Race/Ethnicity Questions 51-60

THE QUESTION:
R60: I would like to know why black people refer to themselves as African American. I am of Canadian descent but I don’t refer to myself as a French American or Canadian American.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
R. Dandeneau, 52, white male, Georgia.

ANSWER 1:
Africans in America have been searching for their own identity since their history has been negated and they realized they were never going home again. We have gone from Negro to black to Afro-American to African American and back to black. I am offended by being called African American, particularly when others of non-American descent find no need to attach “American” to their heritage.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Myra, African, 42, Milwaukee, WI

FURTHER NOTICE:
Good point. I�ve been Negro (on my birth certificate), Colored, black and now African American. Do you think they put this to a vote? I may wake up tomorrow and be a man of color. Why not a man of kindness. I kind�ve like the term black. And that�s the term I will use. So feel free to call me a black man and I will acknowledge you. Call me African American and I will probably ignore you. Call me an American and I will be your good friend. Most blacks know very little about the real Africans. I know a few Africans, and many Africans don�t even like black Americans. The word “black” does causes a few minor problems to whites not exposed to blacks, but it�s not a big problem. When my son was in pre-school, one of the counselors insisted to my son that his skin color was black. He said it was brown. I had explained to her that his race is black, but his skin color was indeed brown.
Jeffrey S., 42, black <starkej@aol.com>, Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jeffrey makes a good point. I realize all of us should be proud of our heritage, but I think terms like African-American or European-American or Asian-American tend to be divisive. If you were born in America or became a citizen, you’re American. We should not have to state the obvious for fear of not being politically correct. If I see you’re black, I know you have African heritage. If you’d see me, you’d know I have European heritage, etc. I would love to see the day when we are all comfortable enough with each other and our differences to not have to worry about these types of classifications.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
S.M., 31, white male, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I appreciate the fact that different people respond to different words and labels differently. I remember finally understanding why people of “dark skin” did not like to be called “black” because of the demeaning nature of the word. Consider the following example: How many times does a white mother say to small children, “Just look at your hands! They’re black! Go wash them.”? Recently, with black being an “in” color, the word has gained more positive connotations. African American seems more descriptive and less filled with other meanings. But why label at all? It seems that if anyone believes the label being used is meant in kindness, it could be accepted. Any label being used to promote prejudice must be rejected – by the user and the audience.
POSTED MAY 25, 1998
M.A., white female <iicsinfo@iics.k12.tr>, Istanbul, Turkey

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I feel that when the majority of “white” society gives people of color the same respect for their various heritages and cultures as they expect, then you will see a lot fewer “hyphenated” Americans. Some people feel the need to do this in describing themselves because they never feel they are actually part of America, and that the only way they can be part of the larger culture is to give up their languages and dialects, hairstyles, choices in clothing and music and other things that are a part of who they are. This leaves them no choice but to speak “majority,” act “majority” and basically take on the traits of the “other” while forgetting who they are. Basically, when the majority accepts the minority just as we are, without change or alteration, except as we see fit, then we will feel like true Americans. Otherwise, get used to a lot of hyphens.
POSTED JUNE 10, 1998
R.E.Walls, 36, African-American male, rewind@hotmail.com, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
African-Americans do not hyphenate their identities any more than people from other continents and countries. Indeed, we probably got the idea from European-Americans. The Chicago telephone directory for 1998 shows the following listings: French-American – three listings; Polish-American – 14 listings; Irish-American – three listings; German-American – five listings; Lithuanian-American – two listings. Some listings do not even add the “-American” suffix; for example, see: Armenian – four listings; Polish – 33 listings; Lithuanian – 16 listings.
POSTED JAN. 14, 1999
R. Stewart <rostew@aol.com>, Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
R59: What do white people think about the fact that black people don’t wash their hair every single day, or in some cases, even once a week? Do they think we’re dirty and/or lazy?
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Eula J., Detroit

ANSWER 1:
Unfortunately, many whites believe this to be the case. Having been a hairstylist for 14 years with both black and white clients, I know this is not true. I have explained this to many clients over the years who believed that black people don’t wash their hair because they are not clean. My knowledge of the subject is that, due to less oil glands in the scalp, black hair tends to be dry. This is also true for people of many different races. I have very curly hair, and if I wash it every day it gets very dry. It has nothing to with being lazy or clean.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Michelle V., 32, white, Detroit , MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I do not think that because black people do not wash their hair as often that they are dirty or lazy. I was lucky enough to have black friends who explained the situation to me. This was in the 1960s. I was a governess for two girls, one of whom was biracial. The parents asked me to wash the girls’ hair frequently, and the biracial girl, who was too young to talk, kept scratching and rubbing her hair. When I mentioned this to my black coworkers, they quickly explained to me that the girl was suffering from too much hair washing. They were surprised that I didn’t know, and I was surprised to learn this, but happy to find out something that would help the little girl.

