By PHILLIP MILANO
Question
Why don’t many women seem to mind being touched by a gay man in ways that would get a straight man slapped?
Steve, 42, Chattanooga, Tenn.
Replies
Cuz, hello, it’s a gay dude.
Marisa, 15, Illinois
We are not doing it out of lust.
Tim, gay, West Palm Beach
Women want to feel attractive, and attention from a gay man helps that – with the added bonus of not wondering what the guy’s motives are.
JJ, 30, lesbian, San Diego
Touch and boundaries are based on how well one knows another person. Even gay men know not to touch another’s thighs, knees, breasts, etc.
A.E., 38, lesbian, Tenn.
I was at a party and saw a man blatantly fondling a woman! She said, “It’s OK for a gay man.” Why is it OK “because he doesn’t enjoy it”? No wonder women can’t find a man.
Nick F., Seattle
I think deep down inside every gay man is really straight. They are fascinated by us girls!
Tiff, 22, Alta Loma, Calif.
It’s because the gay men are giving something rather than taking something.
Lynne, Arlington, Va.
If you’re jealous of gay men being able to grope women, just pretend you’re gay and you can get all the action you want! (That’s a joke, by the way.)
Susan, 21, Novi, Mich.
It feels comfortable and safe. And I think there’s a little bit of “Hmmm, does he or does he not find me attractive?” And if he does – wow, how attractive must I be to get a gay man wanting to touch me?
Beth, 25, Greenville, S.C.
Expert says
Right, we get it: The “gay men aren’t threatening” idea.
As the patient man behind the busy New York sandwich counter might say: “What else?”
For one, straight women do like being around male energy, and it’s nice to not have to say “I just want to be friends,” says gay advice columnist Michael Alvear, co-host of HBO’s Sex Inspectors late-night series.
“I’ve seen gay guys do what would be considered sexually molesting [a straight woman], but why do straight guys wrestle around on a football field or slap each others’ butts? It’s a way of expressing affection.”
Still, there are limits, he says.
“If I as a gay male put my hand where it shouldn’t be, I’d get slapped, too.”
More likely is a straight woman hitting on a gay guy. Usually they aren’t aware the man is gay, but sometimes they are and take a shot anyway, Alvear said.
“I’ve heard ‘You haven’t been with the right woman, and I’m her.’ But you just change the subject or say ‘I’m more interested in that guy over there.’ ”
A last note: What people may also not realize is that lots of straight women are in love with their gay male friends, he said.
“So if anything, women would probably want their gay friend to touch them.”