As a gay man who has had lots of gay and lesbian friends, I can tell you this is complete nonsense. Lesbians are no more likely to mate for life than anyone else - in my experience, women do tend to form relationships quickly, but they change their minds quickly, too. Gay men do tend to have more sex partners than straight men (just because they can, considering the relative ease of finding willing partners), but plenty of gay men mate for life (or long periods of time).
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Wait, are you talking about the arguments against gays marrying each other, or blacks marrying whites? I believe your comment could have been made 50 years ago during the miscegenation era without a single change. Talk about not liking what you see...
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 'marriage' has had many definitions in the past which included some kinds of relationships (e.g., polygamy) and excluded others (e.g., interracial marriage). Its definition changes as the world does; it is not an absolute. Gays are as 'qualified' for marriage rights as anyone else. And of course we're talking about *legal* marriage, not religious marriage (which is entitled to restrict or allow anything at all). Spousal benefits is what it's all about: gay couples who choose to legally 'marry' getting the exact same rights as straight couples who choose to legally 'marry.' Your 'offspring' argument fails when you consider that infertile people are allowed to marry, as are women past the age of menopause and convicts who will never get out of prison to consummate their marriage. In addition, gay couples do produce offspring these days (or haven't you heard?) via surrogacy, adoption, and by raising children born to one of the couple in another, straight relationship. And finally, there is no empirical evidence that gay couples are inherently less stable than straight couples. Besides, if you are striving to help gays maintain stable relationships then you should be in *favor* of allowing them to marry.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, I have never gotten a clear answer to your question despite my honest desire to understand anti-gay-marriage people (not all straight people think the same, by the way). They usually invoke religious justifications, health issues or general moral climate arguments, but these are all so nonsensical as to defy refutation. I always ask the question this way: how would your life change if I were allowed to marry my partner? Specifically, what would happen to you, your children, your grandchildren, etc.? I have never gotten any kind of response to this simple, obvious question.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Whatever the reasons, the forces are mounting against gay marriage to the point that gays and people who are in favor of allowing them to marry will have to make a stand against social conservatives who are against it. There is talk of a Constitutional Amendment defining marriage to keep gays out, which has horrific implications for the future.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, You are very wise to question you and your friend's behavior, because it is not clear at all whether it is derogatory or just funning around. The answer rides on how it makes you feel, and involves how he feels doing it. It speaks well of your friend that he returned to the friendship after coming to some sort of terms with your gayness. If his calling you names is his way of dealing with still being uncomfortable, then over time he may well stop on his own (especially if someone else joins in and he has to defend you). However, if he is dealing with your gayness by showing hostility in order to demonstrate that he is superior to you, though still willing to be your friend, then it sounds unhealthy (and he would be unlikely to defend you when someone attacks you for being gay). Then there's the question of how YOU feel about it. Does it hurt you, even a little, when he calls you a faggot? If it does, it needs to stop. Friends don't deliberately hurt friends. If it does hurt you, can you tell him and ask him to stop doing it, or are you afraid that that might harm your friendship? 'Faggot' is a mean word when applied to a gay man, just as 'bitch' is when applied to a woman. They can be funny in the right context, when everyone knows that the speaker is not intending any harm, but if your father called your mother a 'bitch,' do you think she would think it was funny? I don't. Think about what you are feeling, and if you are feeling bad at all when he calls you a faggot, then you should mention that to him. Not in a mean way, but just let him know that it makes you feel bad. If he dumps you because of that, then he wasn't really your friend to begin with. If he makes an effort to stop, then you are truly lucky, because you have a good friend, and they are hard to find.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Whether your son is gay or just 'going through a phase' as you did, he needs more than just 'the talk' about sex. He needs to know about the dangers of engaging in risky behaviors and how to avoid them. But he needs to hear these things in a non-hostile way or he will reject the advice and could end up hurting himself. If you think you are able to give him advice without appearing hostile or condemning him, then you should let him know about the possible ramifications of unprotected sex, sex with strangers, etc. If the possibility of him being gay is too disturbing to you, you might want to find someone else who can help your son without scaring him away (say, a therapist who will not focus on orientation so much as behavior). In my opinion your son is too old for this behavior to be considered 'fooling around' and too young to be engaging in it regularly, no matter whether it is with a boy or a girl. I definitely would not let this go, but would handle it the same way whether his sexual partner was a boy or a girl.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, You're not the first person to think of this strategy. Blacks called it 'passing', not admitting to being black if they could avoid upsetting white people by pretending they were one of them. Gays call what you are describing as being closeted. It means not responding or just lying when someone at work asks you what you did this weekend, or not joining in when all the girls are talking about their boyfriends, or just generally walling yourself off from others because you don't want them to guess your terrible secret. We've had enough of that. This woman says she came out, and she's out now. She doesn't want to pretend anymore to avoid disturbing other people. Does that mean she walks around stopping strangers and sayng 'I sleep with women!'