[Tony]

I don’t think it’s ever a problem to bring up something that a person would have thought about, and most people who are gay and out would have no problem with being asked about that, as long as it were asked sensibly. The questioner should be aware that loads of gay people do have grandchildren! ‘Do you have kids?’ is sensible enough to ask, but obviously if a person is in the closet, it would be best not to embarrass them by asking anything about families at all.

User Detail :  

Name : Tony, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 56, City : London, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : diversity manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tony]

I don’t think it’s at all easy to see why people are sexually attracted to some others, especially if they are perceived to be ‘not good for them’ or ‘using them’ or ‘just in it for the meal ticket’ etc. The guy knows all that is being said about his partner, he’d have to be foolish not to, but it’s his decision to stay in that relationship, and it may well be more fulfilling for both parties than outsiders can tell, even though he moans about it a lot. It’s not your business to do anything about it, but to be there for your friend; if he begins to alienate you by the moans about the boyfriend, you should take care of your own needs by letting him know that you like to listen but you have a need not to be told the same things over and over. You could also try to make friends with the criticised live-in partner if your original friend would agree to that, and then you can talk to him also about what bothers you about his behaviour. However, it’s always best to do that in terms of ‘I’ language – don’t criticise him, just tell him your own feelings. ‘The Dance of Anger’ – an old book by Susie Orbach- gives some good examples of dealing with relationship angst. But above all, realise this kind of relationship IS very common amongst gays; it’s not shocking or surprising; it’s how some guys are. Been there, seen it, washed his T-shirt for him.

User Detail :  

Name : Tony, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 56, City : London, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : diversity manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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