Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences THE QUESTION:
A30: How come it seems as though teenagers are afraid to take part in the care of AIDS patients?
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Shannon, 18, Southampton, NY
ANSWER 1:
I don’t think it is just teenagers who are afraid of this. Many adults tend to shy away from taking care of AIDS patients as well. There could be a number of reasons for this, but two come to mind. One is that there are many people out there who are still misinformed about the cause of AIDS and how it is spread. They could be afraid they will catch the disease just by being in the same room with someone else who has it. The other reason may be that working with many patients facing death forces the caretaker to do so as well. Many people, especially teenagers, are not prepared to do that. The preference is to maintain an illusion of immortality. Constantly being bombarded with the thought of death is difficult to handle.
POSTED OCT. 6, 1998
Adaobi, 22 <obia@rockvax.rockefeller.edu>, Bronx, NY
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THE QUESTION:
A29: Why do many teens (and pre-teens to a lesser extent) always try to be individual by attempting to fit in with others? For example, wearing a specific brand of clothes or drinking a certain soft drink. Individuality involves thinking for yourself.
POSTED SEPT. 10, 1998
Lawrence R., 16 <redrum31582@yahoo.com>, Indianapolis, IN
I don’t think a majority of teenagers understand the term individuality. They hear the word and associate it with a certain group. It’s just like the kids who dress like Goths; they say they do it to express themselves. What are they expressing? That they like dark clothes and pounds of make-up? They are not expressing anything. They don’t know the meaning of it. If you look at the kids who claim they are different from others, they only dress different. They still think the same.
POSTED OCT. 14, 1998
J. Bennett, 21, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE:
Anyone who thinks there is no conservatism in our society has only to look within the walls of a typical American junior or senior high school. Adolescents thrive on conservatism at its worst. Teens are defined by their peers based on what “group” they fit into – jocks, preps, cheerleaders, etc. Those who choose to express their individuality are often categorized as “freaks” and are subjected to unbridled abuse by their peers. Most teenagers have not yet grown mature enough in their thinking to realize it’s better to be yourself than fit into a group, and will do anything to fit in because if they don’t, the long-term social consequences will be dire.
POSTED NOV. 9, 1998
Dan, 20, male, La Salle, IL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Humans are basically all the same. Individuality really does not exist, except on the surface. I like Pepsi – you like Coke. I like jazz – you like rock. I like fall – you like spring. The point is this, everyone has the same desires and needs but different tastes in environment and stimulation. Example: We all desire sex. I like brunettes – you like blondes. We all need to eat. I like cheeseburgers – you like pizza. A sincere drive to be an individual (to the point of taking it to an extreme) is a telltale sign of insecurity. Those who don’t feel accepted will go to an extreme to prove that they don’t need to be accepted so that others will notice them (even scoff or laugh at them – but at least that is attention that is a form of acceptance). Go to BlockBuster and rent the Breakfast Club. The story tells us of five teenagers who appeared to be all different (on the outside) but when they are locked up in a library for an entire Saturday, they discover they are actually all the same.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Ric, 25 <ricviers@ix.netcom.com>, Sterling Heights, MI
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
While I agree with Ric that their is a fundamental unity to all humans, I feel that he is taking that a little too far in saying that all differences are on the surface. Each person is an individual, with their strengths and weaknesses, virtues and downfalls. What we do determines who we are, and how we are different. Still, there is a balance between our indivuality and our sense of society and community. Both are necessary. I think that during the teen and pre-teen years, many people embark on an exploration of this balance. Doing what your friends do is different from doing what your parents told you to do. It is a chance to stretch your social legs. But remember that it is a balance, so let that social aspect of yourself refine your individuality; let it help develop your virtues and overcome your downfalls.
POSTED DEC. 7, 1998
C.G.B., 22, Boston , MA
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THE QUESTION:
A28: To adults: Why do you have constant battles over what and what not to teach in school, such as the theory of evolution, or at the high school level, novels dealing with homosexuality or biracial relationships, etc.? When adults make these decisions for students, don’t they realize how much useful information they are denying their children?
