[Sherri]

You made an interesting contradictory statement, ‘…I just can’t relate to them. I feel uneasy around them…I don’t care that they’re gay, but it causes me repulsion and hatred…’ You DO care, because you are cognizant of their sexual orientation. You think of them, not as men or co-workers or people, but as Openly Gay Men. You’ve got a filter set up, and everything comes through that filter. This can be very difficult to realize and even harder to deal with. Everyone has their own set of filters, usually so deeply set inside our heads that we think of them as absolutes, never realizing that they are just a set of personal opinions, internal templates — our paradigm. Your filter is so unconscious that you don’t seem to see anything inappropriate in your comment. Again, several people gave you interesting alternatives. I would suggest another, a sort of exercise, adopted from an essay I heard on NPR about rasicm. The essayist suggested replacing the word ‘white’ with the word ‘priviledged’ to help ones self realize subtle rasist attitudes. I would suggest the same thing to you. Try replacing the word ‘normal’ with the word ‘priviledged’ in your comment. Remember that ‘normal’ is a very subjective and inprecise word, a word with more baggage than meaning. Of course, that’s just one suggestion. It’s always difficult to deal with people around whom one is uncomfortable. Yes, I agree you may feel unjustly yelled at, but you also made what can be called, at very best, a thoughtless remark that hit on someone else’s sensitivity. An apology wouldn’t be a bad idea, and perhaps you could use it to open a dialog with this person, to calmly and nonconfrontationally discuss your discomfort and your desire to make your work environment pleasant for everyone. Sometimes just showing you are aware and respectful of other people’s sensitivities and giving them the opportunity to be respectful and aware of yours is the biggest step. At least be courteous, always. Don’t listen in on conversations that don’t include you. Don’t assume meaning or intent in other people’s actions without at least politely asking about it. Don’t think you have to like someone to treat them with courtesy. And relax. Most gay men I’ve known are not likely to jump you or otherwise do to you that you do not invite (rather like most people). And try thinking of them as people first, co-workers second, and gay fifth or sixth down the line.

User Detail :  

Name : Sherri, Gender : F, Sexual Orientation : Straight, Race : White/Caucasian, Religion : Pagan, Age : 35, City : Eustis, State : FL, Country : United States, Occupation : QA Manager, Education level : 4 Years of College, Social class : Upper class, 

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