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Jim C.ParticipantWe are a middle-aged gay couple with two profoundly, obviously, orthopedically handicapped children. Our little girl drools and has impaired speech. Our little boy is multiracial and has very twisted legs. Both are in wheelchairs. One of us is a big bear. As a family I think we probably encounter every sort of bigotry, prejudice and judgment there is. That being said, I’d like to suggest to you that when someone asks ‘Why are your palms pink instead of brown’ the motive may not be to degrade, judge or imply that brown hands with pink palms are inferior to pink hands with pink palms. It may simply be that they would like to know why the two hands are different. Not every question or observation about how people differ is fueled by a desire to claim superiority of self and inferiority of others. Learning to recognize when you are facing bigotry and when you are facing curiosity is essential when you are not one of the majority. We have found that if we assume the best motive and accept nothing less, we plant seeds of tolerance (if not acceptance). It doesn’t always shield us from pure hate, but it does help us (no easy goal) keep from becoming hateful ourselves. Jim & Tim
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantIt is a common Christian belief that God assumed human form in the person of Jesus and that if you worship Jesus you are worshipping God. The idea is that they are so closely linked as to be one and the same. Not all Christian denominations or individuals agree with this, and some do not worship Jesus, but I can’t give you a list of those who don’t.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantIt’s very common to lose or maintain only a partial erection while being the receiver in anal intercourse and still have a powerful orgasm and ejaculation. I’m not sure why one sometimes does and sometimes doesn’t maintain an erection, but I do know that rectal stimulation of the prostate is what makes the orgasm so intense. I don’t know if this would be true for someone who can’t maintain an erection at all for a medical reason.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantI’m a 42-year-old gay man who is very active in my community and has known a lot of gay men who married. My partner and I both did. What you describe is almost classic for the type of depression suffered by a gay man who has stuck himself into a straight life. He may still be struggling with admitting who/what he is. No doubt he struggles with self-hate and denial or he wouldn’t have tried to force himself straight. He may feel very guilty about what he is putting you through, but he can’t be truthful to you until he is to himself. All of it is about him, all of it is his struggle and all of his mess must be resolved by him. You seem lonely, unhappy and starved for affection and intimacy. You do not deserve to be in this place, and there are so many resources out there to help you. For a great place to start, look up the web page for PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). There may even be a chapter near your home. They will help you find information and support online and up close. You aren’t alone and you don’t have to wait for him to open up before you start finding some answers about what you need for your own life.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantHomosexuals are usually raised in an environment that assumes everyone is heterosexual and should be. Heterosexuals grow up with role models in a society where every little thing helps prepare them for their emerging amorous feelings and supports them in learning to establish relationships. We have to discover that none of that fits us, figure out why and then find our way to people and a community that are like us – all before we have maturity or life experience for such a monumental task. It is an agonizing odyssey. After coming out early in high school and surviving 8 years of struggle, I read the Kinsey Report in college. I looked at the 1-10 scale and said, “Hey, maybe I could be bisexual. If I were, couldn’t I go either way and just choose the easy way?” At the same time, I was being actively pursued by a girl who loved the idea of seducing a gay man. The combination was a recipe for a seriously dysfunctional relationship. I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot have a sexually intimate, romantic relationship with a woman. I sure can have one with a man. I won’t deny sexual fluidity, but I would caution everyone that it is very easy to mistake a wish to be heterosexual for actually being it.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantDouble standards are fascinating things, unless you are a victim of them. Sexual orientation and relationship status are not a private matter, they are very public. Heterosexual people use titles like Mrs., wear wedding rings to announce their availability from across a room, use body language to be “obvious” about being coupled, or just with a friend, or single. If one starts to think about it, a long list of ways that heterosexual society publicizes status of romantic attachment practically writes itself.
It’s no different for gay people; all these things exist for us, too. What is new is that every day these are being hid less and less. We’re no longer invisible. When you see my partner and I holding hands, and our two children treating us like the parents we are, it is no longer possible to imagine we are just roomates, brothers or buddies. We’re a couple and a family, and that is what we look like. We have all been here all along, but we’re not hiding anymore.
User Detail :
Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
Jim C.ParticipantMany invalid, inflammatory arguments are made to try to justify continuing to deny gay people the right to marry. The argument that if same-gender marriage is permitted then polygamy will also have to be permitted is one of these. Polygamy is multiple spouses. It bears no resemblance to monogamy, regardless of the genders of the spouses. The purpose of claiming that the two are congruent is to confuse and demonize gay people. It’s a common device used by bigots of any variety. As a gay man, I could list dozens of these things. In my opinion, it isn’t worthy of too much energy because it is irrational and deliberately derisive.
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Name : Jim C., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Rochester, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Medical Tech, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,- AuthorPosts