Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 35 replies, 36 voices, and was last updated 18 years, 3 months ago by
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I have a sort of tightening of my nerves that was the result of cerebral hypoxia, very similar to CP. It isn’t noticable except for a slight trembling of my hands caused by my nerves tightening. This happens in social situations. For example, I can’t pick up a martini glass or any glass without spilling it, or carry trays, etc. My hands just nervously tremble. I’m a very attractive girl who even looks younger than 27. But I have always felt embarrassed about my situation and have not dated. Could someone tell me how to overcome this? I live so close to Manhattan and can’t even bring myself to go out and meet people. I’m afraid I may spill something or whatever. How will I meet a nice guy?
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Name : Anna, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Orthodox Christian, Age : 27, City : Staten Island, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Entrepreneur, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,i have similarly shaky hands, although not quite to the extent you claim to have. If you are as attractive as you say, I don’t think the shaky hands is a problem. Don’t forget, most guys fall in love through their eyes, and most will (at least in the short term) overlook this trait. Even if you have this problem, you could always turn the situation into a light-hearted joke. Most every guy I know would love to have a drink spilled on them by a beautiful woman, if for no other reason that it is an ‘in’ to a conversation.
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Name : doug galecawitz, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 25, City : Lisle, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower class,You don’t have to go to a bar to meet people. You have a better chance of meeting the ‘one’ at work, churc, or through a friend. As for the trembling, if the guy is worth your time, he won’t mind. He probabley won’t even notice. After all, love is blind!
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Name : Andy, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 30, City : Columbus, State : OH, Country : United Kingdom,You need to understand that you’re not the only one with insecurities. Everyone has them to some extent. The fact that your insecurities are preventing you from leading a full life is troubling. I would strongly suggest seeking group therapy. This will allow you to share your feelings as well as understand others’ feelings. I would also suggest paying a visit to a psychiatrist. If this ailment has been troubling you for a long time, it possibly has led to depression. Please note that I’m not a doctor. I’m just someone who went through a similar experience. I believed that once I was rid of a medical ailment I could start living my life. With therapy and medication I learned that you’ll never really enjoy your life until you can accept yourself as you are. Therapy and medication may help you do this.
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Name : Tom, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Jewish, Age : 35, City : South Orange, State : NJ, Country : United States, Occupation : school teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I also have a disability that sometimes prevents me from interacting in social situations. Because of a serious illness, I have had multiple operations on my vocal cords. As such I have an extremely raspy voice and scars on my neck. It is impossible to disguise my voice when speaking. It is always noticed and often commented on by others. There would be times that I absolutely did not want to say a word, especially to men. I was and still am able to overcome my issue by realizing that it is a part of me and that it has help shaped who I am. A friend in high school once told my mother that ‘Lisa wouldn’t be Lisa without that voice.’ It was true. So now, instead of trying to hide my voice and the rest of me, I just jump right out there with it. I don’t ignore it or make like it is not a big deal. Sometimes it is! By showing people (including men in whom you are interested) that this thing that may cause you to dump a bowl of ice cream in someone’s lap is something you take in stride and of which you are not afraid, it will show that you are a wonderful person with more depth and personality than one thinks possible.
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Name : Lisa E., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 33, City : Charleston, State : WV, Country : United States, Occupation : insurance, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I assume you’ve seen a medical specialist about your condition. If not, do so. Since your condition is affecting your social life, talk to him or her about possible medications to not only treat your physical symptoms but emotional ones as well. It seems you’ve developed ‘social anxiety disorder,’ in which a person can no longer function calmly in certain social situations.
Here’s another way to deal with your situation: I burned my hands badly in an accident four years ago, and for a year was unable to use them. The hand and forearm muscles became so weak I couldn’t hold a wine glass or pen without trembling. I started doing yoga to strengthen the muscles, and after 6 months the trembling went away. I also found myself more relaxed when in unfamiliar situations. As for meeting a nice guy? Smile at him.
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Name : Allison31431, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 35, City : Solon, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,I think just go out and spill something on an attractive guy, Ask him if he would like to come back to your place and wash it out… You might meet Mr Right or at Least Mr Right Now.
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Name : Ted Turko, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 33, City : Yonkers, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Construction Mgr., Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Oh my God, are we sisters? I suffer from the exact same predicament, and could be described the same. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Just be honest and tell the doc how your condition is affecting your social life. I shake constantly as well. When people comment on it, the shaking gets even worse because I get very self-conscious. Ah, what a problem it is. Please talk to your doctor, or search online and learn more about ways to deal with and alleviate some symptoms. Life’s too short.
