[Jim V.]

I am a Scoutmaster for a troop of Boy Dcouts. I would like to be able to advise the boys, ages 11 through 17, on appropriate social behavior toward girls and women, but I don’t wish merely to assume that what I was taught as a young man is valid today. I fear that some of what I was taught, for instance, may tend to reinforce a view of women as inherently weak or incompetent. At the same time, I want to encourage genuinely considerate and courteous behavior. Any help on these matters?

User Detail :  

Name : Jim V., Gender : M, Age : 40, City : Littleton, State : CO, Country : United States, 

[Christy]

Good question! Perhaps you could take the ‘women and girls’ out of the equation, and talk about courtesy toward everyone. Hold the door open for your father. Make your guests feel comfortable. If you’re driving, unlock the passenger door first even if it’s just your buddy getting in. No means no; doesn’t matter who’s saying it. And yes, there are special rules for the ‘weak’: Give up your seat on the bus to an elderly or disabled person, or anyone with a lot of packages. Be considerate towards everybody.

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Name : Christy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 37, City : Fort Worth, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[DykeOnByke]

The ability to show respect and consideration are admirable traits in any person at any age towards either gender. At the younger end of the age spectrum mentioned, many boys still find girls to be ‘silly’ and ‘yucky,’ people to be avoided as much as possible. At that age I would reinforce the idea that boys may be different than girls, but they are not better. Avoid comparisons that make supposedly ‘girlish’ (or ‘effeminate’) behavior sound negative (ie, he hits the ball ‘like a girl’ or cries easily). Accept that both boys and girls as a group have a large range of common overlapping emotions and behaviors rather than reinforcing unquestioned gender role conformity. At the upper end of the age range is often a desire to seem more ‘grown up’ or ‘adult’ than they are. This sometimes leads to ‘macho’ behavior to prove themselves ‘real men.’ Teenage girls may like attention, but they don’t like to be treated as mindless sex objects. Flirting, dating, and relationship skills are being learned and practiced by both sexes. Girls may call boys on the phone rather than passively wait to be asked out. Either boy or girl may be driver or passenger, player or cheerleader, assertive or passive. Mutual respect is the key. This respect should extend to gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth as well, as they struggle to understand and sort out their own feelings and courtship behavior the same as their straight counterparts. As a Boy Scout leader you have the opportunity to role model for the next generation. Be the most understanding and accepting role model you can be.

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Name : DykeOnByke, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 48, City : Southfield, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Engineer; corporate diversity council member, 

[TR24805]

I think you should teach them to treat women with the same courtesy and respect with which they expect to be treated. Congratulations on wanting to teach them respect. I was beginning to think true gentlemen were becoming an endangered species. Good luck!

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Name : TR24805, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Mormon, Age : 17, City : San Jose, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, 

[Anna-L]

Common courtesy should not be looked upon as gender-specific, or race- or religion- or age-specific, for that matter. I feel you should encourage genuinely considerate and courteous behavior to all.

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Name : Anna-L, Gender : F, City : Tallahassee, State : FL, Country : United States, 

[K.J.]

Jim, you’re on the right track, but how about teaching your scouts that courteous behavior toward everyone is the key to civilized behavior? I hate when someone lets a door close in my face; it doesn’t matter to me if it was a man or a woman who was rude and inconsiderate. Also, you will be doing these young people an enormous favor if you teach them to listen to others and not interrupt. Civilized conversation seems to be a lost art; conversation has become competition, with everyone feeling they must make their point RIGHT NOW. The key to all of this is respect; if they behave respectfully, they will receive respect in return.

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Name : K.J., Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 47, City : Burke, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Systems Analyst, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, 

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