I have been fat essentially all my life, I'm currently size 26. I yo-yo dieted for 20 years, realized I can't keep the weight off, and stopped dieting. I have had many unpleasant comments about my weight, for example, kids teasing me at school from age 7 to 12, as an adult, men calling out 'fat bitch' at me in the street and making vomit noises, colleagues at work expressing distaste at what I was eating, and at fat people in general. In my therapy group I'm discussing how I feel about my weight and appearance with others. I would like to hear how people genuinely think and feel about fat people and their appearance. I don't want politically correct and 'nice' replies, I want completely honest replies.
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Name : Trust no manager, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 35, City : Wellington, State : NA Country : New Zealand, Occupation : Librarian, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Lower middle class, Thank you for asking for honesty. If it comes down to it, I think my true feelings for grossly overweight people are a total disgust at what I consider a lack of respect. I know there are people who, for various reasons, have weight issues that are beyond their control. I try to remember that when I start to judge others I don't even know, but when I see people gorging themselves, or blocking the entire aisle at a store as they drag themselves along breathlessly, or sitting next to me on an airplane with their bodies and limbs spilling over into MY seat and pressing me against the fuselage, my reaction is that they have no respect for others, for the limited resources on this planet, or for their own health and well-being.
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Name : T.C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, Occupation : Web Developer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, There's a difference between being overweight and being fat. Overweight I consider normal and not worthy of attention. On the other hand, if someone is fat (50 or more pounds overweight) I'm going to notice. I honestly do not understand how, barring medical conditions, one can get up to that weight or how anyone can fail to at least lose some of it with a modicum of effort. Nor do I buy into stories of anxiety eating. Eating is a cause of emotional problems, not just a symptom.
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Name : Alex29040, City : Beloit, State : WI Country : United States, I know it's unfair to generalize and stereotype, but I usually assume the person has a problem with self-control. For every fat person I've seen exercising or eating healthy, I've seen at least seven others who haven't and aren't. Just last week, for example, I saw a grossly obese man at a pizza place dousing his small side salad with three cups (cups!) of ranch dressing. It's tough to find sympathy for someone who eats with such a willful disregard for their health, then complains about being short of breath or unable to fit into an airplane seat.
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Name : Brad23149, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, City : Nampa, State : ID Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I've never had a weight problem myself, but I think the ridicule that you receive is due to the fact that some people see fat = weak-willed; similar to the disdain that people hold for alcoholics, drug abusers, homosexuals, etc. They think, 'Get a grip on your life and be perfect like us!' What they don't realize is that their nasty comments just show what low self-esteem they have. Since they perceive you as 'weak', you're an easy target for them to make public comments so they feel better. ('Well, I may have some faults, but at least I don't look like HER!') I bet they have some nasty skeletons in their closet that would make you look like a saint. Personally, I know extrmely wealthy people who malign fat people but their decadent lifestyle makes them complete hypocrites.
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Name : Allison31436, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 33, City : Cleveland, State : OH Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, I don't know about in New Zealand, but here in the US there is a small but vocal group that aims for what they call 'Fat Acceptance.' They claim discrimination and have pretensions that what happens to them is somehow a civil rights issue. To me, that is as ridiculous as arguing that we should accept alcoholics as they are instead of trying to change them. And very obese people are doing as much damage to their health as an alcoholic or other drug addicts. I certainly don't agree with being abusive to someone, name calling and so on. But calling someone 'fatso' is hardly discrimination. No one was ever lynched for being fat. No one was put on a reservation, deported, beaten by cops, had a cross burned on their lawn, or lost their relatives to concentration camps for being fat. To compare unkind words to discrimination is to trivialize what genuine victims of disrcimination went through and insult their memory. Even putting this question under 'Disabilities' is a bit disingenuous, when most obese people made a conscious choice to be that way. When people insult you, compare it to when people insult someone falling down drunk or passed out in public and ask yourself 'Does that person deserve this? What did they do to bring this on themselves?'
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Name : ACC25047, Gender : M, Race : Mexican and American Indian, City : Phoenix, State : AZ Country : United States, My view as a 175lb woman at the age of 22, is that when I see an overweight person not meaning a big person i mean a seriously overweight person the first thing that comes to my mind is 'how do they let themselves get that big' now to me an overweight person can be put in many catagories meaning that when you are a certain size you just don't wear certain things. If i were to see an obese woman wearing a halter top i might be a little disgusted the reason being is that obese woman should not wear things like that if they do not want nasty comments made to them!!! If they were not overweight and they saw someone wearing the same outfit they would be grossed out from the sight of it to!! my mother is overweight and self consious! Beacause of the fact that people say nasty things but she is not even that big and least not in my eyes and that's not because she;s my mother either society has put these thoughts into people's heads that you have to weigh 120lbs to be beautiful and it's not true!! One more thing is that there are some people who can't control their weight for medical reasons but then there are people like my self who say i am overweight but then turn around and eat a 7 course meal everyday!!Now that's makeing your bed and lying in it !!!!
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Name : Samantha, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 22, City : Waterbury, State : CT Country : Venezuela, Occupation : customer service, Social class : Lower class, I try not to view people by their appearances, but since you want totally honest answers, I would have to say that I generally feel sorry for people who are extremely overweight or obese. When I see someone struggling to walk, go up stairs, get in and out of a car, I really feel sad for that person. As for your experience of being victiminzed and harassed because of your weight: I am outraged but not surprised. That's a common experience for anyone who appears to be different. I have a sister and friends who are heavy, and I've seen them deal with a lot issues. My best friend is about 40 pounds overweight, but I'm surprised when she makes comments about feeling unattractive. To me, she looks beautiful. Keep going to your support group and work on getting 'healthy,' not thin.
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Name : Annie23883, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 51, City : Lawrenceville, State : GA Country : United States, Occupation : copy editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I'm sorry we put a high value on appearance and that I'm uncomfortable around fat people. I don't want to be associated with them. There's really no good explanation for these feelings but I suspect most thin people feel the same way. More than once I've been to a party where there's been a fat girl sitting by herself. She'd be lucky if a guy gave her the time of day. I'm not concerned with WHY a person may be fat and I generally don't make assumptions as to their level of self control or success in life. p.s. My father is extremely fat and I hate going out in public with him as well.
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Name : Thomas K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 34, City : South Orange, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, When I see someone who is fat, I see someone who values their present eating habits more than health and well-being, and I wonder if the rest of their values are similarly shortsighted. I see people like my parents who eat constantly and complain about their weight but do not know the meaning of physical activity. I would bet money that if you add up the hours per week you spend in therapy, it is more than the time you spend exercising, and less than the time you spend eating. If I'm wrong then you can claim persecution. If I'm right then you need to start exercising.
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Name : Bronwyn, Gender : F, Age : 40, City : Seattle, State : WA Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative, Social class : Middle class, Well, to be honest, it depends on how fat they are. I admit when i see some one who looks 300+ lbs i get the idea that they eat alot all the time and anything they want and may either be lazy and/or depressed or unmotivated. In your case though a size 26 is not very big at all in my opinion (though maybe women or people in general in New Zealand are a lot thinner), in America you would actually be quite average, esp for your age. I think thats a shame that so many people are so shallow and inconsiderate as to judge you b/c of your size, they are probably trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down due to their own short comings. Are the fat men treated like this too? My guess would be no. In the US, i notice its often very fat, humongous men who make fun of fat women (who are actually a heck of a lot smaller than they are). I asked a huge (over 300 lbs man) why he made fun of slightly over weight women and he said 'a man is supposed to be big; a woman should be thin.' There you have it, a double standard plain and simple. Anyway, your not fat in my opinion:)
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Name : Andres, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 25, City : Chambersburg, State : PA Country : United States, I have been 'fat' all my life also (over 50 lbs over my 'ideal' weight, as suggested by one of the responders). I assure you that I am no glutton and probably exercise more than most people my age. I do not starve myself and have never really dieted, but I eat a small breakfast, no lunch on workdays and a dinner consisting of a sandwich and a cup of yogurt or fruit. I generally have a small snack when I get home from work. On weekends I eat three moderate meals a day. I do not pig out,nor do I have any desire to. I go to fast food places maybe once a month. I am hungry most of the day and just try to ignore it. My sister is also fat and eats in a similar manner, and my mother was the same way. So please don't make any assumptions about how much fat people eat. Maybe there are some that eat huge quantities of food, but there are skinny people who do the same thing. Like I said, I have been fat all my life and have made peace with it a long time ago. I am fat but I am also intelligent, kind, pleasant to be with , interested in many things, funny, etc. etc. Those who wish to ignore my postive characteristics and focus on an aspect of my appearance and choose to insult me or exclude me on that basis are the losers in my opinion and I don't need them any more than they think they need me.
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Name : K-A-Markon, City : superior, State : WI Country : United States, Jenny, First please understand these are the 'honest' replies that you have asked for. How I react depends a lot on who you are and how you present yourself. I have seen a number of overweight people who I find attractive, fun and interesting to be around. What qualities they have I am not exactly sure. I think it is a sense of self-confidence. Again it depends on the person. I normally have reactions on two levels both emotional as well as intellectual. On the emotional level I sometimes feel that people who are fat are out of control and that makes me angry. I don't know exactly why. I think it is because society teaches us that weight is something that we can control if we try. Please understand that I don't make fat jokes or persecute people who are overweight, but seeing a person who is overweight strengthens my resolve to keep exercising and watching my diet. On the in intellectual level I am saddened, angered and understanding. First I am saddened and angered that someone who is overweight has a greater risk contracting diseases that are controllable, e.g., heart disease, diabetes etc. the fact that these people are killing themselves slowly makes both angry at the lack of control they exhibit as well as saddens me because I understand that a number of people can't or won't change. I know a number of people can control their weight if they cut down on their caloric intake and exercised more. I understand that there are a number of factors that influence weight, but one thing that really makes me angry is that the western diet that a number of people eat, i.e., high in fat low in fruits and vegetables, is killing them and many people don't change. It is like someone whining about being unhappy and not doing a darn thing to change their lives or their behavior. Standing by and watching someone kill them self slowly makes me frustrated because of my lack of being able to help them. Like I said before I do not tell fat jokes, or show my disgust at what someone else eats. I do try to set a good example for myself and my family and try to serve a diet high is fruits and vegetables and moderate in meats and saturated fats. I honestly hope that you can succeed in establishing a weight and emotional attitude that you feel comfortable with.
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Name : David25880, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Age : 31, City : Tokyo, State : NA Country : Japan, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, I don't have any problem with fat people and their appearance. I only have problems with people who don't take care of themselves or their appearance.
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Name : Assata, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, City : Philadelphia, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, I'm not the smallest person in the world but maybe I can help you. People make fun of fat people to make themselves look better. I admit I have done it before and am not justifying it. As long as you dress appropriately and don't stuff your face when you eat, you shouldn't have a problem. I have known many overweight people in my life who have had no problems with discrimination. Maybe it's something about your behaviors that draw attention to yourself . Whatever it is, I'm sure your colleagues will learn to respect you and your differences.
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Name : James S., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 18, City : Indianapolis, State : IN Country : United States, Occupation : Target, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
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