shelley, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Albuquerque, State : NM, Country : United States, Occupation : accountant, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,First of all – been there, done that – a long time ago. Make sure you have no STDs and are HIV-. That is crucial. Obviously you don’t want to pretend to be a virgin. Nothing else matters in my opinion – don’t lie but I don’t think you have to offer the information. Who are you now? That’s what matters. I agree with others who said – if someone will be so judgmental about your past I think you want to steer clear from them anyway. You sound great! Forget about the past.
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Name : S-Sullivan, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 56, City : Philadelphia, State : PA, Country : United States, Occupation : Secretary, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Laura, I had an experience similar to yours except probably with more drugs and only slightly less sex. I am currently finishing a doctoral degree and am married to a wonderful man who has had his share of wild times also. You should not feel pressured to tell a new relationship anything that you feel uncomfortable with – remember, the experiences you have had have made you the person you are today. As you become more intimate with someone, situations may arise where you feel like discussing some of your past experiences. Then again, you might not ever feel like sharing. I have told my husband some of my stories and he has shared some of his also, but there are some areas of our pasts we have never touched on and prefer not to. Generally, when it comes to sexual experiences we agree not to share them because we feel like we should be focusing on OUR relationship and OUR sex life, not our pasts. Basically I think it comes down to compassion – even if you (or your husband) has done some things they are not proud of, it is NOW that is important – the relationship you share NOW, and the person you are NOW. While explaining parts of your past may help your significant other to understand you better, I don’t think it is imperative that you share it ALL.
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Name : kara26749, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : native american/caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 25, City : denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I would expect to hear about the two abortions prior to marrying a woman. How you relate those experiences is up to you, and the amount of detail you provide will probably depend on how much he wants to know. To some men it will matter a lot. To another, it won’t matter much – and though you think you might know how he will react, he may suprise you. Of course, you could never broach the subject – in which case he may never become the wiser. And you may live a long and happy life together nonetheless. But you will think about it from time to time, and it may haunt you.
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Name : Jack, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 44, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Management, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,For brand new relationships, dazzle with who and what you are NOW. If it gets serious, I think it’s important to at least mention that you’ve had a wild stage. Hiding it will just make you feel guilty since good relationships are based on trust and respect. If you don’t trust enough to let them know you weren’t perfect from the cradle on, you are not giving them a chance. Plus, if they can’t accept you as you are now because of your past, they need to grow up and are not ready for the mature relationship you sound like you’re looking for. If one of your previous acquaintances comes up and says ‘hi, boy you look good. Wanna screw like old times?’ when you’re with someone you’re serous about. You can hold your head up rather than be flustered because you got caught witholding information from your current SO.
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Name : Christine32074, City : Portland, State : OR, Country : United States,You say the past is not reflective of you in any way. But think about that for a minute: is that really true? Our past mistakes help shape who we are today. You’re not proud of your past, but those experiences helped define who you want to be. For example, I would guess that you are a lot more forgiving of someone who is currently experiencing what you went through, no doubt because you went through it yourself. You should be true to yourself and discuss it with your future mate. However, I also don’t think you are under any obligation to disclose anything you’re uncomfortable with up front. Just give it time. When the right time comes, telling him will just feel right. But remember, a long term relationship (I’m thinking of marriage here) is hard enough without complete honesty. Do yourself a favor and don’t erect any artificial barriers.
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Name : Charlie, City : Omaha, State : NE, Country : United States,You are young yet & will make many more mistakes in life, the greatest of which would be denying your past. Wisdom is gained through ALL the choices we make in life ..good or bad. Besides, anyone who can’t forgive your past will probably never filly accept who you are.
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Name : Bryan-F, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Native American, Age : 43, City : Bloomington, State : MN, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I had been with this girl for 4 years, and like you she had her wild times and like someone else said, we all have the I had my own share. We were aware of everything, I even get two know a couple of guys and even my best friend spend a night with her before my time. I don’t think the problem is whether you tell him or not, the problem is to keep the trust in the relationship, to be fully open with your partner. In my case she always knew were I was and whith whom, but like 6 months ago she started to hide stuff like people and places she went. Sometimes she even stay out until the next day. At this point the problem I think was obvious, she returned to the wild ways of before. So like a month ago we ended our relation. So my opinion here is, if you tell cuz you love someone and you are trully over it, try not to lose his trust beacause he will start to have bad ideas about what you are doing.
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Name : Iddy, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Age : 29, City : San Jose, State : FL, Country : Costa Rica, Occupation : Bookie, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Here is a little bit of advise: Keep your past in the past and move forward. We have all done things we are not proud of, so don’t voulenteer any embarrassing history. All of that crap about ‘Do you want to be with someone who won’t accept you…..’ is totally silly and idealistic. Humans are human, rememeber. I used to think that love could make it all better till I was told somethings that haunted me. I still may have loved her, but the image wouldn’t leave me. Most, if not all of us, are similar. Keep your secrets SECRET.
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Name : Steve-OBrien32478, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : Providence, State : RI, Country : United States, Occupation : management, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,First of all, I’m glad you are in a place where you feel good about yourself again. Next, please get tested. I, too, had my wild phase in my 20’s and was fortunate not to contract anything. But if you are infected with any STD’s you need to know (for your health, for any future sexual partner’s, and for any future child’s). If you test positive for anything you MUST tell any sexual partner before sexual activity occurs. If you are negative, then you have the luxury of time. Just as you don’t tell strangers your deep secrets, you don’t need to spill all on a first date. But when you do find a true intimacy, be sure to be honest. And early on honesty can be: ‘I have some things in my past, but I don’t feel ready to talk about them yet’. I’ve never held a girl’s past against her. But I have held their lies to me against them. Good luck.
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Name : Jason, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : San Diego, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,First have you forgiven yourself. Second have you asked God for forgiveness? If you have done both of these ask the Holy Spirit to guide you at the time of decision to tell or not to tell. He is the only one that knows the true answer.
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Name : Willie A, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 66, City : Monterey, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : Retired Training Specialist, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Relationships must be based on trust and honesty. At some point the truth always comes out, and when it does, it is not about your past, but about the deception. People are like cakes, the ingredients by themselves are nothing, but when combined they make a cake. Your history, your experiences and what you have learned from them are your ingredients and make you who you are. If you find someone who loves you, he should be grateful for your past because it has made you the person he loves. If you find someone who is not, then he didn’t really love you and you should keep looking until you find someone who does.
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Name : Mike20614, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Arlingon, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : Private investigator, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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