Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 27 replies, 28 voices, and was last updated 23 years, 3 months ago by
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I don’t think this is a gay thing. Most gay men I know do not try to dress or look like women. Some have feminine characteristics, but the only men I know who regularly wear makeup and/or dresses are completely straight. There are some gay men I know who cross-dress for pride parades and the like, but in that case it’s mostly a camp thing. I wonder if you are simply perceiving all people who try to dress and look like the opposite sex as gay. Or perhaps the gay people you know who do dress and act that way are so noticeable to you that you fail to see the much larger number of gay people who do not?
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Name : John K., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 35, City : San Diego, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : Quality Assurance Engineer, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Speaking as a gay man, there are many reasons that some gays adopt feminine attributes, but it is important to realize that the vast majority of gays do not dress or act like women. While the gays who do act like this garner the most attention, they are a small minority. This doesn’t make them bad, by the way.
A gay man may choose to be effeminate because a) he is effeminate (we all know young boys who act like young girls at a very early age and never grow out of it), b) they feel the rejection of society and want to rebel against it by becoming outrageous, or c) they feel a camaraderie with other gay men by rejecting societal norms. They might also be catering to the population of straight men who want to feel like they’re with a woman but also want to be with a man. There are all kinds of people out there, and some gay men like straight-acting men (most, in my experience), while others like effeminate men. After all, if there were no market for effeminate men, they’d probably be very lonely and change their behavior.
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Name : James D., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 47, City : Summit, State : NJ, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College,You may be confusing ‘gays’ with ‘cross dressers,’ While it is true that some gays are cross dressers, not all gays are – nor are all cross-dressers gay. Some may not be gay, but rather in the first stages of becoming a transvestite, or may simply have some psychological desire to dress as the opposite sex. The majority of gays are not cross-dressers, although some may choose to wear effeminite (or masculine) attire for whatever reason. Some wish to ‘advertise’ the fact they are gay (to attract other gays in attempts to start relationships) by dressing as the opposite sex. There are also ‘butches’ and ‘fems’ among gays and lesbians whose personalities simply lead them in the desire to dress accordingly.
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Name : Mike20393, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 41, City : Santa Cruz, State : CA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I hear this question a lot. As a matter of fact, I had to laugh. I just went out today to buy a new sportscoat and shirt for our family portrait. I am a large-framed, broad-shouldered woman. I feel I look rather ridiculous in dressy women’s clothes, but I like to look nice for special occasions. I walk, sit and stand very differently from feminine women, so I feel way more comfortable in ‘men’s’ jeans, slacks, shirts and jackets. My body is shaped such that women’s jeans ride terribly uncomfortably on my higher-than-average hips. But men’s jeans don’t. I think my partner finds me more attractive in men’s clothing because it is a better fit on me overall – not because it makes me resemble a man.
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Name : Tresha-OConnor32461, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Disability : PTSD/Major Depression/Anxiety, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 32, City : Irving, State : TX, Country : United States, Occupation : homemaker/disabled, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,For some, it is a matter of reflecting their inner gender with their outside appearance. However, the idea that many gays try to dress this way is false. The ones who do are probably more noticeable. In fact, gay men span the whole range from feminine to masculine. And you very well may be working with others with absolutely no idea they are gay.
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Name : John-E, Gender : M, City : Oklahoma City, State : OK, Country : United States,Let’s face it, gay people are mentally ill. What’s the point in trying to figure them out? What amazes me is that so many gays exist. I think most cases of gayism (my word for it) occur in the formulative years of a child’s life. It doesn’t help having TV shows like Ellen, in which gays are presented like they’re the everyday normal person. I’ve got news for them, they’re not normal.
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Name : Dan-C27315, Gender : M, City : Omaha, State : NE, Country : United States,It might surprise you to learn that a large percentage of cross-dressers are actually heterosexual. And yes, it seems that many gays do indeed try to look and act as much like the opposite sex as possible, but these are a small minority of the gay population. The problem is one of visibility. You encounter gays every day who look and act just like your average heterosexual of the same gender, but you just aren’t aware they’re gay.
