Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 51 replies, 52 voices, and was last updated 16 years, 10 months ago by
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To men: If you were with someone and the two of you had a great sexual relationship, but your partner told you she did not want you looking at porn because it bothered her, would you stop? Why or why not?
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Name : THam, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 20, City : Lexington, State : SC, Country : United States, Occupation : Hair stylist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I worked in a porn shop. People use it for different reasons. Some use it to enhance their sex lives, and some guys use it while they’re in between girlfriends. Others can’t stop. If the guy in question has a habit, i.e. looking at sites all day and every day and/or has mountains of videos, he might have a problem. But the real question is what it is you don’t like about the porn. Is it porn in general, or just the stuff he’s into? Regardless, you should tell him how you feel as well as why you don’t like looking at it. Ask him what he likes about it, too. For most guys, it isn’t about the porn women being substitutes for a real woman, and a lot of women find that hard to understand. It’s just something to get off to. Nothing more. It’s the difference between fast food and a well-cooked, four-course dinner.
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Name : Brad23141, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 32, City : Provo, State : UT, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,(To Brad) Some reasons why people oppose porn (not in any particular order): 1. Infidelity. Sensing a lack of loyalty when partner masturbates while looking at or thinking about someone else. 2. Insult. Feeling inadequate when partner needs sexual stimuli from other sources. 3. Unfair expectations. Feeling pressured to look or act like a porn star when partner likes porn. 4. Degradation, esp. of women. ‘Repeated exposure to erotic films featuring quick, uncommitted sex also tends to decrease attraction for one’s partner, increase acceptance of extramarital sex and of women’s sexual submission to men, and increase men’s perceiving women in sexual terms.’ 5. Desensitization & distorted perception of reality. Studies show in increased acceptance of rape myths & decreased sensitivity about sexual coercion/violence after seeing it repeatedly in porn and general media. 6. Increased sexual harassment/abuse & rape. Worldwide, there’s more rape wherever & whenever more porn is available. Lab experiments show that “exposure to violent pornography increases punitive behavior toward women.” (Quotes from David Myers, Social Psychology, 2002)
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Name : NL, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Secular Humanist, Age : 19, City : Latham, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : college student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,It all would depend on how much I saw the person I’ve had great sexual relationships with people but only saw them once in a great while so if she asked me to stop watching porn I wouldn’t when she was around but I wouldn’t throw it out.
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Name : M-Duffeck, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, City : Greenbay, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,I second Brad.
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Name : Bas, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Amsterdam, State : NA, Country : The Netherlands, Occupation : Designer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I would not be with someone who told me that, its stupid. I would not stop my gf from looking, and sometimes she does. If he’s not looking at it all the time, or wants it instead of you it should not be a problem, we are all adults.
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Name : Jj30535, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States,Personally, I would if in that situation. I don’t think I’d really have any reason to jack off if I was in such a relationship, unless if I did not live with this girl and we were unable to get together for a while, then I might, even if she didn’t want me to
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Name : Alex29031, City : LA, State : CA, Country : United States,Brad, if a guy is dating a girl and he uses porn, that is cheating. His eyes and urges should be on her, nothing and nobody else. It is an insult to the girl and is cheating. This is very obvious.
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Name : Suzanne Root, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 41, City : Vista, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : stay at home mom, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,A great sexual relationship ONLY? Then there’s little reason to stop viewing porn. But if there’s a loving relationship, it should be based on mutual respect. Further, many people believe that some fantasies, even involving pictures, are ‘cheating.’ If your relationship is more than sex, he should respect your wishes and cheat no more. One final thought, though – he might not be able to stop. Porn can be addictive.
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Name : Charlie-M, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 34, City : Knoxville, State : TN, Country : United States, Occupation : Businessman, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,If you have a great sexual relationship then there shouldn’t be anything to worry about. Porn is porn, everyone has fantasies, your partner may not like them, and you probably don’t really want to carry them out anyway. Reverse psychology would probably work much better than being told to just ‘stop your dirty thoughts,’ though.
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Name : Tom24089, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 30, City : Arbor, State : NA, Country : Sweden, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think three things are very important when you’re looking at this situation. First, what kind of pornography is he looking at? Both the media and the content. Second, how much and how often. The last thing is perhaps the most important: why don’t you want him to see it? I admit you posed this question to men, but this is a subject that I have discussed often with my boyfriend. Women are turned on and aroused by very different things than men. But we wouldn’t expect our men to tell us to lay off the intelligent men in suits pictures that we respond to. I think men who are serious about a relationship shouldn’t be as heavily into porn as they might have been before, and that it is important that their favorite ‘kinks’ don’t offend their partner. But if they give it up entirely, or say they will, it might lead to more problems than there were before. This is a situation where compromise is a much better option.
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Name : Meiran, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 24, City : Roanoke, State : VA, Country : United States, Occupation : Writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,To be completely honest, I suppose I’d stop to the extent that she ‘knew about it’ – and by knew about it I mean blatant ‘usage’ or in front of her. I would neither deny it, nor stop looking at it (any guy out there ever try to completely stop? Arguably impossible…), just try to be sensitive about its ‘use’. Incidently, to a previous point, I’m 38, have a beautiful girlfriend who I love deeply and am completely faithful to. She knows about my occasional viewings and is fine with it – indeed sometimes enjoys it herself. Fortunately, she does understand that there is, at least with many men, not only a gap but a chasm between our level of love and commitment and an occasional whacking off with visual stimulation.
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Name : Mike D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 38, City : Schaumburg, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,If ‘I’ am in a great sexual relationship I don’t need porn because I’m getting my needs taken care of. Different people have different levels of sexual need. Just because one person considers the frequency of sex in a relationship satisfactory doesn’t mean the other partner will. Unless the person with the lesser needs is prepared to fill their partner’s needs even when it exceeds their own, I don’t think it’s fair to expect them not to fill their needs on their own.
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Name : John29189, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 23, City : Huntington, State : WV, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,I’m not a man but I have an opinion, anyway. The issue is not porn. It’s whether he cares about her enough to stop something that bothers her. Or whether he can express his case for watching porn well enough to persuade her to back off on the issue. It’s about communication and respect for each others’ needs and desires.
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Name : Myra, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 46, City : Dallas, State : TX, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Sometimes a guy looks at porn because he is afraid of being emotionally close to you (who he can’t control) and needs to act out his fantasies with a girl on film or a page (who he can control). Sometimes a woman wants him to stop because she is insecure about her own sexiness/attractiveness. The woman needs to look deep inside and listen to what the small voice says. Is it because she thinks that because he looks at porn that, therefore, he automatically thinks she’s not attractive? And, as the previous poster wrote, some guys just want it every once in a while and it’s not a big deal to them. Other guys can’t stop — they obsess over it and use it as a hiding place from people and the world. So: is it about you, or is it about him?
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Name : Voxer, City : Seattle, State : WA, Country : United States,
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