[Raquel]

I've noticed this phenomenon in the practice of breastfeeding as well. Black women tend to either not breast-feed altogether or will stop breast feeding far sooner than their white counterparts. There is a stigma among our race that having your infants/toddlers hang on to too many crutches of dependence is stifling to their growth and progression. Pacifiers, bottles, breast-feeding and diapers are 4 areas that we tend to want to rid our children of as early as possible because not only do they weigh the parent down, they weigh the child down. Having a 3-yr old still hooked on a pacifier or bottle is like having a 3-yr old hooked on crack. They throw tantrums and are hard to handle if they feel like they absolutely have to have their bottle when they should be well on to other developmental stages in life. I guess we also think it's hard enough for black kids to progress in America so why keep them attached to unnecessary 'baby things'. Perhaps it's a tiny bit selfish of the parent to want to get rid of the appendage of a diaper bag or of having to go through those 1,000 extra steps needed to change a diaper as opposed to pulling up and down some underwear, but why would any mother really want her child hindered far beyond the reasonably necessary time period? We (black mothers) tend to want our children far less dependent on us as soon as possible because sometimes life has a way of happening and we don't want to leave behind dependent children. It all boils down to when you're getting ready to leave the house in the morning to take your child to daycare, I'd rather have to think to myself, 'Did I remember to put my child's panties on,' instead of, 'Did I remember to pack the diapers, the wipes, the ointment, the powder, the plastic bag, the changing pad, etc.' Haste in this case is not waste, but hassle-free time-management at its best.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

More often than not, if another woman looks a woman up and down, they are sizing up their competition. If they do it from within a group of two or more women, they are exhibiting the same behavior that can be witnessed in Lion prides. The females who already belong to the pride or cliques within that pride will size up any new or unknown lioness who comes near the group. They are sizing up their competition. It isn't always confrontational or meant in malice. It is often some sort of complimentary action that means the woman doing the staring is admiring something on your person. If it's at a party, or social gathering, where men in attendance will have the ability to pick & choose amongst the women attendees, then women look other women over to see what they are visually competing with within the room. They want to see what action, movement, or feature about that woman will cause her to be a threat to they, themselves, being approached at the party. Is she showing more cleavage, are her heels taller (making her legs look longer), is her hair neater, longer, straighter, curlier, etc.? And sometimes, at a social gathering, if a woman of another race comes in the room, it's like a hyena coming close to the pack of lionesses. They feel that with the current state of racial affairs between Black men and White women, that a non-black woman is a threat to her ability to mate with her own kind at this function. They feel this woman may have the upper hand based on race alone because that is what is 'IN' now for Black men...so they look her up and down to hopefully instill a sense of uneasiness or trepidation...make her feel unwelcome or dissuade her from mingling with 'their' men...much as a hyena would feel amongst a pride of lionesses who seem posed and ready to strike. There are many reasons for this action, and I've seen 'Uppity' white woman do it, as well. Usually, the pretense behind the look can be discovered by simply smiling at the gazer. If they smile back, they were more than likely admiring something on your person. If they sneer, or look away, they were being rude and you should just 'brush your shoulders off' of that person and their tacky behavior. Don't let it ruin your day. You shouldn't really care what they think. Hold your head high and keep on doing what you were doing.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

HAHAHAHA!! That was laughable...though not entirely untrue. The Black culture does not have an 'aversive disregard' for tipping, we simply prefer to tip on the nature and caliber of service. I've seen Black people get downright angry when restaurants impose a mandatory gratuity, because it is often those places that have the poorest service because the staff knows they'll have their tip (at the highest percentage, mind you) automatically added to the patron's bill. I've also seen Black people tip according to the 'expected' percentages. Moreso, we tip according to how we feel we were serviced and not often with the servicepersons base pay being taken into account because #1) they chose this line of work, #2) some people feel as if it is in their job description to serve the table, not a favor. We do not tip the dry cleaner for cleaning our clothes, so why tip the waitstaff for waiting, #2) it is not our job to make up for the lack their employer imposes to their wallets with terrible pay rates. A lot of White people feel obligated to give 10-15% or more of a tip because they don't want to be seen as cheap and they want to feel as if they really helped that person out. If I had to wait 10 minutes for water and 10 more minutes for butter or ten more minutes for extra ketchup or whatever, I tip accordingly. Hence, there are times when the service is too poor to merit a BIG tip or any tip at all, but if the service is so bad I'm inclined NOT to tip at all, then I let my dissatisfaction known to management so the person will at least know why I chose not to tip them. I'm not saying there are some Black people who simply don't tip at all, but it is definitely not an ACROSS-THE-BOARD occurrence because I always tip something, but it's according to service and not obligation. Not tipping for no reason is rude and uncalled for...but, I've seen other races do it, too, so it's not just a Black thing.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I say, without hesitation, never let anyone disrespect you or step over you as if you do not matter. I don't care what race you are. Do not physically put your hands on the person because to SOME Black women, that tends to show that you don't mind going to blows about the subject at hand. Line-cutting, however, is not usually something I see Black women doing exceedingly above other races (especially White people...not just women). Some White people tend to believe that their time is much more valuable than other people's time and therefore, they can just step up right quick to the register to ask a question or try to get waited on before people who have ore products than they have. So, with that in mind, some Black women take the stance of 'disrespect them before they have a chance to disrespect you' when it comes to being in the store. They also appear tougher than they are because they don't want anyone to think that they are about to take any type of disregard from anyone. Cutting in line is rude, no matter who does it, so you need to call the person out on their rude behavior. Bravado usually falls by the wayside when they realize you're serious and will get other people involved if need be, including the police. Start off with, 'Excuse me, but I was here first.' If she says something like, 'And, well, I need to hurry and get out of here.' Then you say, 'Well, so do I and I'd appreciate if you step back behind me/us to the back of the line,' and have some conviction about meaning it in your voice. If they go off on you, calmly pull out your cell phone and speak toward the counter-help and say, 'What is the number to store security,' or ask them to contact store security. It shouldn't take all that, but no one should be stepped over because every person matters. Definitely stand up to anyone who disrespects you. These women are usually more bark than they are bite. Additionally, I think all women should possess some sort of self-protection weapon and don't be afriad to use it if the person follows you outside...or ask the security personnel of the store to walk you outside if you honestly feel threatened.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

Some people like the 'risk' involved. They do not take into account the driving risks because people tend to think along the lines that nothing bad will, or could possibly, happen to them while performing this act or having this act performed on them. It's the risk of being seen by passerby or drivers in cars/trucks taller than theirs. Exhibitionist behavior at its best. That is the thrill that comes from this activity. The adrenaline of doing something so risky can be an ahprodisiac to some. Perhaps you can curb your woman's inner exhibitionist by having sex with her with the curtains open, in the living room, right around the time you think the mailman will be passing through delivering mail or in the car as it is safely parked on the side of the road. Some women just like to see the flustered reaction of their men as they give them such pleasure it's hard for them to concentrate on driving. That's an ego boost. Don't hinder her wild streak, just find alternative places and ways for her to explore it.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I LOVE your name, first of all. Secondly, as 'bitter-sounding' as your other response is from Rhonda, there is some value in her observation. There are some black men who do exclusively date outside of their race as an avoidance of having to deal with a black woman, and thus they 'treat' their trophies (other races...women they feel they have had to earn) 'better' than they would their inheritance (Black women...women intended for them by birth). I have a male relative that way. Whenever I question him about why he never dates Black women, he says, 'I tried, it just didn't work out.' That 'I tried' translates into meaning 'twice in his life' and the minute there was some hesitation on the black woman's part to go as far as the Hispanic/White women he dated did, or as soon, he was no longer interested. He says it takes too much drama and work to get close with a Black woman because they have so much baggage. Theorhetically, one could say they have baggage because Black men treat Black women so bad until they are 'scarred' and then date outside of the race for women who don't know their tacky behavior as intimately as Black women do. They start over with a clean slate and treat the women respectfully, even though often, they aren't really respecting them. They are leeching out of them the things they can't often swiftly or readily obtain from a 'scarred' Black woman (sex, money, adoration). Whereas we are leery, other woman are trusting and open. Therefore, non-black women are easier to date and woo and handle. This isn't just rambling, this info is borne of actual research I've done for articles. Other Latina women probably have the same benefit that you do and often, the Latino family unit will dislike her decision to date a Black man because just like most Black families, they'd prefer if their people dated their own so as not to dilute the race/culture. I'm no hypocrite, I've dated other races, as well, but not to the exclusion of Black men.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

(CONTINUATION FROM PREVIOUS POSTING) Fortunately, for us, this is the exception and not the rule because most people who do have the gumption to get out of impoverished situations are want of a new way-of-living and do not bring the old ways into their new environment. Typically, it is the 'accidentally wealthy' who exhibit this behavior the most. People who make their money in ways that involve rapping and playing sports (but not all the time). A rapper who makes a lot of money actually makes his money off of the street life and he believes and lives this street life. Even though he may change addresses, his mind is still corrupt in wanting to live as 'true to the game' as he can so people won't think he's changed just because he has a little money. As for the walking in the middle of the street thing, that gets on my nerves, as well, but that behavior is a manifestation of poor social training and is not only ghetto behavior but simply ignorant behavior. I've seen middle-class and upper-class kids of other races do the same thing. For these people...it's pure rebellion. They are bumping the 'system' and thinking that they are gaining 'positive, tough-guy/girl' attention in some sort of way. Hope that helped a little.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

