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Race/Ethnicity Questions 531-540

THE QUESTION:
R540: I heard recently from a friend in Northern California that in her place of work, she often hears white women say somewhat rude remarks about white or black men and their Asian wives. For example, “He’s married to a little Asian girl; he likes those submissive types.” In this particular area of California there are many Asians, and interracial marriages between Asians and blacks or whites would seem to be a logical outcome. Why does it appear that if a non-Asian man is attracted to an Asian women it is immediately assumed by some people that they like “submissive” types? To me, it’s racist and promotes the idea that only if you are a white woman can you be viewed as assertive, independent and headstrong.
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
G.G., female, 26, Sacramento, CA

ANSWER 1:
I was married to a Chinese (not American-born) woman for five years, and she was anything but submissive. That was one of the things I most admired about her. She was an incredibly gutsy woman. And oh, don’t get her mad! Again, hardly submissive. I have lots of Chinese friends, including many women, and few could be considered submissive.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
G.D., 37, white male <avhbooks@world.std.com>, Boston, MA
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THE QUESTION:
R539: It seems as though young black males do not approach me because they have seen me with white males. Do black males date black females who have dated or currently date white males? If not, why not?
POSTED NOV. 29, 1998
M. Boyd, 18, black female <jeboyd007@msn.com>, Kansas City, MO

ANSWER 1:
I think that this has much to do with the stigma that is attached to many interracial couples. Generally, I would classify this stigma as something derived from the xenophobia that people possess. As a black male and speaking personally, no, I wouldn’t necessarily have issues with someone dating outside of my ethnicity, but I’m sure that there are those who would.
POSTED NOV. 30, 1998
Andre, African-American male <dreallen@yahoo.com>, New York, NY
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THE QUESTION:
R538: Would a college-age Japanese woman be offended by a birthday card with a cartoon animal on it, such as a bear? Also, what are Japanese customs concerning gift-giving to friends (in Japan and overseas)?
POSTED NOV. 29, 198
Tamara O., female, IL

ANSWER 1:
I can’t speak to customs of gift-giving. I do know that the indigenous people of Japan, the Ainu, consider the bear sacred. Maybe your friend considers cartoons of bears degrading or offensive for that reason.
POSTED NOV. 30, 1998
Dave, 36, white male <david.drewes@apwesa.com>, Wales, WI

FURTHER NOTICE:
First off, a Japanese woman of college age would be delighted with any card, especially one from outside of Japan. Don’t worry about it. The bear is not a problem at all; in fact, it is quite appropriate, as Japanese people in general, and women in particular, place a far greater value on “cuteness” than most Americans. “Kawai-i!” (cute) is accepted much more broadly in Japan, and it is applied across age and gender lines to an extent that would draw instant ridicule in the United States. As for Japanese gift-giving customs, buy a book. Several, large books, preferably. Study all you want, you still won’t really understand. Japanese people have an astonishing assortment of complex, nuanced, formalized gift-giving customs. Relax, though – you aren’t Japanese, so you aren’t expected to conform. A gift that somehow recalls or memorializes any aspect of your relationship to the receiver will be greatly appreciated.
POSTED NOV. 30, 1998
Geoff <boston@eolas-net.ne.jp>, Asahikawa, Japan
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THE QUESTION:
R537: I want to know what people think of the current situation in which a white teacher in New York was highly criticized for teaching with a book called Nappy Hair, written by a black author and designed to celebrate differences. The teacher was using the book in order to take the culture of her black students into account.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
John K., 25 <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ

ANSWER 1:
I read about this event and also wondered what was the cause of all the ruckus. We all know that nappy hair is viewed as a derogatory term by many people. Perhaps the parents took umbrage at a white female using a book with this title. Unfortunately the black experience in America teaches us that it is best to err on the side of caution when dealing with white people. If our collective experience in America has taught us anything, it is that we should approach all white people and their actions with caution. Those parents couldn’t in good conscience assume that the white teacher’s actions were either well-meaning or benign.
POSTED NOV. 28, 1998
Wanda, Boston, MA