Both the parents and I were ignorant that we were making a mistake; we actually thought we were maintaining good hygiene. It was obvious, though, that the girl’s head itched, and I do not consider black people who don’t wash their hair as often “dirty.” It is just one of many things that different people need to learn about one another.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Jan A., 48, white, Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Let me answer from a black man�s point of view. I wash my hair everyday in the morning shower. Sometimes twice a day. When I come home from the gym, I wash my hair. And then again in the morning. I add conditioner and “hair dressing” to replace all the oil people keep talking about.. Black hair is a lot weaker than white hair. Also, the oil glands do not seem to secrete as much oil as the typical “wash your hair every day white person.” My wife washes her hair at least once a week or more often, if she swims or sweats a lot. It is a major production for her. My hair is short, and it takes me a few minutes to wash it, add a little grease and I�m gone. My wife has to wash, condition, blow dry, curl, hot press, grease, roll, etc. The point is it takes her from one to two hours to “wash” her hair. Lazy no, dirty no. My son washes his hair daily, my daughter weekly and sometimes more. My daughter stayed at a friend’s house (white). We said “Don�t worry about washing her hair.” They did. Put her to sleep. Didn�t comb it. Didn�t braid it. Didn�t condition or grease it. Took three hours to get the tangles out the next day!
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Jeffrey S. <starkej@aol.com>, Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a white woman with waist-length straight hair. I have had white men and women ask me how I care for it, and many have been surprised or even repelled to learn I directly shampoo my oily scalp on a daily basis, but never the dry ends, which I only condition. Even my husband was taken aback.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, Houston

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I do not think blacks are dirty or lazy because the majority do not wash their hair on a daily basis. I understand the texture of black hair is not the same as my own and may become brittle or unhealthy if washed too often. I prefer to wash my own hair every other day because shampooing on a daily basis leaves my hair limp and hard to manage. I am sure that, just as with other races, there is no set rule as to how often blacks should wash their hair, as everyone within a certain race still has their own differences.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
A.D., 26, white female, Florida

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I wash my hair every day because it’s really fine but somewhat oily, so it will become limp and honestly, pretty gross if I don’t. Since my hair is somewhat short, it only takes me about 20 to 30 minutes to wash and dry. My black friends have let me know that it takes so long for them to go through the entire washing, conditioning and styling process that it’s simply too much work to go through it every day. I’ve always loved the way their hair looked, so I never gave it a second thought.
POSTED SEPT. 3, 1998
Sarah, 18, white <bubbles@texoma.net>, Sherman, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R58: What am I, as a white female, supposed to do with a fellow black male office employee who continually uses his race to escape responsibilty for his behavior? I have noticed that this irritates others, too. We don’t seem to know how to approach him about anything without offending him.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
Lynn, Royal Oak, MI

ANSWER 1:
“Irresponsible” is, of course, a white racist stereotype of black people. Even so, some black people do irresponsible things. You need to look at your evaluation to make sure you aren’t accusing him falsely – it’s a standard part of white privilege, and it’s easy to do. If he’s really doing what you’re saying, then you’re being led astray by your reluctance to offend him. “You’re being a racist, and I’m offended” is only a valid response if it’s true. If your criticism is based purely on behavior and not race, his response is known as “mau-mauing,” or deflecting white criticism through intimidation based on race. If he can succeed in deflecting you by being offended, he becomes invulnerable. If you’re in the right, state your objections in a clear, factual, respectful way and stand firm when he blusters.
Will H., white, 48, Dallas
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THE QUESTION:
R57: My question is about affirmative action. Do minorities feel it is fair, or would they feel better if they were rewarded solely on merit?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Dan R., 23, white <Jethro 925 @ AOL>
Southgate, MI

