Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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- Mosts gays and lesbians started out in the closet, so we can usually relate, and have some compassion for the person. I have had people claim that I was gay before I could even admit it to myself,which was incredibly stressful, so people need to come out when they are ready. Dating is a little uglier. I dated someone for about 3 months, and was expected to never mention that I was gay, to never talk about gay newspapers, clubs, to act as straight as possible, etc., and infer to his friends and family that I was straight - something that I've already been throught years ago. He would want to go out to straight clubs, and dance with women, which didn't make dates all that great. When I would suggest a gay club, he would say that he didn't want to be around 'all those fags,' which led to arguments about his self-loathing and his comments being insulting to me. It came down to him happy always pretending to be straight, and me saying that I would rather have someone dislike me for who I am rather than like me for pretending to be something I'm not and living in fear of being found out. Politically, there is a lot of tension only if the person is fighting against equality for gays, yet is gay themself. That is where most of the 'outing' is focused. Outing people simply because they are in the public eye (celebrities, etc) is still controversial in the gay community, because we understand what that is like.
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Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,If you have a stereotype of what a state and its people are like, but never go there, your belief goes unchallenged. Most people have read Lil' Abner; seen the Beverly Hillbillies, the Hatfield and McCoys and Hee Haw; and read about the pride of the Confederate Flag, which is associated with slavery, so there are misconceptions. But most people think New Yorkers rude (I found them overwhelmingly friendly), Californians to be surfers or hippies (which are a minority), Alaskans to wear parkas all year 'round (a friend from Juneau complained about how cold Minnesota was), and Midwesterners to all live on farms, naive to the world. I understand the ridicule. I watched Fargo, which was filmed here, and thought: 'That is so exaggerated. We don't talk like that,' and then I overheard someone on the phone say, 'Yahhh, yahhhh, I knoooooow. Say, I gotta gooo. Ooookey dooooke. Buh-bye now.'User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,Sometimes I think some people don't want others to understand, whether those people do or not. There is power in oppression. I don't know lynchings, but I understand gay-bashing and 'quail hunting,' and everyone saying queers don't love, and those who do get what they deserve. I've never been called nigger, but I've been called faggot, pansy, pervert and queer, and those were the nicer ones. I have seen people fired from their jobs and kicked out of the military for being gay. I can't marry the person I love, and many churches won't allow me through the doors because they believe I am an abomination, a 'hateful thing of God.' Violence against gay people is usually targeted by appearance. An artist friend of mine was gay-bashed twice in college, but he was straight. They just decided he 'looked gay.' The 'love that dare not speak its name' has left little history to look to, because it was suppressed. In fact, being the only gay child of five makes you feel like a stranger in your own family. When I say, 'I think I have a general idea of why you are angry,' I often get the response, 'That's totally different. You can't understand because you're white.' There were some radicals in ACT UP who, I imagine, are a little disappointed today because when they protest for AIDS funding and brutal deaths like Matthew Shepard, they are met with sympathy and agreement. I think about the loss of culture, especially during St. Patrick's Day, Octoberfest, etc., and while most whites cringe at our history for killing off the natives to slavery, there is a confusion, as if the expectation is to change the past, leaving you still angry, and me feeling helpless. I encourage anger, but ask, 'So, what are you going to do about it?' I think about what we call American Culture, from jazz to blues to cinema to sports to literature, and think that if anyone deserves to lose the hyphen and proudly call themselves American, it is those who descended from slaves, created a new home and have had such an influence on the rest of us.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,Sometimes, I think some people don't want others to understand, whether they do or not. There is power in oppression. I don't know lynchings, but I understand gaybashing and 'quail hunting,' and everyone saying queers don't love, and those who do get what they deserve. I've never been called nigger, but I've been called faggot, pansy, pervert, queer, and those were the nicer ones. I have seen people fired from their jobs and kicked out of the military for being gay. I can't marry the person that I love, and many churches won't allow me through the doors, because they believe I am an abomination, a 'hateful thing of God.' Violence against gay people is usually targeted by appearance. An artist friend of mine was gaybashed twice in college, but he was straight. They just decided he 