FURTHER NOTICE:
According to the acount I read, the book in question was written by a black female author. The article also stated that earlier in the school year the teacher had provided a reading list for students to give to their parents. Finally, the article stated that the school and teacher were shouted down by the angry parents at the meeting, which had been called to discuss the issue and book. In short, given the “facts” as stated in the article I read, I see an instance of black parents screaming “racism” right away and then practicing intolerance (refusing to listen). If the article I read was inaccurate, someone please provide accurate details. Until some evidence of racism and intolerance by the teacher is produced, I feel sympathy for the teacher, not the parents.
POSTED NOV. 28, 1998
Phaedrus, 40, Caucasian, Boston , MA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I just read in The New York Times online today that the parents were actually sympathetic with the teacher (they even sent her flowers). However, other local residents, who were probably less well-informed about the teacher’s intentions, were the ones who were upset about the choice of books. Too bad. The teacher has opted to leave the school district.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
S., white, hearing impaired, Columbia, MO

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have to say as a future teacher (I graduate in May) that I was extremely alarmed by what happen to this young teacher. I feel bad for her and her students. I believe she honestly tried to open the minds of her students and encourage them to have high self-esteem. It is really sad that some ignorant people robbed those children of a teacher who really cared about them. I honestly wish people would have read the entire book before making quick uneducated decisions. I just hope that incident doesn’t prevent teachers from trying to open the lines of communication about race and other sensitive subjects with their classes.
POSTED DEC. 3, 1998
Nicole, white, 22 <nicole_1976@hotmail.com>, N.J.

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Wanda: I don’t understand why the mediator allows you and others to make blanket statements as if they’re gospel. What is your basis for saying that “we” have been taught to approach all whites with caution? I believe this is another statement that borders on racism. How can you catergorically say all blacks hold this view and all whites deserve this treatment? Should all whites conversely approach you with caution? This double standard and hyprocrisy is a major reason race relations are so poor here. I hear black folks say nappy all day long. The woman who wrote the book was black. Is anybody screaming at her? And I am more than fed up with many participants posting their views as if their opinion is the prevailing view of all members of any given demographic. Speak as an individual, please. Much of what I read here does not represent my view, and I am as black as the next AfricanAmerican.

Lastly, Wanda, as a believer in metaphysics, I believe your experiences with whites is, in part, due to your own karma. If you believe all whites are not to be trusted, liked, etc., you will continue to draw those particular kinds of individuals into your experiences. It’s called universal law. Of course, I realize we do not live in a vacuum. So before someone challenges me and says I believe we create every bad situation that happens to us, be assured I do not. But, what I believe on this subject is another topic. If you’d like to further this discussion, e-mail me.
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Zawadi, black female, 33 <aquarius9@hotmail.com>, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
As a librarian in an elementary school, I bought that book for friends and for the African American library where I work part time. I love the sense of humor, and the dialogue made me remember family picnics and the sharp but loving speech of my older relatives. But I would not buy the same book for the majority white elementary school that I work at, nor would I read it for a story hour, although my co-worker who is African American uses it regularly. As a white person in an African-American family, I realize there are forms of speech reserved for home that would be misinterpreted in a majority white setting. I can see how white people might easily misunderstand the teasing sense of pride in the book, and African Americans might find it difficult to hear a white person read the text. Part of what makes the book so wonderful is that it taps into that family language. But racial politics being what they are, a professional teacher needs to be aware of his/her audience.
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Lori, white female, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I was surprised at the hostility my comments received from a reader. At the same time I sensed that she misread the comment. In self-defense, I will state that I used the term “to err on the side of caution.” Hopefully most understood that “to err” means to make a mistake. Secondly, I used the term “our collective experience,” not our individual experience. The collective experience means that we take into consideration what others of the group have experienced. We remember the Tuskeegee experiment the separate but equal doctrine, the Mexico City Olympics, the disparate wages, the neighborhoods destroyed by interstate road projects, the circumstances surrounding the death of Charles Drew and numerous other events, which when viewed collectively raise the issue of caution and trust. Lastly, it has been years since I last visited Detroit so I will take no responsibility for the tenor of race relations in that fine city.
POSTED JAN. 6, 1999
Wanda, Boston, MA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
To Wanda: I concede my tone was hostile. I am human and subject to err (to be wrong or mistaken; to deviate from the established moral code), and it was unnecessary to vent at you. I could have more civilized and disagreed with your argument/position only. I apologize. Personal attacks seldomly yield anything fruitful.

