Race/Ethnicity Questions 641-650

THE QUESTION:
R650: I deliver pizza and subs part-time and noticed that blacks almost never tip. Why? The others where I work say the same thing. Are there others out there who notice this?
POSTED APRIL 19, 1999
Patrick W., 31, Irish American, male <pwalsh@bellsouth.net> Orlando, FL

ANSWER 1:
Probably for the same reasons you may not have tipped in the past, or for the same reasons many (not all, as you imply about blacks) other whites, Asians, Latinos, etc. do not tip. Do you deliver to a community where a take-out meal may be a luxury for some who may not be able to afford a tip? Do no blacks ever tip you? What kind of service are you giving? Do you treat your customers, no matter what ethnicity, with respect, courtesy and timeliness deserving of a tip? Have you ever asked your customers why they don’t tip? Do you ever encounter non-black customers who don’t tip regularly? Perhaps many of your customers believe a tip is included in their bill; have you explained to them otherwise?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Michael, 34, black, male, always a generous tipper <mimann@erols.com>, Fairfax, VA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I have been in the pizza business about six years now, and you are correct. Taking it a step further, Hispanics are far worse when it comes to tipping. Is it not part of their culture? The best tippers will always be fellow tip-getters, i.e. bartenders and waitresses. But a delivery driver always knows he/she is in trouble when a Hispanic youth comes to the door at a trailer park!
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Dan B., 26, white male <MookieB21@aol.com>. Tucson, AZ

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I don’t know about all black people, but I think people don’t automatically deserve a tip. Delivery is a service offered by the company, and I don’t have to tip anyone. But I do tip, mostly people who try to be nice or try to go beyond the call of duty (i.e.” How are you today?”, “I hope you enjoy your food,” etc.). If you run up to my door and hold out you hand, you most likely won’t be tipped. I also worked for Dominos when I was 18, and I never noticed that black people didn’t tip, but I also never noticed that white people did. I was just thankful for the tip, whoever it came from, and anyone who didn’t tip, I assumed they couldnt afford to.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Kyle, 30, black male <kyllr2v231@aol.com>, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My brother worked in the food service industry for years. He said blacks almost never tipped, were very demanding and hard to please.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Pat, 44, white female, GrandRapids, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I do not tip for two reasons: 1) If the service was not satisfactory, or 2) If I have already spent a lot of money and cannot spare more. Why do people have to tip even if the service was lousy?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Ify, black girl 21 <ifebigh77@hotmail.com>, Miami, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have noticed this in several instances as a waitress, though there are also many more instances where white people tip horribly or not at all. I think it is easier to notice when minorities don’t tip because they are minorities, and therefore we come into contact with fewer of them.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Kate, 24, female, Dorchester, MA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I worked several delivery jobs and noticed almost the opposite of what you say. Blacks and Latinos would generally tip well, Anglos would tip poorly, if at all, unless they were female office workers or blue-collar males. From this I concluded it was both a class and an experience thing. People who might have had delivery jobs or know friends and family who did that tip better than those who don’t or haven’t.
A.C.C., Mexican and American Indian, San Antonio , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I always tip, so there! (sticking my tongue out at you)
Tipper Goore, black female, tired of stereotypes, Baltimore , MD
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THE QUESTION:
R649: I ask this question with curiosity, not anger: I have observed that many white people (particularly men) feel superior to those around them. Like, from the first time they see a person, they exhibit an air of superiority. My first impression when I meet another person (usually) is that they are at least my equal, and I usually find out after some time whether this is true. Why is the first instinct of many whites one of superiority?
POSTEDE APRIL 16, 1999
Randy H., African American, male, 25, agnostic, Silver SPring , MD