POSTED SEPT. 10, 1998
K.B., 15, black female, Raleigh, NC
ANSWER 1:
The economy of time makes it necessary to decide what to teach in the first place. There’s simply not enough time in a day or lifetime to teach a child all that he or she needs or wants to know. Therefore, by necessity, someone has to make a decision about what subjects will be covered and won’t be covered. Since everyone may have their pet subject they think should be taught before anything else, of course some people will be upset when their subject gets the axe. Politics and wrangling between school officials may decide what gets cut and what gets taught, but it is the time concern that necessitates the decision-making process. If you feel you are missing out on anything that is not being taught, you are free to do research on your own when you are not in school.
POSTED SEPT. 28, 1998
Stephen S., 31, married to a teacher, San Antonio, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Unfortunately, the generation that makes the decisions is often out of touch with the realities of the ’90s. They are still clinging to values taught to them in the ’50s. They were taught homosexuality is a sin, therefore they feel compelled to shelter you from it,thus forcing outdated “morals” on a more open-minded generation. By the time you are principal of the local secondary school, those barriers will be gone, and you will have new issues that you do not wish to expose your children to in the classroom.
POSTED SEPT. 30, 1998
Ian B., son of principal and teacher, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
A27: I enjoy eating out often with other senior citizens, but somehow the young waitress usually talks “baby talk” to us when describing the specials. We can hear fine, but they shout as well. How come?
POSTED AUG. 31, 1998
Patrick, 73 <pfall1@aol.com>
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THE QUESTION:
A26: Why is it that these days kids seem much more prone to violence? I am only 28 and perhaps it is simply time clouding my memory or romantizing my youth, but I don’t remember things being this bad.
POSTED AUG. 21, 1998
Curious, 28 <wsm_mia6@gwu.edu>, Washington, DC
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THE QUESTION:
A25: Now that my 40th birthday is soon to arrive, I’d like to hear people’s views on life after 39.
POSTED AUG. 14, 1998
Ian T., 39, white male <iangbali@magnet.ca>, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
ANSWER 1:
Having recently turned 50, I can tell you that life is what you make it, and has nothing to do with any “significant number.” Each year gets better, as I grow and learn and gather ever more experience in my career and my relationships. Life truly is a journey, and those who use age as an excuse to begin “coasting” are missing the best life has to offer. Ian, there are two quotes I keep in mind each morning, and maybe they’ll speak to you, also: 1) “Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” – Richard Bach, from the book Illusions. 2) “Dream as if you’ll live forever …. live as if you’ll die today.”- James Dean. Carpe Diem!
POSTED SEPT. 1, 1998
Mike R., male, German American, naturally gay, unnaturally happy, Dover, DE
FURTHER NOTICE:
I agree with Mike. It does just keep getting better and better. I’m 45, and life is much easier now than it was in my 20s or 30s. This is the best kept secret. Young people think they have it so good, but they just don’t know how good it gets!
POSTED SEPT. 4, 1998
Chris R., 45, female, Lincoln, NE
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have just returned from a big trip all over the world. Befor the trip, I was sure life ended at 25. You probably got married and startede “the life.” But during the trip, I met so many people over 25 that I came to a whole new way of thinking, and now I see that age doesn’t matter. You’re born one person, whom you’ll stay all your life. You can be 20 and act like an old man, and you can be 40 and be young. It is all in the mind. It doesn’t matter how old you are. It sounds like a cliche, but it’s true. Just act as you please. I look on a person as a person, and not on his age. I can say that after having met so many “old” people who really were young. It was great to find out that your life won’t be over when you are over 30. If you thing like that, it will be, though. If you don’t, it won’t. Simple as that.
