[Jessica N.]

In the middle of a discussion with a gay friend, I said something like, 'That'll be something to tell your children about' and then immediately wondered whether I should have said it. Most of my straight friends (students in their early 20s) have a fairly clear idea about whether they want children. I assume that gay men and women have the same desire to be parents as straight people, but do they worry about the difficulties they might encounter? I guess what I'm asking is whether mentioning parenthood in the context of gay relationships is a 'touchy' subject or not.

User Detail :  

Name : Jessica N., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 21, City : Berkshire, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : University student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Tony]

I don't think it's ever a problem to bring up something that a person would have thought about, and most people who are gay and out would have no problem with being asked about that, as long as it were asked sensibly. The questioner should be aware that loads of gay people do have grandchildren! 'Do you have kids?' is sensible enough to ask, but obviously if a person is in the closet, it would be best not to embarrass them by asking anything about families at all.

User Detail :  

Name : Tony, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 56, City : London, State : NA Country : United Kingdom, Occupation : diversity manager, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Matthew]

What I would have initially thought is that this person doesn't really know me that well. After some time, I would have found it a harmless cliche used to denote some psychologically defining moment in someone's life. Some gay people want children, a lot don't. We come with a different set of operating instructions for life. We have a choice, whereas I don't think straight people get much of a choice. And more importantly, they don't think much of the sacrifice to their self-development that raising children infers. I wouldn't read too much into your use of the cliche, but you might be commenting on your own thoughts on children and what they mean to you.

User Detail :  

Name : Matthew, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 43, City : New York, State : NY Country : United States, 

[Iteki]

If I were the one you had said it to, my reactions would be mixed. I would be pleased and think you were cool that you had not automatically assumed that children were not part of my plans and hopes. I would also be glad you didn't 'think before you spoke,' if you know what I mean. I'd rather someone say something slightly questionable with the right intentions than go through a conversation constantly ensuring their own political correctness. But I would also have been a little sad inside, because I know there are a bunch of people out there who are making decisions that affect whether I can have children and raise them in the security a little person needs. But I would still receive the comment very favorably.

User Detail :  

Name : Iteki, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Recovering Catholic, Age : 25, City : Stockholm (Via Dublin), State : NA Country : Sweden, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, 

[Jay]

I am gay and when something life-altering comes up, I often say, 'Well, that's something to tell the grandkids!!'...even though it is probable I will never have kids. It's just my light-hearted way of dealing with the sad fact of not having my own grandkids.

User Detail :  

Name : Jay, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 24, City : Asheville, State : NC Country : United States, Social class : Middle class, 

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