Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences
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To men: If you were with someone and the two of you had a great sexual relationship, but your partner told you she did not want you looking at porn because it bothered her, would you stop? Why or why not?
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Name : THam, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 20, City : Lexington, State : SC, Country : United States, Occupation : Hair stylist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I worked in a porn shop. People use it for different reasons. Some use it to enhance their sex lives, and some guys use it while they’re in between girlfriends. Others can’t stop. If the guy in question has a habit, i.e. looking at sites all day and every day and/or has mountains of videos, he might have a problem. But the real question is what it is you don’t like about the porn. Is it porn in general, or just the stuff he’s into? Regardless, you should tell him how you feel as well as why you don’t like looking at it. Ask him what he likes about it, too. For most guys, it isn’t about the porn women being substitutes for a real woman, and a lot of women find that hard to understand. It’s just something to get off to. Nothing more. It’s the difference between fast food and a well-cooked, four-course dinner.
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Name : Brad23141, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Provo, State : UT, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,(To Brad) Some reasons why people oppose porn (not in any particular order): 1. Infidelity. Sensing a lack of loyalty when partner masturbates while looking at or thinking about someone else. 2. Insult. Feeling inadequate when partner needs sexual stimuli from other sources. 3. Unfair expectations. Feeling pressured to look or act like a porn star when partner likes porn. 4. Degradation, esp. of women. ‘Repeated exposure to erotic films featuring quick, uncommitted sex also tends to decrease attraction for one’s partner, increase acceptance of extramarital sex and of women’s sexual submission to men, and increase men’s perceiving women in sexual terms.’ 5. Desensitization & distorted perception of reality. Studies show in increased acceptance of rape myths & decreased sensitivity about sexual coercion/violence after seeing it repeatedly in porn and general media. 6. Increased sexual harassment/abuse & rape. Worldwide, there’s more rape wherever & whenever more porn is available. Lab experiments show that “exposure to violent pornography increases punitive behavior toward women.” (Quotes from David Myers, Social Psychology, 2002)
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Name : NL, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Secular Humanist, Age : 19, City : Latham, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : college student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,It all would depend on how much I saw the person I’ve had great sexual relationships with people but only saw them once in a great while so if she asked me to stop watching porn I wouldn’t when she was around but I wouldn’t throw it out.
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Name : M-Duffeck, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Greenbay, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,I second Brad.
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Name : Bas, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Amsterdam, State : NA, Country : The Netherlands, Occupation : Designer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I would not be with someone who told me that, its stupid. I would not stop my gf from looking, and sometimes she does. If he’s not looking at it all the time, or wants it instead of you it should not be a problem, we are all adults.
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Name : Jj30535, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States,Personally, I would if in that situation. I don’t think I’d really have any reason to jack off if I was in such a relationship, unless if I did not live with this girl and we were unable to get together for a while, then I might, even if she didn’t want me to
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Name : Alex29031, City : LA, State : CA, Country : United States,Brad, if a guy is dating a girl and he uses porn, that is cheating. His eyes and urges should be on her, nothing and nobody else. It is an insult to the girl and is cheating. This is very obvious.
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Name : Suzanne Root, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 41, City : Vista, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : stay at home mom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’m kind of a porn fan, myself. I’m not proud of the fact, but not exactly ashamed of it, either. Men (and women) have utilized porn since the first Trogolodyte carved a ‘boo-boo doll’ out of a hunk of wood from the fire pit. I suppose if my mate was really opposed to it, I could live without it. But my preference would be to find a woman who also enjoyed it;that way it could be something to bring us closer together, rather than push us apart.
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Name : Mike T., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 40s, City : Grand Rapids, State : MI, Country : United States, Occupation : Editor, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,To be completely honest, I suppose I’d stop to the extent that she ‘knew about it’ – and by knew about it I mean blatant ‘usage’ or in front of her. I would neither deny it, nor stop looking at it (any guy out there ever try to completely stop? Arguably impossible…), just try to be sensitive about its ‘use’. Incidently, to a previous point, I’m 38, have a beautiful girlfriend who I love deeply and am completely faithful to. She knows about my occasional viewings and is fine with it – indeed sometimes enjoys it herself. Fortunately, she does understand that there is, at least with many men, not only a gap but a chasm between our level of love and commitment and an occasional whacking off with visual stimulation.
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Name : Mike D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 38, City : Schaumburg, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Yes, I would stop looking if I felt we had a great sexual relationship, because it simply wouldn’t be worth the risk of losing that. In my experience, however, many women think they have a ‘great sexual relationship,’ when in fact their men are unsatisfied. The men will never admit this to their female partners, however, for fear they will be punished for not appreciating the sex they do have by getting even less of it (or less of the sexual activities they enjoy most). If a man has a partner who is bothered by his looking at porn and he won’t stop, my guess is that the sexual relationship isn’t really ‘great’ from his point of view.
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Name : D-King, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Sacramento, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I think three things are very important when you’re looking at this situation. First, what kind of pornography is he looking at? Both the media and the content. Second, how much and how often. The last thing is perhaps the most important: why don’t you want him to see it? I admit you posed this question to men, but this is a subject that I have discussed often with my boyfriend. Women are turned on and aroused by very different things than men. But we wouldn’t expect our men to tell us to lay off the intelligent men in suits pictures that we respond to. I think men who are serious about a relationship shouldn’t be as heavily into porn as they might have been before, and that it is important that their favorite ‘kinks’ don’t offend their partner. But if they give it up entirely, or say they will, it might lead to more problems than there were before. This is a situation where compromise is a much better option.
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Name : Meiran, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : Roanoke, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Short answer: no. Long answer: Forget about the fact that it’s porn for a second. People in a relationship should never try to change the other person in any way. That’s a recipe for disaster. If this is a trait that you know about him, you have to deal with it or leave the relationship. There are many other things that women can, for the most part, accept. Like watching football all day or the occasional fart. Yet they feel porn should be treated differently. And, as the previous responder pointed out, it’s because women feel that it has something to do with the relationship or the sex. Let me be very clear, it doesn’t. You are not being compared to the girls in the films. Sex is a part of life. Porn is a diversion from life. It’s that simple. I have yet to have a guy friend that does not partake in some form of pornography. Some have full families, some are married, some single, some dating. But we all agree, it’s just another piece of entertainment. It doesn’t mean anything. Given all that, there’s no reason to stop. There’s only two exceptions I will make: if you’re not into it, he should not expose you to it in any way. And, if it gets to be an obsession where it is actually interefering with the sexual relationship. Other than that, bring it on!
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Name : Ralph, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 34, City : Bergen County, State : NJ, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Sometimes a guy looks at porn because he is afraid of being emotionally close to you (who he can’t control) and needs to act out his fantasies with a girl on film or a page (who he can control). Sometimes a woman wants him to stop because she is insecure about her own sexiness/attractiveness. The woman needs to look deep inside and listen to what the small voice says. Is it because she thinks that because he looks at porn that, therefore, he automatically thinks she’s not attractive? And, as the previous poster wrote, some guys just want it every once in a while and it’s not a big deal to them. Other guys can’t stop — they obsess over it and use it as a hiding place from people and the world. So: is it about you, or is it about him?
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Name : Voxer, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States,I’m not a man but I have an opinion, anyway. The issue is not porn. It’s whether he cares about her enough to stop something that bothers her. Or whether he can express his case for watching porn well enough to persuade her to back off on the issue. It’s about communication and respect for each others’ needs and desires.
User Detail :
Name : Myra, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 46, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,
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