Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences By PHILLIP MILANO
Question
I have a 1-year-old son and am having the worst time getting over the way my body looks. I have stretch marks, and my tummy is shaped different. I just can’t get myself to love my body. Any advice?
Jessica, 19, Louisville, Ky.
Replies
You can find people who regard stretch marks as sexy.
Craig, Missouri
Eat right. Exercise at least three days a week. I don’t buy the whole “accepting your body for what it is” approach.
Austin, 31, Frankfort, Ky.
I had a girlfriend whose husband left her when her tummy started to show, citing that she no longer turned him on. He is a scumbag and an embarrassment to men.
U., 29, male, Las Vegas
I’ve had six children. My breasts got all droopy and saggy – that bummed me out, as I don’t feel as sexy as I used to. Cheer up, sweetie: Find friends to talk to in the same boat.
Rose, Pflugerville, Texas
The stretch marks are badges of honor – not evil things.
Sheila, 38, Tucson, Ariz.
The whole “get over it” comments – yeah right! It’s hard to get over.
Susan, 21, Livonia, Mich.
Look at yourself in the mirror naked to begin to accept the way you look right now.
Suzette, 32, Saline, Mich.
If you want your figure back badly enough, you’ll work for it.
Megan, 25, Niles, Mich.
Your son needs a mom with a good head on her shoulders to raise him, not a Barbie doll.
T., male, 17, Arizona
Expert says
Ah, to be 19 and a young mother again.
Oh yeah. Forgot.
But those who can have a baby need not have a cow later about their looks. Ann Douglas, who’s written books on the subject like The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, said to consider the following about:
Stretch marks: Oils, butters and vitamin E aren’t proven, so you may have to live with them. “Some of us are given genetically stretchy skin, but a lot aren’t . . . the good news is they don’t look like red crayon marks forever. They fade.”
Weight: Talk to your doctor about healthful dieting. Remember that your body wants to store fat to prepare for a possible next pregnancy, so it might be working against you.
“Sometimes we have a sense that everyone has a perfect life and is wearing jeans after six weeks – and whoever made that up is lying.”
Society: “People can be too judgmental. I’m not saying we need to go back to A-frame tent dresses, but now we feel we have to have our belly on display all the time . . . you’re trying to enjoy a cone, and someone’s looking at your stretch marks, and you’re like, ‘Hey this isn’t causing the stretch marks, you want to wear this cone?’ ”
Getting too down: Don’t panic or go it alone. “If you’re really depressed, maybe see a therapist – it might be post-partum depression. It might be about more than just stretch marks. Once you’re feeling better, you won’t fixate on those.”