POSTED NOV. 27, 1998
Orly G., 22, Tel Aviv, Israel
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THE QUESTION:
A24: Why do people feel it is all right to stereotype all teenagers and younger people based on one bad apple? Example: In my hometown, teenagers who came into the local mall in groups of four or more were told they either had to split up or leave. Why don’t they do the same to 40-year-olds?
POSTED AUG. 3, 1998
Craig, 15 <Bonowitz@aol.com>, Des Moines, IA
ANSWER 1:
I don’t know, but what I do know is that it’s not fair. I am a teenager and I can honestly say that I am not bad at all. I don’t like violence, I don’t drink or do drugs and I actually have respect. But since I’m 15 and I wear baggy clothes, many adults see me and think trouble. I don’t think it’s fair. I’ve smiled at little kids, and their parents have actually pulled them closer to them – away from me. Gee, thanks.
POSTED SEPT. 28, 1998
Meg X., 15, female, Modesto, Ca
FURTHER NOTICE:
The problem is that there is more than one bad apple. This country is littered with teenagers out of control, with no direction or proper family values. Gangbanging, illiterate behavior, drug use and hopelessness leave negative impressions on adults’ minds. I feel kids just don’t know how to act anymore. Too much negative influence, violence on TV, etc. Can you blame adults? I feel the same way!
POSTED OCT. 7, 1998
Frankie S. <Leanmann@hotmail.com>, Los Angeles, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Sure, there is some survival instinct in this stereotype. Parents have been known to be overproctective of their children, and if they have heard of teenageers as a threat, then they will do what they think will keep their child safe. Likewise, a mall that can earn more money by keeping groups of kids apart so that shoppers have a “better” atmosphere when shopping, is going to follow the money. So, I don’t think anyone is trying to lay blame. But the question is, Why is the stereotype being propagated? Are the majority of teenagers bad apples? I don’t think so. I think that overall, the media hypes the bad and ignores the good, and I think it is a reason for many negative stereotypes these days.
POSTED OCT. 8, 1998
Eric W., 19 <wainright@cheerful.com>, Cupertino, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I think teenagers of today will grow up one day and go to the malls and see the kids who go there and think, “Man, those kids are morons.” My girlfriend and I both hate going to the malls because the teens act like idiots. This is not just one kid, it’s the majority. I’m only 21, but I started to notice this at 19. I don’t know if you’ll see it as fast as we did, but you soon will. Life repeats itself.
POSTED OCT. 14, 1998
J. Bennett, 21, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Well, how many 40-year-old men or wome go to malls in groups of four or more? It may be possible, if there is a “Bar and Grill” at the mall, to see groups of older men walking through the mall to get to that restaraunt, but they generally do not loiter or cause paying customers to complain or leave. I am 30and remember when I was in high school that the only reason those groups of kids were at the mall was to loiter. Yes, there were some bad apples who ruined it for the rest of us; the mall should not be put to blame here. The mall has the right to disperse those who are loitering or to throw out those they suspect are violating their rules. Yes, all malls have rules that must be followed. The mall is not very friendly to those they suspect are preventing profits/business to continue.
POSTED FEB. 4, 1999
Jay S. 30, male, Seattle , WA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I think the main reason is that 40-year-olds do not commit as many violent acts as say 17-year-olds. Most of the really glaring violent crime is committed by males between 15 and 25. This tends to build an association in people’s minds that all teenagers are potential violent criminals. Plus, violent crimes scare people way more than non-violent ones. Ask any mall manager which he would rather have to deal with: An employee embezzeling, or a shooting. I think he would rather have an embezzlement because no one would know about it, and it would not scare away customers.
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
Joe, 26, gay white male, Hobart, IN
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The harsh fact is that groups of teenagers are, indeed, more likely to “make trouble” from shoplifting and to create disturbances. The statistics are there. But another answer is that they split up kids because they can. We cannot get away with denying fundamental rights to other “groups” in such a blatant way, but we systematically treat teenagers as an inferior, semi-criminal sub-species. It raises this question : Would those same shopkeepers, security guards, etc., also deny entry, deny rights and limit free association of other groups (gay, black, Latino, etc.) if they could get away with it?
