Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 21 replies, 20 voices, and was last updated 24 years, 3 months ago by
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- I believe you were being too sensitive and shouldn't be too bothered by what people say. Society today dwells on such insignificant problems such as this and never focuses on what the big picture is. My family members are of German descent and are asked quite a bit to bring German food to events. Should I overreact and tell them they are being racist? You should be honored that someone thinks you are involved in your culture so much as to eat the stereotypical foods and act as your ancesters did.
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Name : Rob, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 28, City : Warren, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Architect, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I was asked at work if I would be bringing tripe or beef tongue to a company breakfast. Being Hispanic and also biracial, I took this as an attempt to demean me and to racially stereotype me. I have recieved an apology in writing from the person who said it, but they also stated it was only a question about culture and foods, and not meant to demean. Several other people have also told me I should not have gotten so upset over this. What do you think?User Detail :
Name : Rita C., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Hispanic/German/Indian/ Dutch, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Aurora, State : CO Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I would say that was an off-hand insult. First, the person was pre-judging the type of person you are, and second they were choosing types of food that many groups would find unappealing.User Detail :
Name : R-Delorimier, City : San Francisco, State : CA Country : United States,If it had been a sincere attempt to learn about another heritage or culture, I think the question would have been more open-ended, rather than focusing on the possibility that you would bring something to eat that many people find weird or repulsive.User Detail :
Name : Andrew, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Huntington, State : NY Country : United States, Occupation : Reporter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I work for an international corporation in the United States with men and women of different nationalities, ethnicities, races and sexual orientation. I have learned to celebrate diversity. I believe what you are seeing here is an effort by someone who is trying to "celebrate" diversity. You should not be offended, but take this as an opportunity to educate in a non-threatening way. You should take the letter as an apology and let it go.User Detail :
Name : Bill L., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : French/Canadian descent, Age : 40, City : Essex Junction, State : VT Country : United States, Occupation : Accountant/Analyst, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Sounds like three questions: Was this an attempt to stereotype and demean you? Was it really a question only about culture and foods and not meant to demean? Should you have been upset?First, it probably depends on the context of the request. If it came from a person representing a group, for example, who clearly (by their own admission) wanted to produce a multi-cultural meal, then it could be chalked up to an honest, though stupid, mistake. If, on the other hand, the request was really a smart-mouthed gibe, then it was so far out-of-bounds as to be not worth responding to.
Which brings us to the second point. Only you know if the person was being demeaning. And in your heart-of-hearts, you do know.
Third, one of the most difficult tasks is to remain calm in the face of such remarks. I'm not saying I could. Perhaps you can give the person the benefit of the doubt - not for being stupid and demeaning, but for not realizing how stupid and demeaning he/she was being.
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Name : John-B29406, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 49, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Executive Recruiter, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,In my experience, people are 1,000 times more likely to be stupid than mean. In fact, pretty much everyone says stupid things at times. I wasn't there, so obviously I couldn't see his expression, hear his tone of voice, consider his history, etc. But I have to think that just as a general principle, I don't see how we're ever going to get past all the racial issues in this country if we cannot create an environment where people are free to make mistakes and learn from them and where people are capable of giving others the benefit of the doubt where possible and of providing a measured, educational response where appropriate. I've been corrected for stupid, ignorant things I've said where that correction led to a much broader understanding on my part. I'm very grateful that the person I offended took the time to explain it to me and didn't hold my ignorance against me.User Detail :
Name : Mark, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Alexandria, State : VA Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,It could very well have been an innocent question. As we have seen from the myriad questions posted to Y? Forum, people can be clueless about how to ask questions about another culture in a sensitive way. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and just let them know privately that their manner of asking could be offensive to some. However, it could also have been racist. Let's face it, the classic defense of the racist/sexist is either 1) "I was just joking. Can't you people take a joke?" or 2)"I didn't mean anything by it."I don't think I would have required a written apology, but then I work at a company that "values diversity." I think I would have felt comfortable educating them verbally, maybe by "joking" back something about Wonder Bread and mayonnaise.