However, my posting did prompt you to contact me, and perhaps something of value will result from subsequent correspondence. We have different views. My sentiments regarding the nappy hair post are the same. You believe, feel and know what you know to be true for you. What I argued is that I take offense when writers speak for others, and you have used collective nouns, which in my mind, says you speak for others as well as yourself. I will, in light of your personal e-mail to me, re-read your response to consider what I missed or misinterpreted.

Secondly, I seriously considered what was going on with me emotionally that I felt so strongly charged. I suspect my reaction was not simply to this particular instance. I am offended when writers post their opinions and suggest or in any other way insinuate that their view is the prevailing one. Also, my experience has been that some of my most devastating, emotional wounds have been inflicted by members of my own race, and yet whenever we talk about race, there is a prepondence of accusations (and yes, much is valid) about what “those people” have done to “us.” But I rarely hear honest discussion about how we inflict emotional harm on one another.

I’m weary of hearing us complain and blame others and circumstances about what affects us, yet invest so little discussion about our own dirty laundry. In short, that day I was responding not only to the discussion at hand, but the issues I personally related to it. For instance, it was other black folks who talked about my nappy hair as a child, and as an adult. It was black folks who made me feel growing up that I was too dark to be bright (better than) and not dark enough to be “black is beautiful.” It was blacks who teased my diction and writing abilities. In short, it was always in my own community that I constantly felt challenged to prove I was “black enough.”

Again, I apologize for venting at you. Maybe I am one weird chick, but I didn’t get that way without some help. Get insulted and hurt enough, and you’re right, you learn to approach folks with caution. Peace.
POSTED JAN. 13, 1999
Zawadi, black female, <aquarius9@hotmail.com>, Detroit, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R536: Do white women wear hair extensions, weaves, etc. as frequently as black women?
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
A. Bailey, Bridgeport, CT
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THE QUESTION:
R535: Many times I have heard that African Americans want to be paid for the work that their ancestors did during slavery in the United States. My question is, Should all white people pay? What about those who migrated to the United States in the early 1900s?
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Marcus, 26, white Columbus , OH
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THE QUESTION:
R534: My wife says my use of the term “Trailer Trash” is just as offensive as using a racial epithet against a minority. I say I’m only using it to describe a certain set of behaviors. Who’s right?
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
P., white male, FL

ANSWER 1:
Well, that’s going to depend upon who you talk to. I would suggest you read a book called The Redneck Manifestoby Jim Goad. Think about this scenario: I saw a comedian who was talking about “white trash,” and he used the terms “podunk,” “cracker,” “hicks” and basically called everyone in the Midwest an inbred. Now, there was no outcry of racism/”ethnic bigotry” or anything like that in the news. (This comedian was a pretty well-known Jewish comedian/actor, and the routine was performed three years ago. Now, imagine if that same comedian had said “nigger,” “spook,” “coon” or any of the other racial slurs considered a no-no in today’s society while he was degrading “black trash.” Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton would have raised a fit, while The Honorable Louis Farrahkan (who I greatly respect) might have said “See! I told you so!” Racism knows no boundaries. Slurs are slurs, no matter how you slice them; and the intent is to degrade. Read Jim Goad’s book. It will definitely offend some people, but I found it a very enlightening look at “reverse descrimination” (it’s just descrimination. Period).
POSTED DEC. 7, 1998
Tim, single white male, 30 <Fafnir777@hotmail.com>, Jacksonville, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R533: About 10 or so years ago, my older brother used to work with a lot of African Americans for a rental car agency in the Chicago area, driving back cars long distances to their original departure points. The drivers would all drive their rental cars in a group on these cross-country “drive-back” treks out West. He told me there were times when some of the African Americans, upon just starting on the job and driving for their first time out of an urban area, would comment at rest stops on how amazed they were at the amount of “open space” there actually was once they got out in the country – almost as though they thought there would still be lots of buildings and concrete. Is this an anomaly, or are there many African Americans (or others) who have never been out of a city who don’t have this sense or understanding of the degree of open space there actually is in the United States?
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
P., white male, FL

