[Paul]

We are an ambivalent country when it comes to our bodies and the young are just the ones to push the limits of what might be considered conventional. Had she been at the beach rather than a grocery store would you have been shocked? There is a not-so-old saying that says 'if you got it flaunt it!' I can't be sure of this woman's motives, but she was probably very comfortable in her skin. We worship young attractive people in our culture, but we want them kept within bounds if they make us uncomfortable. Once in a classroom I had a young woman come to class in a clear vinyl blouse with no bra. I was obliged to send her to put something less revealing on, but the truth of the matter was that I was the only person who was shocked. Her classmates couldn't have cared less--including the males. She got the response from me she was looking for! Have you ever considered that we would think it scandalous if a woman walked down the sidewalk in her bra and panties, but we would not think it unusual if she was on the beach wearing a bikini that revealed even more flesh. Neither might be going swimming! Context has a great deal to do with our perceptions. You come into this world naked and immediately somebody decides which parts of your body may be seen in public. We have a real approach/avoidance issue with women's bodies and in particular their breasts. Are they there for pleasure or for feeding infants? The answer is yes, but also they are just a normal part of the female body. I'd rather see beautiful breasts than some other options. I am more chagrined by those of us who are a might portly stuffed into a spandex cycling outfit! Ahoy matey! Thar she blows!

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

Sexual excitement is a personal matter that can vary, but where there is a will there is a way! With a loving, caring partner all kinds of good things can still happen. Intimacy in sexuality and a broader repertoire of activities can help with erections and ejaculation as well as the satisfaction of their partner. It depends upon the degree of neuropathy as well. Diabetics often do not respond as well to drugs such as Viagra etc, but they have very good response with the drug Caverject injected into penile tissue. This also takes the erectile dysfunction problem out of the realm of the psychological and puts it into strictly physical terms. It works with or without a strong libido. ED can be very traumatic to the male psyche and lead to all sorts of performance anxiety and loss of self-esteem. If the problem is mild, more intimacy and stimulation may take care of the problem, but when the problem is more advanced, Caverject is a good answer--once you get past the idea of putting the needle in sensitive territory. Sometimes a penile ring works for men who can get but not maintain an erection. Used carefully, it prevents blood from flowing out of the penis until the pressure is released. Make sure the man in question and maybe in tandem with his partner consults a competent urologist. There is more than one way to skin a cat--with apologies to the cat---and a good urologist who treats ED can do wonders to allay the mental stress and help the physical response.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

Can't argue with most of your points, but you did hit one nerve! As an old school principal it pained me to see condoms passed out like bubble-gum, unwanted pregnancies and babies aborted, but it was part of my world. I reached a point where I could no longer deal with an insanely high rate of unplanned pregnancies and watching children have children or children have abortions or children be sexually abused by adults. I fought a battle in a conservative community that wanted only abstinence taught as sex-education. It was not a practical option for obvious reasons. Their children were not abstaining! I don't think anyone really wanted condoms and graphic sex-ed in our schools, but somebody had to deal with the symptoms, because the home value based system wasn't working. Both approaches need to be taught. As you have observed I have never figured out how so many young girls/women ended up with so little self-esteem. College would be planned for, scholarships obtained and then all of a sudden they are pregnant by some local yokel whose IQ is exceeded only by his hat size. Then they were off to play house until reality hit home. Everybody suffered. Girls are not toys. They are human beings who are capable and strong and can make informed decisions, but not if we continue to treat them like Barbie dolls who must be escorted by Ken in order to have a sense of self-worth. We need to make sure that young women come of age with a strong sense of themselves---regardless of what they eventually choose to do with their virginity.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

In the early 90's I spent about three years working as a Field Secretary for The Religious Society of Friends--sort of like a traveling minister without a pulpit. Among liberal Friends we do not proseletyze at all. We tend to believe that people will find us when they are ready. Truth being--not many do! A couple years ago I became disabled and was home bound for quite some time. I had the opportunity to meet a number of Jehovah Witnesses and Mormans and a couple Baptists. I found them fascinating people even though we did not share the same theology. I am an academic and a low-rent theologian as well as a teacher and I care deeply about people and their world views. Since I was home and bored and am always looking for a challenge I let these folks in to discourse. I found that when I was willing to listen and even challenge they were generally very cordial. One Jehovah's Witness became a good friend even though we are very clear about where we stand. I early on figured out that each of these groups felt that they were bringing me the Pearl of Great Price that was in their estimation the most wonderful gift one person could give another. I learned a great deal from these people, but I understand that busy people do not want to take the time to let themselves be challenged. While I will never be a convert I had to respect their earnest sincerity even if we were talking all the way back out the front door! Too bad some of these folks give a whole religion a bad name. I have to say, I just love it when somebody comes to the door and wants to know if I have been SAVED. Sort of feel like the spider inviting in the fly!

