I have been in an abusive relationship for 2.5 years with a boy I met freshman year of college. I do not know how to get away from him. I've tried, but he is so scary and controlling. He knows where I live, my schedule, everything, and if not, he always manages to find out. He constantly loses his temper for the most insignificant reasons and beats me for it. Last Monday, he punched me because I accidentally got some crumbs on his dorm floor that he just mopped (he is a clean freak). I have three grotesque bruises on my shoulder and arm. I can't take this anymore and I don't know what to do. Is there any other way than going to the police? He's going to seek revenge on me if I do. I'm scared. Please help me. I would really like some advice from those who have been through this, too, and know what it's like.
User Detail :
Name : Sarah28408, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Asian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 20, City : New Brunswick, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Get to a friend's house, shelter or assistance center - please! If you are afraid he will follow you, have someone you trust meet you in a public place, like a shopping mall, and have them take you there in their car. Leave yours at the public place, preferably in a well-lit area. Call the police from there; they can help advise you on getting a temporary restraining order. Also, try to find a social worker to help you - most shelters can give assistance. It will only get worse. Please save yourself.
User Detail :
Name : Jay, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Lesbian, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Wiccan, Age : 29, City : San Diego, State : CA Country : United States, Occupation : web design, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, Find a women's shelter in your area, or search student services. Colleges are beginning to offer help to those in your situation. Get to a doctor as soon as possible to get this documented. You are not alone.
User Detail :
Name : kce, Gender : F, Age : 28, City : Orlando, State : FL Country : United States, I too have been there. It only gets worse. I was fortunate to escape without any physical injuries, but my head was screwed up for a long time & my personal property was damaged. Please, please, don't let him manipulate you into believing he will change. Men like that need to feel in control & the thing they fear most (you leaving) is exactly what ends up happening. Thankfully I had a very good friend that took me in. I urge you to leave before it is too late.
User Detail :
Name : Sallie, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Age : 45, City : Fairfield, State : CT Country : United States, Occupation : Administrative Assistant, Education level : High School Diploma, Social class : Middle class, 
SCParticipant
Sarah, you're not alone. It is frightening how many women this is happening to on college campuses. I know you are scared and afraid to make a move, but he will not change. The advice offered by the others is good. I would add to that talking to your hall director or Resident Assistant. If your school has a counseling services center, I would start there. Many campuses also now offer student legal services and assistance. You will find a lot of support from your friends and your university when you are ready to break the silence. You will find ways to keep him away when you seek help at a shelter or through the other ways I mentioned. Please step out and help yourself today. These steps are scary, but they are the only way to keep yourself safe.
User Detail :
Name : SC, Gender : F, Age : 23, City : Fort Collins, State : CO Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Sarah, First I would like to say that this relationship is NEVER going to change until he eithers injures you or accidently kills you. What you need to do is call your local woman's shelter and get some couseling. These shelters can usually house a person, and counsel that person in order to choose an alternative to this 'life style.' This is no way to live Sarah, were you my daughter this would not happen. Do not be afraid. Go to the police if you have to, but get out of that situation and get help now!
User Detail :
Name : Bernie, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Metis, Religion : Buddhist, Age : 55, City : Fairbanks, State : AK Country : United States, Occupation : retired law enforcement, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, Haven't been through this myself, but I've seen it happen to others. Let me guess some parts you didn't mention. I'm betting that he says things like 'no one will ever want you except me', tries to make you feel worthless, is enraged if you try to have any social contacts except through him, tries to control every aspect of your life to make you dependent on him, etc. It's a classic behaviour pattern. This isn't a real man you are going out with, but a piece of s*** coward. This will continue for as long as you stay. Leave him. Leave him right now. Tell all your friends about how he beat you; it's something for HIM to be ashamed of, not you. Put up posters around his dorm. Get a court order to keep him away from you, and don't be afraid to call the cops on him. This sort of guy will never stand up to someone who is strong, because inside he is weak and cowardly. Be strong.