ANSWER 1:
Many families in the inner-city are just trying to survive, and cross-country travel is out of the question.
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
A.A.W., 42 black female <ANABWI@aol.com>, Plantation, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I am acquainted with many African Americans who never venture far beyond the boundaries of their own neighborhoods, with the occasional exception of visiting relatives “back down South.” There are many possible explanations for this, and I’m not the most qualified person to speculate on them. In any case, it is likely that these people are intellectually aware of the wide open spaces covering our nation. To “know” it mentally and to actually see it firsthand are two entirely different cognitive experiences. Several years ago, I hosted two friends from England. Though they were from an urban area and were aware of the scale of Chicago in relation to their community, they still marveled at the way our city streets seemed to “go on without end.”
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Sam, 30, male, brown American <SamAlex67@aol.com>, Chicago, Il
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THE QUESTION:
R532: On the cover of The Los Angeles Times was a tragic picture of a Sudanese woman and her two starving children; one was an infant, the other a toddler. They were dying from famine and had only weeks to live. Famine is nothing new in this region and surely came as no surprise to the mother, who was herself emaciated. Why do people who live under these impossible conditions elect to have children when they know they will only suffer and die from starvation? As a white male from an upper-middle class background, I have made the decision to put off having children because I earn $30,000 per year as a waiter and am still in school.
POSTED NOV. 232 1998
B. Mccarthy, white male, 28, Los Angeles, CA

ANSWER 1:
I have questioned this myself for a long time, and the only thing I can come up with is that they just don’t know about contraception. Because of their condition, I assume they are uneducated, and for that reason they may not know how to protect themselves from pregnancies. I’m sure that if they were aware such devices were available to them, they’d protect themselves.
POSTED NOV. 24, 1998
Ingrid L., 18, Boston, MA

FURTHER NOTICE:
Sudan and the United States are about as different as you can possibly get in this world. The United States is a modern, industrialized, devloped, democratic, free nation. You are extremely lucky and fortunate to live in such a country and earn a middle-class living in a comfortable setting. Sudan is a desperately poor, agrarian, dictatorial, war-torn nation. Many of the Sudanese (if not the vast majority) are uneducated and do not have access to birth control. They cannot even dream about having anything remotely close to a lifestyle like yours. Thus, any child they have will have an extremely high chance of dying. You may then ask, “Why have children at all, then?” Well, in these agragrian cultures, children are, for better or worse, looked upon as “hands in the field” rather than “mouths to feed.” They cannot comprehend the macro-level consequences of more children like you and I can. Thus, people will tend to have more children than in the developed West, especially when it is practically guaranteed many children will die young. The economy, culture, values, politics, etc. are so vastly different from what you are accostomed to that comparing yourself to a destitute Sudanese mother is even beyond comparing apples and oranges.
POSTED NOV. 24, 1998
Mihir, Indian-American male, 25 <mishah@vt.edu>, Skokie, IL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Remember first that for many people, children are economically a net gain for the family, because the work they contribute to the family from a very early age. They are often a form of – sometimes the only form of – security in old age for the parents. (And of course, if you know that many of your children will die, then you must have even more to ensure that some will live.) But even aside from that, is having children always a choice? Birth control is not widely available in many places. Not having sex is not an option for many women, to put it delicately, and abstinence is not a popular choice in general, especially in cultures where the lack of children is a social stigma.
POSTED NOV. 24, 1998
Catherine H. <tylik@eskimo.com>, Woodinville, WA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Because of religious beliefs and a lack of access to birth control.
POSTED NOV. 24, 1998
A.A.W., 42 black female <ANABWI@aol.com>, Plantation, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I am an upper-middle class Nigerian who is very knowledgeable of the poverty and educational level of fellow Africans. The indigent/poor Africans are not aware of the various types of birth control, and this is attributed to the level of education in some parts of the continent (and as we all know, abstinence is very difficult.) Secondly, Africans value children, and because of that, abortion is considered wrong. Also, in some parts of Africa, children are considered the parents’ wealth. Like all parents, Africans do not want their children to suffer and starve to death, but when they are not knowledgeable/aware of various birth control methods, there is really nothing they can do to prevent having lots of babies.
POSTED NOV. 24, 1998
African Girl <Deimma@collegeclub.com>, Miami, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R531: What do others think are American Indians’ reasons for joining the military in such high numbers (a quarter are veterans, twice as high as any other group)? Do people who are not American Indian know of their contribution to the military?
POSTED NOV. 21, 1998
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian <bigi__@yahoo.com>, San Antonio, TX

