Occupation Questions 1-10

THE QUESTION:
O10: Why do car salespeople put the automobile’s hood up in the lot?
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
iwonder, Virginia Beach, VA

ANSWER 1:
The engine gets you there, not everything else about the vehicle. Would you rather they not let you look at the engine?
POSTED AUG. 27, 1998
John L. <dr.green@mindspring.com>, Montgomery, AL

FURTHER NOTICE:
So they can draw attention to the car lot and create a “we have nothing to hide” appearance.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
28, white male <sassarat@yahoo.com>, Beverly Hills, FL
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THE QUESTION:
O9: Why do managers often think that union people are basically lazy and need constant supervision?
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Knight, 40, Riverside, CA

ANSWER 1:
Managers have no one to protect their jobs and therefore must produce to either keep their job or get a raise. Union members, in general, have to do the bare minimum to keep their job and get a raise.I feel unions should be limited to work conditions as an area of influence. Wages climb and production declines in a union shop. History will verify this. A business is not allowed to reward a producer over a non-producer with more seniority in a union shop. Hence, production and quality suffer. Businesses go out of business because of pressures from unions in the areas of wages and production.
POSTED JUNE 23, 1998
Michael <beale@worldnet.att.net>, San Diego, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
As a journalist I have covered union topics, including strikes and contract negotiations. In the process I have interviewed both union and management. Many managers feel jealous, I think, that hourly employees get overtime when they do not. Many managers also feel the strict observance of 10-minute breaks and clock-out times are unproductive. Basically, they want workers to be as productive as possible, and if that means going back to 18th century coal mine conditions, they really wouldn’t mind. When you work for someone else, you are, in a sense, an investment. This is not unlike a machine. You would get frustrated if your lawn mower wanted a break every half-day, and managers aren’t much different in the way they view workers.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Journalist, 22, white male, Miami County, IN

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I feel this is because unions are often perceived as refuges for the lazy and stupid. The incompetent can get a lot further with a union than they can without, because unions tend to rely on seniority. So a lazy and stupid person can sit on their duff for 40 years and get raises merely by enduring. I’ve long believed unions should be ad hoc, temporary structures designed to solve a problem, and once it’s solved, to disband until needed again. Many of our unions have outlived their usefulness.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Moe N. <moe@jerrynet.com>, St. Louis, MO

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I have worked as a union member and later as a manager. It was never my opinion as a manager that union employees were lazy and needed constant supervision. What I did find was that the unions brought in the age of the “specialist.” Jobs were very narrowly defined, and members were not allowed to do anything except as stated in their job description, even when there was little or no work for them to perform. I have seen several employees hanging around waiting for a “specialist” to come to start a machine, even when most of the people waiting could have accomplished this. The reason for this is to protect the job of the specialist, but I believe this practice is one of the causes of present-day “downsizing.”
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
R. Jones, 72, Hudson Falls, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I’ve been a union member and now am in management. I believe this is a view held more by labor than management. Unions can be adversarial. Unions generally perpetuate an “us against them” attitude by portraying management as tyrants out to take advantage of the workers. But it is in management’s best interest to keep employees motivated in a positive way, and to ensure those employees are working for and with qualified individuals. Unfortunately, under the terms of most union contracts, it is virtually impossible to terminate the employment of a lazy individual. The result is an unmotivated staff that goes through the motions while on the job. Intentional or not, unions protect the worst employees. Subsequently, good employees have to carry the load of the slackers. Nothing is more demoralizing than knowing you are a better employee than the next guy, but under contract terms will get the same raise. Union employees get raises and benefits not because they earned them but because the contract dictates it. Unionization breeds mediocrity. An individual should take pride in and be responsible for his own efforts.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
White male, 39, Parkersburg, WV

