You're not the same person anymore. You made your mistakes. Accentuate the postive and move forward. No sense in dredging up old history that serves to promote bad feelings and mistrust and most of all beating yourself up that absolutely makes no sense at all because the world will take care of that for you. (School of hard Knocks)
User Detail :
Name : Andrew, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 47, City : Parker, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Information Technology, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, Laura, I think honesty is important in any relationship, but I also don't think it's important for your boyfriend to know these things about you unless you two are planning to spend the rest of your lives together (i.e., you are engaged). You need to know that the guy loves you for you, and, if he's the right one, your past shouldn't matter anyway. And if he's the right one, you will want him to know about all the things you've experienced, I think.
User Detail :
Name : Misty-B, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 21, City : Tuscaloosa, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, I honestly think you should tell a guy the truth maybe not right away but whe nyou start to know each other and talk about each others past and stupid things you've done this will be just another story. Honestly if he can't accept your human and that everyone makes mistakes there is no point being with him because honestly even that wild side is still apart of you, you have it under control but it's still there. So let a guy know the truth plus that's the best way to start a relationship, he may even love you more because of how well you've turned things around.
User Detail :
Name : Georgina, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian but not exactly, Age : 18, City : Bridgetown, State : NA Country : Barbados, Occupation : Student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, I have lived very close to the life you are speaking of. No, it is not something to tell every male on the the first date and I do noe beleive this is something to blurt out all at once when you do decide to have the conversation. But, you should never be ashamed of what you have done. If nothing else, the choices you have made in your past have made you the woman you are now. It is all of lifes experiences, not just the good ones, that shape us. The man I am married to knows all of my past because we were firends for a long time before we dated and I told him bits and pieces as we went along. If nothing else, if your tests are all clear... the man you decide to have children with needs to know about the abortions becasue they may casue complications with future pregnancies.
User Detail :
Name : Jen T, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 30, City : Birmingham, State : AL Country : United States, Occupation : Housewife, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower class, Laura, When I was 15 I had sex for the first time. I ended up having an abortion. When I was 16 I got pregnant again. This time a junior in highschool I went through with the pregnancy and had my daughter. By the time I was 19 I had gone through PID, Clamydhia, and a gang rape. By the time I was 21 I had lived in a homeless shelter and had been with more than 35 men. Most of my adolesence was spent trying to find myself through the comfort of someone else's words and validation of me. It took a long time for me to realize that I had to first learn how to validate myself. We put a great emphasis in our society on men being 'studs' and women being 'whores' if they are as sexually liberated as their male counterparts. While I will say that I did sleep around for the wrong reasons, the experiences and resulting learning and growing that I developed from them only served in the long run to make me a better women as an adult. I know you are more than anything afraid that if you admit your abortions that a man will possibly shun or look down on you despite your 'good girl' status now. However, let me be the first to say that you never lost that status. There will be many who will never understand the decisions you made during that time and yes they will shun and possible codemn you before they learn who you truly are. However, those who take the time and who learn who you truly are, will be able to accept decisions you made. My husband knows every sordid little detail about my life, as do most people who meet me. I learned a long time ago that by sharing my experiences with others such as yourself it was not only cathartic for me but in turn could help others. I actually am pushing to speak in the highschools regarding my experiences if only to teach young people that it is ok to have been 'down and out' so long as you don't become a victim of it in the long run. Laura, honey, hold your head up high and never be ashamed of who you are or where you came from. My daughter is now 12 almost 13, I'm 29. I have a successful small business and an incredible family. It was a long, hard road but I promise if you stick to your convictions and stay proud of the woman you have become, you will be just fine.
User Detail :
Name : Rebecca, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/Latino (may be any race), Religion : Agnostic, Age : 29, City : Washington, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : Designer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, When you first meet someone, it's not necessary to divulge all that information right away. Too much information too soon will cause problems and possible kill a blossoming relationship. Still, you want someone you can be honest with. If the relationship seems to be going somewhere, be honest and up front. I myself have blemishes on my past. (lots of drinking, experimenting in drugs.) My partner knows that that was me in the past, and that I'm a different person now. And we both feel the better for it, because your past experiences will affect your future, in the ways you think and act about things. She knows why I tried drugs, and why I stopped, and she has no worries as to me going back.
User Detail :
Name : Jake, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, You have nothing to be ashamed of, in fact in the long run you will probably be a better mate as you have done all of these things and gotten it out of your system. My brother and his childhood sweetheart had a child at 16 (accidentally) and were married for the last 18 years. Throughout the last 12 years of their marriage, they cheated on each other many times, went through the partying stages and all of the the things people usually do before they were married. They are now divorced. I would say keep it to yourself, if he wants to disclose all of the details of his single life then he should be privy to your info..
User Detail :
Name : Ken26421, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 40, City : Peoria, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : sales, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Hi Laura! I too was a wild child - alcohol, drugs, lots of partners, worked as a stripper and so on. When I quit all of that and found a 'straight' guy, it was about six months before I felt comfortable enough to tell him about my past. Even then I didn't sit down and give him all of it at once! He already knew that I didn't drink or drug because I am an alcoholic/addict. Much to my surprise he found this side of me very exciting and respected me a great deal for turning my life around, and for coming clean about it. Turns out he had a few 'horror stories' of his own, too! Now we laugh about our past activities and try to offer advice to people who are tired of the wild life. We're getting married this year, and there are no secrets between us. And occasionally, I table dance for him!