? Of course not. But your suggestion that she simply avoid any mention of her own life, or lie if she has to, in order to get by in society, is a giant step backwards into shame and fear. Gays don't have to choose that any more.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, There are two main categories of people who object to homosexuality. The first is the moralists who believe that because of religion or nature or whatever, homosexuality is simply wrong. I doubt this first group would endorse homosexual women any more than homosexual men (at least not in public). The other category is those who regard the world as a playground for their own personal titillation. For a man in this category, the idea of two women together is attractive because it evokes a fantasy involving him (the truth, that they would be an unwelcome interloper, would be a real joy-killer). Of course, if these men don't find the lesbians attractive, their obsession evaporates quickly. The heterosexual women who accept lesbianism do so because it turns their man on, and that makes them happy. It has nothing to do with acceptance of lesbianism, and everything to do with satisfying - and keeping - their mate. Male homosexual sex doesn't do anything for heterosexual men, and heterosexual women are smart enough to know that they would be an unwelcome participant, so it has no benefits for either heterosexual gender, therefore it is still anathema. By the way, this whole issue p***es me off no end. But what can you do - times will change.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Your premises (that "whites" don't care about Iraqi children or police torturing civilians) bespeak anger and prejudice on your part. None of the issues you raise are as simple as you make them out to be. Your distinction between the feelings of whites vs. those of African Americans is far from obvious (do you have evidence that most blacks are against the war?). Generally speaking, Americans feel compassion for helpless animals who are abused for no reason, but feel less compassion for criminals who don't obey the law or the police. Americans are outraged by police who act like criminals, but forgiving toward police who may cross a blurry line while enforcing the law. Pro-war Americans have no animosity toward children, black, white or Iraqi, but believe war sometimes to be necessary (for example, while some Iraqi children undoubtedly died from American bombs, millions of Iraqis, all of whom were at one time children, died under Saddam's regime). Finally, though it seems to you that many whites are too willing to believe police act in self-defense, it seems to me that many blacks are too willing to forgive black criminals.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, We don’t decide to have feelings; we just have them. The important thing is what we do about them. You can continue to enjoy talking and emailing this guy, but that is no substitute for getting to know someone in real life. If you do get together in real life (safely, of course), you have to ensure that your current feelings about him don’t cause you to bypass the normal process of meeting him, getting to know him and perhaps someday dating him. Remember that on the computer, and to a lesser extent the phone, you’re only seeing the part of him that he wants you to see – that’s much harder to do in real life.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, You forgot the word “some,” as in “some gay guys over-enunciate when they speak.” There are all kinds of gay guys, and many of them act perfectly straight. You might even know a couple and not even know they’re gay. As to the ones who do over-enunciate, it’s an affectation that they’ve adopted because it suits them, the same way you might affect a certain look (say, sexy, or demure) or a certain style (say, boisterous, or shy). Perhaps it differentiates them from straight people, or binds them together with other gay people. Interestingly, some English people tend to speak that way, too, which makes Americans think they’re gay when they’re actually just being themselves.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Even though you chose to respond to this question by proudly expressing your prejudice and disgust, I applaud your conclusions. Perhaps as you grow older you will become more reflective and think more carefully about the subject of homosexuality, but for now it is enough for me that you acknowledge its existence and more, its right to exist without interference. Oh, and by the way, some people are disgusted by the relatively new disability you have, ADHD, preferring to think of it as a behaviorial issue rather than a human condition. Interesting prejudice, don't you think?
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Your decision rests on whether you believe you should live your life according to your own beliefs and morality, or someone else's. There will always be people who disapprove of you and want you to choose between being true to yourself or bowing to their wishes. Every adult must decide for him or herself which is the right thing to do in a given situation. Associating with gay people does not make one gay, any more than associating with people of a different race or sex or religion would. Some people judge others by their friends, but that says something about the judgers, not the judged.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, I do all those things, unless there is some overriding reason not to (a dirty toilet seat, guests coming over for dinner, a new relationship, etc.). I think it's possible to go too far with hygiene. As long as one is clean and doesn't smell, I think we're all pretty safe from disease these days. I mean, besides the spoon, you could also worry about how well the dish you're using has been washed, whether there are any germs floating around in the air, and on and on. Hey, my kids put rocks and dirt and God know what else in their mouths, and they seem fine!
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, 
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