[David G.]

By definition, a gay person is attracted (emotionally and physically) to someone of the same gender. Why, then, do many gays try to dress and look as much like the opposite sex as possible? And why would a lesbian, for example, be attracted to another woman who tries to dress and look like a man?

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Name : David G., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Edgar]

What constitutes ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ dress and behavior are social constructs that have changed considerably over the centuries and have differed widely from place to place. What people do or don’t find attractive differs widely from place to place and over time. And yet some people are shocked when others don’t conform to some Theologically Correct model of appearance/behavior.

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Name : Edgar, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 56, City : Dayton, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[craig c.]

That’s a non-answer. The question, and it’s one I have long wondered about also, was why would a homosexual, who presumably is trying to attract someone of the same sex, go to great lengths to look like someone of the opposite sex. We must also presume that they are not trying to attract someone who is geographically or temporally distant from them, so your response regarding fashions changing in different times and places is specious. If a gay man is trying to attract a gay man, it seems to me his best fashion strategy is to look as manly as can be, however that is defined in his particular time and place. Please understand, I have no problem with cross-dressing gays, I’m just baffled by the illogic of it.

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[David-Gardner]

Edgar: Excellent point, of course, that ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ dress and behavior are social constructs that have changed considerably. One of the reasons I asked my orginal question is that I’ve got a lesbian friend whom I love dearly…and she wears her hair GI short, always dresses in overalls, and takes hormones to help grow a mustache. I know that gays don’t want to actually BE the opposite sex (with the usual rare exceptions), but it sure seems strange to me that many (certainly not all) gays try to dress and act as much like the opposite sex as possible, based on current social constructs in our current culture. And what I really have trouble understanding is why another gay person would be attracted to someone who does that. (Granted, we’re all beautiful in our own way, of course.) But if I were a lesbian…sexually and emotionally attracted to other women…I would THINK I’d want a woman who looked and acted like a woman. Not a lover who tried as much as she could to dress and act like a man, under our current cultural ideas. Warm regards, Edgar…and thanks for responding.

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Name : David-Gardner, City : Duluth, State : GA, Country : United States, 

[Andria]

Based on my feelings and what I’ve observed, I think it’s important to point out that the way someone dresses is usually just wrapping. If someone is attracted to others based only on the clothes they wear, that’s probably more of a fetish than an indication of their sexuality. ‘Butch’ and ‘Femme’ are about a lot more than the wrapping. The folks I know who fall squarely into one of those categories (and there aren’t many) have much more invested in their persona than their clothing, though appearance certainly conveys that persona. Comfort, power, self-identity, an individual’s culture … these things all play a part in decisions about dress. I think folks are attracted to gender-benders based on the personality underneath, the inclination to explore alternate personas. Ultimately, for me, attraction isn’t to that which is ‘not male,’ but instead to all things female, physically and emotionally.

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Name : Andria, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Winter Garden, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Project Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Gay athiest]

It might surprise you to learn that a large percentage of cross-dressers are actually heterosexual. And yes, it seems that many gays do indeed try to look and act as much like the opposite sex as possible, but these are a small minority of the gay population. The problem is one of visibility. You encounter gays every day who look and act just like your average heterosexual of the same gender, but you just aren’t aware they’re gay.

But this doesn’t really answer the question. For that I think you need to look beyond the neat little categories we tend to place people in. Human sexuality is not a collection of discrete orientations, but is more on a continuum. There are at least as many gay men who are attracted to super-macho construction workers or bodybuilders as there are attracted to effeminate men – not to mention everything in between. The same is true for lesbians.

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[John-E]

For some, it is a matter of reflecting their inner gender with their outside appearance. However, the idea that many gays try to dress this way is false. The ones who do are probably more noticeable. In fact, gay men span the whole range from feminine to masculine. And you very well may be working with others with absolutely no idea they are gay.