ANSWER 1:
As a black man, I feel that Affirmative Action is unfair to those people it appears to reward, as well as to whites. I feel is has been detrimental to race relations in this country as a whole. It may appear to be just on the surface, but you can’t redress 200 years of wrongs with a policy that belittles merit and rewards based solely on ethnicity.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
John White, African American, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
The question and answer assume that minorities who get jobs through affirmative action have no merit. For the last 200-plus years, whites have enjoyed the privileges afforded by their skin color, while minorities have been excluded. Merit was never a consideration then. Now that affirmative action has opened the playing field, the assumption of the majority is that minorities are not qualified for the job they were selected for. When two people have the same or similar educational background or degree, work experience, etc., required to even compete for the job, and the minority gets it, how can you say the person did not get the job on merit? All things being equal, if the white person had gotten the job, would you say that they got the job based on merit?
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Claire D., black female, Stone Mountain, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
All of us, regardless of race, want to be rewarded and recognized for our efforts. I have noticed that in all discussions of this sort (group sessions, television news reports, public debates, etc.), there is never any mention of the privileges or assumed qualifications of non-blacks stemming from years of the “old boy network,” nepotism and favoritism in many of the major American institutions (corporate America, politics and higher education). I agree with Claire D. During the years before affirmative action incentives, qualifications (for non-blacks) were less important than connections. This is not to say every white person has gotten ahead based on who he/she knows, but those relationships definitely enhance one’s chances. Intuitively, we feel (and sometimes know) that back in the days, a lot of non-blacks “got the hook-up” on jobs and other opportunities based on access and favoritism and not necessarily being the best qualified.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
M. Green, black, 28 <marcusjgreen@msn.com>, Richmond, VA
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THE QUESTION:
R56: Why is it that a substantial portion of the Asian population wears glasses? Is it because of the shape of their eyes? I’m guessing that it is, but I’d like some scientific proof.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Stu, 26, white <hawkstu@juno.com>
Commerce, MI

ANSWER 1:
A substantial portion of every race/ethnicity wears glasses. However, in my experience at SUNY Buffalo and Boston University, there tends to be a substantial portion of Asians who are from Asia, rather than being from the United States. We Americans are rather vain, hence: Contact lenses. But, if you come from a place where there’s not a lot of cash to fling around, or culture doesn’t demand it, glasses are just fine. Asian eyes are the same as ours. It’s the shape of the eyelids that makes them look that way, just like there’s a much higher percentage of red hair in Irish or Jewish people.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
Brendon, 26, white <brendon.mcnamara@juno.com>, Buffalo, NY

FURTHER NOTICE:
No, it has nothing to do with the exterior shape of Asians’ eyes. Near-sightedness has to do with the shape of the the cornea and lens. I believe the reason many Asians wear glasses is that in Asia, the living spaces are quite small, and so when kids watch TV, they are forced to sit closer to the set than they need to, and this strains the eyes. Myopia is also hereditary, so this is passed on to future generations.
POSTED AUG. 12, 1998
Asian female, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R55: I have noticed that when black women get together and talk, they seem to speak “their own language.” I have a hard time understanding what they say, and it amazes me that they can understand each other. My question is: Do black women (people) have a hard time understanding each other? And do black people have the same difficulty understanding white people?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Kelly T., 27 <generalp@msn.com>
Pontiac , MI

ANSWER 1:
It is very difficult for me to believe you would think black people would have any difficulty understanding each other. Black people understand each other very well, and the unique thing is, whether we are from the North, South or other countries, we make a connection, deal with the differences and find a common ground and communicate. Different cultures have different ways of expressing themselves and may have specific phrases or slang that may be unique to that particular culture. To say “when black women get together…” seems a little stereotypical. You may not realize it, but there are certain vernacular that are specifically unique to white people.
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
S. Blair, 47 <sblair47@juno.com>
Charleston , SC

FURTHER NOTICE:
Many blacks, no matter where we are, go to the same movies, watch the same television shows, hear the same music or read the same books. What you’re probably hearing is the slang generated by all these different types of media. Not to mention the family and friends from “up north” or from “the coast.” Just like a group of “surfer dudes” from both coasts getting together. They watch the lastest movies or television shows about some other surfer dudes. They read the lastest book by or about a famous surfer dude. They are surrounded by others who speak “surfer dudese.” They have no trouble understanding you at all. If they have any trouble understanding each other (different slang from coast to coast), it’s explained and a new word is born. Ditto for blacks or any other group. Try learning some. It’s gnarly, dude.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
A. Walker <alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, Fl
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THE QUESTION:
R54: Why do so many African-Americans pronounce the word “ask” as ‘”aks” (as in axe)?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Bob N., MI
(Similar question posted April 14, 1998, by “Phur” of Flint, MI; May 3, 1998, by Murph of Detroit, MI; and June 5, 1998, by Rich, 56, white,rkimmell@ix.netcom.com, Sylmar, CA)