I think people who aren't minorities don't really know how wearing and tiring it can be to have thick skin, not be so sensitive and be responsible for educating everyone around you, all the time, for at least nine hours every day. Sometimes, it's just one "innocent question" too many on a particular day.
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Name : Janon, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Multiethnic, Age : 38, City : Lebanon, State : OR Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I agree with the people who said you should not get overly upset about being asked what you are bringing to the company breakfast. Most likely it has nothing to do with your being Hispanic but was meant as a friendly joke. I am a white female from Alabama and get stereotyped all the time. Give the person making the statement the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps her or she was just trying to be friendly.User Detail :
Name : DiBAngel, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 45, City : Winter Haven, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Paralegal, Education level : High School Diploma,To my way of thinking, the comment was intended to insult and the person was expecting you to take it smiling, which would have just invited future tasteless comments and behavior. The letter of apology reflects more the fact of your not smiling than any serious contrition. The more one has suffered insults, the more one is equipped to recognize them as such. And conversely, the less one has suffered insults, the more likely is one to call them almost anything else, including just stupidity. One can be stupid, however, without demeaning or insulting.User Detail :
Name : Floyd L., Gender : M, Age : 59, City : Memphis, State : TN Country : United States,I can't tell from your question how the person's question and your response were phrased, but it sounds to me as if you chose to publicly cure that person of ever again displaying any curiosity or interest in another person's culture. Maybe you ought to return that person's written apology with one of your own for lumping them in with Klansmen when they showed interest in what they mistakenly thought of as your cultural background. Do you think your punishment of that person made the world, or your workplace, a better and happier place? I don't doubt your anger is real, and maybe based on past encounters with genuine racism, but it seems misdirected to me in this case.User Detail :
Name : Erik, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Law student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I was once asked if white women use conditioners or oils in their hair. The black woman who asked me believed white women had "oily hair" and therefore did not need to condition. I believe in this instance the woman was just curious, not trying to demean or negatively stereotype me. I saw it as a chance to just talk about stuff.I don't know if you should have gotten upset or not. However, the person did apoligize to you. It is up to you to decide if you feel the person was sincere.
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Name : Linda22704, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I agree with the people who said you should not get overly upset about being asked what you are bringing to the company breakfast. Most likely it has nothing to do with your being Hispanic but was meant as a friendly joke. I am a white female from Alabama, and I get stereotyped all the time. Give the person making the statement the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they were just trying to be friendly.User Detail :
Name : DiBAngel, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 45, City : Winter Haven, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Paralegal, Education level : High School Diploma,As a gay man I face stereotypes every day. And dealing with them is often tiring, sometimes infuriating. But I think the person who asked you to bring the foods was most likely just ignorant. People just don't know. (Which, by the way, is why Y? Forum is so valuable in giving us all a chance to get the answers to the questions we otherwise would feel too stupid to ask.) Often, people try to say something they think is clever but which really is offensive. He apologized. Accept it. Take the situation as an opportunity to teach him something. I've found that if you assume the best about people, they often try to equal your expectations. And if they don't, well, you show yourself stronger and more high-minded than they are. For me, it's a win-win situation.User Detail :
Name : Tom-L24150, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Rob, people of German descent presently aren't subject to racism and discrimination in the United States. Hispanic and biracial people are. Therefore, it doesn't mean the same thing at all if your relatives are asked to bring German food to a potluck. The same strategy was used to argue against Hispanics who protested the Taco Bell Chihuahua commercials. They said it was ridiculous for Hispanics to get so upset, because they themselves weren't offended by representations such as the "Irish" Lucky Charms leprechaun or the Budweiser "Italian" frogs. Well, Irish and Italian people don't face much racism in 1999, unlike Hispanics.Representations of power-down people have much more powerful implications than representations of power-up people. As a white man, why are you telling marginalized people they shouldn't critically analyze how others represent their culture? No offense, Rob, but I'm really sick of white people telling minorities they are being too sensitive.
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Name : Rhiannon, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 28, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, Occupation : Media studies graduate student,
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