Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences 
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It is not at all unusual for older gays and lesbians to have been married and have children. I never thought of myself as particularly sheltered growing up in the military as an Army officer’s daughter and traveling all over the world, but ‘homosexual’ was not a word I encountered until high school (in snickering students’ references to poet Walt Whitman, whose poems seemed to me to be mostly about trees and nature). I only equated it to men, not women. Considering the total omission of the subject in school, church, youth groups, dating guides, newspapers, TV, etc., it is not surprising to me that my comprehension of homosexuality was limited to a stereotype of men who for some unfathomable reason lusted for sex with other men. But, then I thought boys were rather unfathomable in the first place; they all seemed ‘on the make.’ While I dated boys in high school, I didn’t fall in love with any of them. Nor do I remember being particularly attracted to any girls. Many of the girls I knew in 1960’s Alabama seemed very shallow, prissy and boy-crazy. I only understood homosexuality in terms of some illegal male/male sex act, not love, not even ‘making love.’ I was in college before I met an ‘out’ gay man. No one ever explained to a young virgin like me that it could involve a loving relationship between two women. When I finally fell in love with a man in college, I married him. I’d never heard of lesbians until after I married. Many of the problems in our 18-year marriage had more to with gender roles than sex. I admired the lesbian couples I knew. They were loving, intimate, monogamous and communicated well — best friends as well as lovers. That intimacy had faded in my marriage. As far as I could tell, Men really were from Mars and Women from Venus. Men just run on a different emotional wave length. So after my divorce, I just tuned into women on my own wave length. It is easier today for young people to have a clue that they might be gay, lesbian or bisexual. The words are no longer whispered in secret only, but found in daily life. Information is more readily available.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Just a short note to educate C. Rising that lesbians and bisexual women birth and mother children, too. In some cases the fertilized egg of one woman is implanted in her partner, so that both are named as their child’s mother on the birth certificate.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Most lesbians I know smile at each other even more than they do at the general population, so I’d say your situation sounds unusual. A few possibilities come to mind as to why a lesbian might not smile at another lesbian: 1) She is in the closet and doesn’t want to be seen being friendly with a known lesbian for fear of being suspected of being a lesbian, too. 2) A stranger might not recognize you as a lesbian and doesn’t want to encourage someone she considers a straight woman. 3) She has a partner and wants to discourage what she interprets as flirting. 4) She has heard some negative gossip about you, disapproves of you for some reason, is dating your ex, or otherwise wants to discourage friendship. 5) She likes you a lot but looks away because of shyness or nervousness.
I’m not familiar with Boston, but what is considered the “proper” level of overt friendliness toward strangers varies in different communities. It could simply be that the community in which you now live has different social customs than those to which you are accustomed. However, if you are not new to the area or your current circle of friends and find that quite a few lesbians seem to be actively avoiding you (as opposed to simply being busy), you might ask one if something is wrong – that you’ve tried being friendly, but feel that other lesbians are avoiding you for some unknown reason, and would she have any idea why that might be? If what you say is true, some rumor about you might be circulating that needs to be cleared. Even then, I give little credence to unsubstantiated rumors.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,The ability to show respect and consideration are admirable traits in any person at any age towards either gender. At the younger end of the age spectrum mentioned, many boys still find girls to be ‘silly’ and ‘yucky,’ people to be avoided as much as possible. At that age I would reinforce the idea that boys may be different than girls, but they are not better. Avoid comparisons that make supposedly ‘girlish’ (or ‘effeminate’) behavior sound negative (ie, he hits the ball ‘like a girl’ or cries easily). Accept that both boys and girls as a group have a large range of common overlapping emotions and behaviors rather than reinforcing unquestioned gender role conformity. At the upper end of the age range is often a desire to seem more ‘grown up’ or ‘adult’ than they are. This sometimes leads to ‘macho’ behavior to prove themselves ‘real men.’ Teenage girls may like attention, but they don’t like to be treated as mindless sex objects. Flirting, dating, and relationship skills are being learned and practiced by both sexes. Girls may call boys on the phone rather than passively wait to be asked out. Either boy or girl may be driver or passenger, player or cheerleader, assertive or passive. Mutual respect is the key. This respect should extend to gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth as well, as they struggle to understand and sort out their own feelings and courtship behavior the same as their straight counterparts. As a Boy Scout leader you have the opportunity to role model for the next generation. Be the most understanding and accepting role model you can be.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Fear of the unknown and unfamiliar is much of the answer to this question. In my experience, many gays and lesbians seem to have more difficulty accepting a transsexual person’s acknowledged gender rather than their sexual orientation per se.