POSTED FEB. 9, 1999
Max H., gay male <callme_Max@yahoo.com>, Oakland, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
It’s not your imagination; a lot of older people really do exhibit bad attitude and prejudice against young people. When I was in high school, I worked in my town’s public library, and it hurt me so much to see the way the library staff treated some of the middle school and high school students who would come by to do research, study and, yes, hang out. Often the library floor monitors would swoop down on unattended backpacks the moment their owners got up to use a reference computer. The owners would then have to go through a fight with the desk staff to get the backpacks back. Other staff would break up any conversation between young people after about 30 seconds or not allow young people to sit more than four to a table, even if the table was large. Most of the library staff acted as if all young people were criminals, while in reality they weren’t doing anything bad at all. I always thought it was disgusting because they treated me with respect and I was the same age as these “criminals.” So it’s not your imagination, even though some adults may deny your charges.
POSTED MARCH 19, 1999
Wendy, female, 24 <wiebke@juno.com>, Atlanta , GA
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THE QUESTION:
A23: When married fathers cheat on their wives, do they consider that they are cheating on their children also? Do they think their children hurt as much as their wives, regardless of age?
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
S. Mahoney, 19 <mahos6a1@numen.elon.edu>, Washington, DC
ANSWER 1:
Unfortunately, I think many people (men and women) can be quite selfish and rationalize their behavior (i.e. “If I’m happy, I’ll be a better father/mother/person”or “Kids don’t understand, they’ll bounce back, it doesn’t really involve them,” etc). I think also that people just don’t realize the far-reaching effects many of their actions have on others, especially their children. All I know is, I’m 27 and have a 10–old brother, and when it happened to us, the experience of betrayal was pretty much the same for us both.
POSTED NOV. 12, 1998
C.G., 27, married and will never cheat, New York, NY
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THE QUESTION:
A22: It seems to me that a great many of the Generation X white population have chosen to act like black people. Why is this?
POSTED JULY 22, 1998
Rick, 40ish white guy, Virginia Beach, VA
ANSWER 1:
My first response to this question is, “How does one act black?” It is my observation that what is happening is that many people in my generation are attempting to leave racism behind. At my school, everyone associates with everyone. There are very few black kids who have no white friends and vice-versa. Most kids I know just act like normal, happy teenagers – not any stereotype for any race
POSTED SEPT. 19, 1998
K. Baker, black teen, Raleigh , NC
FURTHER NOTICE:
First off, it is not “acting black,” it’s more like “wanna-be gangsta.” There is no acting black, because there is no acting white or acting Asian. But to answer your question, kids act like this because it is the hip thing to do. Sure, you may think it looks and sounds dumb, but I’m sure if I had a time machine, I would find you as a kid acting in a way that I would find stupid. It’s just a trend.
POSTED OCT. 14, 1998
J. Bennett, 21, male, mixed, Jacksonville, FL
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
It’s because of Hip Hop music. Hip Hop influences a great number of Generation X folks. Rap is just a part of Hip Hop. Hip Hop influences the way we dress, speak and relate to one another. White Generation Xers grew up with rap music, so it’s only natural they embrace the Hip Hop culture. Also, Hip Hop puts white and black folks on common ground. We all love the music and thus embrace the culture. So don’t think of white Gen Xers as acting black; we’re just nodding to the same beat. And that’s Phat, bangin’, off the Hizzy, representin’ to the fullest Son.
POSTED DEC. 2, 1998
Merlin, white, Boston, MA
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
The rock music industry has always been in the business of selling “black” music to suburban white kids, from blues, ’50s rock ‘n roll and R&B to disco, rap and Hip Hop. There is a very strong culture there and a sense of belonging in the face of adversity.
POSTED DEC. 7, 1998
Mudslide <mudslyyde@yahoo.com>, ME
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I’m a first-year Generation X-er. I never thought I acted black, but I have been learning that many of the things I grew up with (such as “Gimme five” ) are considered “acting black” by many people. We grew up watching this behavior on television, and we imitated it because we thought it was cool and new, without giving any thought to whether it was “black.” With the increase of media exposure of black people, more black traits are entering American culture. That’s what American culture is – a mixture of traits from the diverse cultures of all Americans. We don’t think of people as “acting Italian” when they order a pizza. Fifty years ago, it might have been different. Fifty years from now, “acting black” will probably not be an issue anymore, either.
POSTED DEC. 17, 1998
Colette, white female <inkwolf@earthlink.net>, Seymour, WI
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
This is nothing new. I’m 42, and the same thing happened when I was in high school in the ’70s. Some (not all) of the white girls in my all-girl school emulated our slang,listened to our music and thought we were cool. Some even tried to wear their hair in an Afro (with varying degrees of success). I remember seeing a poster on T.V. from, I think, the early ’50s, that cautioned white parents “Don’t let your kids listen to colored music!” Well, the young white people liked the music, and listened and danced to it, anyway. They didn’t want to listen to their parents’ music. I think the same thing is happening now.
POSTD JAN. 4, 1999
E. Daniel , black female, Kansas City , MO
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
The success of popular culture and capitalism is dependent upon successful imaging and marketing. Currently, among youth especially, the “hip/hop” image is dominant. Whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, etc. have bought into a “romanticized” ghetto or urban image, and therefore intentionally infuse many aspects of this image into their culture, e.g. style of dress, language, etc. Almost all people experience a sense of power when they feel they fit in, are popular, trendy, etc. Some elements of black culture have always been perceived as exotic, unusual and ultra-expressive, e.g. again clothing, hair, music, food, language, mannerisms, etc..Non-blacks tend to be intrigued by what blacks consider normal because, for them, the differences are both interesting and fascinating. In addition, there is a common perception that blacks are unified and stand in solidarity. The handshakes, distinct venacular and social patterns give the appearance of family or belonging. While I do not believe that most white kids literally desire to be black, I do believe that they, like most youth, work hard at not being excluded.
POSTED JAN. 7, 1999
Dee W., black woman <westde@hiram.edu>, Cleveland , Oh
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THE QUESTION:
A21: Why are many old people, in my opinion, so mean and grumpy?
POSTED JULY 18, 1998
Brian W. <CoyoteBw@aol.com>, Lincroft, NJ
ANSWER 1:
As a grocery store checkout worker, I have observed that many elderly are lonely or in physical pain.
POSTED AUG. 1, 1998
Christopher D., 22 <alphacentuari@mindspring.com>, Arlington, TX
FURTHER NOTICE:
Amen to that, Christopher. In junior high we had a substitute teacher who was extremely cranky and could not tolerate any noise or disturbance. I heard we were slated to have this elderly woman for a month while the teacher was out for health reasons, and we were dreading the experience. After a few weeks, I gradually got to know her better, and found out she had a lot of insight about many things. She was still very irritable, however, and years later, I found out why. It turns out she had bone cancer in her leg, which was a source of constant physical pain for her, in addition to immobilizing her and being a death sentence. It’s probably the case that most elderly people, like the rest of us, are doing the best they know how, most of the time. If you know of any lonely old widows in your neighborhood, I would urge you to go talk with them every now and then.
POSTED AUG. 24, 1998
Mike, 27, Salt Lake City, UT
FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I have worked in many old people’s homes as a caretaker. I agree that a lot of old people are grumpy – I’m not so sure about the mean part. I agree with Mike and Christopher that a lot of the grumpiness can come from pain. But I think there are additional reasons why the elderly can be grumpy, bad-tempered or depressed. For example, loneliness, frustration, mental illness or boredom. I once found a very elderly woman trying to hit a younger elderly man over the head with her zimmer frame (this is not a joke) and at first her caretakers were worried for her mental health, as senility can cause aggression in some people. As it turned out, she was just bored and was trying to liven things up a bit. Being bad-tempered can often get more of a reaction out of people than being quiet and polite.
