[J.R.]

It’s a disturbing trend, and one that upsets me greatly, for two reasons: First, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, which is among the most culturally diverse regions in the United States. I believe decades of working and socializing with people of all colors and ethnic backgrounds has desensitized me to the ‘us’ and ‘them’ syndrome; in my experience, people are not so ‘nervous’ about pointing out ‘differences’ — instead, I feel very relaxed asking about cultural traditions, or listening to my friend Dan tell me the harrowing story of how his mother left Vietnam in an airlift. So this is why I am horrified to think that the Middle Easterners I’ve known and worked with and gone to movies with could be lumped together with a band of fanatical extremists viewed with such suspicion and hate. It almost makes me wish that, if 9-11 had to happen, it had been a bunch of crew-cutted, ultra-white Timothy McVeighs responsible. (Nobody would start racial-profiling all young white men now, would they?)

If your family could get to know some Middle Easterners as human beings, they might feel differently. All hatred boils down to fear.

Period. The second thing that makes all this even more painful for me to watch is the knowledge that, during World War II, one of my great-uncles was required to register with the police, and had a curfew — he couldn’t leave his house after dark. No, he wasn’t a criminal. He was an Italian. Are we going back to those dark days, in which unfounded xenophobia leads to interment camps — only this time, for all people of Arab descent? God help us, I hope not.

User Detail :  

Name : J.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Los Altos, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Web developer-turned-artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[J.R.]

What makes me want to be with another woman is beyond my control (and comprehension), but it’s really no different from whatever it is that makes a straight woman want to be with a man. I can tell you, however, that it’s always been clear to me that it’s primarily an emotional orientation – sexual attraction is secondary. I love women for their unique blend of gentleness and strength, the depth of their love, the fire of their passion… What I look for is a sharp mind and fantastic sense of humor, in a woman who isn’t afraid to be who she is. As much as I love a pretty face, looks really aren’t that important. Looks can — and do — fade, so I’m much more concerned with substance.

As for how it feels when you realize you’re a lesbian, well, I always knew I was different, and finally learned there were other gay people in the world by reading a book when I was 10. It was scary then, because I was so young, and I didn’t have any role models for being a lesbian, and because what I read painted a pretty bleak picture of gay people at the time. When I finally told another person I was gay, I was 15, and I felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I’m 40 now and wouldn’t go back in the closet for the world. Pretending to be something you’re not just to please other people just plain feels bad and does a pretty nasty number on your self-esteem. I’m very comfortable being out. Everyone in my life, from family to co-workers, knows. I don’t make an issue of it because it’s just who I am. And I learned a long time ago that if you treat being gay just like any other fact about your life, most people are totally cool with it. Those who freak out (and that seldom happens) are the ones with the problem, not me.

User Detail :  

Name : J.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Los Altos, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Web developer-turned-artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[J.R.]

As a lesbian, I was really pleased to know that any straight person would be offended by hearing the word ‘gay’ used in a negative sense. I hear it used by straight young people as a slam (and not in the sexual sense), and I find it extremely offensive. As to the question of whether you’re too sensitive, try re-reading your original message, but this time, substitute another word, for a different minority group, for the word ‘gay,’ and see how it sounds. You don’t have to use any derogatory racial slurs — but if you were to substitute ‘Asian’ or ‘deaf’ or even ‘blonde,’ how would it sound? If your friend said, ‘Oh, that movie was so ‘Canadian,’ I can’t believe I paid good money to see it,’ I have a feeling you’d be shocked (and hoping there weren’t any Canadians within earshot). I’m sure you get the picture. I just hope your friend will someday understand that it’s not always the word itself, but the way in which it’s used, that can be very hurtful to some of us.

User Detail :  

Name : J.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Los Altos, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Web developer-turned-artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[J.R.]

I can definitely say I was born a lesbian. My earliest memories involve crushes on my older sister’s friends, the fervent wish to be one of the Beatles simply because of the way girls reacted toward them (and that was around the age of two) and the innate knowledge that I was ‘different’ long before I knew there was a name for what I was, or that there were others like me. I find the phrasing of your lesbian friends’ answers as curious as you do. Many lesbians I have known (despite a lifelong inner ‘knowing’) didn’t consider themselves ‘real’ lesbians without some sort of coming-out milestone to mark the event, in much the same way that many writers, who have been writing all their lives, don’t consider themselves ‘real’ writers until they’ve been published.

User Detail :  

Name : J.R., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 40, City : Los Altos, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Web developer-turned-artist, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

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