'looked gay.' The 'love that dare not speak its name' has left little history to look to, because it was suppressed. In fact being the only gay child of 5 makes you feel like a stranger in your own family. When I say, 'I think I have a general idea of why you are angry,' I often get the response, 'That's totally different. You can't understand because your white.' There were some radicals in ACT UP who, I imagine, are a little disappointed today because when they protest for AIDS funding and brutal deaths like Matthew Shepard, they are met with sympathy and agreement. I think about the loss of culture, especially during St. Patrick's Day, Octoberfest, etc., and while most whites cringe at our history, for killling off the natives to slavery, there is a confusion, as if the expectation is to change the past, leaving you still angry, and me feeling helpless. I encourage anger, but ask, 'so, what are you going to do about it?' I think about what we call American Culture, from jazz to blues to cinema to sports to literature, and think that if anyone deserves to lose the hyphen and proudly call themselves American, it is those who descended from slaves, created a new home, and have had such an influence on the rest of us.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,In college, many of my friends talked about how the Asian foreign exchange students would always be scoring the highest in their classes, fitting the stereotype. After talking to several of the Asian students, though, I found out many were in the top of their high school class and were chosen to attend college in the United States. So we were seeing the brightest and generalizing.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,Obviously, you did not grow up on a farm. I would suggest reading Bruce Bagemihl's book: Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality & Natural Diversity. In his 10 year research, he found that a percentage of over 200 species are homosexual - orangatangs, whales, warthogs, fruitbats, big horn rams, etc. I mean, a dog will hump your leg if he's horny. But, frankly, I don't understand your question. Animals don't cook their food, speak English, dance, write poetry, play football, drive cars or wear clothes. Are you suggesting that all of these things are 'unnatural' because you do not see them in the animal kingdom? I honestly don't follow your logic.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I am unsure if they are being graphic at work, which is inappropriate regardless of your orientation, or just talking about their lives. I remember, saying at work, 'I saw Titanic last night with my boyfriend, and we both kept saying, 'Drown already! This movie is awful.' A coworker screamed, 'Why does you always have to talk about sex?? I don't care what you do in your bedroom...' I said, 'Uh, I was at a movie theater. And not having sex in it. ' Apparently, even mentioning 'boyfriend' was talking about sex, although talking about spouses and opposite sex significant others was not. Don't hold them to a double standard. Say to yourself, 'If this person were straight, and talking about sex all the time, would they still bug me?' Judge the guys by their character and not on whom they love. Most of my straight friends find that our relationship issues are very similar. If it moves to a point of harrassment, talk to your manager and deal with it, and remember what it feels like.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,There is a lot of hypocracy in this country. Many people who say, 'This is the best country in the world!' have never been outside the US. We have a 'World Series' that is played with teams in the US and Canada. When we say, 'we have a classless society,' what is meant is that we don't have royalty lines, and that anyone can move up or down within their financial class. A large part of our culture is materialistic, and the materials are used to display how you are better than someone else, buying a BMW over a Chevy, etc. In truth, upper class children have an advantage. For example, a friend of mine went to college that cost $25K a year, and his parents paid for it. When he got out of college, they bought him a car, and had connections for him to get a good job. Someone without these advantages could still make it into college, with hard work, and a little luck, and actually become upper class. I am glad that my friend realizes how fortunate he is and is appreciative of it, because I have seen people who can afford an expensive college mock people who can only afford a state univeristy, etc., and that attitude is not uncommon. I recently saw a commercial for a car that said, 'When you play a game, and win, at the end, you shake hands, and say, 'great game,' but the whole time, what you're really thinking is:'I'm better than yooouu areeee.' The new (car name)...' And that is the obsession with things and class: the need of so many to feel better or at least keep up with your neighbor.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I would like to thank everyone for the responses to my question. Having a gun pointed at you is a traumatic experience, but I have also had to face some prejudices that I wasn't even aware I had, which is equally difficult. It has really made me think. Thank you for that.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I think the questions are silly. I agree. As a gay man, I get asked "When did you decide to be gay"' or "Does it hurt?" all the time. However, I find the best approach is to point out the similarities. When a person asks when I "decided" to be gay, I remind them how they may have thought girls were dumb at 8, but changed when they went through puberty. They did not "decide" to start being attracted to women. In the same way, it makes sense to point out to a white person, who doesn't understand why blacks have white palms, to tell them to look at their tanned arm, and see how the underside is always lighter. They have the same lightness, and hopefully, they will understand that this group of people they see as foreign is not so different after all.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I went out for drinks with a friend I hadn't seen in some time, and she told me her dad predicts Aug. 20 as the end of the world. His thinking is that a probe launched into space will be passing the Earth, and if it hits the Earth, it has enough nuclear power to blow up the world countless times over. During August, there will also be a solar eclipse, and Revelation speaks of the sun being blotted out. Nostradamus also predicted something happening around August of '99, and that is interestingly his last entry. Having seen people panic during the '70s, and panic when we neared 1984, if there is such a thing as the Apocalypse, crying wolf will be the biggest reason no one listens anymore. I am still rolling my eyes about people hoarding food in preparation for Y2K.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I have always found the tradition a little disturbing. There seems to be a need to make adult women look prepubescent by not having body hair, and using makeup to make their eyes look big. If a 30-year-old man said, "I met a wonderful girl today," no one would think anything of it, as opposed to a 30-year-old woman saying that she met a wonderful boy, which would sound like she was dating a 10-year-old. There was even a trend for women to wear babydoll dresses, which, in Rosemary's Baby, was used to make her seem like a child caught up in an adult world.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,The genetic theory is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, we could finally say, "Here is proof that it is not a choice, as we have been saying all along." But there is a dark side. The "You Can Change" ads will not apologize, but become "We can change you." As one conservative Christian radio host said, "This genetic theory is nonsense, but if we do find it, we will be able to eradicate it, and rid our country of homosexuals." It sent shivers down my spine that this man, confessing to be a follower of Christ, sounded more like Hitler wanting to cleanse Germany.Parents might consider aborting gay fetuses, or change their children without their consent. Will gays embrace this therapy? First, you have to explain why they should change. It isn't because they are a threat to society. In fact, gay people contribute to society, from doctors to computer programmers. We are not beating heterosexuals, slamming students into lockers or fighting against equality for heterosexuals, as some are doing toward us. It can't be for religious reasons, because God condemning someone for the way they were born would be unjust - and make God suspect of being far from good or perfect. So, the only reason I can come up with is to make heterosexuals feel comfortable, and that they would want to assuage guilt from the mean-spirited "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" quotes, or the "Love the sinner, hate the sin" slogan with the apparent hatred of both. If one's conscience bothers them, that is not my cross to bear.
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Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,I hear the phrase "Minnesota Nice" so much that it grates on my nerves. Here, it generally means saying something like, "You don't have your wallet? Well, I'll pay. No big deal," then mumbling what a cheap jerk your friend is. (Remember The Mary Tyler Moore Show?) It's very passsive aggressive. But I am amazed when I see a car get stuck in the snow, and strangers help without even being asked. There is a positive side to the "Nice."I do avoid talking to people because their conversation, nine times out of 10, starts, "Hi. Say, my car just ran out of gas..." or "How's it going? Lookin' to buy? Got some great weed." or "Hi. Can I talk to you about this Republican? Would you like to make a contribution?"
Rarely does anyone just want to talk, and once you start the conversation, they don't go away. I was once waiting at a designated spot for a friend, and a man began talking to me about the weather, etc. Then he asked if he could talk to me about Jesus. I said, "No, thanks," so he launched into a monologue anyway - for 10 minutes, concluding that I was going to hell. Committing to a conversation with a stranger on the street is like opening Pandora's Box. Opening a door to a stranger is just that - opening a door.
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Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,Heterosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex. Homosexuals are attracted to the same sex. Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes. There are even some people who are asexual - not attracted to either sex.User Detail :
Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States,