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Perhaps it is resentment. I work for a firm that consults to the manufacturing industry in Michigan and am very familiar with the work habits of the United Auto Workers. The labor contracts they work under provide so much protection that it is nearly impossible to get fired, regardless of how little one works. I have spent a lot of time at the GM plant that is currently on strike in Flint and can tell you that if I had the same work habits as the line workers at this plant, I would be fired. The plant has been identified as GM’s least efficient, and I have been told that management considers it a victory if the workers get in two hours of actual work per shift. No wonder cars cost so much.
POSTED JUNE 28, 1998
Male, management, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I agree with several of the respondants that nowadays unions have limited benefit. I believe they were necessary in the early days of industrialization, when working conditions were very poor. Now, though, I think unions are more about power than about their members’ best interests. I have never belonged to a union, so I’m sure my opinion is biased, but I have never had a positive experience interacting with a unionized worker. Several times while trying to do my job, I’ve been actively thwarted by union workers at a job site or building. I had every right to be there and do the job for which I was being paid, but the union workers wanted no scabs anywhere. The way I see it, the terms of my job are simple: Do a good job and you’ll keep your job and advance. Do a poor job and you’ll be out on the street. However, I have no guarantee I’ll have a job tomorrow. The best thing I can do to have a job tomorrow is to do the best job I can today.

Also, the main focus of any company or industry is to make money. A lot of the union workers I’ve talked to seem to feel the reason for any company existing is to provide safe, secure jobs. There are many unfair companies out there, but nobody said life is fair. If a worker does not agree with how much overtime he or she is forced to work, or who the company gets its parts from, the worker is free to leave and seek employment elsewhere. I’m sure many union workers are very hardworking and do their best everyday. They, too, should be upset when lower-quality performance is rewarded equally.
POSTED AUG. 18, 1998
S.M., 31, male, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I disagree with your opinion of union workers. I’m sure some unions take in unskilled workers, and it’s supervision’s responsibility to weed out unproductive workers. I am a member of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers. Believe me, it’s no picnic. As an apprentice, I have to endure five years of rigorous classroom training, including high-level math classes, learn the electrical building code, and also study and review every kind of work and situation I may have to encounter in the trade. The 8,000-hour internship is also part of the passing requirement. I’ve been on jobs where workers have become complacent, and they are the first ones to get laid-off when it gets a little slow, and yes, they can be fired. We are highly trained and skilled, and we are the elite because we know our job and get it done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Ever seen someone work who was guessing about what they were supposed to do? We get paid more, but we deserve it. It usually costs the contractors less in labor and insurance to have skilled workers.
POSTED FEB. 2, 1999
Cyd E. 34, member IBEW Local 11, Los Angeles, CA
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THE QUESTION:
O8: Has anyone found a polite way to say no to a telemarketer when he or she calls and tries to sell you something? It seems to me that, for the most part, you have to be rude to make the person understand you are not interested in the product or service.
POSTED JUNE 11, 1998
Ed, 30, male, Anaheim, CA

ANSWER 1:
I believe the best way to tell a telemarketer you are not interested is to do just that. Tell them no thank you, you are not interested, and if they won’t stop, simply hang up. I do not consider this rude because you told them you did not want it in a nice way, and they wouldn’t listen.
M.P. <Barbiq13@aol.com>, Harlem, GA

FURTHER NOTICE:
The best cure I’ve found is an answering machine. I have yet to have one leave a message.
POSTED JUNE 24, 1998
Ed H., <EdHam0132@aol.com>, Silver Springs, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have been a telemarketer. Usually the people who work at these places are high school kids, college students or older people. They work there because the pay is better. The pay is high because it is a hard job and most people hate us. Just say you are not interested, take me off the list and be nice about it. They are used to it.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Hilary W., 20, student <hwisler@eagle.cc.ukans.edu>, Lawrence, KS