User Detail :
Name : Samantha, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 36, City : Woodstock, State : NA Country : Canada, Occupation : Secretary, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I agree, that our sexist society seems to have a bit to do with your dilema. Personally, I would prefer someone with some experience, as it where. However, to get to your question... If you are serious about a relationship with someone, and I mean really serious, then the person should be told. Your partner doesn't need to know all the details, nor exactly how many people you had sex with. All they need to know is you had a wild couple years, and realized that it wasn't how you wanted to live your life. Make very very sure you didn't catch something, then take a deep breath and talk to your partner. If they can't accept who you are now, and what you were then, I'd say they aren't someone you want to have around you forever anyway.
User Detail :
Name : Tom24097, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 35, City : Boston, State : MA Country : United States, Occupation : I.T, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 
EgParticipant
Laura, I have often been mystified about this question. Why is it so important for a partner(man or woman)to know who proceeded them in your sex life. If someone loves you for who you are then it should be a general non-issue. If you have made a decision to devote your self to one person, then that should be the prevailing point. I've been around a couple blocks and can tell you, I can count the number of virgins I've met on one hand, so don't sweat it. You can't do anything about yesterday, so no sense in dwelling on it.
User Detail :
Name : Eg, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 30, City : Portland, State : ME Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Hey, I'm in the same boat you are, not to the extent, but to the point where i am embarrassed about my past, not just the sex but the drugs and the partying etc. The thing with meeting new guys is this... they don't NEED to know about your past. The person they will be falling in love with is 'you now' not 'you then'. So there's no need for you to bring it up yourself... that may either drive him away or want you for the wrong reasons. However, the subject may come up, and most likely will. If ya'll have just met or have only been seeing each other for a while, you can say something simple like 'i'd rather not discuss that, I do have a past, but I have grown out of that now'. that would show honesty and also maturity in that you understand how immature your actions were. If the relationship gets deeper, maybe even to the point of marriage, then may be a good time to explain about the abortions. That is something any husband would need to know, especialy if ya'll are thinking about having children. Never do you need to say how many people you have had sex with, because that is honestly none of his business. He may know that you were a bit wild, but the details don't need to be discussed. However, if you have had sex with so many people, getting tested is very important... before you ever get in a relationship again... and if you do then your partner should definitely know. but like i said details dont need to be discussed. The all time most important thing in any relationship is trust, so if you lie to him about these things, you've already started it out on the wrong foot.
User Detail :
Name : Stevie27712, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 20, City : Atlanta, State : GA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : student, Your 'wild life' sounds like my early eighties.I too was acting crazy.I had a blast and lived the life I wanted to,and since I had alot of male 'friends',I never worried about where my home was.Anyway, that was 16 years ago.I never told my husband about those days because they aren't inportant to him.They are important however to me.They helped to shape the person I am today.Sure,I had some really rough years trying to outgrow that behavior but I did and you will too. There is no reason why you should explain your sexual history to anyone unless your talking to your ob/gyn.
User Detail :
Name : Donna Robare, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 41, City : New Kensington, State : PA Country : United States, Occupation : self employed, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 20 men in 2 years - that's about 1 every month! Now you want a 'relationship'. Well, what's a relationship (especially these days)? Legal marriage 'until death you do part', or until the messy divorce and child custody battles 8 years down the road? Common-law humping for 3 years? Same-sex marriage? Move back in with your parents in 12 years? Become a single mom? I'm not trying to berate you, just be realistic; what is it you really want and how are you going to get there. Now assuming you're talking about married with children, the main things you have to be concerned about are the physiological consequences of your past behaviour. After 20 men and 2 abortions there is a very good chance that you are now diseased and sterile. Well, if the medical tests come back okay, then you just have to worry about the emotional/psychological issues. Any man you get involved with will want to know the basic general truth of your past and current medical status before becoming intimate with you, but they won't want to hear all the sordid details. Don't discuss this in your bedroom 1 minute before their clothes are off and they're aroused. Pick a time and place where you can both feel comfortable and at ease but without the expectation of sex. Maybe right now you are feeling lonely and insecure. To go from 'wild girl' to 'Mrs. Domesticated' overnight suggests that you are a co-dependant type looking to rely upon someone else to provide for all your future needs. This is unrealistic - as much as you may want it, you cannot have your cake and eat it too. On the other hand, maybe you just met someone extra special - if you conceal your past, it will hurt you later. Be honest and unafraid. To be afraid to lose someone is a guaranteed relationship killer.
User Detail :
Name : Glenn, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 41, City : Abbotsford, State : NA Country : Canada, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class, My question to you is would you want to know if he had this past? To me, your past wouldn't be an instant end to the relationship, if you've changed for good, your life will prove it and that should be enough for anyone. If it's not good enough for him, he's not worth worrying about.
User Detail :
Name : Frank, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 27, City : Laurel, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Police, Social class : Middle class, To answer your question you first need to know what type of relationship your involved in, and what type of person your involved with in that relationship. If your first dating and in the 'Getting to know you' phase of a relationship, I would forego any indepth honesty about your previous sexual escapades. You don't know in the beginning where a new relationship will take you, and you don't want to tell the wrong person your entire dubious past life history. If and when you find that right person, I would mention it at a later time thats right for both people. Trust and communication is the key to any successful relationship. Your the only one who will know if both of those factors play into your relationship. Then you will know the When, Where, Why, What, Who and How of your question.
User Detail :
Name : Joseph M, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Kansas City, State : MO Country : United States, Occupation : Medical, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 
Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences .
