Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences - This topic has 27 replies, 28 voices, and was last updated 23 years, 3 months ago by
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By definition, a gay person is attracted (emotionally and physically) to someone of the same gender. Why, then, do many gays try to dress and look as much like the opposite sex as possible? And why would a lesbian, for example, be attracted to another woman who tries to dress and look like a man?
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Name : David G., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Christian, Age : 42, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : Teacher, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,What constitutes ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ dress and behavior are social constructs that have changed considerably over the centuries and have differed widely from place to place. What people do or don’t find attractive differs widely from place to place and over time. And yet some people are shocked when others don’t conform to some Theologically Correct model of appearance/behavior.
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Name : Edgar, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 56, City : Dayton, State : OH, Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,That’s a non-answer. The question, and it’s one I have long wondered about also, was why would a homosexual, who presumably is trying to attract someone of the same sex, go to great lengths to look like someone of the opposite sex. We must also presume that they are not trying to attract someone who is geographically or temporally distant from them, so your response regarding fashions changing in different times and places is specious. If a gay man is trying to attract a gay man, it seems to me his best fashion strategy is to look as manly as can be, however that is defined in his particular time and place. Please understand, I have no problem with cross-dressing gays, I’m just baffled by the illogic of it.
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Name : craig c., Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : neuter, Disability : neuter, Race : martian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 50, City : racine, State : WI, Country : United States, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Lower middle class,Edgar: Excellent point, of course, that ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ dress and behavior are social constructs that have changed considerably. One of the reasons I asked my orginal question is that I’ve got a lesbian friend whom I love dearly…and she wears her hair GI short, always dresses in overalls, and takes hormones to help grow a mustache. I know that gays don’t want to actually BE the opposite sex (with the usual rare exceptions), but it sure seems strange to me that many (certainly not all) gays try to dress and act as much like the opposite sex as possible, based on current social constructs in our current culture. And what I really have trouble understanding is why another gay person would be attracted to someone who does that. (Granted, we’re all beautiful in our own way, of course.) But if I were a lesbian…sexually and emotionally attracted to other women…I would THINK I’d want a woman who looked and acted like a woman. Not a lover who tried as much as she could to dress and act like a man, under our current cultural ideas. Warm regards, Edgar…and thanks for responding.
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Name : David-Gardner, City : Duluth, State : GA, Country : United States,I don’t, and most of my friends don’t. I find anything feminine a turn-off.
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Name : Mike, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 40, City : Ft. Lauderdale, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Programmer, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class,I am a gay man and am not attracted to effeminate men. Now, I say that, but I also have my own little preferences, different peculiarities to which I am attracted, as do all other people. You may as well ask why some straight men like women with small breasts or large breasts, painfully thin women or meatier women.
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Name : Jim, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pantheist, Age : 22, City : Mnneapolis, State : MN, Country : United States, Occupation : Cabinetmaker, Education level : Technical School,As a lesbian, I have often wondered the same thing. I am not attracted to women who dress, and sometimes act, like men. In my experience, I have found that those who appear to do this are, many times, not what they appear to be. Many of the most ‘butch’ women I have known and dated have been the most feminine women I have ever met in my life. It is not about being attracted to someone who tries to dress and look like a man; it is about connecting with another’s soul.
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Name : Tina M., Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, Age : 32, City : Tulsa, State : OK, Country : United States, Occupation : Business Owner, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,In our world, there is no third or alternative gender or gender identity. Yes, there are effeminate homosexual men, as well as masculine-looking lesbians. The way someone dresses is one way of expressing themselves, and only one way. Maybe if there were a third or fourth gender role, gays or straights would identify with it and wouldn’t ‘borrow’ from an already ‘male’ or ‘female’ look.
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Name : Aerin, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 24, City : Sebastopol, State : CA, Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,I was going to ask the same question. Also, why are some gay males so overly gay, acting like the ‘Jack’ character on Will & Grace? You do not see too many straights drawing attention to themselves about their sexuality in their daily lives. I would like to understand.
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Name : Steve-G27826, Gender : M, City : Lawrence, State : KS, Country : United States,I can only reply from experience. When I was young, in my early 20s, I did not have many role models. Coming out at an early age, ‘kids’ are not sure what they are supposed to be when they realize they are gay. Society assumes this means feminine, in my case. As I grew older, I knew that as a male adult, I was just that, male. It was time to be me, a man. Not that I wasn’t gay, but to be a man who could live, work and be himself, without the constraints of what society thinks I’m supposed to be.
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Name : Ken26438, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : Black/African American, Religion : African Methodist Episcopalian, Age : 32, City : Atlanta, State : GA, Country : United States, Occupation : sales, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,I don’t think people try to dress ‘like’ a man or a woman. Some people want to be comfortable in their clothes. The culture identifies who can wear what. Some people try to be true to themselves and wear what they choose.
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Name : Coleen, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 50, City : Granger, State : IN, Country : United States, Occupation : administrative assistant, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Based on my feelings and what I’ve observed, I think it’s important to point out that the way someone dresses is usually just wrapping. If someone is attracted to others based only on the clothes they wear, that’s probably more of a fetish than an indication of their sexuality. ‘Butch’ and ‘Femme’ are about a lot more than the wrapping. The folks I know who fall squarely into one of those categories (and there aren’t many) have much more invested in their persona than their clothing, though appearance certainly conveys that persona. Comfort, power, self-identity, an individual’s culture … these things all play a part in decisions about dress. I think folks are attracted to gender-benders based on the personality underneath, the inclination to explore alternate personas. Ultimately, for me, attraction isn’t to that which is ‘not male,’ but instead to all things female, physically and emotionally.
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Name : Andria, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 34, City : Winter Garden, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : Project Manager, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,As a gay man, I get frustrated when I see the media portray what you are stating as the norm. For example, when gay pride parades occur, you always see the people in the most outlandish costumes on the news (in many cases, men dressed as women). Although this is fun to watch for many, most of the gay men I know have never dressed as a woman, nor do they desire to. You never see the thousands of gay men who are watching the events. The stereotype is hard to break, though. I don’t care if someone dresses like a woman (and cross-dressers are not all gay), but I don’t like to be typecast as a man who likes to dress and look like a woman just because I am gay. I cannot answer your question about lesbians, but as a gay man, I am only attracted to men who look like men.
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Name : John F., Gender : M, Age : 41, City : Chicago, State : IL, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College,Most gay men are attracted to other men, not drag queens, transvestites, transsexuals or cross dressers. Most often, in a gay bar, the drag queens make up about one percent of the population, and then are most often the entertainment. Drag is usually a comedic, over-the-top homage to women and femininity and rarely to be taken seriously. I think you have gotten this impression because these cross-dressing performers are the most vocal, are often portrayed in media, and are the most ‘outrageous,’ thus garnering the most attention.
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Name : Doug25633, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : New Age/Metaphysical, Age : 39, City : Phoenix, State : AZ, Country : United States, Occupation : Administrator, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class,Your impression of gays is warped by the fact that the only gays you probably notice are the small minority who look and act ‘like the opposite sex.’ As for that minority of gays, their behavior has, I think, two explanations. First, they might have grown up in a repressed environment and find it liberating to defy traditional gender roles. Second, they might be just be that way naturally.
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Name : Patrick30448, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 27, City : Boston, State : MA, Country : United States, Occupation : lawyer, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class,
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