Race/Ethnicity Questions 151-160

THE QUESTION:
R160: Why do many black guys date Asian girls? Or is it Asian girls dating black guys?
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
C., 24, white <cobok@hotmail.com>
New York, NY

ANSWER 1:
I’m an African-American professional male, age 28. I have dated predominantly white females and a variety of foreign women. I have been relentlessly curious about Asian women, but I don’t find it easy to meet them or find very much in common with them. A friend of mine has a longstanding relationship with a Filipino woman and she is refreshing in that she seems to have a firm grasp of her culture, self-confidence and is not affected by American society’s imagery. I suspect my attraction is at some subconscious, passive, sexual level.
POSTED APRIL 23, 1998
Hersch <Bonytyers@aol.com>, USA
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THE QUESTION:
R159: A philosopher or social scientist (can’t recall who) once said that “racism is really just class-ism.” I used to think that was a gross oversimplification, but I’ve started to wonder if it’s more accurate than I realized. What do other people think?
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
N.P., 35, African-American male, Philadelphia, PA

ANSWER 1:
In spite of taboos against implying that two people are not equal, after living abroad for 12 hears (Japan, Mexico) I’m often struck by how Americans are silently aware of who is above or below them on the social scale. Managers lunch with managers (not so in Japan), and janitors with janitors. One’s job, where one lives, choice of beverages (Perrier? Budweiser? Johnny Walker Black?) music (Classical? country?), sports (skiing? golf? pro-wrestling?) etc. mark us as belonging to a certain class.

The social screening we do is so natural it’s easy not to notice. In graduate school, my girlfriend’s father, a county sheriff, asked me if I would get a “post-hole digger’s” degree (PhD), implying it was worthless. It certainly seems that race is one of those markers that people rely on (unconsciously, I believe) when assigning social worth. My conclusion? Separating people into Us vs. Them is a cultural universal and can’t be overcome simply by decrying racism. It runs deep.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Joseph S., 35, white <shaules@rikkyo.ac.jp>
Tokyo, Japan

FURTHER NOTICE:
Here’s my thinking: Who has the power? For several millennia now, power and wealth have been nearly the same. People like to believe that “people like me are best; people not like me are threats, because they’ll try to take what I’ve got.” The poor, having the power of numbers, are always a threat to the rich; though the rich manage pretty well because they’ve got institutional power. Fifteenth-century Europeans thought they were just like God, and everybody else was a savage. Also, they had lots of power (money, transportation and guns). When they encountered other peoples, A) most of the others were darker than they (not hard to manage), and B) the Euros were able to conquer the others because of guns. Since the Europeans were “like God,” that meant the others weren’t. And, of course, dark equals night equals lack-of-God (“God is Light”) equals danger equals bad. The often-considerable wealth of Africans was ignored (except for plundering) because it didn’t look like European wealth and was thus “primitive.” So it was OK to enslave Africans. (Non-person equals thing equals ownable resource).

Acknowledging black people’s full personhood upsets this entire system, and so is even now a threat to whites in power. That system, based on the combination of institutional power and fear of the Other, folds race, class and even religion into one toxic brew that I suspect may be destroying more lives than anything else we’ve cooked up.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Will H., white, male, 48, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Social class in the United Statest is based mainly on wealth. You will notice that every ethnic group has a wealth level built into their stereotype. Mexicans and blacks are poor, Japanese and Jews are rich, etc.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Colette, white <inkwolf@earthlink.net>
Seymour, WI
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THE QUESTION:
R158: I am an American teaching in Japan. My students sometimes ask me if it’s true that Japanese women have the reputation (outside of Japan) of being “easy” sexually. I had never heard this before. Have others heard this?
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Joseph S., 35 <shaules@rikkyo.ac.jp>
Tokyo

ANSWER 1:
I live and work in Japan. I have heard this stereotype about Japanese women before – quite a bit before I arrived and even more since then. I believe this image flourishes because of a misconception that sexual behavior in Japan is influenced by the fact that Christianity is a minority religion here. While I am willing to acknowledge that in my experience there is less of an “immoral” stigma in Japan to having many partners, I don’t think this is any different from the United States. Many have the misconception that being Christian “equals” being sexually moral, while not being a Christian means having looser sexual values. I have come across many missionary personnel working in Japan, and they seem to have this opinion.
POSTED MAY 20, 1998
Tom <tmjast@hotmail.com>, Japan
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THE QUESTION:
R157: Do black people get upset with the exposure they receive on TV? It seems the only time they are on TV, it is mindless sitcoms, the show “COPS” or local news detailing inner-city crime. I wonder how this affects our children’s perception of race differences.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
R.B., 33, white, Temperance, MI

ANSWER 1:
It really upsets me, because after a while many white people think all blacks are like that. Not all blacks have rhythm. Not all blacks can jump high. Not all blacks say “axe” instead of ask. Decent, family-oriented black families are boring to the media. I know many black families with loving mothers and fathers with well-behaved kids. They are dual-income, college-educated, law-abiding, tax-paying citizens with flower and vegetable gardens (blacks do have flower and vegetable gardens) and cats, dogs, birds, fish, books and computers� boring! But that is a good kind of boring. That’s what’s missing from the media on television and in magazines and newspapers. Go to your library and look at any major black magazine. They try to show blacks in a positive light, in a way that many white people have never seen blacks.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Jas, 42, black <themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
Jas, I agree with you completely that blacks get a bad rap in the public’s eye because of the negative exposure. It would appear that many of the unfair stereotypes are perpetuated by what the public is force-fed through the media. What I don’t understand is why middle-class and above blacks don’t become more involved in changing the public opinion about the majority of the black population, or protest more forcefully about the images that are portrayed on TV, movies, etc.
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
B.B. white, 38, Temperance, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
Jas’ response sounds like classism and elitism. He seems to imply that the only black people who can be positive role models are those who come from two-parent, middle-class homes. I am black and working class and live in the inner city. I can tell you from experience that not everyone in the inner city is a criminal, we don’t all say “axe” instead of “ask,” and not everyone from a single-parent home is a potential social misfit. It upsets me when people automatically equate a middle-class standing with positivity. There are plenty of us who may not make as much money, but we strive to live decent lives. I think we are often ignored in the pantheon of positive and negative images of black Americans.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Denise, Bronx, NY

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
To B.B.: Whoever controls the media more or less dictates what the general public will see or hear. I don’t support the “mindless” sitcoms or “cop” shows that show blacks in a negative way, but I don’t have a Nielsen box to show that I don’t watch these shows. I do try to support all the positive black movies that are produced and try to get others to support them also. The better the support, the more positive movies they can make. However, I can protest more by writing the local TV stations when a show is not to my liking and encourage others to do the same, thanks for the advice.

To Denise: My answer wasn’t meant as a blanket statement representing all blacks. It was a direct response to R.B.’s question concerning television exposure. I was trying to convey that blacks also have families “like” the whites shown on TV. I was trying to say that we shouldn’t stereotype blacks based on TV. I don’t care what a person does for a living or what their social status is, and I don’t equate middle class with “positivity.” I like to get to know a person first and their status in life much later. There are many “single-parent” households of all races who lead decent, positive lives.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
Jas, black <themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
R.B.: I think shows like COPS and local TV news show a fair amont of whites and blacks. Could it be there are just more blacks than whites in trouble? But I also think blacks need more positive role models on TV than the ones shown on M-TV.
POSTED APRIL 28, 1998
Delbert, Ark.
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THE QUESTION:
R156: Why do black people preach prejudice when they don’t get their way? For example, one black comedian always talks down regarding white people, but when a white comedian talks down about a black person, he’s considered prejudiced.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
C. Carr, 28, Arlington, Texas
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THE QUESTION:
R155: I’m a white male and have become friendly recently with a black male. When talking with him, I feel I often take on his patterns of speech. Do other blacks encounter this when talking to whites? How do you react?
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Ryan N. <Ryan@TheAtlantic.com>, Boston, MA

ANSWER 1:
I find that when I talk to people of different ethnic backgrounds or even in different parts of the country, I talk with some of their inflection and local dialect. I don’t try to insult or make fun of them; I just love to incorporate their patterns of speech into mine. Do you find that you take on patterns of speech of other black males with whom you are not as friendly? If not, then the patterns you take on with this friend show some sort of bonding between you two.
POSTED APRIL 1998
Jas, black <themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE:
I find I also will pick up regional language, slang, even the tone of voice whenever I am in a new area. Perhaps some people are more susceptable than others.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
M.L.E., 68, white female, Gaylord, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
As a white male, I have often worried that my habit of picking up and reflecting the speech habits of others is perceived as stereotyping or racist by blacks. When talking to “country” whites, I can engage in that kind of twang without feeling little twinges of guilt or fear. If you are a black person, do you consider it slightly demeaning when a white person mimics your distinctive speech patterns (assuming you have some)?
POSTED APRIL 13, 1998
Nathan P., white male <nphilips@ix.netcom.com>
Eugene, OR