ANSWER 1:
When I meet someone new, I usually have a feeling of questioning and slight paranoia: Wondering what they are thinking of me, what judgments they are making of me, how they are perceiving me, and so on. I really believe in “You only get one chance to make a first impression” and thus am very concerned with how I am projecting myself when I meet someone new.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
D.M., male 26, white, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
Being a white male, I had to resist my first impulse, which would have explored whether this was your perception and not reality. However, as I really thought about it, I have a possible explanation for what you have asked: White males are hugely competitive. I am sure volumes have been written about why. However, in a society whose rules were created by white males, failure is intensely personal for white males. We have homecourt advantage all the time. We have no one to blame, as individuals, for having not succeeded in society (not to say that we don’t try to find someone to blame – mothers are convenient!). I find that projecting an aura of invincibility is a way to further my own competitive advantage by at least making sure others know I am confident in myself. Women frequently comment that confidence is an attractive trait in males. My take on this could be all wet, and is based on absolutely not one scintilla of research or scientific evidence.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Steve, 42, male and very confident, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think it has something to do with the way most white men are raised. We are supposed to be highly self-reliant and dominant in just about every aspect of our lives, or so the traditions seem to go. Everything is about emotional restraint and being better than the next guy. A lot of this comes from the fact that white men feel they are in constant competition with others. It might come from European culture, where most of the influence on society came from the men and women attached to royalty. In order to increase your position in the eyes of society, you had to dominate the competition. While that no longer holds true in our society, that unspoken tradition still seems to hang around.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
John K., 25, white male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford , NJ

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Randy, are you feeling insecure around these people and making a perception? Speaking from age and experience, you will soon learn once you’re secure with who you are that what other people think, feel and believe doesn’t matter to you and what you’re trying to achieve. Hey, some black people project “an air of superiority.”
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
43, black female <ANABWI@aol.com>, Plantation, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I believe our past experiences can have a huge impact on how we perceive other people. The first thing we see, whether we like it or not, is color. It could be a subconcious thing, or you are hanging around the wrong white boys. Another possibility is that maybe they are intimidated by you. The common myth about black men’s larger penis size is a major issue for a lot of white guys. It scares them. There’s a lot of other things, too, but I’m not alotted that much space.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Aimee, 23, white female <aimeeroyer@worldnet.att.net>, Peoria , IL

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I have seen this in many ethnic backgrounds. I have actually found many black men I have met to have the same attitude as the white men you are describing. There are many reasons for this type of action, though. It may be that they are self-confident – moreso than you or I – and it appears as if they feel they are better than others. It may also be that they don’t have the self-confidence and are trying to compensate. I try not to judge people until I know them better, but I know this attitude is hard to break through.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Stacia, female <sljbuttercup@yahoo.com>, Madison , WI

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
Men tend to be status-driven, meaning a lot of energy goes into establishing a pecking order and improving one’s place in the pecking order. Consider sports and business organizations and even the way men tease one another – it’s all about rank. Women, in contrast, tend to be connectional, meaning they seek commonalities and empathies in their relationships with other women. Check out the work of Deborah Tannen.
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
B. Hale, master of all I survey <halehart@aol.com>, Hartford , CT

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
Maybe what you are seeing is formality, not superiority. I have noticed that Hispanics, to some extent, and African Americans, to an even greater extent, seem more comfortable than European Americans with becoming familiar with new acquaintances quickly. Perhaps it stems from deepseated cultural history. In general, European cultures had a strong history of feudalism, where your master was probably not of your close bloodline. You were ruled by a stranger and had to keep a “respectful” distance. Just a wild guess. I’m not a cultural anthropologist. Do you notice this reaction when European Americans interact with each other,or just when interacting with other ethnic groups?
POSTED APRIL 17, 1999
Stacee, 30 European-American, female, Houston, TX
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THE QUESTION:
R648: Why do most bad drivers seem to be Asian? I like to think I am a non-bigoted, non-sterotyping person, yet this is the one area I fail at. Everytime I see someone not following the law in a car or displaying an obvious lack of understanding of the rules of the road, or even just a total disrespect or obliviousness to other cars and pedestrians, the driver is almost always Asian. Why is this ?
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
D.M., 26, white male, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

ANSWER 1:
Many Asian immigrants are not used to driving. Many of the immigrants from Hong Kong are used to taking transit to work, or (at least the ones who are well off) have chauffers to drive them.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Cynthia, Canadian of Chinese descent, 19, female, Kingston, Ontario, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
Let me suggest to you that possibly this has something to do with: a) the fact that Vancouver has an extremely large Asian population, which increases the chances that you will see an Asian driving badly, and b) you are perhaps more likely to notice the offense if it is committed by an Asian, and more likely to attribute it to their race
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
A former Vancouverite

