[Thom24771]

The ways of love surprise us all at one time or another. Love has certainly surprised you in the directions it now leads you. You’re not the first, but these surprises can shock, disorient, even pain, and learning that you’re not the first is no solace. Sorry, I have few insights to help you. But let me add a couple of other notes I hope may help you in a difficult time. First, I admire your willingness to explore gay bars ‘just to see.’ But bars aren’t the answer. Neither are the men in them. You’re NOT looking for love. Your problem is that love has found you. So forget the labels: don’t worry now about declaring yourself as straight or gay. The real question, the important question: Does he love you? If so, why not explore this part of your lives? Why not act on your love, as slowly as feels comfortable? Find out who the two of your are and what you two want. Maybe you’ll discover that what you both want is to share the joy of life together. Sounds great to me! If, alas, he doesn’t love you, the world will be painful, but not over. He may have given you a great gift: the opportunity to discover a part of yourself hidden until now. If so, you may want to meet other gay people. Unless you’re comfortable in your sexuality, I’d advise you to stay away from gay bars. Once they were the only place for men-loving men to meet each other. Now you have lots of other options, places where you can meet other men outside the context of sex. Check out these other venues. Some of your distress comes from your definition of self: a heterosexual man who deeply loves another man, spiritually, probably physically. It’s the labels that cause the pain. Later on, if labels are useful, then use them. But for now rejoice that you’re Jay discovering another rich world of love. And maybe if this doesn’t work out you’ll find yourself in love with a woman. Think of all the ways in which you might enrich such a relationship with what you learn from this one.

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Name : Thom24771, Gender : M, Sexual Orientation : Gay, Age : 57, City : Washington, State : DC, Country : United States, Education level : Over 4 Years of College, 

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