ANSWER 1:
I’m not African American, but I am a linguist, and I think this question goes beyond race. Precisely how or why the pronunciation “aks” came about is a difficult question. “Ask” and “aks,” as well as one British pronunciation, “Ahhsk,” among others, are dialectical variants. Why are the vowels different in the American and British versions? This variation – across races, genders, cultures, classes, even family members – is a fact of language. People might look down on a certain pronunciation or see it as humorous, but there’s nothing inherently inferior about a combination of speech sounds.
POSTED SEPT. 29, 1998
Anna S., 27, Boston, Mass.

FURTHER NOTICE:
To Anna: I disagree with your assertion that race directly reflects how people pronounce certain words. You cited the English as an example when they pronounce “ask” as “ahhsk.” That is a cultural assertion, not one predicated on race. Perhaps you can make an assertion based upon different regions within a culture, such as the South, where people have a tendency to pronounce “wash” as “warsh,” including blacks. The difference here is that the black pronunciation of “ask” as “aks” seems to have no regional or demographical bounds, which makes it rather unique. Why is that? Somebody please tell me.
POSTED OCT. 7, 1998
Ed V., 26 <munkadelic@aol.com>, Cleveland , Ohio
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THE QUESTION:
R53: Do black girls get offended when black guys date white girls?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Nikki W., Bangor , MI

ANSWER 1:
Most black women have grown up seeing true beauty portrayed as white, blond, Barbie doll-shaped, blue-eyed, etc. Everything we’re not. Even most African American women who are considered beautiful are usually light-skinned, skinny, with long flowing or straight hair. Sometimes we feel as though we are undesirables. The only confirmation that we are not is the attention from our black men. When a black man chooses to date/marry a white woman, in the back of our minds the thought “What? I’m not good enough for him? What’s wrong with me” forms. To some black men, having a white woman on your arm is a sign of success. When it seems that having a good black woman isn’t even a sign of “making it,” I have to look at myself and ask, “What am I, chopped liver?”
POSTED MARCH 20, 1998
A. Walker (African American) <alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, Fl

FURTHER NOTICE:
To A. Walker: As a black man I agree with your response to the question of some black men dating white women; however, do you, as a black woman, see some of this very behavior in some of the sisters? I have witnessed some of the very things you speak of on the job, etc. Why is it that a sister who won’t even consider dating a black man who is a blue-collar worker will date a white man who is a blue-collar worker? Personally, I don’t have a problem with interracial rerlationships. I know we are all the same. I try and relate to all people as I would have them relate to me. I would like to speak further with you on this. If you should post a response to this message I will be sure and read it
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Frederick T., <fturner970@aol.com>
Lansing, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
To Frederick T: Unfortunately, I do indeed see this very same behavior in some black women. To them, dating or marrying a white man, any white man, is considered a step up. Not that these women see black men as unattractive. Though some find white men more attractive, some think a brother can do nothing for them, status-wise, and some, for all their various messed-up reasons, want a mixed or light-skinned child. It’s crazy, I know. I too have no problem with interracial relationships as long as they are based on love. When two people can come together and be happy and comfortable with each other, as some of my friends and relatives are, then God bless them and their union. Any other opinions anyone?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
A. Walker <alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola , Fl