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I see it as a sort of bargain. By “interrupting” at the very beginning of the phone call and saying, “Thank you, but I’m just not interested,” you are saving the telemarketer the time and trouble of reading their piece. Of course, that isn’t to say that I’m successful every time.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Justin G., Philadelphia, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Your telephone is an instrument for your convenience. It is for use when you please, not for telemarketers’ use. After all, who pays the bill? Inform the telemarketer that you are sufficiently intelligent to initiate the purchase of any item without their assistance, if you wanted such an item. Any argument on this position is an insult to your intelligence. Hang up.
POSTED JUNE 27, 1998
Working Female, 58 <detached30@hotmail.com>, Sacramento, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
First, remember their name, and use it. This is not only polite, but effective. Then, put your refusal in terms they can relate to: “Joyce, I know time is money for you, and I really have no interest in (whatever). I think you’d be more likely to have success talking to someone else.” Finally, if they don’t accept the polite refusal, just say, “I’m sorry, goodbye” and hang up.
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Paul D., <duer@sna.com>, Sacramento, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Be firm. It’s your phone, your time. Hang up if they insist on being so rude as to harangue you after you have expressed disinterest. And don’t feel guilty. You can bet they don’t feel bad about invading your home. There is also a law (sorry, can’t cite it) that once a telemarketing firm has been told not to bother you and persists, they can be fined big bucks. Perhaps someone more knowledgeable can educate us about it.
POSTED AUG. 7, 1998
Mary, NC

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I always pretend I did not hear their name and politely say: “Excuse me, I could’t hear your name. What was your name again?” This interrupts their pre-written speech as they repeat their name. At that point, I say their name again and indicate politely that I never do business with anyone who calls unsolicited. Then I say “Have a nice day” and “Goodbye.”
POSTED AUG. 17, 1998
Burse G. <spicybyte@aol.com>, North Hills, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I don’t say anything when a telemarketer calls. I used to try to politely hang up, but I decided I didn’t want to spend the energy. Now, as soon as I realize it is a telemarketer, I simply hang up without saying anything at all. I don’t consider this rude, because it is rude to call me in the first place!
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Julie, 44, female <jewelsong@AOL.com>, Boston, MA

FURTHER NOTICE 9:
Don’t just say “not interested” and hang up. Saying that keeps you on the list to be sold to other telemarketers. Instead, ask to be put on their “Do not call” list. By law (albeit a fairly weak one) they must comply with this, at least in the United States, and if you do it enough, eventually the calls will stop. Or, search the web using Yahoo or whatever for “telemarketer”, and you can find scripts you can use to take control of the call, and ensure they comply with the law. There are even instructions on taking telemarketers to small-claims court for $500 in your hometown.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Marty K., male, MN
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THE QUESTION:
O7: While our family was watching a male ballet dancer, we wondered: Why do male ballet dancers augment their groin area with padding or a disproportionately large cup?
POSTED MAY 29, 1998
Mike, 51, straight white male, Honolulu

ANSWER 1:
Male dancers do not wear cups. To do so would hurt and restrict movement. What they do wear under their tights is called a dance belt. It’s sort of like a jock with one strap – an athletic thong, if you will. It is very tight-fitting, in order to keep things in place, as when the dancer is in motion, and when he stops, so does everything else (unchoreographed movements are usually not desirable). The dancer also positions his penis upwards so that the support provided by the dance belt can push everything up and out of the way of rapidly moving legs. Under all this pressure, the genitals are flattened somewhat, making them appear from the front slightly wider than usual. Dancers are also very fit and have low body fat. This makes the contours of their body very prominent under form-fitting costumes.
POSTED JUNE 14, 1998
Rex T., <rex_tremende@hotmail.com>, Cincinnati, OH

FURTHER NOTICE:
I think the garment serves three main purposes: To support, protect and give a “smooth” appearance so that the private parts are not apparent by their shape. It is not worn to accentuate the area.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Barbara <weathers@west.net>, Santa Barbara, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
A number of years ago I worked as a costumer for a top-rated ballet company. Male dancers take risks much like an athlete when dancing. Many of the maneuvers, including splits, jumps and bends, are potentially harmful to their genitals. In order to protect themselves, many of the dancers use a method of tucking themselves that would be difficult to explain in this forum but I am sure most men can imagine. This method gives added protection to the groin area. Also, keep in mind that the tights worn by dancers are very snug-fitting and have a tendency to accentuate all areas of the body. Lastly, dancers are in the finest physical condition, which makes for a certain type of leanness that would also serve to accentuate any type of “bulge.”
POSTED JUNE 16, 1998
K. Taylor <kdm05@bellsouth.net>, Jacksonville, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I danced with the New York City Ballet for nine years and with many of the biggest names in the business. I can assure you no one is augmenting themselves in any way. If anyone in our dressing room did, we would have laughed them out the door. However, the proper way of wearing a dance belt (Dancers Jock Strap) is to pull one’s testicles up, giving them a more rounded, smooth appearance and possibly bigger. But there is no augmentation going on.
POSTED JUNE 26, 1998
Charles A., straight white male dancer <LGoldin922@aol.com>, Santa Monica, CA
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THE QUESTION:
O6: How do defense attorneys who help clients they knew were guilty live with that? Especially in cases in which they knew, for example, that the person had molested a child?
POSTED MAY 9, 1998
John S., Sterling Heights, MI

ANSWER 1:
Not being a lawyer, but one who is studying law, I know that the Bill of Rights says that anyone accused of a crime has the right to an attorney. That includes everyone – even rapists, thieves and murderers. There is no crime you can commit for which you will be denied right of counsel. The person who is charged decides whether to plead guilty, not the attorney. It may be hard for the attorney to defend someone who is guilty of a heinous crime, but it is also hard for a doctor to tell a family that a loved one has died. It’s just something someone must do.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jenifer N.,19, white female, Nifle@aol.com, Panama City, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I am a police officer and asked a defense attorney the same question. Here is what he said: An attorney takes an oath to defend his client to the highest degree he can, no matter if his client is guilty or not guilty. If an attorney does not defend his client to the highest degree, he may lose his license. Remember, the attorney is there to make sure his client’s “rights” have not or will not be violated.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
Jeff S., Inglewood, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
A defense attorney has the responsibility to provide the best defense possible for his client, regardless of how he feels about that client. If a defense attorney does the best job of defending his client that can be done and the client is found guilty, then society is enriched and justice is served. If a defense attorney does a hack job and does not provide a good defense, a client could then use the attorney’s incompetence for a retrial, mistrial or dismissal on appeal. If you were an attorney, how could you live with yourself if you purposely did a poor job to get your client convicted, only to have the conviction overturned on appeal and watch the criminal walk out of the justice system a free person? You gotta take the bad to get the best our system can offer.
POSTED JUNE 3, 1998
William, 40, Charleston, SC

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Most attorneys do have morals and do lose sleep over the release of the guilty when they have done their job well. Many people do work that must be done in society that is distasteful.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Lyman, Flagler Beach, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
The Constitutional objective of the defense attorney is to ensure the client is treated justly by the system – not to cause the guilty to go unpunished – to make sure there are no violations of their rights to due process (14th amendment), unlawful seizure (4th) and cruel or unusual punishment (8th). The “oath” they take is not based entirely on actual law. It is a vow created by and for their profession. I object to their efforts to protect those they know are guilty by punishing victims, intentionally contorting facts and adding controversy (racial) where there is none. In 1998, that’s what they do because that’s what the guilty expect, and they are rewarded for their ability to do it. I feel they often go too far under the guise of providing the “best defense” and go beyond what their original presence was intended to provide.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
James F. <fairfiej@mail.ci.tlh.fl.us>, Tallahassee, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I was a criminal prosecutor for seven years, spent another seven as an in-house attorney doing trial work in defense of a Fortune 500 company, and am now a prosecutor again. The question asked has many answers, depending on the type of defense attorney involved. Some are motivated by greed and will do anything, illegal or immoral, to win, to enhance their reputation, to make money. Some are what we call “true believers.” They think everything is a police conspiracy, and that they have never represented a guilty person. Every time a true believer loses, a miscarriage of justice has occurred. They take it personally, too. True believers tend to be younger. Veteran defense lawyers tend to be more realistic, professional, easier to work with, but understand they have a job to do. They tend to be more skilled, and are usually not happy when a guilty person walks. Within this system, everyone can live with themselves, as 99 percent of the time they do what they’re comfortable with.
POSTED JULY 1, 1998
J. Mahoney <JJMAHONIII@aol.com>, Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
O5: Is it acceptable to date someone you work with if you keep it professional at the office? Is it anyone’s business what you do with your personal time outside the office?
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Stephanie P., 22 <stephiep@hotmail.com>
Ann Arbor, MI

ANSWER 1:
There is no question that personal involvement does affect professional performance in the workplace. As an employer, I’ve had two instances in which relations between staff members blossomed and soured and consequently affected office atmosphere. I don’t recommend office policies denying such behavior (doomed to fail because of human nature), but I do ask employees to inform the office of what is happening so the inevitable can be factored in.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
F.J.B., South Africa <fjb@poboxes.com>

FURTHER NOTICE:
Is it acceptable? Probably not, but it depends on your company’s culture. Is it smart? Almost definitely not – especially if you value your job and your peace of mind. If you plan to move on and don’t particularly need an enthusiastic reference, go ahead and have fun. Otherwise, think about any former relationships that have gone bad, and ask yourself how much you’d enjoy having to work with your exes now.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
A. Morgan, 33, Houston

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I dated within the office about a year after I started my job in a very large corporation. Everything was great for about 18 month, and then the break-up occurred. Even though a lot of people in my office didn’t even realize we were dating for more than a year, it didn’t take long for them to realize the break-up was occurring due to our behavior swings toward each other. While everything can be bliss in an interdepartmental relationship, if it goes sour, you may be faced with a very uncomfortable situation that you have to face every day. As I once said, you’ll probably think that won’t happen to you. Take your chances, but there are a lot of advantages to being far away from your new ex.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
B.L., 25, Ann Arbor, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
As a senior manager, I’d say it breaks down like this: If one employee is a supervisor of the other, it is unethical to date. (If the couple insists, one must move out of the other’s chain of command). This situation offers too many opportunities for abuse of power. If they both work closely together but have no supervisory relationships it is risky from a practical standpoint, but probably not unethical. Working with a disgruntled ex can get very difficult. If you don’t work closely together, go for it. The office is one of the best places to meet similar others, if you keep in mind the risks if it doesn’t work out.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Mark A., 46 <archerm@No.Spam.tidalwave.net>, Stafford, VA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I think dating someone with whom you work is your own business as long as you’re not dating someone you supervise. When there is a power differential involved, it can affect the work environment for more than just the two of you. Probably the biggest problem with dating someone at work can come if/when you break up, because it can become very uncomfortable facing him or her every day after that. It’s a good idea to consider this when weighing the pros and cons of taking the plunge.
POSTED MAY 3, 1998
Jennifer B., 29, Saline, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I can speak from experience. I have had two serious relationships with individuals with whom I once worked. In the first, I married my first wife while managing a restaurant for which she also worked. We managed to keep our private affairs out of the workplace, but we found that as much as we cared for each other, seeing each other all day long presented us with the prospect of getting sick of the sight of each other. In the second, I had a six-month office relationship. While we kept it quiet, rumors persisted. When we broke up, many awkward moments followed. Therefore, I would avoid relationships with co-workers. Disruptions are sure to follow unless the relationship lasts.
POSTED MAY 17, 1998
Carl W. <altusss@aol.com>, Hickory, N.C.

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
It is not a good practice to date co-workers. It would be nice if when you met someone, it was irrelevant whether they worked with or around you. Ultimately, there are to many potential problems that can arise. Also, companies have a right to know how you conduct yourself off duty, in my opinion, simply because you represent that company and you represent the image.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Craig S., 31, seamanc@lg9.beale.af.mil, Antelope, CA
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THE QUESTION:
O4: Why do nurses seem to gravitate toward police and firemen in terms of relationships?
POSTED APRIL 15, 1998
T.M., Detroit

ANSWER 1:
It’s funny this question was asked. My husband accused me of asking the question and putting someone else’s initials. I believe it’s true because nurses, firemen and police officers all deal with the same types of situations – death, birth, child abuse, shootings, accident victims and so forth. We all deal with these things and find it difficult to discuss with our families because many don’t understand; or, we find it gruesome to discuss. I feel it’s a comfort zone, within the sick society we live in and deal with at any given moment.
Tina, 27, RN, MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
I don’t know of any studies being done in this area, or any reason, really, to do them. But, whether it happens more often than relationships in other occupational areas or not, I agree with the first answer – related areas of the occupations, shift work, opportunity to meet on the job and proceeding from there, as men and women do, and should do. The question caught my attention because I am (happily) married to an RN, and have been a law enforcement officer for some years.
POSTED JUNE 15, 1998
Ed H. <e_hamrick@hotmail.com>, Ocala, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
The answer is often merely a matter of logistics – they are all in 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week occupations with weird shiftwork hours and working on holidays.
POSTED JUNE 18, 1998
Bobbie M., 37, lesbian, CNM <bjmcnm@primary.net>, St. Louis, MO

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I am a nurse and have never dated a firefighter, paramedic or another nurse. I think I like the variety of being able to talk about different things and having separate lives outside the home. Also, I never have dated within my race, so maybe I am just crying out for diversity.
POSTED JULY 28, 1998
Robert, gay male, nurse <wedbanquet@aol.com>, Sacramento, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I don’t think that statement is true. My mother and many of her friends are nurses, and not a single one is married to or dating a fireman, police officer, etc.
POSTED OCT. 15, 1998
21-year-old female <duplantis@stic.net>, San Antonio, TX
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THE QUESTION:
O3: What is the customary tip for a free drink received in a casino?
POSTED MARCH 31, 1998
Diane H., 50, Toledo, OH

ANSWER 1:
When I go to a casino that offers free drinks while sitting at a table, I find it good to tip on the response to your drink returned to you. As with any service, you tip according to your service. If the drink takes a long time to get there and it is real weak (and you would rather have it strong), I would tip $1. If it is a good drink and it returns quickly, I have tipped as much as $5 per drink. Remember, when you get your drink, taste it, then tip.
POSTED JUNE 8, 1998
Steve, s.ski@att.net, Eugene, OR

FURTHER NOTICE:
I’ve worked in a casino in Reno as a tipped and non-tipped employee. The people who serve you literally live on their tips. They are taxed by the IRS for tips before they are earned. Trust me, I know. These people work for less than minimum wage because they work for tips. They also have to share their tips with the bartender and sometimes with the other wait persons. It is customary at least in Reno to tip the waitress or waiter for “free” drinks. They live on that money.
POSTED JUNE 12, 1998
Wendy B., 30, female, Wendlea@aol.com, Sparks, NV

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a former cocktail waitress in Reno, the acceptable tip for a “free” drink in a casino is at least $1 per drink. Most casino employees earn minimum wage and live on their tips. Of that $1 tip, 20 percent will go to the bartender, and then it is customary to give the barback a little something for all of their help at the end of the night. When you think about it, $1 per drink is pretty reasonable, especially when you didn’t have to walk to the bar, stand in line and pay full price for it.
POSTED JUNE 13, 1998
Jill T.,27, jill@homemail.com, Reno, NV

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
How much you tip for a “free” drink depends on the service you receive from your bartender and/or cocktail waitress. If the drink is made to your satisfaction, if the service is good, and prompt, the minimum you should tip is $1. For just uncapping a beer, 50 cents is the minimum courtesy. Basically, you tip exactly as you would if you had paid for the drink, and always tip extra for an especially well-made drink, or especially friendly and prompt service. Also, don’t forget that in some casinos, cocktail waitresses actually buy the drinks from the bar with their own money. If they don’t get tipped (usually at least 50 cents a drink), they end up buying your “free drink” out of their pockets. Also, if a bartender “comps” you a drink without you betting or without a comp ticket, always tip that bartender generously. You might be surprised how many times I’ve seen someone order drinks at a table or bar with a comp ticket and never tip the person serving him/her. Bad etiquette.
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Amber, 26, Las Vegas, NV
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THE QUESTION:
O2: Can waiters and waitresses give us diners some clues as to proper tipping? In the States, 15 percent of food and 10 percent of drinks (i.e. bar tab) is the norm, correct? Also, do you tip 15 percent pre-tax (why tip for tax)? What about at buffets? Finally, I’ve heard that leaving a penny means you did not forget to tip, but that you thought your service was terrible. I’ve also heard that leaving a penny with a tip is a compliment – which is it?
POSTED MARCH 23, 1998
H. Lima , OH

ANSWER 1:
My qualifications to answer this question: Being an ex-waitress and bartender for eight years during college and my young party years. First, 15 percent is the standard tip for standard service. That number is derived from the total bill (which includes tax). Second, I have never heard of 10 percent for drinks, it’s 15 percent, period. If I get extraordinary service, I tip 20 percent. There will be those who say that you should not tip at all for bad service, but I disagree. I’ve had to work on nights when normal employees (day people) would have called in sick. Servers don’t get sick pay or grievance time off, so take it easy on someone who could be having a bad day. Third, regarding the penny thing, the only people ever doing that anymore are older people. Really old people, and I was happy to accept any tip they wanted to give.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1998
Danielle C., 28, Fort Worth, Texas

FURTHER NOTICE:
Being a server for almost three years, I feel 15 percent is a must. Even if you’re not happy with the food, remember, your server didn’t make the food or hold it up. Also, don’t forget, most servers make only $2.65 an hour and are not guaranteed minimum wage.
POSTED MARCH 28, 1998
M.J.M.<mmason@rocketmail.com/>
Farmington Hills, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a former waitress, I believe the amount of the tip should reflect the server’s attitude and service. Standard today is 15 percent, and 20 percent for exceptional service. Remember in your evaluation that it is not up to the server how many servers are working that shift, so if your server is working hard and doing the best in a shorthanded situation, judge them accordingly. Also, if there is a problem with your food (temperature, preparation) and your server handles the problem courteously, he or she should be judged accordingly, as these problems may not be their fault. In cases in which the server is not at fault, tip well and address your comments to the manager or hostess.
POSTED MARCH 28, 1998
J.Blythe, 41 <captbly@sunlink.net>
Canadensis, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
On the penny tip question: As an ex-waitress, I’ve found that occasionally, a penny tip from older customers is meant as a nice gesture; but from the majority of people it is about the equal of a slap in the face. It is the most outrageous way they can think to tell you either the food wasn’t satisfactory or the service was less than they would expect. On a very busy night, when two other waitresses called in sick, I was running around, going crazy, and I wasn’t able to give each customer the service I would have liked, and a couple let me know it. They were in their mid-to-late twenties and instead of a normal tip, they poured the salt on the table to spell “you suck” and left a penny as a tip. Some people think the world revolves around them and don’t take into consideration how hard other people have to work to keep them happy.
POSTED MAY 2, 1998
J.R., 24, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I have on one occasion left a penny as an indication the service was terrible. In that case, we saw the waitress when she brought the food and again over an hour later when she brought the bill; when she brought the food, she did not bring rolls, which were supposed to be part of our meal, and which I asked about at that time; and when I asked her about them when she brought the check, she expressed surprise that I was upset about not having received them. That was the last time we ever went to that restaurant. If the food is less than satisfactory and the service is good, I complain about the food and leave a reasonable tip (20 percent pre-tax, which is above 15 percent post-tax). One one occasion I complained about the service as I was paying and then gave the cashier money for the tip, and upon her expression of surprise, I told her that poor kitchen help was no reason to penalize a good waitress; from her reaction, apparently many people do not see it that way.
POSTED MAY 4
W.B., Amarillo, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
My aunt, who was a waitress for many years, she said the penny thing was a holdover from the Depression, when a penny was a good tip for good service and two pennies signified exemplary service. That’s probably why older people do this. My aunt also said nowadays, some people, usually older folks, will tip 15 percent and add a penny or two.
POSTED AUG. 9, 1998
White guy, 42 <deandamid@earthlink.net>, Santa Paula, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Leaving a penny tip is definitely an insult, and I have only done it once. I was on my honeymoon and went to a nice restaurant. They were short-handed, I will grant you that, so the hostess was also doing minor waitressing duty by fetching drink orders and running salads and bread to tables. To make a long story short, she practically threw a large mug of beer into my lap, said “Oh…sorry” and then proceeded to go laugh about it with another server, in plain view of my table! My meal was not comped. Leaving that penny felt really good.
POSTED OCT. 20, 1998
A.J.

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Tips serve another purpose as well: Servers will let management know if tips are up or down. While the previous example of the penny tip and obnoxious table-salt note is an example of some pretty nasty people, the waitress who responded noted that she was overworked and couldn’t provide adequate customer service. I would never leave a penny tip, but in that situation I would probably leave 5 percent, figuring that if she were working that many tables, the net result would be the same. Is she working harder? Absolutely. But that should be between her and management; if they’re stretching her too thin, it’s not in my nature to leave a “normal” tip out of charity; that simply encourages the restaurant to not improve.
POSTED OCT. 28, 1998
Tom Y., Orlando, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 8:
One thing I want to add (and I really hope one person sees this and makes a server’s day) concerns restaurant coupons. As a former server, we were required to disclose tip income to the government based on total sales of food. When coupons discounted say, half the bill, my sales reported 100 percent of food, but my tips would often be for the 50 percent total of the bill. My income would sometimes be cut in half, and there were times I would have to report that I made more money than I actually took home. Take a 15 percent tip of $100 in sales ($15), tip 1 percent to the bar ($1), and 1 percent to the busser ($1). Now try that with a meal discounted $50 (just an example) where the server gets 15 percent of $50. He still tips $1 to each, then has to report 8 percent of $100 in sales. He’s got $5 in his pocket, and he’s saying he made $8.
POSTED NOV. 2, 1998
Anthony, 24, MI
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THE QUESTION:
O1: I am a 53-year-old black elementary school principal and am proud of that fact. I have noticed in social settings where there might be a high degree of blue-collar workers that much is expected of someone who holds this title and position. Why do people seem to expect more from someone who holds a position such as this than they expect from themselves? This includes behavior, speech, actions.
POSTED MARCH 16, 1998
P.J. Baker, Detroit, MI

_{ANSWER 1:}
I do not feel this is a race or gender issue. I am also not sure whether you may think it may be an issue related to your race. What I am positive about is that most people, when put into a group setting, seek out a leader. You have obviously proven yourself as a leader through hard work and commitment. It can be very frustrating to watch many people sit back and wait for someone to take the lead, but, I am sure that this may also be one of the reasons you are a principal and not still a teacher.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1998
Ed <eward@ees.eesc.com>, Armada , MI

FURTHER NOTICE:
When I was in grade school, the principal had the highest authority in the school. The principal was the final arbiter of disagreements. The principal enforced dress and behavior codes and set a good example. The principal announced what to do during emergency drills. When I am around people I first met as a teacher or principal, I call them Mr/s. (surname) and tend to look at the floor when talking. Maybe the same thing happens to people around you – they default to what they learned in school.
POSTED MARCH 22, 1998
Dave D., 35, white
Wales, WI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As someone who, on my mother’s side of the family, is from a blue-collar, working-class, labor supporter (United Kingdom) background, I feel I can respond to this question. Many students from a blue-collar background are unsuccessful at school, particularly academically, often because less is expected of them and they may not come from an environment in which education and teachers are respected. I remember my own father (lower middle-class) saying “Teachers teach because they can’t do!”, and my mother still has no time for academic ‘”experts.” Other working-class parents are also likely to be negative toward teachers, often because they feel they did not get any support from them during their schooling. The result of this is that they are unlikely to show much respect toward any teacher, black, yellow or white.
POSTED MARCH 30, 1998
S Farr, 40, Wellington , New Zealand

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I suspect they feel uneasy around you and expect you are judging them. In social situations, many people tend to apologize when they drop a swear word in front of a minister. They apologize for their language skills in front of an English teacher. Police officers also have a hard time getting others to relax in their presence at a party, so they tend to socialize only with other police. Possibly your justifiable pride in your achievement is coming across as a sense of superiority that makes others uncomfortable. But if you want them to treat you as one of them, you must make sure you are treating them as an equal.
POSTED MAY 4, 1998
Pam S. <palema@downcity.net>, Willimantic, CT
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