[Steve Hill]

He does need help; it is often seen as natural; it isn't a phase. I've seen pornography since pre-puberty, when we found some magazines near Sunday School. It's secretness excited me, even though I knew nothing about sex and had never masturbated or had other than an accidental erection. It - or the secrecy about it - and my former partner's sense of betrayal ended my last relationship more than seven years ago. I am working on my self-esteem, which is at the root of my use of pornography; it may not be the same for your husband. I met my adopted-at-birth son for the first time a few years ago and was shocked when he told me, at our very first meeting (and with no prompting from me) that he spent hours each night downloading porn while his wife of two/three years was asleep. I did my best to tell him I thought his behavior wasn't going to be good for their relationship, quoting my own case. There are women who do think it's natural: 'I was worried about his sexuality until I found some mags under his bed' is how one woman friend talked to me about her son. I think you should say to him how it makes you feel (which you didn't in your message) and try to talk it through with him. I don't think you should let it go or indicate that it's OK if it isn't. It's deep-rooted and hard to shift - I wish you good luck and good faith.

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Name : Steve Hill, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 54, City : Leeds, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Publisher's Rep, Social class : Middle class, 

[Steve Hill]

Thanks for the question. It really made me think, and I may not be proud of all that I am going to say. First, we are all people. Anyone can "try to talk" to anyone. Did you mean talk, or what in England I would call "Chat up" or try to "Pick up"? Second, some young girls do want to hook up with older men. In my early forties, I went out for three years with a girl who was 18 when we met. I was older than her father, and he liked it about as much as I imagine I would have done in his shoes. Third, it is biological: Mid- to late teens (I assume this is your "young") is when human females are most desireable to human males. It is the age at which men first start to notice women, and some of us get stuck at that age. But then I went out for seven years with a woman of my own age, and it was wonderful! No rush, no feeling I had to perform, just enjoyed all of each other, and I wish it had not ended (yeah, I deceived and betrayed her).

I still fancy young girls; I am flattered when they do talk to me, and if I can manage to pretend that they are ordinary people for long enough, they turn into ordinary people. I try to be accepted, but struggle with the awareness that they are, indeed, young and plumptious. But do not assume that all older men want to hook up with you; some really have got things under control, and may have interesting things to say. As Christopher D. says, see how they are with you, and break off if you do not like what you hear.

User Detail :  

Name : Steve Hill, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 54, City : Leeds, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Publisher's Rep, Social class : Middle class, 

[Steve Hill]

It's partly to do with how men feel physical as well as emotional attraction - i.e. "Do I fancy her" vs. "Am I ready for long-term commitment" - and partly the "I'd like to be on top of a mountain, but don't know if I can face the climb."

I've been celibate since a seven-year relationship broke up five or six years ago. I see women I'd love to be in relationship with, but I start to have doubts about my motivation: Am I good enough? Would people like me if they really knew me? I'm not sure if the "logic" is strong enough to conquer the fear of rejection.

User Detail :  

Name : Steve Hill, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 54, City : Leeds, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : Publisher's Rep, Social class : Middle class, 

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