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
After living in the South for a year, I returned, to the amusement of my friends and family, having absorbed many local speech patterns. I was unaware of this until I returned North. I do not feel any disrespect or any other negative reason comes from this. I feel it was just a “blending in” and nothing more.
POSTEDAPRIL 14, 1998
RDS <Caliban300@aol.com>
Wyandotte, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
I am a white Canadian and have spent a year in Luxembourg. When I returned home, most of my colleagues and friends remarked how I sounded “funny.” I was living among a mosaic of French, German, Belgian, Luxembourgish, Irish, English, Scottish and American (yes, you do sound different from us sometimes, eh!) in the majority of my work and social circles. Race did not play too much a part in my year abroad, because most of us were just happy to hear and speak English on a regular basis, regardless of skin tone. While history and ignorance have lessened the effect, I think it is an inherent social gift of human beings to be able to make others, and ourselves, feel comfortable in whatever setting we are in. Taking on accents, voice inflections, gestures and vocabulary (or even vernacular) is our way of saying “Howdy, neighbor!” (coupled with a big smile) to people everywhere, whether they be our hosts or our guests.
POSTED APRIL 14, 1998
Peter W., 30, white male
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
I believe that when I find myself patterning another’s speech or mannerisms, I am trying unconsciously to communicate empathy, friendliness, understanding – I don’t find myself doing this with a person I don’t instinctively like.
POSTED APRIL 21, 1998
Carol, white <carbob@modempool.com>, Jackson, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
I work and live in a dormitory that is predominantly white. When approached at my desk, I am usually greeted by “Hey, what’s up?” or a discussion on the latest rap artist. I am not into rap, nor do I respond to “Hey, what’s up?” But because I am African American, that is how most white women approach me. You (in the general sense) do not have to talk to me in “my language.”
POSTED MAY 12, 1998
Cheryl, 22, African American <Cherylb4u@AOL.com>, Memphis, TN
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THE QUESTION:
R154: I am very curious about how one achieves what I call “Rasta Hair,” the frizzy dreadlock look. Also, how do you care for this look?
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
B. Hudson <hudson@pacificrim.net>, Bellingham, WA

ANSWER 1:
Dreadlocks are often associated with people of the Carribean islands and of the Rastafarian religion in Jamaica. I call them locks because 1) there is nothing “dreadful” about them, and 2) that is what African American/kinky or coarse hair does (locks) when it is not combed or let alone. I am in the process of locking, and I wash my hair regularly and see a loctician (a beautician who specializes in locking). She palm-rolls my hair so the hair will stay together. The hair, in its natural state, coils together into what you see in about six months to a year: A lock.
T. Spencer, black, female <ts1nzinga@aol.com>, Largo, MD

FURTHER NOTICE:
I have beeb locking for nearly seven years. I agree with the response. I don’t do anything special to my hair, just wash, condition, style and wear. I trained my locks so they would be a certain size. I had a friend twist my hair into neat coils to get started. I twist them after every washing to this day. On another note, everyone who wears locks is not from the Islands, or a Rasta. I have found embracing my natural hair to be a self-affirming, freeing experience, and I am “happy to be nappy.” Go for it if you think you can hang; I say this because I feel locking is a way of life, not just a hairstyle.
POSTED APRIL 30, 1998
Carmela 29, black <pecola@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, Ga

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I am a 43-year-old black female/college professor, and I have had locks for 14 years. I like to tell people I started them by merely “changing my mind.” For years I had a very short, natural style that necessitated biweekly trims to keep it up. Tired of this regimen, I just stopped trimming and combing, even with my fingers. I began a program of just wash, condition and go, everyday. It took my hair a year to lock up; this was without rolling or styling. My only role models were several jazz musicians of my acquaintance who had long locks; when I queried them as to how to start, they just said “let it be.” My locks now are all different sizes, shapes and thicknesses. They are not as styled-looking as some I see now, but they are satisfying to me because they are very specialized antennae.
POSTED JUNE 22, 1998
Gee, 43, black female, Detroit, MI

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
A couple of days ago I went to a loctician for starter locks. It was a spiritual experience for me as I finally realized I don’t have to wear other peoples’ hair, or wear my hair bone-straight and chemically altered to be beautiful. The decision was a hard one due to trying to please my parents, who don’t even like braids. I will return next week for upkeep. I like best the look of locks that are even and not matted. I understand I will return to the loctician every week for upkeep.
POSTED NOV. 16, 1998
Siobhan V. <siobhan_101@hotmail.com>, Baltimore, MD
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THE QUESTION:
R153: I am curious about why some African-American women have fingernails that are approximately five or more inches long.
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
Brad, 29, white male <moose1moos@aol.com>
St. Clair, MI