User Detail :
Name : Pete-W30367, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Atheist, Age : 33, City : Sydney, State : NA Country : Australia, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, As Rutgers alumni I can say that the univeristy has a very good women's center as well as a free therapy center for students (which I recommend). Also there is therapy and a hotline at Women Helping Women that a friend of mine went to nearby in Metuchen. http://www.whwnj.com/ She received some good therapy/advice from them. It's scary to go but it seems you already know that you need to. I would call the Women's center if you haven't already.
User Detail :
Name : Paul808, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Agnostic, Age : 26, City : Lodi, State : NJ Country : United States, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, You need to go to the cops, immediately and get away from this guy. You said you were scared to go to the cops because he may seek revenge. Girl, he is already taking revenge by hitting on you in the first place. Have you ever tried hitting him back? I know that fighting is not the answer (you do need to go to the cops) but if you bucked up to him when he tried to hit you, maybe he would think twice. I'd already be in jail if he was my boyfriend. Not only that, God forbid something really bad happens to you, if his abuse goes unreported now, how is your family supposed to prosecute him then? Good luck.
User Detail :
Name : Monika, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : Black/African American, Religion : Christian, Age : 26, City : Houston, State : TX Country : United States, Occupation : Applications Development, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, If you have become a victim of his abuse, please do not sustain your status through inaction. You are not alone and there are powers that exist to protect you. Seek counseling and do it NOW.
User Detail :
Name : Basil Moreau, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Catholic, City : New Orleans, State : LA Country : United States, Occupation : Consultant, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper middle class, I was married to an abusive man for 3 years and I understand what you're going through. If you've suggested to him that he needs help for his behavior, and he refuses or doesn't seem to think that he has a problem, then the only choice you have is to get out. Go to a relative or friend. Cease all contact with the abuser. You will have to be strong, and you will have to depend on the strength of those around you. Don't stay there. You deserve better.
User Detail :
Name : Nita, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Baptist, Age : 29, City : Jonesboro, State : AR Country : United States, Occupation : legal, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Middle class, After you follow the other sound advice here, get some counseling and try to figure out what really kept you in this relationship. Let's make sure it doesn't happen again.
User Detail :
Name : Vail24470, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : mutt, Religion : Atheist, Age : 40, City : Philly, State : PA Country : United States, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, On most college campuses there is a women's center that handles such cases with literature on help. They have access to the police and emergency help (well at least on my campus). If not, contact the police and they could possibly jail him and hold him in custody until the matter is processed. CALL THE POLICE and maybe visit a battered women's clinic or reside at a friend's house for a while until he is in jail! open and shut case.
User Detail :
Name : Peter, Gender : M, Race : Black/African American, Age : 20, City : Jacksonville, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : student, Education level : 2 Years of College, Social class : Lower middle class, Get out asap. People like your boyfriend have committed a CRIME, it's important that you go to the police and get a permanent way to get rid of him. These people should be kept off the streets asap, he could end up hurting someone else, so he should be locked up in jail for the rest of his life... It sounds like you're the only one suffering, but if you do something against this guy, you'll be saving a whole community.
User Detail :
Name : ib21363, City : Auckland, State : NA Country : New Zealand, Ihave a very good friend who had an abusive boyfriend. (I was just talking to someone about her today!) They had two beautiful children together. That didnt change things. One day, instead of just beating her up, he got his gun and shot her. First he pistol whipped her to the ground, then shot her in the stomache. Her children were in the next room. She died in a another friends arms, as her boyfriend drove away. (he is in prison for life now, but it hasnt brought her back) Please, seek help before it is too late for you as well. This guy needs to be stopped before he does some irreversible damage. My heart goes out to you............... dont be afraid to get the police on your side. Womens shelters will help. Tell your family and friends.
User Detail :
Name : Bobbi, Sexual Orientation : Bisexual, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : mixture of buddhism, wiccan and catholic, Age : 37, City : Ft Walton Beach, State : FL Country : United States, Occupation : quality assurance, Education level : Technical School, Social class : Middle class, 
Dare To Ask Talk And News About Our Differences .