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
“Asian” is an all-encompassing term. It could mean Chinese, Japanese, Laotian, Vietnamese and Hmong individuals. If you read the book The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down, it depicts the Hmong culture exsisting within the American culture. It even talks about the bad driving. The refugees (mostly adults) do not understand the written language but have a need to drive, so they devise ways of passing the test. The reason they need to drive, is to visit family, which takes a No. 1 priority in their culture – not rules of the road.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Leah, female, cross-cultures psychology student, Erie, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I don’t think the question coming from Vancouver, a city with a large Asian population, is a coincidence. It is obvious that in an area where there are many people of a certain category, those people may dominate various habits and activities, both positive and negative. Here in the Detroit suburbs, where there are varied genders and nationalities, bad drivers seem to come in various colors and ages.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Michael Z., 28, white male <Mjick@aol.com>, Southfield, MI
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THE QUESTION:
R647: Why does it seem that many First Nations people (natives) speak very slowly?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
C.P., 21, white female, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
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THE QUESTION:
R646: I am an African-American female and am curious to find out from people of other races what you were taught about money when you were younger, i.e. whether to invest, save in mutual funds, insurances, etc. What did your parents tell you, and at what age did you learn about how money works?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Diane, 33, African American, female <ladyskinz@hotmail.com>, Hyattsville, MD

ANSWER 1:
I grew up being taught I would never actually have anything. Even when my parents tried to tell me I could be whatever I wanted and such, they still gave an air of “Well, I had to tell her that, even if it is not true.” I was never taught anything about investing and mutual funds and learned nothing of them until I was 21 and started working in a bank as a teller. I do not think how people learn about money has as much to do with race as it does economic status. I grew up very poor, raised by parents with no self-esteem.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Cindy, white, female, 28 <Cindy@mail.voyager.com>, Los Angeles, CA

FURTHER NOTICE:
My parents opened a savings account for me before my fifth birthday and taught me to save, save, save – which I did until I moved out of their house and no longer had anything to put in my savings account. Currently I am slowly draining said account. My father has set me up with stocks and bonds, but I know nothing about them, and I don’t know anything about insurance or taxes. I’ve slowly been figuring things out as I go along.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
S.R., white, poor student, 21, Austin, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
When I was little, I was taught to save, though not much else. When I was nine or so, my mother began investing in the stock market a bit, which led to a lot of discussion of the workings of the market, and to me keeping (though not very assiduously) a dummy portfolio. A little bit later I began babysitting, which gave me a decent income of my own, and a start on practical experience with money. Then when I was 15 I moved out on my own, which gave me a whole new kind of financial education. When I look at my friends – most of whom are also young, well-paid liberal arts grads turned computer professionals – it seems that many of us have the feeling that our parents were a bit feckless with regard to finances in their youth. In some cases, about the time we entered the job market, our parents were just starting to get serious about investing and planning for the future. A lot of us have ended up learning to invest with our parents, which makes for interesting family gatherings
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Catherine H., 26, white <tylik@eskimo.com>, Woodinville, WA
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THE QUESTION:
R645: I have seen a lot of rap album covers, and I notice the rappers are never smiling. Why?
POSTED APRIL 12, 1999
Patrick W., male <pwalsh@bellsouth.net>, Jacksonville, FL –

ANSWER 1:
It is not a black/white/rap/rock thing. Pop culture has not realized that true joy does not come from accumulation of material good; therefore they (successful entertainers) are unhappy. It seems rap stars are the unhappiest of all successful people. They display this by gunning their brothers down. Rock stars just commit heroin-a-cide or drown in a bottle. Popular culture in other parts of the world focuses on family and self-improvement. If they made albums, they would be smiling.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Parkman, 31, smiling <parkman_2000@yahoo.com>, West Palm Beach , FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
A lot of the artists feel the”hard-core” image is what’s in and what sells. Most artists are not smiling because of the content of their work and they have to stay consistent with the “image.”
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Clorinda R., black female, Greensboro , NC

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I believe it has something to do with the preconceived notion that rappers are supposed to be tough, and hence the straight face. Or maybe because of the context of their music, which is about struggling and oppression, they think the message would get to the audience better if they kept a straight face.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
Ify, black girl, Miamil, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I’d have to disagree with Parkman in the suggestion that rappers are the most unhappy of all entertainers. I don’t believe any one group is any more or less happy than another based on the genre of music. And how many times have you heard a true story of a rapper, once in the profession, committing murder? I believe the straight face represents the hardcore image that sells worldwide. A smile softens that image. Ask the Hanson brothers. It all depends on the market.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1999
Jacquel, African-American, 20, Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
R644: Why do some darker-skinned black females treat me cruelly or assume I think I am better than they are because I am light-skinned?
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
Renee, black (but light brown) female, 18, NJ

ANSWER 1:
You know, I still haven’t figured that out yet. I’m a very light-skinned black female who is often asked if I am biracial, and so many darker-skinned females treat me like I think I am better than they are. Which is not true. This just reinforces that ignorance and pettiness knows no color.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1999
Angee, 23, black female <Boointn@aol.com>, Clarksville, TN

FURTHER NOTICE:
Well, this is coming from a dark-skinned sista’, and I could say that I receive the same treatment the two of you receive. Light-skinned women tend to act like they are better than darker-skinned women because they look closer to whites. Their hair is straight and longer, and a lot of white women think this makes them better than the darker, kinkier-haired women. I must tell the two of you that this hatred between us is institutionalized. It stems back from slavery. Slave master knew that blacks would be easier to control and less likely to revolt if we had conflict with one another. Slave masters made it so there was animosity between black men and black women. Then lights against darks. Young against the old and the field slaves against the house slaves. All so that we would not unite – so that we wouldn’t trust one another. Divide and conquer. Does this sound familliar?
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Sista’, African American, 19, female, Boston , MA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think the cruelty/attitude from dark-skinned African Americans toward lighter-skinned African Americans is a backlash against negative attitudes toward dark-skinned people from society at large. First, there has been a history of apparent light-skinned African-American elitism. From “house niggers,” slaves (very often light skinned) who received better treatment; to social organizations at the beginning of the century (many black fraternities and sororities would admit only members who passed the “brown bag” test), to Duke basketball (many people today believe Duke recruits light-skinned blacks more often than dark-skinned), dark-skinned people see ourselves as marginalized in part by light-skinned people. And within all of these examples there is an element of light-skinned collusion with whites. All of this is confusing and doesn’t make much sense (as do most issues around racism), but I think there is some reasoning, however distorted, behind dark-skinned anger toward light-skinned people.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Randy H., 25, African American, male <rh141n@nih.gov>, Silver Spring , MD

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
I believe many darker-skinned black women treat you badly because they are jealous of you. In the world we live in, unfortunately, it is true that white females get a lot of special treatment and attention. Being light-skinned brings you closer to that, which would make the other women assume you receive the attention they desire.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Jon, male <keithpeanut@hotmail.com>, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
Read Shirlee Taylor Haizlip’s The Sweeter the Juice and you’ll learn about her family’s story about this and more of our history of self-hatred.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
43, black female <anabwi@aol.com >, Plantation , FL

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
We all need to cut that foolishness out because we will never unite as a people as long as we continue to have these light-skinned/dark-skinned wars within the African American community. Like Lawrence Fishburne said inSchool Daze, Wake up!
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Janet W., 32, African-American female, <jbutler@commoncause.org>, Capitol Heights, MD

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I have a good friend who is light-skinned and has naturally soft, wavy hair. Both parents are very dark-skinned; no biracial heritage that she knows of. She has had some very cruel remarks from darker-skinned black women, but little if any from black men. They especially made nasty remarks about her hair. She attributes the remarks to some black women having low self-esteem and buying into the sterotype that dark-skinned women have no beauty. To me, it’s back to my basic belief that people try to degrade anyone who is different.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Alma, white lesbian <pridewks@seacove.net>, Kempner , TX

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I have never discriminated against light-skinned females – it usually happened the other way around. I think it is a result of our environment. This country has historically portrayed light-skinned black women as more attractive and feminine than darker-skinned women. I know many black women who experience this type of discrimination within their own families, which is where we learn many of our hang-ups. You know, aunts who tell us to “stay out of the sun before we get any darker.” As children we learn to displace our anger and end up hating the wrong people. It then follows into adulthood. Men don’t make this any easier. I’ve actually had men tell me to my face that “what’s-her-name is ‘fine’ with her light skin and pretty eyes.” Unfortunately, we sometimes listen to their twisted ideas of beauty and let it affect our self-esteem (a bit of jealousy). Then again, some people are just mean.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Very Brown, African American, female, Virginia Beach, VA
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THE QUESTION:
R643: While watching a show on the U.S. Space program the other night, I was struck by the fact that all of the engineers were white males. Recognizing that the time depicted was the 1960s, I did some research and found that the engineering field is still dominated by white males. Data showed that while there has been some increase in women and minorities in engineering, engineering graduates are still 80 percent white male. This contrasts to fields like medicine and law, where white males now make up less than half. Why aren’t more women and minorities drawn to engineering?
POSTED APRIL 5, 1999
Steve, 31, white male engineer, Houston , TX

ANSWER 1:
I find that question strange because there are quite a large number of families of Asian background that encourage or even force their children, male or female, to go into engineering programs in universities. As a college student, I see many engineering students of Asian background at my school.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
Cynthia, 19, female, Canadian of Chinese descent, Kingston, Ontario, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE:
While I might dispute your statistics based on my own observations as an engineering student at Virginia Tech, I do think I have an answer to your final question. Consider that engineering requires a very strong background in math and sceince, depending on your field. It has only been recently that women and minorities were given the same opportunities to study these subjects in high schools. My mother, for instance, was advised to take “home economics” classes in high school (sewing, cooking, etc.), while the men took college prep courses. Now women have the chance to prove themselves. In addition, the quality of education varies in certain areas. The sad fact is that inner-city schools, where a great number of non-white children are educated, often offer less-advanced courses. They usually have to focus on getting students to pass basic skill tests or similar exams. Add to all of this the still-lingering problem of student tracking and things get worse. Non-white students have been traditionally steered into vocational programs rather than college prep, and that is only slowly changing.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
John K., 25, white male <the-macs@geocities.com>, Cranford, NJ

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Possibly women are not drawn to engineering because it is not as people-oriented as medicine and law. Although there is a wide variety of fields in engineering, all are related to natural and man-made materials. There is no room for interpersonal relations except with colleagues, and only pharmaceutical engineering comes close to being perceived as helpful to others.
POSTED APRIL 7, 1999
W.D., female, 20 years in engineering field, PA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
Unfortunately, the numbers you quote are pretty accurate. Enrollments at most schools of engineering are still predominantly white and male. The school with the best female population numbers (Puerto Rico) is only at 20-25 percent female enrollment.

There are many reasons for this. Many have been mentioned, including lack of preparation. However, this is a male-dominated field, and it will take a long time to change that. Although more women are entering the field and studying engineering, this has not yet translated into more female engineers – there are still great problems at the workplace, and many woman leave the field soon after entering it because of the environment they encounter. Engineering firms are still, by-and-large, run by members of the old-boy network. Women are invited in, but not allowed to excel. Salaries for women engineers are significantly lower than for males in the same field, with the same experience. Sad, but true. There are programs in place to help ease woman into science, math and engineering fields, but they are slow in advancing. I work at a college of engineering with few female faculty members or faculty of color. Lack of role models is also a significant factor for advancement. Progress is being made, but without significant involvement of the male engineering work force, this progress will be slow – steady, but slow.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1999
S.M. Kolls, 33, white, college administrator, Society of Women Engineers advisor, <smkolls@coe.neu.edu>, Boston, MA

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I have to disagree with the comment that women are discouraged from pursuing careers in engineering because they suffer from the good-old-boy syndrome and because they make less money for the same work. As an engineer for a large corporation, my experience is that women get paid on exactly the same scale and tend to get breaks early in their careers (i.e. they are more likely to get a job in the first place than a male applicant). After that, though, ability takes over and pushes aside other considerations. I’ve seen lots of very talented female engineers rise in the company, and I’ve also seen a greater number of useless idiots get laid off, fired or relegated to the bottom of the food chain.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
Jesse N., 39, white male engineer, Herzliya, Israel
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THE QUESTION:
R642: I am a 20-year-old college student attending Florida A&M University. Why do some African Americans find it hard to project a positive attitude in the workplace and be courteous to customers – especially those of the same race?
POSTED APRIL 5, 1999
Ke-Ro <roulhack@hotmail.com>, Tallahassee, FL

ANSWER 1:
I only hope that your asking this question doesn’t lead to a stereotype of the way African Americans interact with the public. I think that for the most part it depends on where you come from. In New York City for instance, I find that many people of all races are unbelievably rude and obnoxious. Especially when riding the trains or driving. NYC is so fast-paced that people rarely have time to think of other people’s feelings. I don’t think it has anything to do with race, as much as it has to do with the fact that New Yorkers are spoiled, and we expect things to be a certain way. The fact that we are privileged (in terms of resources) has a lot to do with why a lot of us can be very impatient and arrogant at times. You’ll notice that in areas where the pace is slower, the people are more patient and gentle. I mean the hustle and bustle can really get to you at times. Not only that, but there are so many social issues that people in large cities face that can be overwhelming. But for the most part when you get to know a New Yorker, you’ll find that we’re really cool people.