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I’m in an interracial relationship – my wife’s black and I’m white. We’ve been together for 20 years, so it’s not like it’s a short-term thing. One thing I’ve noticed is that you tend to see more black men with white women – black women with white men is a much less common phenomenon. From my viewpoint, this is because the “benefits” of a black woman-white man relationship are less – nobody on either side of the fence really thinks it’s a good idea. So people who do it are doing it out of love…
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Alex <aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
To Frederick T.: In my experience, who you date depends on who you are around. Friends I have known who date interracially – who just happen to be highly educated black women – tend to go for those who are on the same socio-economic level because that is who they are around. I don’t know any black woman who dates someone who is of a “lesser” socio-economic status, but then again, I don’t know everybody. I think these people end up dating who they have something in common with. And, if you go to school together, that’s something right there. However, I must say I have seen this so-called “dating down” practiced often by black men in relationships with white women. Am I seeing things, or what? What does a sistah have to have these days to have a decent, loving and intimate relationship with brothers?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
M.J., Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
To M.J.: Regardless of race, ethnicity or religion, if you are comfortable with who you are, then love will find you, but, does it have to be a black man? What if your future life partner were white? Could you not open yourself up to love a man from another race, ethnicity or religion? In my opinion, your response/attitude will set you further away from the brothers you’re interested in attracting. I am a white female and my fiance is a black man, and I have spoken to him about this subject numerous times. His response is always the same: Black women who make those kinds of statements are insecure. As a black man, he is very put off by women who have a “we’re losing all the good brothers to white women” attitude.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Kimberly D., 31, white female, Sacramento, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
To M.J.: I agree with you on “dating down.” I’ve seen many black men who are dating butt-ugly white women when they obviously could get a good-looking black woman. To A. Walker: I also have noticed that society shows a beautiful black woman as being light-skinned with long, straight hair. I can tell you that not every man agrees with that. I have never found the light-skined look very attractive. I, and many other men, think the very dark “African” look is much more attractive then the light-skinned “Tyra Banks” look. Of course, I have to admit that white women are a strong favorite of mine, but I’m white, so I guess that makes it OK. I do think all women are beautiful, though. Women of different races are all beautiful in different ways, so it’s hard to compare them.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
J.D., white male, CA
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THE QUESTION:
R52: Why do most white males like skinny girls, while most black males like girls who are “thick,” or “healthy”?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Q.B., female, Bangor, MI

ANSWER 1:
I believe it’s more an enviromental thing. Men tend to be attracted to the types of women they have grown up seeing and who are portrayed as beautiful in their community. Most white men grew up seeing images of skinny, perfect hourglass-shaped heroines on TV and in their personal lives. Those women are their images of beauty. Most black men grew up in an enviroment where “healthy” women are the images of beauty. Now days though, images are so profoundly shaped by TV and the media that even some men who would have considered a “thick” sister ideal some years ago now see her as undesirable. Then again, there are some men who just love their women big!
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
A. Walker <alcewa@gulfsurf.infi.net>
Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
Generally speaking, this is a cultural difference that grew out of poverty. In the poor black communities, prosperity was measured, in part, by weight. Larger, thicker women were percieved as healthier and therefore would be more likely to produce strong, healthy children. Weight also symbolized prosperity, just as it has in many poor European cultures (i.e. the Rubenesque Women). Today, the thin pale look is a media-driven fantasy meant to capture the interest and money of the public at large. Physical differences and preferences also came from the differing lifestyles and environments of the two peoples.
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
John W., African American, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It may also be true that some white men are attracted to voluptuous women sexually but do not feel they would be acceptable in their part of society as wives or girlfriends. I remember hearing a long time ago from some hookers I met that the rubenesque hookers made the most money and that the pimps did not want them to get too skinny from doing drugs because their popularity would go down. I also have worked with chubby women who had “midnight callers” – men who wanted to sleep with them but not be seen with them. This all made me aware of how societal pressures can shape the choices we make in our mates.
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Joan, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I’m a white male and love “thick” women. Not fat, but thick. The look I’m talking about is not fat. It looks good.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
J.D., white male, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Does this question assume that Cindy Crawford, Elle McPherson, etc., aren’t healthy? Their figures may be unattainable by the average woman, but that’s no reason to play sour grapes and call them “skinny.” By the way, Tyra Banks and Robin Givens seem to be favored by black males, and they look pretty “skinny” to me.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
B., 22, white male, Kokomo, IN
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THE QUESTION:
R51: What should I do if I’m attracted to a different race and my family doesn’t approve of it?
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Libra, 16, Bangor , MI

ANSWER 1:
Only you can decide what is more important to you: The approval of your family or the friendships of people from other races. As a white female, I have found that race has no real bearing on the friendships I’ve developed in my life. Should others disapprove of my interracial relationships, that’s their problem. I, for one, am thankful to have made and treasured the friends I have, regardless of racial or cultural differences!
POSTED MARCH 21, 1998
Cindi St. G., 39, white <cindi@infinet-1.com>
Warren, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
It’s your life – you have to live it the way you think is best. I’ve been in an interracial relationship for the past 20 years, and some of my people disowned me because of it. It’s truly sad, because it’s their loss, not mine. I’m wonderfully happy with my partner. If you’re attracted to someone who isn’t the same skin color or background, then that’s who you’re attracted to.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Alex, 39 <aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA