Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
Forum Replies Created
- Posts
Katie: Your letter concerns me deeply. You state that you have been depressed for 2 1/2 years, but didn’t indicate why you are depressed. Your response also indicates that you don’t really want to take your life, but you are clearly asking for help. How can we help? Your young age and the length of time you admit to having been depressed and suicidal indicates some rather radical things going on in your life. Are you, perhaps, being sexually molested? Katie, we each get ‘messages’ from our families as we grow up. As a kid, my parents sent me messages that indicated I was pretty inferior. Through most of my childhood and teen years, into young adulthood, I didn’t think much of myself. However, as I grew older, I learned I had much to offer; there were skills I could offer others that might help them. Today, I feel pretty good about who I am, but it took years to overcome the negative messages I got from my family. Those messages are learned behaviors. In other words, what we can learn, we can unlearn. It just takes time and a willingness to fight back. Something I did that may help you is to seek out an Adult Children of Alcoholics Support group. It did me a world of good and taught me that it wasn’t just me. That’s very important. Go talk it out and learn that you aren’t a terrible person, you’ve just been given very bad messages. Lots of us care about you, Katie. Don’t throw away a precious gift. Death doesn’t solve problems; it never has and never will. Stay in touch.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I agree and disagree with you. There are a lot of problems we face as a society, but they are, fundamentally, no different from the problems we have always faced. There have and always will be homeless people, poor people, people from all walks of life who need more of the things they feel they are due. By the same token, look at how our society has been dismantled by years of socialism at the hands of the government. More people refuse to take responsibility for themselves or their actions. More people look to the government to decide for them what they should decide for themselves. Families have been dismantled to the extent that we think it’s OK not to have family meal times, family activities or just plain old family discussions. Family values, in fact, are virtually non-existent. There is no obligation on the part of an entreprenuer or succesful individual to help others less fortunate. The fact that it occurs to a greater extent than you realize is the fault of the media, which doesn’t want to report it. It makes better news if they report that the ‘wealthy’ just don’t care about those less fortunate. So, that kind of information doesn’t fit into their agenda. Does our society have problems? You betcha – just like every society for centuries before us. The difference now is that we have seen hundreds of billions of government dollars invested every way possible to ‘cure’ the conditions of poverty, illness, education, etc., and all we have to show for it is a situation that is worse than it was. We must take responsibility for ourselves. When we do, those things will get better and society will begin to return to the values you seek. But it won’t be overnight.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,A lot of times it’s to keep a steady paycheck and food on the table. It’s hard to know how to answer you without a better example. If this is an older worker, it may be due to the fact that older workers grew up believing that an employer would take care of them as long as they did their job. So, even if the job or the work environment has changed, they are reluctant to change jobs regardless of how they feel. Some people are afraid that if they leave the job they have, even if they detest every minute of it, they will never get another job. So, for them, it’s better to stay with a job they hate than try to get another and discover that their first perception was correct and has now become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Another reason might be that they have been doing this one job for so long, they don’t want to invest the time and effort necessary to find another job or learn another task. They may not like it, but the job has become ‘comfortable’.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I don’t believe that your size has anything to do with your dateless status (and, no, at your age that isn’t very normal). After all there is a saying that goes ‘good things come in small packages’. There are possible two reasons you aren’t dating – 1) if you are ‘drop dead’ gorgeous, a lot of guys are intimidated by that and think that you have dates and boyfriends all over the place. As a result, they won’t ask you out for fear of being turned down. 2) If #1 isn’t the answer, it may be that you are projecting an attitude about yourself that suggests ‘back off’. We humans still retain some of our animal senses and that is one that men pick up pretty good. You might consider taking a long look in the mirror (or hiring a set of objective eyes) and see what your manner of dress, the way you wear your hair, the makeup, your body position and facial expression all say about you. If they don’t tell a guy that you’re interested and would like to get to know him better, they may be telling him ‘back off’. Also, what does your manner of speaking say about you? Do you sound like a sitcom or just someone who recently arrived here from another planet?
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I would ask this, did affirmative action really kill the integrity of the program, or did your perception of affirmative action kill the program? Chances are, if I extrapolate facts not in evidence, you are correct about affirmative action damaging the integrity of the program, but it is not politically correct to say so. For those who believe that they need affirmative action to succeed, the suggestion that this outdated sacred cow is responsible for anything negative is nothing short of blasphemy. Given the workings of affirmative action and the harsh realities of those who did not pass the course, I would not doubt that the integrity of your program was undermined by the politically correct busybodies monitoring the numbers and (particularly) the racial makeup of those who did not pass. The bottom line is that it is one thing to know something, it is something else altogether to say it. As long as we regard affirmative action as a sacred cow, you’re best off not to impugn its reputation.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,The simple answer is that from the time these children were infants, they were in charge and they knew it. Every time they cried, mommy or daddy came running to see what was wrong. As infants, the children learned that they had control over the adults by using certain behaviors. As the children grow older, the parents might try to re-assert their authority over the kids, but the kids would find new behaviors to stay in charge. By the age of three, most children’s behavior patterns are set for life. My wife and I are often amazed at the interaction we observe between controlling children and their docile parents. The fact is that Dr. Spock was wrong (and admitted it before his death), as are so many pop psychologists. A swift swat on the butt of a misbehaving kid establishes control and who holds the authority in the family. Parents who let their kids walk over them LET their kids walk over them.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Sex is often more hype than anything else. As a young person, particularly a virgin, there tends to be a lot of pressure to ‘do it,’ get it over with and find out what sex is all about. Despite all of the romantic novels, porn movies and sex scenes in books, the actual act doesn’t take that long for most couples. Usually, the most amount of time is spent in foreplay … and afterward in critiquing one anothers’ performance. Perhaps, for you, your sexual desires are satisfied by heavy petting or just kissing and touching. Often, when someone isn’t ready to ‘go all the way’, they ask questions such as yours. There’s nothing wrong with that, we all decide when we are ready to have sex at our own time and shouldn’t allow ourselves to be pressured into doing something before it’s right for us. There’s no rush to have sex. Having sex just to have sex is pretty unfulfilling. Having sex with someone you truly and deeply love transcends the physical experience to become something more magical. Unfortunately, words don’t adequately describe the feeling. When you’re ready and the time and the other person are right, your sexual experience will be one that you treasure.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,We’re pretty close to the same age, and yes, I also find it not only disturbing, but a sad commentary on the state of our education system. For starters, this commissioner needs to have his butt kicked – all the way out into the street – for making such a stupid and irresponsible statement. Education cannot and will not improve as long as brain-dead morons such as this commissioner are around condoning cheating.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Good question, Tim, but there’s not an easy answer. Often slavery is dependent upon who defines it and how it is defined. I once had a Psychology instructor who told us about a make-believe world in which half of the population earned $50,000 and the other half earned $50,500. Those earning only $50,000 were categorized as being poor because they didn’t earn as much as the other half. That being said, I suspect that your question really relates to slavery as it is defined by the early American practice. I have heard stories about different countries in Africa and in Eastern Europe where there are small pockets of slavery as it is classically defined, but no one is going to admit that they are still practicing slavery in this day and age.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Your “question,” Pike, underscores one of the worst problems we have in our society. We allow Madison Avenue and Hollywood to set our perceptions of what is acceptable. They tell us how we should look, how much we should weigh, how our hair should be combed, how we should smell, what we should like, etc. Frankly, I’m so sick of the emphasis these two locations place on beauty and other shallow perceptions that I could spit. All of us, young, old, fat, thin, strong, weak, pretty, ugly, rich and poor are children of a rather interesting and knowledgeable God. Be whom your creator created and let the shallow people be themselves.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Interesting point, Kai, one which I experienced when my family returned to the U.S. of A. after 2.5 years in Germany in the early 60’s. Funny thing, though, was the Germans didn’t open their arms to us and accept us as equals, even though we lived on the German economy in a small town outside of Frankfurt. As an American, I learned to rise above the ignorance and the stereotypes of the day and found a few German kids to play soccer with from time-to-time. I hadn’t thought about any of this until I saw your note in this forum. I didn’t think of it as racism, I figured the Germans didn’t like us because we were Americans and they weren’t too fond of what we did to them and their country during the war. It’s a shame that so many years afterward (I assume), you encountered the same stupidity and stereotyping that I did. The only difference is that we did it at different times and in each other’s countries. I guess ignorance knows neither boundaries, borders, or time. Too bad. In spite of all that we share in common as human beings on this earth, all we can see of one another are the small, meaningless things that make us different. It makes me sad for the human . . . . race.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,B.F., your questions seems to go to the root of the very thing we have to compete with here in the ‘good ole U.S. of A.’ And that is that we are so caught up in race that everything revolves around whose race is which. Here’s a thought for you – if you want to take a step forward toward ending racisim, call her what she is, an American. Let the ignorant whackos worried about her ‘race’ or ethnic origins lie awake worrying. Don’t saddle your innocent daughter with racist nonsense when all she has to do is be herself. Her race is not important unless you make it important. If we focus less on being hyphenated Americans and focus more on being ourselves, we can end racism. Join me in staking the step. We all come from different races, I have a bunch in my family tree as well, but when someone asks me, I’m just an American. Let your daughter be one, too.
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Bigchocolateman, let me ask you a direct question in response to your question. Why do you want to ‘remember’ something you never experienced? Now that I’ve swung open an ugly door, let’s discuss it. First, it needs to be established that slavery is not and never has been the exclusive domain of whites. If you recall from history, the pyramids were likely built by slaves. Are Egyptians white? History has recorded civilization after civilization which resorted to slavery. Your ancestors who came to this country as slaves were not placed there by whites, they were placed into slavery by rival African tribes who then sold them to British, Portuguese or Dutch merchants who transported them to the fledgling U.S. Now, it is true we could have taken a different road and declared that slavery was not allowed and ordered all of the slaves set free. However, history is largely driven by economics. At the time, the north’s economy was largely based on manufacturing and the south’s economy was largely based on agriculture. With more and more stomachs to feed both north and south, southern plantation owners were kind of stuck between a rock and hard place. Prices for crops were low and demand was pretty high. If the plantation owner can’t afford to pay a living wage to migrant crop workers, how can he earn a living from the land and still meet the needs of a growing population? That doesn’t make slavery right, it only makes it a fact of economic life. Now, let’s leap a hundred and something years forward to your question. Like many of the whites who responded to this question, neither me nor anyone in my family going back generations ever owned other people. Our biggest problem has been trying to keep ourselves alive. Let me ask you this, can anything change the fact that your ancestors were or may have been slaves? Of course not. Money won’t change it, apologies won’t change it, it’s in the past. No one is forgetting it, but the fact is that African Americans choose to cling to it as though it happened yesterday and still defines you today. It’s over, my friend. Times and people have changed. Rather than spend time re-hashing something we can’t change, let’s learn the lessons from it, move forward together and worry about bigger problems today than what happened over a century ago. Deal?
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I don’t know what kind of treatment of animals you may have observed here in the South, but my suspicion is that you have fallen victim to a popular stereotype. As another respondent stated, I also have lived in both the North and South and have never witnessed animals being treated any worse in one part of the country than in others. If you get your information from the liberal media, consider the source. If they portray most Southerners as being poorly educated and belonging to a lower socioeconomic group in general, that’s their reason for pushing this stereotype. It’s no more true than the popular stereotype of gay men abducting children off the street and forcing them into a homosexual lifestyle – or have you heard that stereotype?
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,Gee, Christopher, let’s see why some blacks (I can’t generalize to all or most) might not be overly appreciative of trees. In their experiences in the 20th century, they were lynched from trees and the KKK like to burn things made from trees. Does that help you any?
User Detail :
Name : Pete S., Gender : M, Age : 51, City : Orlando, State : FL, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,