But this doesn’t really answer the question. For that I think you need to look beyond the neat little categories we tend to place people in. Human sexuality is not a collection of discrete orientations, but is more on a continuum. There are at least as many gay men who are attracted to super-macho construction workers or bodybuilders as there are attracted to effeminate men – not to mention everything in between. The same is true for lesbians.
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Name : Gay athiest, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 37, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Occupation : engineer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I’m gay and don’t dress like a woman. By far, most gay guys don’t. That’s a stereotype in your mind because those are probably the only gay people who are visible to you. The vast majority of us pass by you every day and you don’t even notice. That’s because we look just like you; ordinary. If you passed me on the street, you’d never guess I was gay. That’s why many gays proclaim they are gay so people begin to understand how many of us there are. As long as we are vocal and visible, we can’t be ignored, and this society can’t keep denying us equal rights.
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Name : Steve L., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 30, City : Shreveport, State : LA, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Lower class,Being a lesbian, I have asked myself that exact question. I guess there is no one answer, except that if that is what makes a person most comfortable, why not be comfortable? I also believe it is an identifier. It’s done so that you won’t have to wonder what or who another person is – you will basically know by looking. Also, a lot of lesbians feel as though they are men trapped in a woman’s body. In defense of lesbians who do dress more masculine, I believe that it’s to identify who is the stud (masculine version) and who is the fish (female version) in the relationship, and if you are pursuing a specific type of female. Also, there are just as many lesbians who do not dress masculine but are the studs in the relationships. I don’t believe in the role-playing process. Whoever I’m attracted to is going to be a woman, regardless of how they dress.
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Name : Alanda-B29003, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Catholic, Age : 32, City : Milwaukee, State : WI, Country : United States, Occupation : Health Information Assistant, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,The gay community is like the straight community – we have a wide range of preferences. While there are gays and lesbians who dress in fashions stereotypical of the opposite gender, they are by no means the majority. As a young gay man, I cannot answer for my brothers who dress in effeminate attire or perform as drag queens. It’s never been my thing, but I respect their choice and admire them for their bravery in being true to themselves in a society that for some reason is still rigid about ideas concerning gender and sex.
Keep in mind that drag does not necessarily equate to dressing in the fashion of the opposite gender, or to homosexuality. There are straight men who are female impersonators, and there are straight women who are male impersonators. Some would also say that hypermasculinity is also a form of drag – that those gay men whose masculine attire is too meticulous and ‘unnatural’ (in the sense that the shirt and jeans were not just thrown on from a random pile in the closet, but were selected specifically for their tight fit) are in drag. Finally, remember that just as there are lesbians who feel more comfortable dressing ‘butch,’ there are lesbians who are attracted to this look. It’s just a matter of taste.
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Name : Brian N., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Biracial - asian/euro, Religion : Catholic, Age : 23, City : Cincinnati, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class,As a gay man, I have often asked myself the same question. I believe what exists today is a relic from a time when all people were assigned strict gender roles. All couples were made up of one person playing a ‘masculine’ role and one person playing a ‘feminine’ role. This was as true for Desi & Lucy Ricardo, Dwight & Mamie Eisenhower and Joe DiMaggio & Marilyn Monroe as it was for most gay men and lesbians of a certain time period. While what you refer to still exists, I believe it is becoming more of a fetish as opposed to the norm. And I believe the same can be increasingly said of gender roles in heterosexual couples.
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Name : Dan, Gender : M, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 28, City : New York, State : NY, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,AMEN!!
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Name : Nicole20050, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 20, City : des moines, State : IA, Country : United States,First, I think the word you are looking for is not ‘gayism’ but ‘homosexuality.’ Second, obviously you can’t use basic logic. You say homosexuals are ‘mentally ill’ and that therefore there is no ‘point in trying to figure them out.’ That does not make sense. If a person is mentally ill, you try to understand them and then go on to cure them. You do not just ignore and insult them. Third, you say you think that ‘most cases of gayism occur in the formulative years of a child’s life.’ Assuming that what you mean is that gay people become ‘ill’ while they are still children, I would like to ask you how exactly you think this happens. I would also like to know what a ‘normal, everyday person’ is and why it is necessary to be one.
Please write back; I am sincerely interested in your answers.
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Name : Joe29372, Gender : F, Age : 17, City : Aberdeen, State : NA, Country : United Kingdom,
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