The interface between gender identity, sexual orientation and gender roles is a complex one. For most transsexuals, the primary issue centers on gender identity – the struggle to align gender identity (psychological gender) and physical body image (biological sex). Whether the transsexual is sexually attracted to men or to women, that attraction seems to remain constant before or after sexual reassignment surgery. By definition, however, his/her sexual orientation may be perceived to have changed from either heterosexual to homosexual, or from homosexual to heterosexual, another perceived ambiguity that may make both gays and straights uncomfortable.
Gays and lesbians struggle against misconceptions that we really want to be the opposite sex (why else would we be attracted to the same sex?) or that we can simply ‘choose’ to be straight. To some in the gay/lesbian/bisexual community, transsexuals as a group represent the reality of this – people who do indeed change their sex and (by default) sexual orientation. As a result, they may distance themselves from transsexual people. As gender outlaws, gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals share some common issues and struggles. We also have some separate issues and struggles. Regardless of our differences and similarities, I hope all would try to be as understanding, compassionate and respectful of each other as possible. For this to happen, education, exposure and an ongoing dialogue are important. Reading Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues was the catalyst for my journey toward understanding transgender lives, particularly transsexual workplace issues.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,I generally use girl to denote a young female, but there are idiomatic exceptions such as being just ‘one of the girls’ or ‘You go, girl!’ that are used with older women, too. For a young lesbian, I would spell it gyrl but pronounce it the same. A friend could be male or female of any age. I use girlfriend to describe a good friend who happens to be female (any age) or a younger woman dating someone I know (nephew’s girlfriend). I am more likely to call a lesbian I date a womanfriend than a girlfriend.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Most lesbians wear whatever clothes we like, without much regard for what might appeal to other lesbians (let alone men). We are dressing for ourselves, not potential mates. The vast majority of lesbians wear women’s clothing, whether it be ultra-feminine or just plain old jeans and t-shirt. Men’s clothing tends to be cut quite a bit differently than most women are made. However, you might not recognize women so attired as being lesbians.
Lesbians who prefer men’s clothing may choose to wear it for several reasons. They simply like the way it looks on themselves. Some femmes prefer butch-looking women (and vice-versa). This is only part of an entire butch-femme mystique that I am not going to go into here. Men’s clothes may be higher quality, less expensive, more comfortable, or cut looser for heavier women. All kinds of reasons. I am most apt to find myself looking in the men’s department if I want a jacket with inside pockets (particularly ski, denim or leather jacket with multiple-inside pockets or inner ones that zip shut). I prefer pockets to purses.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Since I tend to value non-conformity for its own sake, I rather admire women who don’t shave. I don’t see any logical reason to shave. It is time-consuming, and it just grows back tomorrow. In my experience, shaving any part of a body (female or male) is more of a cultural norm related to a society’s or individual’s esthetic sense of beauty, gender role conformity and/or sexual attraction. Whatever a woman chooses to do is fine with me.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,Some opposite-sex couples choose domestic partnerships over marriage for a variety of reasons. Retirees have been one of the largest groups requesting opposite-sex domestic partner benefits. Widows and widowers may not want to lose their deceased spouse’s pension plan by remarrying. Other couples may be separated from spouses but not remarry for religious reasons, but rather live with a domestic partner.
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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member,
