Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 40 replies, 41 voices, and was last updated 19 years ago by
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- I've heard that arugement over and over again and it's funny because the majority of people I associate with are black women who are extremely nice. I think there is a double standard. I have met plenty of unpleasant non-black women but no one accuses any other race of female as having a bad attitude. Sure I'd be a liar if I said all black women are nice but perhaps you've just been unfortunate in your encounters with black women. I somehow doubt that so the next logical conclusion would be that maybe it is simply a matter of misinterpretation. My friends and I are very forward and we don't percieve it as having attitude but someone looking on the outside may see it that way.
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Name : Ivy, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 24, City : St. Louis, State : MO Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,well, we expect more because our men have let us down for so long, we are taught to expect more from them... alot of black men like submissive women.. that is why alot of times they flock 2 others...i have to ask.. do you know any black women? if you dont then you cannot go by what ur friends say.. who knows how they treat women....User Detail :
Name : xiomara, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, City : Augusta, State : GA Country : United States,Sadly, both you and your Black male friend have chosen to keep company with Black women without tact and/or manners. The veracity of your conclusion that most women of African descent are rude ends there: with the women you associate with, or have had the misfortune to encounter. I humbly suggest that your friend re-examine the types of Black women he decides to approach. If he uses material wealth (read: flashy clothes, high-end car, big wad of cash on hand) to attract women, he'll invariably find women fixated on the superficial, like what a man can BUY them. I'm certain your friend would be highly offended if Black women judged most Black men by the negative encounters they've had. For instance, my friends & I have had numerous experiences with Black men who don't know what 'dating' is. Typically the scenario involves the man inviting themselves over to your home, boldly announcing you'll cook for them, and then not-so-subtlely hinting that the evening will conclude with sex. That is uncouth, ill-mannered, and offensive. Nonetheless, it's not representative of Black men's behavior in general, just the men who are uncouth & ill-mannered. The same holds true for white women. In the workplace especially I have encountered duplicitous, deceitful insecure, backstabbing white women with painful regularity. Would it be an accurate conclusion to regard most white women as shrill, gossip-mongering opportunists who will take the first opportunity to put down someone else to make themselves look good? In the end it all boils down to the UNcommon common sense people talk about so much. Of course most Black women are NOT rude; to think so isn't because of one's limited life experiences (you're 22, you haven't begun to live), but because of a conscious or subconscious desire to judge the MANY by the actions of the few.User Detail :
Name : Loren, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Unitarian, Age : 38, City : FWB, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Public Relations, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I think it's a shame that black men seem to be the main people saying this. There are 'lots' of women of all races who are rude. And if we're going to generalize and stereotype ... maybe we're tired of 'lots' black men expecting us to be freaks between the sheets and substitutes for their mothers. Maybe we're tired of 'lots' of men only seeing us as a quick piece of a** and never trying to get to know us as a person. Maybe we're tired of 'lots' of black men only wanting to mooch off us.User Detail :
Name : Whitney, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 25, City : Tunica, State : MS Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,In my area, the rude, stuck-up gold diggers are white. They are very rude and will do anything (and anyone) to get a man of any color to take care of them so they don't have to work. Rude people come in every shade, dear. I believe black women deserve respect and admiration, especially for gracefully dealing with the legacy of hatred that has been thrown on their shoulders for centuries. They have always had to be strong to deal with this racist world. So if one, or some, are so-called rude to you, either have the courage to ask what's up, or just imagine walking in a black woman's shoes for the last 400 years. You have no idea.User Detail :
Name : Anthony, Gender : M, Race : A strong black man who loves black women, Age : 30, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : tech writer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I am a black woman and have asked myself that question many times: Why do some black women seem so hostile? It seems that this could either be a self-perpetuating stereotype or an observation with some merit. I believe the latter to be true. Perhaps the expectations and burdens placed on us as a whole create a need to 'overcompensate' in some way. Defensiveness is a natural response to constant and simultaneous attacks from a racial and gender standpoint. Many of us are told, 'You have two strikes against you: You are black AND a woman...'Racism and sexism are a big part of black women's lives on a day-to-day basis. Black women are overtly and covertly told that we are at the bottom of the world's totem pole - unintelligent, undesirable, useless and generally not good enough. Another noteworthy fact is that black women often cannot seek refuge from gender-based biases and attacks within their own community. This is the reality that we swim through every day of our lives. It can be especially painful for those who have fewer financial resources and prospects. This creates a pathological process in a person's psyche that can manifest itself in a number of ways, including defensiveness (being rude and abrasive) or the opposite: being a doormat (trying to please everyone and collapsing from exhaustion) - or even self-destructive behaviors (alcoholism, drugs, remaining in abusive or unfulfilling relationships...)
Noticeably, members of this (or any) group tend to become more outwardly 'laid back' as their education and income level rise. But make no mistake: the 'pain' is still there - but the coping mechanisms become markedly different.
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Name : Julie27034, Gender : F, Race : Black/African American, Age : 32, City : Woodbridge, State : VA Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I agree with what you are saying about black women being mean.This is PROBABLY because we are oppressed and we feel that we need the finer things in life like white women.WE ask for more because maybe we don't get enough.Ask your male black friends if they ever took their black wives to Europe,Hawaii,bought a $1 million dollar ring,or ever went out to a very exspensive restaurant.User Detail :
Name : laila-Johnson, City : thurmond, State : CT Country : United States,Being a black woman, I'll admit that yeah, some of us are rude and have a lot of attitude - myself included, sometimes. Basically, some of the reasons for this are that historically, we have had to fight damn hard to get any respect in this society, and a lot of us have had to put up with a lot more stress, dealing with racism and sexism on a daily basis, plus always having white women shoved up in our faces as the ultimate beauty icon we can never measure up to, or some BS like that.I have to admit, I get tired of having to deal with a lot of sisters' bad attitudes and rudeness myself, especially when it seems that they've had a bad day and just want to take their stress out on anybody who happens to be around.