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Name : John-E, Gender : M, City : Oklahoma City, State : OK, Country : United States, 

[Patrick30448]

Your impression of gays is warped by the fact that the only gays you probably notice are the small minority who look and act ‘like the opposite sex.’ As for that minority of gays, their behavior has, I think, two explanations. First, they might have grown up in a repressed environment and find it liberating to defy traditional gender roles. Second, they might be just be that way naturally.

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Name : Patrick30448, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 27, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : lawyer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

[Ken26438]

I can only reply from experience. When I was young, in my early 20s, I did not have many role models. Coming out at an early age, ‘kids’ are not sure what they are supposed to be when they realize they are gay. Society assumes this means feminine, in my case. As I grew older, I knew that as a male adult, I was just that, male. It was time to be me, a man. Not that I wasn’t gay, but to be a man who could live, work and be himself, without the constraints of what society thinks I’m supposed to be.

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[Tresha-OConnor32461]

I hear this question a lot. As a matter of fact, I had to laugh. I just went out today to buy a new sportscoat and shirt for our family portrait. I am a large-framed, broad-shouldered woman. I feel I look rather ridiculous in dressy women’s clothes, but I like to look nice for special occasions. I walk, sit and stand very differently from feminine women, so I feel way more comfortable in ‘men’s’ jeans, slacks, shirts and jackets. My body is shaped such that women’s jeans ride terribly uncomfortably on my higher-than-average hips. But men’s jeans don’t. I think my partner finds me more attractive in men’s clothing because it is a better fit on me overall – not because it makes me resemble a man.

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[Steve-G27826]

I was going to ask the same question. Also, why are some gay males so overly gay, acting like the ‘Jack’ character on Will & Grace? You do not see too many straights drawing attention to themselves about their sexuality in their daily lives. I would like to understand.

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Name : Steve-G27826, Gender : M, City : Lawrence, State : KS, Country : United States, 

[Doug25633]

Most gay men are attracted to other men, not drag queens, transvestites, transsexuals or cross dressers. Most often, in a gay bar, the drag queens make up about one percent of the population, and then are most often the entertainment. Drag is usually a comedic, over-the-top homage to women and femininity and rarely to be taken seriously. I think you have gotten this impression because these cross-dressing performers are the most vocal, are often portrayed in media, and are the most ‘outrageous,’ thus garnering the most attention.

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[Brian N.]

The gay community is like the straight community – we have a wide range of preferences. While there are gays and lesbians who dress in fashions stereotypical of the opposite gender, they are by no means the majority. As a young gay man, I cannot answer for my brothers who dress in effeminate attire or perform as drag queens. It’s never been my thing, but I respect their choice and admire them for their bravery in being true to themselves in a society that for some reason is still rigid about ideas concerning gender and sex.

Keep in mind that drag does not necessarily equate to dressing in the fashion of the opposite gender, or to homosexuality. There are straight men who are female impersonators, and there are straight women who are male impersonators. Some would also say that hypermasculinity is also a form of drag – that those gay men whose masculine attire is too meticulous and ‘unnatural’ (in the sense that the shirt and jeans were not just thrown on from a random pile in the closet, but were selected specifically for their tight fit) are in drag. Finally, remember that just as there are lesbians who feel more comfortable dressing ‘butch,’ there are lesbians who are attracted to this look. It’s just a matter of taste.

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[Aerin]

In our world, there is no third or alternative gender or gender identity. Yes, there are effeminate homosexual men, as well as masculine-looking lesbians. The way someone dresses is one way of expressing themselves, and only one way. Maybe if there were a third or fourth gender role, gays or straights would identify with it and wouldn’t ‘borrow’ from an already ‘male’ or ‘female’ look.

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Name : Aerin, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : Sebastopol, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, 

[Dan-C27315]

Let’s face it, gay people are mentally ill. What’s the point in trying to figure them out? What amazes me is that so many gays exist. I think most cases of gayism (my word for it) occur in the formulative years of a child’s life. It doesn’t help having TV shows like Ellen, in which gays are presented like they’re the everyday normal person. I’ve got news for them, they’re not normal.

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Name : Dan-C27315, Gender : M, City : Omaha, State : NE, Country : United States, 

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