[Sam28537]

What social tensions exist between 'out' lesbians and closeted ones? How about 'out' gay men vs. closeted?

User Detail :  

Name : Sam28537, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 21, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Jim C.]

I'm pretty much out to everyone who knows me on a personal level, and I don't feel any social discomfort around those who remain closeted, i.e. those who only let other gay people know they are gay but hide it from family, work, etc. Almost all gay people have been 'in the closet,' and I sympathize with the constant struggle and emotional anguish this entails. The only conflict I've ever experienced between those who are closeted and those who are out occurred when I was still not out to my family. There are those people who have made the leap and come out of the closet, and who then look down on those who haven't yet. This attitude that 'I'm better than you because I'm out of the closet' always bugs me. Every gay person comes out at their pace. No two people's lives and situations are the same. We're all in this together here.

User Detail :  

Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Dayton, State : OH Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

[Craig]

Mosts gays and lesbians started out in the closet, so we can usually relate, and have some compassion for the person. I have had people claim that I was gay before I could even admit it to myself,which was incredibly stressful, so people need to come out when they are ready. Dating is a little uglier. I dated someone for about 3 months, and was expected to never mention that I was gay, to never talk about gay newspapers, clubs, to act as straight as possible, etc., and infer to his friends and family that I was straight - something that I've already been throught years ago. He would want to go out to straight clubs, and dance with women, which didn't make dates all that great. When I would suggest a gay club, he would say that he didn't want to be around 'all those fags,' which led to arguments about his self-loathing and his comments being insulting to me. It came down to him happy always pretending to be straight, and me saying that I would rather have someone dislike me for who I am rather than like me for pretending to be something I'm not and living in fear of being found out. Politically, there is a lot of tension only if the person is fighting against equality for gays, yet is gay themself. That is where most of the 'outing' is focused. Outing people simply because they are in the public eye (celebrities, etc) is still controversial in the gay community, because we understand what that is like.

User Detail :  

Name : Craig, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 37, City : Minneapolis, State : MN Country : United States, 

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