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Name : Brandy, Gender : F, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 26, City : Salina, State : KS, Country : United States, Occupation : Nursing, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Have you seen a physician? There may be a medication similar to those a Parkinson’s patient may take that would eliminate the ‘shakes’ . It may also be a psychosomatic condition that with some counseling you could get past.
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Name : Glenn, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Episcopalian, Age : 37, City : Greenwood, State : SC, Country : United States, Occupation : Paramedic, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,It sounds like you’ve handicapped yourself by believing you can’t be a social person. Meeting people and specifically nice guys doesn’t mean you have to do that in bars or at parties. The first question you might want to ask yourself is: What kinds of leisure activities do I enjoy? What activity have I perhaps overlooked or thought I could never do because of my disability? If you’d like some help with addressing these questions…..look no further than your local public recreation facility, where you might also be able to find a ‘Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist.’ Believe it or not, these folks have special training in dealing with issues such as yours. Yes, there is a degree in recreation offered at various colleges in the New York State University system. So hook up with some of these professionals. Let them guide you in gaining knowledge of leisure opportunities and the skills for participation. Once you’ve gained feelings of competence in leisure/social settings, my best guess is the rest will follow.
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Name : Stephanie, Gender : F, City : Small town, State : PA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Don’t waste any more time worrying about your disability. If I were you, I would tell people upfront about the condition so they’re aware of the situation. If the person you are on a date with is even remotely worth your time, he will be understanding and assist you at the appropriate times to put you at ease and not put you on the spot. As far as drinks go, stick to mixed or frozen drinks that come with straws to avoid spilling something. Again, anyone worth your time is not going to make you feel embarrassed about your condition. Just hold your head high and know you’re a person deserving of love when you go out into the dating world. Best of luck.
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Name : Luca, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 22, City : Lauderdale Lakes, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Real Estate, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I have worked for the past 8 years with children who have multiple disabilities (not that I’m calling you a child.) They have from severe to mild disabilities. I try to encourage them to just be themselves. There are many people out there who are able to get past the surface images and see the real person who lies beneath. Those are the people you want to surround yourself with. Be honest with people about your limits. If they are good people they will see beyond them. It seems to me that your accomplishments go far beyond what ever disabilities you may have. The right people will see that.
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Name : Heidi21491, Gender : F, City : Murray, State : UT, Country : United States,I suppose we all view our own ‘peculiarities’ as big deals. From a guy’s perspective, if a guy you meet is really a nice guy, a man of any character, then the shakey hands, nerve issue, etc. will be a topic of conversation at some point, but it just will not be a major issue. Mention it at some point, maybe if you do a little spill, or if you notice someone looking. It is a detail about you; acknowledge it and move on. If a guy cannot deal with such minor things, he will not be worthy of your time and affections. But get out there and find him. Someone is lonely tonight because he has not yet had the luck to meet you. New York City – how can you not enjoy it all?
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Name : Tommy Shaw, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 55, City : Huxley, State : IA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Don’t worry, my hands have shaken all my life. The doctor says I could take pills every day to steady them, but I don’t like taking medicine. Yes, it is embarrassing trying to eat cereal while you shake it off of the spoon. Chips and salsa present the same problem. You just deal with it. My friends make jokes about it, but I just memorize the shakes pattern and hope for the best. Just be yourself and you’ll meet guys . . . or you could switch from martinis to bottled beer, which is more spill resistant.
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Name : Sean28275, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 23, City : Denver, State : CO, Country : United States, Occupation : Sales, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,Thank you so much for understanding. Actually, my problem is not as bad as I described it. It’s not even noticible. My problem is more of a ‘jerk’ or ‘twitch’ and not even that. Don’t laugh, but if I see a full glass in front of me, that’s when I feel scared. I can’t pick up the full glass, I will spill it. I know, order drinks that come with straws… nowadays they all do. I guess I will have to find ways to work around the issue. I’m SO tired of allowing this to control my life. I’ve missed out on SO many things, I’ve lost SO many friendships, all because I felt ‘too embarrassed.’ I’m still young so I will try to be as positive as I can. Yoga, huh? I have these stress balls I bought from sports stores that I try to exersice with. I guess time helps and I will try to do my best. Thank you all.
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Name : Anna23815, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Orthodox Christian, Age : 27, City : Staten island, State : NY, Country : United States, Occupation : Entrepreneur, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,
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