A lot of black women (like myself) also tend to be a lot more upfront and straight to the point about what we expect from a person, instead of beating around the bush and trying to be coy and make nice all the time. Add to that all the ignorant, negative stereotypes that have been hung on us continually: that we're either whores or welfare queens living off the state, or that we're nothing but gold diggers or whatever. Don't most women generally ask a man if he's going to buy them something simply because it proves he cares?
I've met rude women of all colors. I think it's also because, traditionally, we've always had to be more independent and aggressive to make it because we were never put on a pedestal like white women and basically were taught to hate every damn thing about ourselves - our looks, our bodies, our hair, everything. For so long we had to take a back seat to everyone, and now that we've won many a hard-fought battle for equality, we're holding on to it with both hands and no longer stepping back to anybody. And if they don't like it, that's too damn bad.
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Name : G.K., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 35, City : Detroit, State : MI Country : United States, Occupation : Security Guard, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I suspect you've just been in contact with the wrong sorts of people, or, possibly, see rudeness where there is none because that is what you expect to see, given that you have this belief. An innocently intended action or comment can take on all kinds of hidden meaning if the listener assumes negative things about the speaker. That is, rudeness is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you expect someone to be impolite, everything they do, no matter how neutral, will have rude undertones. I don't disagree with you about the chutzpah it would require to demand specific purchases of a date, but I seriously doubt that the only people out there who would have the gall to be that obnoxious are black women (and I personally would never dream of asking such a thing).User Detail :
Name : Jay31310, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 28, City : Washington, State : DC Country : United States, Occupation : Graduate student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,Most black women are not rude. Those who are are that way because it's hard being black and even harder when you're a women. It wasn't easy for me growing up, because the first sign of weakness I showed could mean my life. Attitude was how I protected myself. I couldn't afford not to have it. Also, our lives are made hard by the fact that black men, (like the ones you're friends with) degrade, insult and speak unfavorably about us. Black women are the only women who are not respected or seen as precious to the men of our race. White men respect and honor white women, Hispanic men respect and honor Hispanic women, and so does every race of men - with the exception of black men. Women of other races don't have to have attitudes, because they know that the men of their race will love, value, defend and honor them.User Detail :
Name : Kisha, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 18, City : Memphis, State : TN Country : United States, Occupation : college student, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,We may have sass and aren't afraid to say what is on our mind, but we generally have good hearts, and most times are way more sensitive to others' needs than our own. Most people fail to realize that black women have had to be strong, not only for themselves but for a lot of others. We have raised babies who were not our own, taken care of houses, worked fields and bore a whip, yet still we conquer all. That's not attitude. That is strength.User Detail :
Name : Nelly, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Age : 35, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : Military, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,I am more interested in the fact that the black men you asked actually agreed with your premise. These same men you spoke to probably feel that white women are beautiful, easier to get along with and more feminine than their black counterparts. Many black men are quick to believe the best about women of other races (especially Caucasian) and even quicker to believe the worst of their own women. Ask them if their mothers were rude.User Detail :
Name : Devin25716, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,My theory is that black women have had to endure hardships stemming from slavery all the way through to the Civil Rights movement. Having two strikes against you for being a female and a minority, especially being black, would make anyone develop a tough shell and be bitchy on top of that - just for survival. As far as black women being golddiggers, I believe that stems from the fact that since the feminist movement, black fathers have given up and abandoned their families, leaving black women to pick up the slack, shortly after a time when this country was extremely bigoted and segregated, racial tensions were somewhat high and black women were having to find jobs while being discriminated against. As a result, I believe black women constantly instilled in their daughters the need to find a 'good man' who will take care of you - and you better not settle for second best. Now, black women today are trying to find that father figure that didn't provide for them when they were younger, thus coming off as gold diggers.User Detail :
Name : Cocoa31989, City : Tampa, State : FL Country : United States,It's not that we are rude, we just don't take sh*t off of anyone. We speak our mind. And as far as expecting more, I don't expect nothing from no one. We figure 'if you my man and we dating, you could buy us something.' We ain't dumb, we testing the black man and making sure he ain't broke or cheap. Nobody wants a broke-ass man. But I have a question to you: Why is it that most white women suck it up and never speak your mind? And why is it y'all always want to buy the man something?User Detail :
Name : Nabriya S., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Baptist, Age : 17, City : Baltimore, State : MD Country : United States, Occupation : Student, Education level : Less than High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class,I keep reading these posts that say something about history, slavery, and how African American women in particular have had to overcome so many obstacles. I am very sympathetic towards what has happened in history. However, this has nothing at all to do with the current generation of African Americans. Yes, your ancestors suffered great injustice. But, which one of you who posted messages like that have any idea what slavery was like. Who here actually lived through it?? My family suffered injustice working in the cotton fields during the Great Depression, but that does not mean I have to get any sympathy from other classes because of that. Slavery is no excuse for current behaviorial trends. The current generation of whites is not responsible for how our ancestors treated your ancestors and we do not owe you a single thing. So, get over it!User Detail :
Name : Jessica30640, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 25, City : Waco, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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