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

This is a toughnut to crack, but as the father of three 20 something boys and a background in working in public schools and universities I have some ideas. First off teenagers tend to want to push the limits and that includes behavior. It may start as a home problem and have little to do with socioeconomics. It is related to how they see responsibility manifested in the home. Are they given reasonable responsibilities and accountability for their age? Do they see family members treat each other with respect? Are their peers and role models ones that represent similar values? Every parent has said at some time or other, 'Well I know my child would never do that!' Wishful thinking. As teenagers the home influence has less sway as peer influence becomes more powerful. Kids can fall into bad habits, but the one you describe is disrespect for property and people. It is difficult to know whether they are testing the limits or reflecting the lack of respect they may feel even for themselves. Anonymity is another issue. Even as adults we can ask ourselves how honest would we be or how well behaved if there were no one we knew watching? As we age we hopefully move that locus of control to internalized values rather than external stimuli. Teenagers haven't always made that switch yet. The more anonymous the circumstance the more likely their internal value system is to be tested. Many stores will have security or the police involved and trust me--no parent wants to hear the call that starts out, ' We have your.....in custody.' Neither does the teenager. Better behavior can be influenced by reasonable consequences.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

I couldn't concur more heartily regarding the age issue. As a placement counselor I would see many people trying to make a post retirement move and end up hitting a glass wall if they wanted to change to another professional career. I think that you may well use your cover letter to give an employer a sense of who you are and what you can bring to a position. It should whet their appetite to know more about you. Age is not the real issue many times. What they want to know is whether you can hit the ground running with a minimum of training and above all else--are you still flexible enough to adapt to change. A top-flight cover letter or even distributing your resume by hand can dispel those concerns. You'd be surprised how many front desk people can size you up positively and their opinions often count. They may have to work with you,too! Give your resume a functional focus rather than just titles and dates. Do you have current transferable skills? Make sure an employer knows what you have to offer. As an employer, I have been known to hire people who kept at me a little. They weren't obnoxious, but they let me know that they were still interested. Persistence can pay off if done with finesse. You must be realistic as well. At 51 some fields are closed by age. It costs a great deal to train a new employee in some fields and an employer is looking at the payback time when hiring and training. Your goal is to get to the interview stage. That is where you have the opportunity to shine and dispel any concerns--real or stereotypical.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

Breaking cultural taboos, movies where this has been featured, a few urban myths about car accidents where both are killed, but the penis is found lodged in the woman's throat. The sheer thrill of the forbidden! I suppose some men would find it a real heroic challenge to orgasm and still drive--perhaps in a fast car where the price of the thrill is a very real danger. Not being female I can't be sure, but it might be a control issue combined with a desire to perform oral sex. Sex and power are sometimes inextricably entwined. From a strict safety point you are no doubt correct, but don't you have the slightest curiosity about the possibilities? You turned down what many sixteen year old males can only dream of! Between two consenting adults it would not be a big issue. There is a lot of variety in sexual expression that for many people is ehnanced by a little danger--real or even imagined. Hey, it beats those folks who drive and read!

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

Hang on buckaroo! You got a lot of years ahead of you and lots to learn from your elders. Loneliness and the need for human interaction accounts for much of the extended talk time. It can be a part of a pathology, but often it is part of the natural past life review process. As we near rhe end of our lives we tend to do a recapitulation and try to put our lives in perspective. It helps to have a listener. As my father nears 80, we can kill an hour or two just talking about his week. And as he slows down he is more likely to tell me about his life experiences. It just wasn't important to him when he was younger. The world needs more lollygagging time. Might even prevent heart attacks in young people? Can't tell you what to think, but I would guess that one day you will want to know things that only your living great-grandmother may know. You and she share a common heritage. You do not have to listen to everybody's life story. You can set limits. You can,also, steer the conversation away from aches and pains. Ask questions. Don't give up on your great-grandmother yet. At 28, if your nerves are jangled so easily, you will make a dandy old codger one of these days.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Paul]

I trained in gerontology and am a 53 yr. old man who is in the 'sandwich' generation between my 20 something sons and my parents in their late 70's. I have a ringside seat to the reality of aging. As we age--after a certain point--we begin to experience many things that are 'losses'. When we retire we no longer have the status we once did. Our bodies begin to fall apart--slowly or quickly. We are no longer considered beautiful or handsome by society. Friends and spouses begin to age and die. We may have diminished incomes. If you approach old age with a different point of view than just tallying up your losses I believe you need not experience the bitterness you saw. Life is still an adventure. But when you become idle and retire from life instead of just a job it is easy for depression to set in. It can become a downward spiral that makes people bitter with loss, pain and loneliness. They often lash out at the only people they feel are more vulnerable than themselves. People who yearn for a 'better' time in the past are also at risk--nothing is as good as it used to be. Change is just another obstacle to be dealt with. Perhaps it is true you can learn from even a bad teacher. Your experience may help you not become like the crabby woman you met. Aging is a fact of life and you won't always be 22. 53 is still pretty good, but I miss my hair and my waistline, but not much! Your question is the beginning of learning.

User Detail :  

Name : Paul, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Disability : diabetes, migraines, spinal deterioration, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Quaker, Age : 53, City : Normal, State : IL Country : United States, Occupation : university placement counselor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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