ANSWER 1:
I think it’s a matter of personal taste. I happen to enjoy keeping my fingernails very long because I think it looks better than short nails. I don’t think it’s just African-American women who do this. I have seen many other women, regardless of their race or ethnicity, who prefer extra-long fingernails.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Kara H., African-American female
Tsukuba, Japan
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THE QUESTION:
R152: I am a white, middle-class doctoral student from an all-white suburb. Can a black person provide examples of prejudice that a white person may commit without realizing it, even though he/she enjoys diversity?
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
Pythology, 24, <PTHOLOGY@AOL.COM>, Detroit, MI

ANSWER 1:
Here’s one: I used to buy stuff from a health food store in the suburbs – each time I wrote a check, they took it, no questions asked, no I.D. required. (I’m white). Then one day I went in with my wife (who’s black), and the clerk behind the counter (the same one who’d been waiting on me each time in the past) needed to see a driver’s license and a credit card. Needless to say, I don’t shop there anymore.
POSTED APRIL 6, 1998
Alex, 39, white <aleavens@mindspring.com>
Lawrenceville, GA

FURTHER NOTICE:
The worst kind of prejudice is the kind so subtle a white person may not realize they are doing it. The media usually shows blacks as athletes, musicians or someone in some sort of need. So a white person’s view of a black person may be distorted. Think to yourself: What is the first impression I get when I see a black person? If your thoughts are not positive or neutral, then you have already exhibited subtle prejudices. In the school arena, the teacher who will tell you she is not prejudiced will still overlook the talent in some of her black students, which she would not have missed in a white student. Do you know how many times white people have told either my wife or myself that we are not like most black people? Or because my wife has a doctorate degree that “she must be very smart”?

Here is a specific example of prejudice for you: My son had taken one of his favorite toys to school. He takes it to church, in the car, everywhere he goes. It was red. A white girl lost a red toy. One of the teachers took my son’s toy from him, stating that it belonged to the white girl. The white girl even stated that it wasn’t her toy. The teacher held onto my son’s toy, because he looked guilty and she wanted to speak to the girl’s mother. Even though my son insisted it was his toy, she kept it. My son would not take a broken shoestring from anyone if it did not belong to him. He didn’t tell me for about a week, until one day I asked where his favorite toy was. When I found out what happened, I called the girl’s mother and she said the girl never lost her toy – it was in her backpack all the time. I almost lost it! Why did the teacher give the white girl the benefit of the doubt? The teacher was white and the girl was white and my son was black. You figure it out.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Jas, black <themoas@aol.com>
Pensacola, FL

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I think any behavior that contains an assumption that you automatically know something about the other person is prejudiced behavior. For instance, many people assume that all black people love jazz but hate opera, love chicken but don’t eat steak, vote Democratic, live a party lifestyle, smoke marijuana, etc. Even a well-meaning white person might use a conversational gambit like “So, have you seen Spike Lee’s new movie?” but never think to ask if they have seen John Sayles’ or David Mamet’s new movie.

There are also cultural differences that can be interpreted as prejudice. If you enjoy diversity, take the time to observe, ask about and understand some of these differences. For instance, some black folks may perceive you as rude or bigoted if you don’t greet them (or at least nod) as you pass on the sidewalk or meet at the bus stop. Some of us might think you’re racist if you plop our change down on the counter instead of handing it to us; someone might think you’re hopelessly white-oriented if you don’t understand why we’re reluctant to seek medical care. Be proactive in finding out how others not like you feel and perceive their world. And thanks for asking!.
POSTED APRIL 8, 1998
Sara S., Oakland, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 3:
My (rather short) fiance and I decided to fly to California to visit my parents for the weekend. We flew first-class, and a bright-eyed couple behind us asked if he was a basketball star or something. When we responded no, the lady looked at us very strangely and broke off further conversation. Her response made us feel that if he was not a famous sports star, the income that provided for this trip must be illegal and we were therefore no longer desirable to speak with.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Andrena B., Baltimore, MD

FURTHER NOTICE 4:
A black woman to whom I recently spoke told of attending a dinner at her Unitarian (read, traditionally liberal, largely white) Church. She had gotten up to greet a friend, and on her way back to her seat, another diner stopped her and asked her to bring some more water, despite the fact that my acquaintance was dressed for a nice church dinner. It was “obvious” to the white woman that a black woman walking through such a dining room must be a servant. And she probably didn’t think of herself as a racist at all. Quite a few blacks have told me about often being misperceived as being in a servant role when they weren’t.
POSTED APRIL 10, 1998
Will H., white, Dallas, TX

FURTHER NOTICE 5:
Recently I (a white woman) was out at a concert with several black female friends who sing in a choir with me. I ran into a woman (white) from work who had expressed an interest in our choir and planned to come to one of our programs. As we were chatting, she said, “Oh, by the way, we’ve decided not to come to your program because it’s in a bad neighborhood.” I’d like to think her prejudice was unintentional, but it was a very offensive comment to all of us, especially the two of my friends who live in that neighborhood. At work the next day, I took her aside and discussed the comment with her in an attempt to raise her consciousness. I’m not sure if I was successful.
POSTED APRIL 16, 1998
Joan, San Francisco, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 6:
As a black woman I have had several experiences with predjudice, both outright and not so outright. In school, I remember hearing white boys talking among themselves about girls, and whenever a black girl’s name came up the response was “She’s pretty … for a black girl.” Many times I’ve needed customer assistance and have been overlooked (and been standing there first), but the clerk is quick to assist the white customer who just walked up. I’ve been told “Oh, you don’t sound black” by people I first spoke to on the phone and then met in person. My supervisor was talking to me one day and noticed pictures on my desk of my family. When she got a closer look her expression changed a bit as she said “is that you husband?” (He’s Italian). I could go on and on, but I think by now you get the point.
POSTED JUNE 17, 1998
Erica <morgera@sprintmail.com>, CA

FURTHER NOTICE 7:
I am a black female who’s experienced racism. I was in a music store and the clerk automatically directed me to the R&B section without asking me what I was looking for. In high school, when I was out with white girlfriends, they would point out all the black guys walking by. They just assumed I only wanted a black boyfriend. The worst is when someone says I don’t “act black” or “sound black.” What’s that supposed to mean? I also had an experience in a predominantly white church. I was visiting, and an old white woman came up to me and directed me toward the kitchen. She figured I just had to be the help. I corrected her at once. Then she said, “It’s so nice that you people want to come to church. I always make a point of being nice to your kind.” Can you believe? Needless to say I have never returned.
POSTED JULY 24, 1998
Leslie, 23, black female, Orlando, FL
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THE QUESTION:
R151: Why does it seem that whites in suburban areas are afraid to let mass transit into their communiites? Do they believe a criminal would take a subway to commit a crime, or is it just racial fear?
POSTED APRIL 3, 1998
Marc, 20, black male <romarti@yahoo.com>
Atlanta, GA

FURTHER NOTICE:
I used to live in Gwinnett County (near Atlanta), so I know this issue pretty well. Every so often, the mass transit issue would come up, and it would always be shot down. I honestly believe the issue comes down to the perceived rise in crime that will follow the mass transit expansion. Too many feel uncomfortable riding the trains and buses, and people have all heard stories of muggings and beatings and shootings on the subway. Just look around the stations at night – you will never find a nastier collection of vagrants and derelicts, black, white, blue, red and brown. Call it prejudice, but the residents of those counties don’t want it there. I ride the trains into downtown everyday, and I have had to put up with disparaging comments because I am white. I can’t blame them for not wanting to extend the lines into their own counties.
POSTED APRIL 4, 1998
Wallace, 23, Southern, Suwanee, GA

FURTHER NOTICE 2:
I ride the train day or night and rarely have problems. I just get on and get off and no one says anything to me unless I say something first. It has been my experience that white folks ride the train for sports events in large numbers. They look at everyone like they are street urchins out to get them. I have seen black men with briefcases who were obviously coming from work, wearing fancy suits, and they all get the “are you going to rape, rob or kill me?” look from white folks. I guess they hear all the stories and think that everyone on the train wants to take something from them, like folks that lock their doors when they see someone black crossing the street. That kind of reaction is what makes people think whites are racist. If that is the attitude Wallace rides the train with, maybe that is why folks give him a hard time. I think the real reason some counties don’t want public transit in their neighborhood has to do with false ideas about people living in the city. And yes, some of those ideas are racist. I know there are bums riding the train, but they are usually just riding to stay off the street; they won’t hurt you if you don’t hurt them.
Carmela, 29, black female <pecola@hotmail.com>
Atlanta, Ga.
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