POSTED AUG. 28, 1998
Liz, 24 <Elizabeth.Baines@bbsrc.ac.uk>, Edinburgh, United Kingdom
FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I agree with all of you to an extent. Illness and pain do play a role in the reason the elderly are mean and grumpy. But there are others who are in the same age range but are not mean or grumpy. It mostly depends on how the person was when they were younger. How we handle situations and control our emotions is going to affect how we act when we are old. For example,a nice boy/girl will be the nice little old lady down the street or the sweet old man on the porch. But a mean or gumpy boy/girl will give you that mean or grumpy old person. So it’s more psychological and depends on the kind of person we choose to be at a young age.
POSTED SEPT. 4, 1998
Shon J., 23 <shonj@hotmail.com>, Akron, OH
FURTHER NOTICE 4:
It’s mainly because of the loneliness. It’s awful. Talk to an elderly person for 10 minutes, and most of the time they’ll be grateful for it.
POSTED SEPT. 25, 1998
Meg X., female, 15 <eyeamabat@aol.com>, Modesto, CA
FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Life, as you grow older, sometimes seems to become only more difficult. You often lose your independence and can’t do all the things you might wish to, your health may be failing, you’ve probably seen a great amount of friends and relatives pass on. There’s the rate at which the world around you is changing. Fashion, technology, culture, everything going so fast it’s hard to keep track of, let alone keep up with. Add to this the fact that so many of the values you’ve grown up with seem to have been thrown out the window, and the constant frustration of watching young people repeat the same mistakes you made at their age, and even then you’re only scratching the surface. Most elderly people are carrying a lifetime’s worth of ghosts and personal tragedies along with all their other memories, and most of them choose to suffer in silence. Try to grant them your understanding and patience.
POSTED DEC. 4, 1998
Agrivaine <agrivaine@yahoo.com>, Dublin, Ireland
FURTHER NOTICE 6:
We had all the fun; they had a tough life. Old people are grumpy because they grew up broke during the Depression, lost friends and brothers in WWII, lived with the very real fear of nuclear war in the ’50s, and then worked their butts off anyway to raise kids who turned into dope-smoking protesting hippies in the ’60s. Now they face the inevitable fact that they’re going to die real soon, having had much more to worry about and much less fun than their Boomer kids and their Gen-X grandkids. The old folks had it tough, and they feel unappreciated. They did all the work, and we got all the rewards. I believe they’re p—-d. Especially about the Sexual Revolution thing.
POSTED DEC. 22, 1998
Eric S., 50, white male , Canadian-American <simandl@sprintmail.com>, Las Vegas, NV
FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Folks who are elderly usually live on a fixed income that doesn’t go as far as it used to. They have financial worries just like everyone else, but they cannot get a second job. Most times they are left in life alone and have no one to fall back on other than the “system.” In order to take help from the “system,” they must give up most if not all of what they worked so hard for. Another big thing to look at is the difference in the generation they grew up in. How often do you hear the elderly talk about never having to lock a door, or say that going down the street late at night was never a fear? Most are now afraid to leave their houses during the day. Yes, things have changed, and not for the better, in their eyes. One more aspect is watching your friends die around you. It will happen to all of us one day, and I don’t know how happy I will be, either. When I deal with the elderly, I try and remember this and have patience. If I can brighten their day just for the short time I interact with them, I made something nice happen for them.
POSTED DEC. 27, 1998
Kristinna, female, deal with elderly frequently, 28 <Babs127@aol.com>, Buffalo, NY
FURTHER NOTICE 8:
I live here in the state of old people and do not find they are any of the above. I have worked at several jobs where I have come into contact with them, and I think the problem stems from the fact that neither the younger or older generations seem to understand each other. With that comes a lot of misunderstandings.
POSTED MARCH 24, 1999
Josh K., male, <jarithe.aol.com>, St. Petersburg, FL
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