This phenomena can be traced back to our ancestry in Africa. Many African villages, (with many still practicing this ritual to this day), held the woman with 'plump' features in high-esteem and in order to marry, the woman would be 'fattened' to present to her suitors. A round backside, hips, and busom told the man who would marry her and his family that she would be suitable to bear their future (strong, healthy, stable, capable). Also, most black men just tend to find it simply more asthetically pleasing to see a woman with a roundness to her bottom than for it to be 'flat' or 'unshapely' as they feel it adds a pleasurable feel to her body....more inviting and aerodynamic, so to speak. Hopefully that helps you.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

First of all, 'ghetto' is a state of mind, not a location. This is evidenced by the fact that the average person who lives in an impoverished/lower-income neighborhood is NOT typically the person who showcases these tasteless exhibitions when they move to another, more financially-stable area. The problem is the few embarrassing specimens of the race make the area as a whole look as if it subscribes to those same ideas and standards of act. Now, to answer your overall question, the reason some people who move into an area and fail to leave the 'ghetto-mentality' behind do so because they fear conformity. To conform is to lose themselves and their ethnicity. They fear retribution and ridicule from those 'left behind' because 'street credibility' holds such a high level of importance to them. They do not want to be known back in the 'hood as the one who started making $100,000 a year and moved out of the 'hood and turned 'whitey' or started to 'act white' by disengaging themselves with what the 'hood characterizes as 'black identifying behaviors' which can also be connected to the new hip slang terminology of 'keeping it real'. You are not 'keeping it real' to the race if you do not continue to throw loud BBQ parties (etc.) and invite all your friends from back in the 'hood. If you stopped doing that, they will construe that as your being 'ashamed' of them and of not wanting your new neighbors (read: White neighbors) to think you're 'low-class like them'. You are not 'keeping it real' unless you somehow still show the people who are not 'black' in your neighborhood that you are not a conformist and will not sit by and let 'unwritten laws of behavior of the white man in a white neighborhood' suck all the Black out of them, and thus, ruin their reputation back where they came from. (MORE TO COME...)

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I believe that ride pimping has nothing to do with economics (as in using an old or already purchased car and simply fixing it up versus buying new) as opposed to individuality and perosnality and popularity which is most often displayed by men. Male peacocks do not have those gorgeous plumes to attract other male peacocks, they are grandiose to attract the female who wants a man with flair. Typically, the acoutrements of 'pimping' a car cost far more than the car itself, so it isn't that they are being 'cheap', they are being flashy. I believe the flash is in order to 'stand out' from the pack of other men who may own cars JUST LIKE his. If 50 men go buy a new, black Lexus Coupe and they all drive them off the lot and paid exactly the same price for it, the one guy who goes and puts non-dealer chrome weels on it and customizes the interior will get a second glance over the other 49 who are straight factory-built. It's a way not to drive the exact same car as another guy. Black men probably tend to do this more because this is an area in which they can stand out more without having to battle wits (not saying they are unintelligent or anythng). Remember, the female peacock doesn't care that the male doesn't know Algebra. He's flashy and an individual above the rest. Whereas Black men may not be 'given' a level playing ground on every other aspect of life (i.e. education, job market), they can buy wheels and chrome accessories just like every other man. Using an old car simply shows that they want to improve on a classic canvas. It's also hip-hop related. Women are attracted to these tyes of guys, so men who aren't entertainers emulate their woman-seducing flair (adding their own sense of style) and put themselves in a 'higher' bracket of attractiveness to ordinary women.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I agree that the country has gone too 'slash happy' (meaning the slash in between the hyphenated ethnicities with 'American'). I believe we should just all be Americans, but then people feel as if they aren't identifying with their ethnicity (as if appearance alone isn't indicative of their nationality). But, then, again, if we went simply on appearance, all Asians would be Chinese' instead of 'Japanese' or 'Korean' because our small-thinking 'racial-concentrated' minds won't bother to differentiate people's need to belong to a group of people. All Hispanics would be Mexican and not Spanish or Cuban or Dominican. All blacks would be Black instead of African or Aborigine, etc. I guess the hyphens have a purpose, but I'm tired of them. We're humans who happen to live in America, so I think we should all be AMERICANS.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I was having this conversation with a friend of mine the other day. I am a Christian. I believe that to disobey ANY of the Commandments or laws set forth by God is to be disobedient. People like to be selective to their own whims in the world. A lot of people who feel as if they are 'holier than thou', forget about the 'less publicized' of God's Laws that they, too, don't apply to their lives. A sin is a sin...so I hate when people get judgmental about specifics if they, too, aren't specific to every law.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

[Raquel]

I'm have light brown skin, straight hair that has natural blonde highlights, and medium brown eyes. One of my sisters was born with blonde, coarse hair and blue eyes. Her eyes are now green. My father's eyes are green. Another sister has light brown eyes and dark hair. Another sister has silky, wavy hair and dark brown eyes. There is so much diversity in our people, it's unreal. Obviously, the author of this question just doesn't have a large quantity of exposure to African-Americans. In my family ALONE, we have a lot of different ethnicities, so our people as a whole are a highly mixed people.

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Name : Raquel, Gender : F, Age : 31, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, 

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