ANSWER 1:
My unscientific view is that the military attracts a disproportionate number of economically disadvantaged people because often that is the only way for these sort of folks to succeed in life through some type of upward mobility. Either for financial and/or academic reasons, they do not have the option of pursuing a college education, and the military presents the best opportunity for a stable and successful life. As American Indians are disproprtionately of poorer backgrounds, it is not surprising to find many American Indians pursuing military careers and proudly serving and defending the United States. The reasons listed above are also why the military has a disproportionately high number of African Americans and Latino Americans. I am not aware of specific “stories” of specific American Indians heroically serving in battle. However, while I think all military personnel, veterans, POWs and MIAs should be honored equally regardless of race, I think Americans should appreciate the fact that minorities of traditionally poorer backgrounds, including American Indians, have and have had a unique and highly noteworthy role in U.S. military history.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Mihir, (Asian) Indian, 25 <mishah@vt.edu>, Skokie, IL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I had no idea so many American Indians went into the service. However, I do know that the Army used native-speaking Navajos as signalmen in at least one war, because long, detailed messages could be sent, and the enemy had no way of understanding the language, so it was better than a code. Also, I have been to very few powwows where there wasn’t at least one dance honoring veterans in the tribe.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
Colette, white female <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Some important reasons, if not the most important, could be jobs, job security and some degree of validation which, for Native Americans, has not been easily come by in this country. Native American contributions to the military have been no less than that of any other group, and of inestimable benefit in many specific instances.
POSTED NOV. 23, 1998
F.L.W., 58, black male <110555.2423@compuserve.com>, Columbia, Md

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a 21-year veteran of the Army, I can tell you that the 25 percent figure quoted for American Indians’ military service is not significantly higher than the overall national average, which is usually cited as 20 percent. It is true that upward mobility is much greater in the military. However, it is not true that minorities, including Indians, join the military because they are uneducated (or undereducated). The modern military is very sophisticated. Even the lowly infantryman has to know how to use battlefield computers, MILES systems, satellite communications equipment and a host of other very complex gear. While the military offers much more access to higher education than the civilian sector, because of this it does not enlist dummies. Finally, Indians, in spite of our history, are proud, patriotic Americans and consider the profession of arms to be an honorable one.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
Mike, 56, veteran <mkoessic@bellsouth.net>, Hollywood, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
The answer I was given at the Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute by a Native American was that it allowed him to be a warrior without violating the laws of the United States. This has been similar to the answers given to me by members of various tribes I have worked with throughout my military career when I have asked them why they joined the military. The tribal affiliations include: Lakota, Cree, Apache and Seminole.
POSTED DEC. 1, 1998
Frank, 31, White Anglo-Spanish Pagan <gonzalez1@hauns.com>, Alamogordo, NM

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
The contribution of the Navajo (Din’e) Code-Talkers, who used a variant of their language in order to transmit coded messages in the World War Pacific Theater, was crucial in keeping our military secrets safe from the Japanese. It was only recently that the code-talkers were acknowledged by the government, and likewise recognized by the American people. I suppose the long silence about the code-talkers could be explained away as a national security issue, but in my heart, I can’t help but believe it was more about the government not wanting to give the Navajo the recognition they deserved.
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Shelley, Anglo/Latina/Cherokee = mutt , <1derwhy@usa.net>, Fort Worth, TX
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