But, while you have made that assumption about the African-American people you’ve come in contact with, remember that other people around the world make that same assumption about Americans on a whole – regardless of race or residency. People of African descent are generally warm, loving people. Have you ever been to countries in Africa, the West Indies or even the Deep South? Please don’t generalize all African Americans by a handful. Instead get to know us beyond the surface. Black people are always judged based on negative stereotypes or by a few negative interactions. Break this dangerous cycle of prejudice, if not for your sake, then for your children’s. Also, keep in mind that one’s environment greatly affects the way he or she will interact with other people. That’s true for people of all races. I’m more than sure you’ve come in contact with workers of other races who haven’t been so nice to their customers. If you are really serious about not falling for stereotypes, then I suggest you assess your assessments.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1999
25, African American, New York, NY

FURTHER NOTICE:
I too have noticed that black clerks treat black customers quite badly – and frankly, there is no excuse for it. The other day I was in the post office and the black clerk greeted the white male ahead of me with a smile and a friendly “How may I help you?” When I stepped up, the smile disappeared and the clerk spat out a beligerent “What do you want?” When I responded the first thing I wanted was to be treated in the same manner as the previous customer, her attitude only became worse, and I ended up walking out (and filing a written complaint).

Unfortunately, this has become so commonplace that I often will go to clerks of any other race rather than deal with this garbage. When speaking of this with peers, they state it could be because I look considerably younger than I am, because of the way I’m dressed (I didn’t realize business attire could solicit such volatile responses), or the fact that these individuals don’t have the best jobs in the world. My response to all of that is, “So What?” I am a paying customer just like anyone else, and I should be treated as if they are actually pleased to be getting my money. Regardless of how I look, dress, where I work, etc., as a paying customer I should be treated with courtesy just like any other paying customer – particularly when someone is treated like a human right in front of me, and the only difference between the two of us is skin color. Frankly, black people need to wake up; treating each other badly only serves to continue to hold us back – and allows for other groups to use this pathological activity to their advantage.
G.E. Long, 37, black female <gelong@usa.net>, Chicago, IL
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THE QUESTION:
R641: I live in a nice, but not fancy or rich, suburb north of Detroit. My brother recently had some of his work buddies (they are black) over to watch the NCAA playoffs. Three of the five guys were from the ghettos (their word, not mine) of inner-city Detroit and mentioned that they were very nervous about coming from the “City” to the “Burbs.” Does this surprise anyone else?
POSTED APRIL 1, 1999
C.H.P., white, Metro-Detroit , MI

ANSWER 1:
I grew up in Detroit and never felt comfortable in the suburbs. I’m from a well-to-do, racially mixed section of the city, but you have to understand that Detroit is mostly black, has a black mayor, etc. So a lot of blacks aren’t used to being around white people – just as a lot of whites aren’t used to being around blacks. Also, you might remember the time that the mayor of Dearborn said he didn’t want blacks in his city, and the tensions between the city and the suburbs, which are driven by race. Even though I grew up around all types of people, I dread going to the suburbs because I’m always afraid someone is going to shout racial epithets at me, or worse. Suburbs have never been very welcoming to minorities, and it might surprise a lot of white people to know that blacks are often very uncomfortable in situations when there are no other blacks around, just as whites are often terrified when they’re the only whites around. Also, your friends probably like living in Detroit and don’t see the suburbs as an “oasis” from the city.
POSTED APRIL 5, 1999
Black woman, 28, Chicago, IL

FURTHER NOTICE:
It doesn’t surprise me. There’s one suburb in the Boston area where the police have stopped black motorists driving through it so much that they have nick-named the offense “driving while black.”
POSTED APRIL 5, 1999
Susan, black female, Boston , MA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
This does not surprise me. I can see how one would be completely out of his/her element. I am a minority female who grew up in Rochester Hills, MI, and I always felt uncomfortable there, even though it was my “home.” From my experience, the suburbs of Detroit are very white and not exposed to any sort of culture beyond their white world. Not to mention that since the suburbs are so monotonous, anything outside of that monotone is treated as such and made an outcast.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1999
Indian female, 23 <Wynter35@hotmail.com>, originally from the whitest suburb of Detroit
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